Please post anonymous, but recently I discovered my daughter cutting herself; we talked about, and I thought we got through it. I check her arms daily for a while, then let it be and went to max three days. I just checked literally a few mins ago, and she has done it again. I am so lost being a single mom with her being 11, almost 12, and a son just turned 8. I split time(weekends) with her father; he does not know about this. It is a touchy subject. We lost my mother in 2018, which was a huge loss. I am worried about her safety and at the same time worried about the effects of going to the hospital versus dr I am really just lost and worried.
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Get her into therapy asap. Once cutting isnt enough, she will go bigger.
She needs therapy right away.
She definitely needs to see a therapist or a psychologist… she will most likely be so angry with you, but as a momma we have to do what’s best for our children regardless of how they feel about it at the time.
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She needs help asap. So sorry your going through that. I can’t imagine.
Get her to gp ASAP she needs specialist help bless her good luck x
I say try therapy and maybe a touchy subject but I would speak to her dad in private to find a easy way to handle it
You all suffered a traumatic event with the loss of your mother and grandmother. Please get her into counseling. Look to see for someone who specializes in adolescents.
Make sure you check her stomach and thighs also when I was young I knew a girl who did it there so parents would not know
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Counseling is the only thing that saved me. Possibly an inpatient stay!!! It seems like such a hush hush issue but this is something EVERYONE needs to be involved in in order for her to get better.
She needs some intense therapy ASAP! To help her deal with whatever it is and learn some healthy coping skills
Take her to a psychologist… (psychologist not a psychiatrist)
Try counseling and therapy, so she has an outlet and maybe it can give you insight as to why she feels she needs to cut. I have delt with this personally and we found out why and she needed medication to help mood disorders and depression.
My daughter cut at the same age and it was scary. We took her to counseling and she got on depression medicine temporarily. The counselor gave her a rubber band and told her every time she wanted to cut to snap herself with it, it worked after a while.
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Worried about taking her to a dr?! The other option is her dying so as a mom, I would choose the hospital. Put her on a 72hr hold and then go from there. This isn’t something that is fixed from a discussion and checking her arms.
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I’ve dealt with this with my own daughter. She will definitely need counseling and I would recommend telling her father. He has a right to know
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Definitely get her some counseling and outside mental health help. Often children or teens aren’t going to wanna divulge the reasoning or pain in there hearts to there parents. I used to do that when I was 14 and got into counseling and got depression medication to help cope and get over my depression and anxiety. I hope she gets help and doesn’t continue to self harm.
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Therapy ASAP. Speaking from personal experience…it can be addictive.
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Please get her a therapist immediately. I’d take her in today and see if you can get an emergency therapy appt.
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Love her w all you have! Cutting is so hard to stop… its just like any other addiction… i went thru it in my teenage years and even in my 20s and i still have the urges to do it n im 33. Remove all you can that she can utilize to cut herself… and as everyone else has mentioned get her to a dr asap and also allow for her father to know whats going on so he can watch her closely when shes with him.
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Counseling is a must. Poor sweetie.
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Therapy dr asap ny daughter did and we are doing all that
I’ve been through the same thing with my daughter 
Me and her father split also. She is now seeing a psychiatrist bi-weekly and on anti depressants 
. I don’t like the pills but I got my happy daughter back 
and no more cutting
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I used to do the same thing. Literally not to even try to kill myself, only to relieve anger. They weren’t deep cuts but enough to cause pain. Sounds strange, I know. I hope your baby gets help. 
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I started around that age. She needs to be admitted to a psychiatric ward. And therapy afterwards. I remember feeling so helpless. It took me from age 12 to age 25 to actually stop. It’s a horrible addiction.
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As someone who was a cutter in my teen years raised by a single mother, I can tell you that when I did it, it’s because I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about anything without sounding like i was complaining or something. I felt like a bother. Seeing a therapist helped, but that was my choice. I wasn’t forced.
My advice would be to ask her if she thinks that talking with a therapist would be better because you don’t want her to feel overwhelmed. Also, just reassure her that you’re there for her no matter what and that you love her. It’ll help.
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You definitely need to let father know!
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Talk with her father and get this child help
Both parents need to be involved and need help asap .
