My SO & I got engaged in 2018. We’ve been together for 9 years. I always dreamed of marrying him, having a wedding, wearing a wedding dress, and being surrounded by all of those we love for our big day. We were thinking of just having a smaller wedding of 100 people. I even went to try on wedding dresses today just to get an idea of sizing, styles, etc. The thing is, my SO mentioned when I got home that he’d like to go on a short vacation for a week just me and him and then have a small dinner party at home when we’re back after signing papers. I do like the idea; however, when he said that, I felt my heart sink a little bit. I know it sounds beautiful. I want to want that too. But I can’t help wanting to be able to wear a wedding dress and have an actual wedding. I also want to see our families come together that day. I’ve been so excited about planning, etc. I feel like I’m a total brat, but I can’t help how I feel. Have any of you been in this situation? I wasn’t even sure what to say to be honest.
Aww. I feel so bad I totally get the letdown. You waited a long time for that proposal and we all dream of our wedding day. I think you should sit down and really tell him how you feel about it.
Had small wedding in his parents backyard lot of food n cake n enjoyed not breaking our income budget;”) yes wore a wedding dress n him suit 30 yrs n no regrets
The wedding is more for the bride than the groom kind of thing, talk to him about your dream of wearing a pretty dress and having flowers and your loved ones around. You’re only going to do this once with him and you want it to be very special. Keep it small, you can have a nice wedding that isn’t super expensive and go on a honeymoon together.
Have a medium wedding. You can wear a wedding dress to any size wedding. Dont let anyone take that away from you. Maybe just family and a few close friends. You can still have all the wedding hoopla without a tremendous amount of people
Have a church wedding ceremony with the dress and friends and family in attendance without a reception. Then go on vacation and have a small dinner party after. You both get what you want.
It all comes down to talking to him. Tell him how excited you were for this wedding. If it’s because of the budget, compromise. Ask him why he wants to take a vacation all of a sudden and then really take into account what he says. After the wedding day, the 2 of you will be husband and wife so you’ll both need to talk through much harder things than this later on down the line. If it’s what you really want, communicate and come to a place where you both can compromise.
Tell him how you feel. Come to some sort of compromise. I definitely don’t regret having a wedding. Mine was absolutely huge and beautiful. However something smaller would have been nice too. I loved wearing the dress and having my friends and family around. I’m divorced now, but I’ve discussed getting married to my new SO. We’ve decided to just do a small cookout if we do it. It would be his first marriage and that’s all he ever wanted to do if he did get married. Nothing big. Personally I’d go for the small wedding. Low key, and try to figure out how to afford the week long honeymoon he wants still afterwards. Maybe it’s just a money thing for him, and not so much not wanting the wedding.
I got married in September last year and my husband wasn’t a fan of having a big wedding either he’d have been happy enough for us to just go to a registry office just me and him but I wanted the big wedding and although it was worth it I spent 3 years planning and we spent 3 years saving for it and it is stressful planning a big wedding, you have so many people voicing their opinions it can become a lot to handle and deal with to be honest and I can understand why people opt to just do something simpler and smaller. I threw in the towel a few times and wanted to just elope but in the end it was so worth it. If you’s decide to go down the route of having a big wedding don’t sweat the small stuff and worry about silly things like your chair sashes not exactly matching the bridesmaids dresses because at the end of the day no one even notices. Be aware that mistakes and things will happen on the day, everything won’t go 100% perfect but honestly when it came to it I didn’t care I was enjoying myself too much and wondered why I worried so much to begin with. Yous need to sit down and have a conversation about it and compromise somewhere
Every LITTLE GIRL DREAMS OF HER FAIRY PRINCESS WEDDING! If the princess wedding is that important, dump the boyfriend and keep dreaming! Princess dreams and fairy tale weddings are the best part of growing up! Right? You have been together for 9 years, just dump him and keep living the Dream, what have you got to loose?
A wedding day is the Bride’s Day. Let this day be about what YOU want! You can always take a trip. A wedding day usually happens once.
He probs feels big weddings are a waste of money, I agree… My wedding cost under 1000 pound. Perfect day. Don’t need all this extra stuff. I think he is being smart
Have a small wedding and wear the dress then have the vacay.
