My three-year-olds dad recently got off probation, and I think he’s doing bad stuff again now that he’s off probation. Should I confront him about it or just stop letting her go over there??? My mom used to do what he’s doing, and I know others won’t admit it, but they do but Idk if I should make a big deal about it or not. I’m just really confused and worried cause I don’t know if he will relapse on the harder stuff cause of this, and I know he will think I’m just being spiteful and wanting to start drama by bringing this up.
88 Likes
You weren’t worried about his use BEFORE having children and yet, you still had a child with him.
Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do except take him back to court and see if the judge will allow for drug testing. You will violate the court order by denying him your child but in the end,if you really feel the child is in danger, call CPS or hire a lawyer.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my 3 year olds dad is violating his probation: Advice?
What is he doing that makes u think this?
3 Likes
If you know someone’s on a bad path and your child is around it. Keeping your child safe is the #1 thing. Because if you blow it off n something happens it could be to late.
8 Likes
I’d say it all depends on the severity of what he’s doing… go with your gut girl.
1 Like
Expecting him to fail won’t help lol. You don’t seem to have concrete evidence and seem a little paranoid about what “could” go wrong.
If the child’s safety is compromised its YOUR duty & responsibility to protect him. Take it back to court system
5 Likes
If he’s off probation now then he’s not violating anything. You will need proof of him doing something to the courts before they do anything. If there’s a visitation schedule set through the court and you stop his visits, he can hold you in contempt, and you can face legal consequences.
Are u his parole officer? If not I think u should mind ur business. I doubt he would do anything to endanger his own child
11 Likes
I would go to the parole officer even though he is off parole and ask for advice. They might beable to do a check up on him see what he’s up to.
Some of the responses I see are clearly from people who don’t have kids…but then again it’s fcking common sense to keep a child away from ANYTHING that can harm a child …pls for the love of God to the people who are saying mind your business DO NOT EVE HAVE KIDS…NEWS FLASH HER KID IS HER BUSINESS 
Always better to be safe then sorry. Stick to your gut it’s always right! We don’t know enough about the whole story to be able to give a better answer.
Put your baby first and do not worry about him thinking you’re being spiteful. It’s our job as parents to put our children first, always. 
- You first stated you think he’s violating probation but then say he just got off probation… which one is it.
- If he just got off he’s not violating nothing.
- If you are worried about your child being there and you know for fact of wrong doings then with hold visits. Keeping your child protected is always #1
15 Likes
How’s he violating probation if he’s off probation? 
Is there a custody agreement? If there is, you can’t just stop letting him see her unless you go to court with some concrete evidence.
He’s not violating if he’s off probation. Tell him if you continue to see what you see then the baby wont be coming over. Put it on him.
3 Likes
It’s your duty to protect your child so watch what’s going on and do what you need to do. One time my sons dad picked him up when he was around 7 and drove him down a few blocks drunk and went and picked my kid up and told him if even has one beer and thinks about picking out son up he will have big problems. If you feel something in your gut then your probably right.
1 Like
I have a friend who had a “Using” baby daddy … She was told by him he was staying clean for his kids … She let their oldest daughter (4) stay over with the conditions being she called before bed… Well the dad ended up ODing in a bathroom … When mom called to say goodnight v cause she didn’t receive the call … her daughter was crying that daddy wouldn’t wake up … He had been dead a few hours before … Moral of the story … Of you feel he is using … Something like do what’s best to keep your daughter safe. I PRAY that no child or parent has to go threw what my friends and kid had to.
Depends. If there is a court order for visitations do not deny it or you could face consequences. If you feel he is doing something illegal or harmful make a report. You also stated he is not on parole so he may not be in actual violation depending on what it is, so just get it checked out but don’t put yourself in contempt if there is visitations rights put in place. That could seriously hurt you later. I wish you luck and hopefully dads doing right by her. Xoxo
I’d bring it up to him when it’s just the two of you and have an actual talk and let him know that you aren’t trying to cause any problems but for the safety of your child you need to know. If he’s gonna relapse or if he already has then that isn’t a stable environment for a kid to be in and he needs to get the proper help. He isn’t violating his probation if he isn’t on probation anymore but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need help. There’s other things he can do to help him stay off stuff and keep him from doing illegal things.