I watched 13 reasons why with her over xmas break to show her emotions bullying suicide etc helped alot
When I was 14 I was out of control, cutting myself, drinking and even tried to jump out of a window. My dad did what he had to do n put me in a hospital. It helped tremendously!!
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Look into therapists that do DBT therapy. It worked great for my daughter as well as me and my husband. God bless
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Check her scalp, legs, and stomach!
Full body check.
First off is to get her into therapy. She’s doing it bc she either had some kind of trauma or she doesn’t feel in control of something.
I know someone who would do it on their scalp bc she could hide it easily
Get her into therapy!! Keep the lines of communication open.
There’s different kinds of cutting. If its quantity (so not deep but a bunch of them) it might be more of an anxiety rather than a full depression. If its Quality(so deeper but less of it) it’s more depression. I struggled with it a lot. And I still have really bad nights where I just want to rip my skin apart. But I do reccomend therapy. I personally didn’t do well with therapy. It just didn’t work with me and actually made my anxiety worse than it was before.
If she has a passion, like music or gaming. Arts/crafts, etc, help feed into those. They are distractions and can bring positivity into her life. Losing a family member is really hard, especially If she was close to them. So take it slow. Don’t throw her head first into a deep pool, but let her find her own way in. Even if it takes time
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For sure dad needs to know, and you need to get her professional help. She’s clearly got stuff going on that’s needs to be addressed and talked about.
It’s a tricky one with her age and it’s a good sign that she’s talking to you about it but you need to get her help to get to the bottom of why she’s doing it ,give her an elastic hair tye for her wrist so wen she gets the urge she can use that instead of cutting it’s relief without causing damage, it’s not something you can get over quickly but it’s something that can get out of hand if not delt with properly good luck xx
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As a mother to a daughter that was a cuter i had to bring her father in in case something happened and that way she and you have the extra support and maybe a group therapy support might help all of you… prayers and thoughts are with her and your family
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Therapy. As soon as possible.
She needs to find another outlet for her feelings.
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First be honest with your ex so he knows what to watch out for. You both need to coparent this and get her the help she needs. Your daughter is hurting inside.
I was a single mom in the same situation. My best advice is get her to a therapist. My daughter ended up in a hospital and after she talked to other kids the one thing she said was “can you believe some moms don’t get help for their kids!”. They notice and it matters.
It is a long tough road.
The other thing that was a big help was our traveling diary. I would write in it and put it on her dresser and she would write and leave it on mine. We never talked out loud about it but it was a safe way to communicate about tough things to talk about.
Good luck, my heart is with you. 
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She needs to see a therapist & NOW
I hope you recognize that cutting isn’t necessarily a suicide attempt; and it definitely isn’t just because she’s “looking for attention” I mean yes, she is; but she’s also trying to ask for help. Don’t wait until cutting becomes something worse (suicide attempts) before seeking help. She needs to see a psychologist, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to her school counselor too. As much as you don’t want to tell her father, he needs to know. If he reacts poorly (not wanting to have his visits with her because he doesn’t want to deal with it etc) then so be it. She needs support all around.
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You need to discuss it with her father, have a game plan and get her into therapy. You cannot leave her dad out of it.
I cut as a pre teen into early adolescence. I strongly suggest getting her into therapy. Let her know you are always there to talk, but don’t push yourself on her. Also, give her a journal and let her know you’ll only read it if she asks you to.
This is heartbreaking but i have experienced it with a daughter too. She needs counselling to work through why she’s hurting so much. In my experience antidepressants actually make the situation worse. 
I’m someone who struggles with self harm. I am very sorry your going through this. Just talk to her and explain your concerns. Therapy would be her best option it helped me a lot and once she’s older maybe medication. I hope she’s going ok and I hope you are too! You sound like an amazing mom so try to keep your head up high. 
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You really need to discuss this with her father. THE TWO OF YOU NEED TO BE A UNITED FRONT. This is a mental health disorder. You should also talk to the counselor at her school and get outside counseling for her. She would benefit from group and individual therapy. This isn’t something that you can take on yourself. Her hurt and pain goes much deeper. Counseling will give her the tools and coping skills to manage her thoughts.