I think it is important to talk it over with your fiance and come to a decision you both can live with. We got married at the courthouse almost 20 years ago out of necessity. Then planned several different vow renewals so that I could have that experience. In the end we ended up buying a house and taking a cruise instead of renewing our vows. That worked for us. Doesn’t mean that will work for you. If I told my hubs today I wanted to renew our vows and have the shebang he would get to figuring out our finances to make it happen.
Ask your self why you truly want a big wedding. Is it a fairytale fantasy? Is it a financially sounds decision?
Just Express how you feel and maybe compromise in the middle somewhere. Maybe he is concerned about finances?
You are totally not a “brat” for wanting a wedding. Every girl should be entitled to an affordable wedding with family and friends. I hope it works out.
What is more important? Being with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with or a beautiful wedding?
If y’all have been living together for 9 years y’all are married just go make it offical and a little vacation then back to work
Let me sum this up for you.
I had a friend that was with her boyfriend for 7 or 8yrs. She had been married before so she was fine just going to the courthouse because she had done the wedding thing. He, however, wanted the wedding. At first it was to be a wedding in vegas, but it all fell apart and so last minute she threw together a real wedding within a few weeks… Her husband passed away unexpectedly a year after their wedding. She (being the one who didn’t want a wedding), said multiple times she was glad they had a real wedding because she has the memories and their wedding photos to hold onto…
I see so many posts about women wanting a **REAL *** wedding .
A wedding is the act of getting married , & committing yourself to the person you plan to spend your life with .
The number of guests , type of reception , all the trimmings have absolutely no bearing on whether or not you are married at the end of the day .
You can still wear the dress & him the suit, regardless of the type of event you choose to have . Also , a small , intimate wedding is no less beautiful than one with all the trimmings .
As a bridal dressmaker for 30+ years i have seen all sorts of celebrations .
One big advantage of having a smaller event is that ,less numbers gives you more chance to interact with ALL of your guests rather than them just being observers on the day . Sit down with your fiance & properly discuss what both of your priorities really are .
Can you afford a big wedding should really be the question!! So many spend so much on a big wedding they can’t afford and start off the wedding in debt. Have a backyard wedding so you can still wear a wedding dress and have both families there with you to enjoy the moment!!
A friend had a beautiful courthouse wedding with the dress, immediate family, the bouquet and a photographer. Hair and makeup were done professionally. Dinner with family after. Then a fun party later where everyone else joined. Saved tons of money and stress. Still had a fabulous day with plenty of memories.
Take your dress with you and wear it
You love him and you are marrying him yes?
Then TALK TO HIM!!!
I was in the same situation 3 years ago. It had been 30 years I waited for this man. I wanted a small church wedding he wanted just the courthouse. We did courthouse and a open pit bbq party. We are planning a big church wedding for our 5th anniversary.
I’m the opposite my SO wants the big wedding and I just want a small very small wedding with just close family
I do think you can have the works… just go small. It’s so hard to make everyone happy. Somebody in the families will be full of suggestions. And mad about the craziest detail. Just the ones you love around you for happy vibes. It’s about you and your SO. Oh BTW, take like 10-15 minutes for you two alone to relish in it. the whole thing. It’s over so fast and then posing for pics. I did this for my sister, her and her new hubby went out on a balcony, and I guarded the door. His sister was Cray Cray. She loved it. There’s always someone that is at your heels for your attention.
Do both. Keep the private paper signing a secret and let the friends and family think the dressy wedding is the real show.
You need to talk to your fiance, a lot. Find a compromise on the wedding because marriage is a whole buttload of compromising for the next 60 years.
It’s one day in the rest of your life, I didn’t have a big wedding and so glad I didn’t. We’ve been together for 20 years now and still as happy as ever. Try compromising and look at saving $$, big weddings are stressful and you should be relaxed and enjoy it! Each wedding is personal to the couple, make it yours and be happy in the end.
I had a big wedding and wish I’d used that money for other things. It cost thousands of pounds for just one day. Im divorced now but if i was to ever marry again it would be a very small affair for sure.
Have a small wedding. You will enjoy the money you saved and can use it for something useful.
Perfect chance to start compromising
Don’t couples talk about the things they want before getting to this point?
