To preface, history is important.
When I was 16 I was dating a guy who was no good for me. Not in the “he does drugs and illegal shit” way but his family was toxic to both of us, his parents had a terrible marriage, and he was just a piece of shit. When we eventually got our own place (after he was kicked out of his parents place) he began raping me and cheating on me. I eventually got the nerve to kick him out 2 weeks before my 18th birthday - which he was supposedly going to propose to me on. I had already been checked out of that relationship for months by then.
A few months later I got with who is now my husband (late 2016, I was 18). He’s 10 years older than me, we’d known each other for years already but he always hated me. He went through a bad break up with his fiancé in 2015 after finding out a month before the wedding that she was cheating on him.
Aside from all of that, I also have endometriosis which makes life in general miserable but also makes sex painful. He knew from the get-go about this. He has a high sex drive and I knew from the get-go about that. We agreed we’d just work with it.
We’ve been together almost 5 years now and married 3. Sex has been…… infrequent lately. We have 2 under 2.5 so I’m exhausted and in pain from the endometriosis.
When we have sex it’s basically just spit, hump and done. Nothing exciting, roughly 5 minutes. No foreplay. I’ve told Tim many times recently that he needs to revv me up during the day so I can be hot and horny in the evenings so sex can be more fun. He absolutely refuses. We have sex like once every three weeks at this point. I told him today that I fake it sometimes because I’m just not really enjoying it. He’s not willing to turn me on so what’s there to enjoy?
Now he’s pissed that I said that. He’s convinced that there’s no way he can ever trust me about anything ever again. All I want to do is be honest with him so he can turn me on and we can go back yo having hot, intimate sex. He wants no part in that. He’s perfectly fine with the spit, hump, done deal. And he wonders why I don’t want to have sex. I’m just so lost on what to do now. He says he doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore, he doesn’t trust me, he doesn’t want to talk about this at all. Help?