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My daughter is 15 and does this. I have had her to several therapist and they have all said its attention seeking. I have found if I just ignore it and dont say anything to her when I see the Mark’s she stops. We were also advised by the therapist that if she shows us she has cut to hand her disinfectant cleaner and a bandaid and tell her to clean it and walk away. They said the more parents make a big deal about it the more the child will do it for negative attention which we have found to be true. We just had to give her suggestions on using other coping skills
Definitely need to tell dad and both of you need to get her some help
I feel for you i have a daughter like that and i took her to the hospital and they admitted her to a mental hospital and they diagosed her with anxiety and depression and when she left she had a psychological doctor and a counselor to talk to. She is now a legal adult and she still goes to her dr. You nesd to get her help before it gets worse. There will be ups and downs but just be there and listen to her. Her father should know as well so the rwo of you can work together to help your daughter.
See if shell talk to a therapist
She needs to go see a counselor and psychiatrist not a doctor or hospital
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I am a cutter. Did it all thru high school. Physical release of emotions I could not understand nor handle. Even now at 36 there are times when I am so out of my mind or just consumed with anxiety it is still my 1st inclination so please take her to a counselor and always validate feelings/emotions. Both parents need to be on same page.
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Definitely therapy and find something to do with her weather its crafts or something of that nature that you can do together and keep an open communication listen to what she has to say no matter how trivial or small it may seem it can be bigger in her head than it seems to someone more matured.
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Take her to her pediatric doctor she can recommend her too a therapist.My daughter did it in HS.
I self harmed & had a suicide attempt at 13. What saved me was the children’s psych ward. They helped me through what was going on. I am definitely not saying throw her into a hospital but definitely look into all options. I recommend some sort of therapy first maybe? & please don’t just throw her on medicine unless that’s the absolute best option. You sound like a selfless, amazing mother and I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts 
.
What help does she get. Other then from you
She needs professional help & also you need to tell her father.
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If you care then you need to stop trying to keep it a secret from her father and get medical help! Talk to a therapist. The hospital will more than likely want to keep her 24-72 hours but maybe that’s what she NEEDS. She’s harming herself at such a young age and it is dangerous. Get her help before it’s too late. Not trying to sound morbid one time is all it takes for something to go wrong!
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Its a cry for help. Get her to Dr or therepy now, before hosp is needed.
Get her a therapist you can talk to her all you want but you’re not going to get to the underlying issue
I don’t know what the right answer is. When I was young I was in your child’s spot, after losing my mother at 14. Let me just tell you what to not do, which is everything my dad did:
Do not threaten her.
Do not embarrass her.
Do not talk about her to other people without her permission.
Do not leave her alone for weeks at a time.
Probably seek Counseling, speak openly in home that she is loved and accepted (as long as that’s true, which you’re concerned enough to seek help I am assuming it is) and that her home is a safe place for her. Tell her that when she’s ready to talk about what causes her to lash out and feel this way, that you’re open. Maybe just mention to her father that she is having a rough time, but not to bring it up too openly. Most importantly, be patient.
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Does she actually talk to you about what’s going on or does she shut down because if she just shuts down and going to a therapist isn’t helping you should definitely have the dad there so you can maybe see if they have a better relationship if they could talk to or if there is anybody whatsoever that she’s talking to because just because she might not trying to be killing herself she might just be trying to feel and that doesn’t make it okay just saying from experience I know that I didn’t open up to anybody until I got older except for friends and I kind of stopped by myself it wasn’t that like anybody did anything if it’s something that she’s trying to feel she could just be depressed maybe an activity that helps booster endorphins maybe a contact sport something that can help her Express herself but safely
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They cut to release inner pain…!!! I read books n tried these techniques so no scars w my daughter, her arms were so bad!! We finally got it to red markers. Their are cutting groups… phycotherapy… not all therapist and phycologist specialize in this area… read into which therapist that specializes in this area!!! Not soecializes in 10 area
Suggest using a rubber band on her wrist and have her snap it when she feels like cutting… also a therapist can help. I’m just saying she might just want attention. Please don’t take that the wrong way
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My daughter is 12. We’ve dealt with this. Some background, her father and I are divorced of 4 yrs this yr and he has had them every weekend for the past 2 yrs. We both sat down with her and asked where she learned this behavior from and what is happening to her in her personal life that she needs to do this. We found out her best friend is a cutter and that’s where the learned behavior came from. She was cutting because of missing her gma and not being able to say goodbye to her before she died. We live states away. I bought my daughter a journal, told her she can swear in it or whatever she wants. But that’s where she needs to direct her feelings instead of on her body with a razor. So far it has worked. I keep an open communication line with all of my kids. Best of luck
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So sorry you are going through this. You seem to be a diligent mom who cares so much. This is beyond a you thing. Get counselling. Find one she trusts so that fan be her release rather than cutting.