I’ve been married almost 15 years and had a lovely wedding with about 110 people. However, in hindsight I would’ve totally just had immediate family, worn a beautiful dress, said our vows and taken a nice trip and saved the money. Invest in your marriage not the wedding! But wear that dress!
NO. Every woman deserves the wedding of her dreams. Don’t let yourself be cheated out of that. Even if it’s a small wedding, it’s still a dress and an actual wedding. I can’t tell you how much you should make sure you get the wedding of your dreams. Seriously. They aren’t expensive just don’t have the big reception with booze and food, then you can still take your vaca
Maybe see if you can meet in the middle? You could do a simple wedding with the dress & family and do it in a park instead of a church and have an ordained minister marry you. That way you still have your dress and the actual wedding with family and it saves money for the trip he’d like to do, too.
This will be one of many compromises to come. It’s something that will happen a lot once you two say I do
I was the same way! So when my SO and I started talking about weddings it was hard to hear him say that he didn’t want to go through the big shindig thing. But 1) he’s been married before and 2) he talked about how he would rather use the money towards a house. So I get where he’s coming from now.
Is money an issue?! Would having the wedding and vacation be to much?! If your rich have both but if your living pay check to pay with very little extra I personally wouldn’t waste the money on the actual wedding! Y’all been living as married forever so what’s it matter at this point?!
Get married in a court house and have a huge reception that night. Wear your gown, celebrate with those you love, have pictures taken.
My husband and I spent almost 10K on our wedding that lasted 5 hours. I just want to express that this could have been a down payment on a house but instead it was the wedding of my dreams. He was totally on board but afterwards I can see that it wasn’t worth it. As beautiful as the pictures are, and as much as I cherish that day in my heart, we could’ve done and seen so much more with that 10K. Wear the dress girl. Have a ceremony. Have a party! But keep it small so you can have the vacation too
We had a wedding and we renewed our vows just the two of us at 18 years of marriage . Personally the renewal meant more to me then our original wedding. The first one was overwhelming to me and not as enjoyable. Just my personal experiences . I say do what you feel is right for you two.
A lot of people say that they’d do it differently in hindsight. But I think they say that because they actually got the experience they wanted. If you don’t experience the wedding you’d like you’ll always regret it. Luckily my fiance is the same way as yours, but has already told me that he wants to do a wedding because he knows that it’s important to me.
You could always do the small one now and renew vows in a few years and do something bigger then? That’s what my husband and I are going to do
Don’t invalidate his feelings for your own. Meet in the middle and compromise.
My mom and stepdad had a beautiful wedding with just us kids and parents.
It was a beach wedding in south carolina. Maybe do something like that. But in the vacation destination of BOTH of your choosing.
Tell him “we can go on the trip after the wedding. It’s called a honeymoon!”
We had a small and intimate ceremony and reception dinner. For our 5 year anniversary we will throw a big party for all of our friends and family to attend.
Just realized that’s this year…
Compromise. You’re both in this. My guy wants a big wedding. I want jeans and tshirt at the courthouse. We are also okay not getting married because we’ve been together 14 years.
Just be honest with him. 🤷
I’m in this boat but the roles reversed. I want to just elope come back and have a gathering at our farm then after signing papers at home. He wants more. It’s going to end with compromise. I dont want to waste money on a wedding. I love to travel I want a nice honeymoon together with our kids. Marrying my best friend is all that matters.
Get dress and a suit and do a small outside wedding. Get some beautiful pictures and then have a small intimate dinner with some family. THEN go on a beautiful honeymoon!!! You get it all. I always tell people, make sure you both look nice and get some beautiful pictures because after all the money is spent that’s all you have left.
I don’t think he wants to get married at all.
I’d do the wedding because you will ultimately regret it in the long run
Waste of money and you will be overwhelmed with a big one
It would be awesome if people worked as hard on their marriage as they do on the wedding wouldn’t that be great!
If he loves you, he should not have a problem with a wedding.
To me 100 people is not a small wedding!
When it comes to something like this only you and him can figure it out!
What we did was we took off to Gatlinburg tn met up with one of his coworkers thats ordained by a really pretty river just us our daughter his dad a few of his coworkers that was vacationing there with the one that was ordained and signed papers and had a little ceremony and then went traveling through a few states and are going to a vow renewal with all our family at the ten year mark
OMG no, you are NOT a brat! Talk to him and find a compromise that you are both happy with!! Jeez - you want your fairy tale - go get it, girl!!