Weed doesn’t necessarily mean getting into harder drugs. It’s your kid tho. Trust your gut. Only you know yalls history
4 Likes
Why don’t you approach it from a different view. In stead of shaming him or blaming him why don’t you try to be supportive or just a friend. You might just get more from him this way.
4 Likes
I’m going to tell you like I tell my daughter, go back to family court express your worries, ask for drug screens or surpervised visitations to ensure safety. This way everything is on paper all your concerns and if something does go wrong it doesn’t come back to bite you in the butt and make you look as an unfit mother for not doing more than just talking to him about it. My granddaughters dad is freaken bipolar and she never knows how he is going to react to a doctors appointment time and date the guy is nutts but I tell her no phone conversations just text him and do not react to his crazy questions because his response should be ok thank you for letting me I’ll try to be there and thats it, but no this guys wants to always argue and look for a negative reaction out of her so no phone conversations only text messages so there’s proof of bullying or any nastiness or craziness on his behalf.
Inside of doing all that try to help him be there for him lend a hand or shoulder give him positive vibes and encourage him 
I thought this was a page about nails…
2 Likes
If its about drugs report him. Your child may be a victim if she ever gets in his stuff. Child should always come first!
Don’t take risks if your worried unfortunately his bad choices have caused this mistrust keep your your child safe one mistake could be costly if its drugs for example
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my 3 year olds dad is violating his probation: Advice?
How is he “violating probation” if he is off of probation?
20 Likes
I totally agree with Sandy if you have any shadow of a doubt that he is doing anything that is hardcore and that could affect his judgment or parenting being under the influence then absolutely don’t let your child over there unsupervised
6 Likes
Well child’s safety come first because true story happened in Indiana that the father was high while at the river. His two young sons drowned. 
1 Like
Call the probation office.
2 Likes
Well I just turned my sons father in for child abuse of our 3 year old son. He still on probation and will b going back for a long time. I feel bad because I know how it felt when he got locked up being his wife. So I feel bad for his new chick but then again he shouldn’t have put hands on my baby like he did. It’s not being bitter God bless him and his new 1 I’m protecting my child the way HE should have. So if u turn him n b prepared for that omg feeling. Or don’t turn him n and just stop allowing the child to go unsupervised. And if that’s a problem then let the courts decide. He’ll either get it together or send himself back to jail
If your child is in danger for real? You must protect her. Other than that, mind your business.
6 Likes
Kids learn what they see. They learn what is acceptable and what is not by example. As a mom whos been throuvh it and my sons bio is still an active addict. I can say that keeping my son away was the best decision i made over 12 years ago. And he appreciates it too now that hes older and sees for himself why…i had kept my older children in it, 1 became a user. Hes also now clean thankfully but i didnt know then what i know now…
Unless she’s required to then I wouldn’t let her over there. I would get a damn restraining order lolol
1 Like
You need to report it and stop letting your daughter go there. If you just stop letting her go there, he could file against you. You need documentation of his use to cover your butt.
2 Likes
Your child’s safety and well being come first.
2 Likes
His life his choices, don’t want your child around it take it up with the courts and allow them. To decide. Dont use your child as a pawn to dictate what another person is or isn’t doing. Fact over hearsay.
10 Likes
If he is off probation then they have nothing to do with him. You need to call dcf/cps. This is something you need to go to family court about. Addiction sucks. But your child’s safety is your first priority.
8 Likes
If he’s off probation then he’s not violating… But if you’re concerned about your child safety 1st…
4 Likes
No no your child comes first for her own safety. Contact the police and ask them what you should do. Go from there good luck
1 Like
I wouldn’t send my kid with any man alone .I love my husband but …um no. And he smoking pot I assume …without a court order nope.
You need get supervised visits …and some custody for just you.
How can be violate probation when he’s not on probation?
If there’s a court order then you must go to court and change the order. You can not just not send her as that’s a violation and you could get in trouble with judge.