please get her into therapy get her into group therapy with other cutters she is trying to release her pain from the inside on the outside and she’s trying to make herself feel anything. also tell her that if she feels like she has the warrant or the need to cut to pull out a pen and just draw on her skin draw pictures in anything
Get her to the doctor ASAP she is crying out for help. She will take it too far soon 
I hope she will be ok xx
I’m a cutter and have been for over 10 years now and try counselling, it didnt work for me but at that age it may be a good step towards coping with the way she feels and try and be supportive but not on what my parents called suicide watch that made me feel like a nut job try and find ways to make her comfortable to talk to you and let her emotions out to you! Ask if she wants her dad to know if you tell him and she didnt want him to know it’s going to make her feel awful! Your doing an amazing job mama and unfortunately there isn’t much you can do when it develops into addiction apart from professional help and making sure she doesn’t feel judged my inbox is always open I haven’t done it in over 2 years now which isn’t much to some but hard for me but you or she can message me anytime I can be a mental health penpal 
My daughter was recently admitted on a mental health hold for the same thing. A safe to tell tip thankfully saved her life. Get her the help she needs. My daughter is 14. The hospitalization sped up the outpatient process as well. They need to learn the tools to deal with stress/pressure/depression so they have better outlets. Good luck mama!
I am trained as a therapist and would stress that you get her set up with a therapist. Also, its so important not to make her feel guilty about it or give her punishments for it, you want her to feel safe talking to you about this rather than hiding it. Cutting is not uncommon and often done to cope with emotions beyond what a person can handle. Cutting releases endorphins which make her feel better so finding alternative coping mechanisms will be important. Dad also needs to know.
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Get her help if she doesn’t talk to you she needs to talk to someone you don’t want it to be to late tell her dad also
Therapist. She needs attention.
I used to be that way in middle school used to self harm I was going through alot with my parents divorce and stuff. My parents sat me down together and had a deep conversation with me asked me what my emotions were why I was having them they let me talk out everything that was bothering me they told me what could happen if I ended up hitting a vein or cut to deep they brought me to a therapist and it helped me some urges are still present at stressful times I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I don’t know if you and her father can sit with her together and ask her why is she cutting what’s bothering her I know some kids don’t wanna talk but tell her if she doesn’t stop worse things can happen she could hit a vein she could cut herself so deep she bleeds out this is serious and she could harm herself to the point a hospital is needed. See if she wants to talk with a therapist if she isn’t comfortable with talking to u and her dad.
If she cant talk to you, she needs to go talk to a professional, there is serious underlying issues, you need to check in with her every day, ask how shes doing, and if she wants to talk about anything, that you love her and want to help fix what’s going on so she feels happy again. I cut myself a few times as a teen, it was because I was so overwhelmed at school, it’s so full on and sometimes kids are mean or say things, or if shes struggling in class and feeling left behind, theres so much that could be going on, it was a control thing for me, I could control how I felt, I could block out the pain and stress of what was going on in my head, by cutting, that sting I felt after was soothing and gave me something to concentrate on, I only did it a few times as a friend said that’s what she did, then when someone saw and looked at me horrified I stopped and realised it wasnt normal or ok, and never did it again. But I think talking to someone who wasnt family earlier would have helped alot, to give me ways of dealing with big feelings.
Talk to her about seeing a theropist. Sit down with her first and say okay no distractions, just me and you, i am all yours right now, what do you need? Completely listen to her, if she wants to go do something with you, just hug and cry, just talk, just let her talk mostly! Dont listen to respond, really listen.
I wish I could help. Good luck to you and your family
Going through issues with stepdaughter, not cutting,but saying she wants to kill herself. Take her to a hospital that can help with a psych evaluation.