100 people sounds like an expensive ordeal
I “wanted” a big, expensive wedding too. Then I met my husband, He had already been married, and divorced and a house, card etc…
When I sat down and thought about it we already had all we needed. So we did a smaller wedding (Justice of a the Peace) ceremony with only 50 guests and our kids. We saved thousands! I still got the dress of my dreams and dresses for my girls, flowers etc. But the money we saved we did home Reno’s and took a honey moon in Punta Cana. I have no regrets going small, As I would’ve hated entering our marriage in debt
Compromise… Maybe do a small backyard wedding with the justice of the peace there. And have only your parents and siblings. That way you can wear a dress as well. Then you can rent a small hall and have a party the same day or another day. That’s what we did. Been married for 8 years now and no regrets. We put the money we would of spent on a big wedding into a place, ext. There’s so much more to marriage then spending alot of money on something that gains you nothing but an expensive party.
Comprimise ,. That’s is what marriage is about. Buy the dress,. Take a trip, have a sweet wedding in a romantic place. Take pictures,. After,. At home have a reception,. Wear the dress. Enjoy. If you two can’t agree in this… Don’t bother. Cause the marriage won’t last anyway
I feel ya girl. I wanted the same but we compromised. We did a court house wedding with a nice beach trip after and a wedding reception a couple weeks later. But i did get my dress and even tho it wasnt a big wedding it was still the best day ever aside from having my children.
9 YEARS TOGETHER DON’T MARRY HIM REPENT AND HE MUST TOO YOUR MARRIAGE WILL END IN DIVORCE JUST LIKE THE Majority do Follow Jesus and then he will bless your Marriage and it will be blessed and survive all this World will bring on it
Pffft my fiance wants a bigger wedding than I do. But at least it’s still small. You just have to come to an agreement. And be willing to make sacrifices. As you will your whole marriage.
I never had a wedding, my husband felt he was too shy.
I feel I was denied my wedding day. I mean, it us what it is, we are 34 years later & wonder what it could have been like having a real wedding.
Im going to go against popular opinon. Planning a wedding is super stressful and expensive. Mine didn’t want a big wedding but he let me do what i wanted. … All of that money spent, just to get divorced. Go do your vacation, still buy your dress and have the party back home wearing your dress. It’s not about the wedding day … The marriage is so much more important!
You’re not being a brat at all!
He might be stressed financially and maybe that’s why he is now saying he wants a trip, but you have the rest of your married life to take short vacations/trips together.
To each their own but I am so happy I had my big wedding. My husband and I look back at our wedding photos and wish we could relive that day! It was filled with so much love and joy, and it was so fun!!
If I were you I would just be honest with him about your feelings, and hopefully he can understand where you’re coming from since you both have been planing and dreaming of this day!
Good luck and congratulations!
I’m the one who wanted to elope and buy a house instead. Don’t regret it.
Trust me you will regret it. I’d give any thing if my husband and I would have had an actual wedding
Talk to him, tell him you want to have an actual wedding. Maybe he doesn’t realize how much you want one.
My husband and I decided we would just go with a court house wedding. I wore a dress, and we invited our family. It wasn’t a huge ordeal like I’ve always dreamed of, but to be able to marry the love of my life and have the people who mattered most to me there made my day. We went out for a brunch afterwards. We are going to have a reception though with extended family and friends, we just didn’t want to want any longer to get married.
Have the trip as a honey moon and have the wedding you want! When we did ours, we had said we would have a big wedding and never did. Ijs…
Never understood a big wedding or any.
It is not unfair for you to want this girl! Try to find a compromise for you both♡
100 people is small? Wowweeeee. You’re not being a brat though, I think most women want that experience, my husband and I had a courthouse wedding, it was small and impromptu, but we still discuss renewing our vows at 10 years with a nice ceremony now that we are financially well established.