Now what bad stuff are you thinking? Hard core drugs, marijuana or alcohol? If you think marijuana, Are you in a state where marijuana is legal either recreational or medical?
If you have an attorney, tell him and he can ask the court to require drug tests. I know you dont want your child to be around drugs or anyone that usea them. You can also call childrens services and ask them if they can do anything about it.
1 Like
Your child comes first no matter what. You are to protect your child at all costs.
2 Likes
Unfortunately without much evidence there isn’t much that you or the courts can do. You can mention it to your attorney that you think he’s doing drugs again and maybe see if it can be brought up in front of a judge to require frequent drug testing and maybe contact dhr/cps and let them know your concerns. If there is a court order in place you can’t just defy it over a hunch. Report and get proof. That’s all you can do. I’m sorry because my oldest daughter bio dad has a drug problem too so I understand the frustration and I was able to get her away but he wasn’t involved from the get so it was easier. Stay strong momma. Report what you know. Maybe something will come out of it.
What kind of bad stuff? He’s off of probation, so as long as your child is in no danger just let it be.
3 Likes
You need to have facts before you start accusing someone. Just because you think it doesn’t make it true. If he’s finished his probation then he isn’t violating anything as well. If you are concerned talk to him without accusing him or talk to an attorney.
6 Likes
You are your child’s protector ! If you have reservations about the father doing things that are not right do something now to protect your child !
Two words, supervised visitation. No asking or confrontation and you know your baby will be safe.
1 Like
Tell him to please wait to smoke or take thc till after the kids in bed just like a drink…as far as it turning into something harder idk the dude u would know if he can handle that (thc) or not every body’s addictions are different.
1 Like
You’re her mother, and therefore protector. If u even have an inkling something is off, u need to deal with that immediately. And who cares if he thinks ur being spiteful. Because if something happens to her while she’s in his care, and u didn’t try and do something to even address it at the very least, can u imagine the outcome? I hope he’s mandated to have random drug testing. And keep a log of conversations, issues, dates, outcomes, and everything. I wish u luck.
2 Likes
Just don’t let your kid go there anymore. No one can stop his dad from doing what he wants to do especially when it comes to drugs.
1 Like
A friend’s little girl drowned in a hot tub when her Daddy was high on pot. People who care for children need to be able pay attention and to act promptly to help them. Keep your child safe
1 Like
Your child’s safety is your first priority over everything!!! If he’s off probation then there is nothing they will do. If something happens to your child while he’s on drugs you will never forgive yourself!!! You can keep your child from him if there is no court order for visitation. If you want something in writing then go to the family courts, they will help you. It will look really bad on you if you allow your child to go over there knowing he is actively doing drugs.
First get facts! What he does when your child is not there is none of your business. If he does it with her there you need to protect her.
2 Likes
If you’re talking about weed and he isn’t a psychopath, he’s fine.
2 Likes
Courts don’t care about weed. If you don’t allow visitation & he files, you will be in trouble not him. You have to have hard proof. Good luck!
1 Like
How bad is the stuff?? Pot?? Or way much harder drugs…if harder I would question…it is your child’s safety involved…
I don’t know where you are?? But in Canada if one parent knows about drugs and still let’s her child go there you could loose your kid to welfare
Not following what you mean bad stuff how u said your own mum used to did she do it while u was a kid
First of all make sure you are right before worrying too deeply about it you aren’t together so it’s not of your concern I would just tell him if he is doing things you would prefer him not be high around your kid or he won’t be getting visitation but anything other than that is his life…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I think my 3 year olds dad is violating his probation: Advice?
Is there a custody agreement where there could be a court ordered drug test?
5 Likes
How is he violating probation when he recently got off probation?
28 Likes
If he’s off probation, how is he violating probation? I’m a little confused by your phrasing.
17 Likes
He isn’t violating it if he isn’t on it anymore
9 Likes
If you think he is then calmly talk to him about it if you se the warning signs say that, also bring up ypur mom and her problem as to why your concerned as well,also let him know you dont want to bring your baby around that kind of stuff. But be very respectful about it if hes not using hell understand your concern uf he is theres a good chance it will start a argument,
5 Likes
Yeah ask him about it.