Firstly do NOT do full body checks. Don’t check for cuts period it’s not going to deter her from doing it. Actually you’re probably in reality making it worse. If she is going to cut she will find a way and that’s just the truth of it. Body checks are taking away her self dignity and privacy. As someone who is already struggling with the desire to feel
In control of their own lives this will damage her further. Sit down and TALK to her. Ask her what she needs what she feels. ASK her if she wants to go inpatient or does she prefer a therapist outpatient. Let her know that it’s okay. That you’re not angry only concerned and above all that you LOVE HER. Don’t make her feel guilty or bad about the choices she has made. She needs love understanding acceptance. If you make her feel badly about herself then it will only push her further away and further down this path of self destruction and hate.
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Get her in therapy asap! This isnt a group question. This needs addressed by a professional immediately! 
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What my mom did was threaten to take my phone away if I didn’t stop. Therapy didn’t help me ar all. But everyone is different
You need to take her to the hospital! I know you’re afraid but your child needs help. You would hate yourself if she accidently killed herself crying out for help.
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I used to be a cutter so maybe I can help with my own personal experience. People who are saying “it’s a cry for help” are both right and wrong. Mine was a cry for help but being a child I didnt know that. The main reason I cut myself was because I had a lot of anxiety as a child, still do as an adult but I can manage it now, and with my anxiety I felt like I had no control over my body, my emotions, my life in general. I felt like no one understood what was wrong with me. Hell I didnt know there was anything wrong with me. I felt trapped in this body I couldnt control and of course being a hormonal teenager with parents and rules didnt help since every child is going to resist all structure. Cutting was the only way I felt in control. I had control over what hurt and what didnt. I chose when to feel pain and it was my escape and made me feel human, normal. My biggest thing is not to push her. Shea going through things that you wouldnt understand just because things that are important to her may seem silly to you. Always validate her feelings regardless of if they seem ridiculous or not. To her they’re a big deal. Dont force her to talk about things but always be a listening ear if she chooses to come to you. Also get her a few journals. Maybe a secret one for just herself and one you both can share. I expressed myself better with writing so I would write down my feelings and let my mom read it. That helped us so much. Also therapy therapy therapy. Give her an outside person to talk to.
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I cut around the same age. I felt lost with my parents being split and living in different countries. Step parents not being the nicest, and being the odd ball in the new families my parent had created. I felt out of touch with people. My parent put me through so many different psychologe and ristricted so much it just made me even more angry and doing it more and revolting. I think yes its good to talk about problem but don’t force it. She will come to you. Maybe get her a journal or something. Maybe she needs more one on one time or just something that will make her feel important and alive again. So hard being a missunderstood kid. Sorry you are going through this and hope it resolves. Spending more time with my cousin and changing my environment is what got me out of it.
Let me start by saying that I’m so sorry you’re going through this 
I’ve been there…at right about the same age. My parents had just gotten divorced and my relationship with my father was never that great from the beginning but my relationship with my mom was. I trusted her regardless of whether I admitted it at that age or not. She found out I was cutting, not necessarily ever trying to kill myself but enough to harm myself and leave scars. She would find notes and letters and journals that I would write about being depressed and feeling alone. We explored a TON of options. One one one therapy, we tried actual doctors who explored the route of medication for depression, anxiety, etc. I can say from experience that in my case, hospitalization would been the wrong route and would have made it seem to me that she was just dropping me off to some facility to deal with me because she either couldn’t or didn’t want to. Therapy was a gentle, private approach that also let me know this was something that HAD to be dealt with. My best experience was with an older woman who did therapy in her home once or twice a week. She had a service animal that she had in her sessions that helped tremendously. It took a lot of time and effort on everyone’s part. I was resistant to a lot of things but the thing I remember most, some fifteen years later, is that my mom never stopped trying. If one thing didn’t work, we would move on to the next. No matter how hard I resisted or pushed back or promised her things were okay. There weren’t gaps in between figuring it out to leave time for something irreversible or more damaging to happen. She understood early on that even if I wasn’t physically cutting anymore, whatever underlying problems were there that led me to cutting in the first place, we’re still very much present. She never made me feel like because of my young age that my feelings weren’t valid.