Neither of us wanted a big wedding nor the cost of one … but I still wanted the dress lol … so I got my dress and we took off to the mountains and eloped . We had a nice few days of alone time . About a month later we had all our friends and family come for potluck bbq at our home . It was seriously the best we had an opportunity to actually visit and mingle with our guests it was relaxing not pressured or rushing to do the next thing . We both have zero regrets about it . Our day was intimate and about us as it should be
Big weddings can be very stressful. I regret not listening to my husband about doing a small destination wedding. The biggest cause of my stress was everyone who wanted a say or a part in our wedding. It was a nightmare because everyone wanted something or some part and saying No caused nothing but problems and tears.
Whatever you decide, make the day about you and your husband’s celebration of being together. Forget any demands of your family and guests.
Why not do a wedding with just immediate family and friends. Then a big party down the line. You can wear your dress again
Talk, weigh the pros and cons and follow your heart. Let this be a decision that the both of you make from the heart.
Compromise and have a very small wedding with just immediate family and very close friends, you get to wear your dress and still get to have your wedding then you and him go on your trip
He’s being realistic & thinking he’d rather spend $ on a more intimate vacation instead of a big wedding - which is understandable. But I’m sure if you talk to him and just let him know how you feel y’all can come to some sort of compromise. Maybe he’s just suggesting it but doesn’t know exactly how much it means to you to get the whole thing.
I feel you! I want a wedding and to experience it all. My in laws would rather us get married in our living room. That’s a huge pass for me. But my fiancé doesn’t want our families helping pay for a wedding and we don’t have the money to plan one right now. But the more i think about it, i know i don’t have any friends to be bridesmaids with me or a lot of family to show up. If we don’t end up having a wedding i told him i just want to sign papers & be done with it. No family or anyone.
We are getting married just me my finance and my son in Florida but then we are coming back having a blessing in a church so all our family can be there I’ll have a dress and then we’re having a party. Maybe suggest a blessing when u get home xx
It’s your day do want you want do I think you could compromise. Maybe he’s thinking of the money. Idk
You can wear the wedding dress no matter how small the wedding and have pictures made ! If I could do it again it would have only been us and our immediate family .
You can find a way to have it all.
I thing a lot of women dreams about their wedding day and is not in fair you wanting this. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. I really think he will understand and can make an agreement
Compromise scale yours down scale his idea up
I’m planning my wedding right now. My wedding is going to be like 20 people. I want the dress, our immediate family present, small and intimate. However we are planning a bigger reception. Tops 100 people, on the same day. Its inbetween traditional and nontraditional. It’s a compromise on both of our wants.
I rather have a big ass honeymoon over the wedding. Wedding is 1 day a honeymoon can be a week long
Yesss I’m on the same page as you. I have a huge family and he has tons of really close friends so 100 is small. And even then he thinks it’s a waste of money, and it would be better to have a courthouse wedding and then a week in Greece, and while I do understand where he is coming from I know leaving both kids with anyone for a week is far fetched, and I also know that EVERYONE in my family has been divorced (which is why I’m 32 and still not married) I also know that our relationship will break the pattern in my family and I want my children and their children to have photos to look back on of our wedding and have it actually MEAN something. We recently moved away (14 hours away) from all our friends and family so I doubt our wedding will be 100 people, not everyone will be able to come, but he knows it’s important to me, ive waited this long, so I will get what I want. Luckily he understands that it is important to me, I’m a bit of a traditionalist I guess. We’ve decided to have a wedding, and when our youngest is 6 or7 (3 or 4 yrs from now) go on a 1-2 week honeymoon. We’re planning a 2022 wedding, so probably honeymoon in 2023 or 24. I am trying to be budget concious with the wedding but I also am adamant about my vision coming to life.
Since you’ve been dreaming of this wedding for a long time how much have you saved for it? And if you can afford it on your own without burdening him financially then you have your wedding how you want. Now if you expect him to fork out the cash then you’re just being a selfish brat.
Got to find a compromise…maybe do a slightly smaller cemomy then dinner at ur place for everyone then travel just not as much. Marriage is give and take and lots of compromise
Yes, I had my huge wedding, dress, many guests and a LOT of money. A month later, we BOTH wished we had saved the money and made a down payment on a house. A HUGE waste of money for a few hours in a dress…
You are a BRAT, If you expect him to pay for this, then u are thinking of yourself.
Why not compromise? We planned our wedding in less than 2 weeks and had a “full blown wedding” but it was simple and we had maybe 30 people there.