If he’s off probation he’s not violating anything
4 Likes
Mind ya own business unless you see your child being harmed.
6 Likes
If it’s drugs then get her out of there. Don’t even bat an eyelid. 
5 Likes
If he’s off probation then he can’t be violating it … if u worried he’s doing stuff he’s not suppose to then get a court order stating visitations and drug tests then but that’s all u can do and if there’s already a court order and u deny him his visits then u can get in trouble whether u think u were right or not
2 Likes
It is your job as a mom to protect your children no matter what! If that means hauling him in to court then that is what you do.
2 Likes
U can always turn him in
Where drugs and alcoholism is involved, take them without a second thought. But a calm conversation while she’s in your care is a smart idea before you decide this.
Do you have concern for your child’s safety?
If yes deal with it
If not mind your own business
2 Likes
Honestly when it comes to an addict they will likely deny alligations if they are using they wont own up to it you are better off asking the court for court order drug tests to ensure your child is not exposed to that environment just my opinion
3 Likes
How about its none ya business what he does
6 Likes
Excuse me but if comes to the welfare of my child. Screw him. Sorry, that’s something you don’t mess with.
2 Likes
how is he violating probation if he isn’t on it anymore
3 Likes
Suggest to his probation officer that he needs a urine test
1 Like
First protect your child. Always protect your child. You know what’s right.
2 Likes
A mothers instinct is always right. Do what’s best for ur baby
3 Likes
If he is using I wouldn’t allow my child around the father.
I don’t my daughter around her father alone because he uses meth.
It doesn’t matter about your ex probation. All that matters is you keep your little one safe.
4 Likes
Be sure he’s officially discharged from probation. Look on the court’s website. Usually you can look up unsupervised cases on there. (I’m a PO).
3 Likes
If your child can be harmed while with him. Don’t allow him, to see her. Take him to court and put your daughter first and if he falls backward to bad not your problem. One less negitive person in your life.
3 Likes
Do you know or think? Big difference because I know I am getting paid every two weeks from work and I think I could win the lottery if I played… also it’s not an issue until it’s an issue if you don’t have the facts then don’t bring up the issue. It’s one thing to prevent child harm but it’s another to be paranoid. Maybe try being supportive in his road to becoming better. You are tied to this person at the very least until your child is an adult. So instead of confronting him with your fears. Maybe be like hey you are doing a great job good job at get off probation. I’m happy for you. I feel like their needs to be more positively when it comes to parents that have mental health issues and drug issues. If he relapse you should be willing to be supportive and work with him.
2 Likes
He can’t violate probation if he’s not on probation. That being said, if you are worried about the safety of your child, do what you have to to keep her safe.
9 Likes
He’s not violating if he’s not on it anymore
5 Likes
Keep record of everything. If his behavior is harmful to your daughter take him to court for visitation modification. Talking to him about it isn’t going to do anything. He’s just going to deny it, say you’re over reacting etc. Protect your child. Not him.
3 Likes
Make sure he is violating his parole before you make a decision. He might not be then its you who looks bad
People she never said he was violating his probation. Mamas uncut puts that first sentence up. They misunderstood & misworded the starting question.
Nope. I wouldn’t. My BD was the same way. I blocked him and didn’t allow him to see the kids till he got clean and stopped doing all the illegal things he was doing. He was living off the streets and ended up in jail before realizing his kids mean more to him than the bullshit. Got clean got a job started proving and doing right and then was allowed to see the kids. You have to think of them in all aspects. What he does is as much your business as what you do is his. You need to be able to know your kids are safe when in his presence.
Use your head and protect your child
What is he smoking weed? If that’s all it is let it go.
7 Likes
Unless the courts tell you otherwise, you don’t get to dictate visitation over “what you think”
4 Likes
Just keep ur daughter home and let him do him!! If he is using he ain’t gonna fight for visitation or anything so just protect ur baby and let him do whatever!
1 Like