It sounds like you’re headed in the right direction, mama. Keep fighting for her and don’t stop no matter how hard or how dark things may get. She will thank you one day when you both are on the other end of this. Best of luck to you
Taking her to a hospital, may be worse. My mother called the cops on me when I did, took me to the hospital and then I was transferred to another one for adolescents. Basically put in a mental hospital for kids. I hated her and still do for that. It was the WORSE week of my life with how they treated us and looked at us.
Get her into counseling. It may take a few different therapists before you find the right one, but it’s what helped me the most. I still go to this day.
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I would try therapy first. I started cutting when I was around that age as well. So I have been there. But taking her to a therapist should help. It helped me a bunch. I went through 5 therapists before I found the one I liked and she was actually a psychologist. But I wouldn’t jump the gun and go so far as to send her to an institute just yet. I never needed one. I just needed someone to talk to that wasn’t family. And I agree with others, don’t check her. It’ll just make her feel worse and she will find other places. I wish you luck. I’m sorry this is happening.
My daughter did it. Dont just check arms once I caught on to the arms she moved on to her thighs. She was inpatient for 30 days (it was cutting, drinking and drugs as things went on so it was a safety issue). This all started when her dad left. Start with her doctor, they can point you in the right direction.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. When I got divorced from my daughters father it was when she was starting middle school same age 12 years old, transitioning from her house to my new house and going into middle school and new friends and everything was a lot for her to handle and she started cutting herself as well. She had a new group of friends started listening to weird music and when I found out she was cutting it crushed me I blamed myself for a long time and still to this day I do. We did have to go through five different therapist for her to actually find somebody she liked and was willing to open up to her doctor put her on a few different medications after trial and error but that was three years ago and she is now not cutting she is not on medication and she is back to her bubbly self again but she needs to talk to somebody if she cannot talk to you let it be a counselor or therapist or even her doctor. I know you said it was a touchy subject but her father may need to know. That way when she is at his house he can look out for the signs as well… good luck momma and get her help asap before it gets worse!
I developed my mental illness at that age find her help and remind her you love her frequently it can get worse very quickly. Sending positive vibes. 
I did this after my mom died and before. You should tell her father. She needs some professional help! I recommend having her evaluated by her dr. Then going from there.
Drs appointment and counseling immediately!!! My friends daughter was doing that too. The counselor actually told her to draw pics on her skin with non toxic gel pens, it helped her tremendously, she is now a tattoo artist!
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I was a cutter. Has something traumatic happened ? I cut because it was the only thing that made me feel like I was in control of myself. And i would rather hurt myself then hurt the someone else. I’d say impatient that can help.
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I’d tell her dad immediately.
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I have been a cutter since i was a teenager. It lead to iv drug use bc i love rhe poke and it took my pain away. Cutters are a rare breed… Its a extreme psyh disorder… Im 2 years clean and sober presently had an episode iost all control and serious gave myself new scars… Just please catch it early. Its cost me many impatient treatment. I pray that find peace with her my mother at this point sees me showing signs bc im now 39 and just loves me a little more those days.
Get her a set of markers and tell her if she ever feels like she needs to. Draw it on her skin, let her make designs.
Checks probably aren’t the best call, it would’ve made me feel invaded and like I just needed to hide it better. Hospital should be your last resort… I know it sounds ideal but I’ve got PTSD from being hospitalized so young. I also learned a lot of things from the other kids in there that I could’ve gone without learning. Therapy is hit and miss because she has to want to talk. Ask her what she thinks might help. Number one is just be there for her, without judgement or expectations. Just being there can make a world of difference <3 stay strong mama!!
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As a mother who went through this with both of my children and and their father not being involved in their medical care, I understand how you feel. The initial shock and sadness that you feel when you first find out that they are cutting it’s gut-wrenching. I highly suggest that you get her into therapy. If you’re not sure of a good therapist, you can take her to see her family doctor and that person can give you some suggestions. If your daughter wants to talk to the family doctor alone, please let her do that. Assure her but what is said in therapy is private and is kept between her in the therapist except if she indicates that she is going to harm another person or herself such as suicide. my ex-husband is not a big fan of the girls going to therapy but I have seen major major major improvements and both of them. They have thanked me for taking them to therapy.