I have three children and would really like a 4th; however, my partner doesn’t want anymore, but he knows I’ve always wanted 4. Has anyone else been in this position and ended up having a 4th, Or will I have to get used to only having 3? I really do want to take his feelings into account, but it has always been my dream, so I feel quite crushed myself.
If you have nieces/nephews in town you can always sorta adopt em
Lol cousins get to play you claim “custody” of them every so often for a weekend. (Hopefully they do the same for ya to give you a bit of break now and again too) .
Then you can say look hun it’s like we have 4… but we get to give this one back after a weekend
How about enjoy the 3 you have and call it a day. This world is overpopulated as it is.
Think you should just not do it. Be happy with the 3 you have. You gotta respect his wishes too
It is hard.I only had sons cuz my husband said no to trying a third.I always look back w wishes.But then I count the times I was glad we had more than enough to care for them.If we had more it would of been harder.
Take his mental health into consideration other then your dreams.
Why should having more be a problem? Have you shared your feelings with him and why you want more? I say if you are meant to have more it will happen.
If he always knew you wanted 4 then this should not be a shock to him
I personally have 4 myself 14,13, 4 & 2 my husband didn’t want anymore after I had 2 miscarriages and then poof here came my almost 5yo
Adopt an older child.
Kids are expensive. Is he worried about finances?
is he the sole provider?? maybe he wants to start thinking about future plans and savings for some of his dreams?
That’s a bummer. Ya it probably stings a little but you don’t want to force him to have another. It won’t be the same after that.
That’s why u have a conversation about this kind of stuff before you get married.
It depends on his reasons. Maybe he’s ready to move on to the next chapter of your life raising the 3 you have. Can you afford it? Do you both work? You don’t give much info.
Well, the thing is, you kinda just gotta “get used” to just having 3 if he doesn’t want another one unless you’re gonna leave him to have a kid with a random
Have one of you want. Just be prepared when he is checked out
If you really want a fourth, there are ways to have one that don’t require a husbands participation. You can use an anonymous sperm donor and fertility clinic. Just be prepared for him to not be supportive. Otherwise, if he doesn’t more and you don’t want to go alternative routes then you may have to get use to only having three.
That’s the stuff you talk about right before you get married. If he knew you were set on having four kids and he agreed to it then he’s an ass for changing his mind. But if you guys never actually agreed on a set amount that you were going to have then you can’t really get mad at him for that. But either way your probably not going to get another kid out of him unless he changes his mind in the future. Don’t complain to him because he won’t do it though. That’s not going to help your relationship one bit.
You may have to get use to having three.
We both went back and forth on if we wanted baby number 4. So, we made a pros and cons list. The cons list had a lot of great points on there, like not sleeping but ultimately we decided that we did want to try for number 4. Now, we’re expecting 4 & 5 Anyway, I said all of that to say, maybe make a list and go from there but if he still doesn’t want to, you have to respect that and learn how to move forward.
Just tell him you’re not going to prevent having another baby so say he has to take the precautions instead and or get the snip. Easy.
What’s your motive? Is it selfishness? Can you afford another kid? Just cuz you can doesn’t mean you should… listen to hubby on this one and compromise
Why doesn’t he want another? Does he give reasons as to why he doesn’t?
He may feel like his pay will only stretch so far, and is at its limit now. Maybe he would like more time with YOU. Ask him.
Sometimes minds change. I eventually changed my mind because my husband wanted another baby. A friend of mine wanted two, but decided she was content with one. But definitely don’t force it (not implying that you are, I hope it doesn’t read that way). But you at least already have 3 children, which is more than some women with dreams of being a mother get and that’s a blessing that shouldn’t be overlooked. I hope you and your husband come to a decision that makes you both happy. Best of luck.
You’ll have to accept it, or just split up and hope to end up with someone who wants to have a kid.
I feel you. I’m on my second marriage (2 kids from previous) and would love a third. But he doesn’t think we can afford it, if ever. Broke my heart because then he brought home a dog that needs vet care, food, etc… I guess we just have to settle and be thankful for what we do have and kind of grieve the loss of “what could have been”.
If you want to care for it on your own, you shouldn’t expect him to if he doesn’t want another one.
If the rolls were reversed, what would you do? Would you have another one just because he wanted to?
If you have nieces or nephews… you can cheat that system lol.
“Adopt”/“claim custody” of em temporarily on a weekend here and there (hopefully they do the same for you and give you breaks too). It’s kind of like having another child in a way. Pros… you can give em back lol
Are you guys religious or spiritual? I had the same issue with my husband. I asked him to pray about it . H did in a temple and then felt it was something he would be comfortable doing. We went on to have 2 more children. The way I see iit is if its meant to be then it will happen. When he’s ready. Give it time. If you’re not religious or spiritual then he knows how you feel so just tell him to not shoot it down right away. And if he changes to let you know. Definately don’t do it without his consent. He could resent you for it. In some cases the child could be resented as well.
I was in your situation, my partner knew from the get go i was having 5 and after we had 2 he wanted no more so I was prepared to leave him as my dream is 5 and long story short we just had our 3rd and have 1 more on the cards as its his 3rd but my 4th
Why is everyone saying if the husband doesnt want a other she has to live with it?? Since when only one person in a marriage get to decide of they want more? No, she does not have to have her feelings shut down.
honestly I think you should discuss this with your husband. Really no one can give you the best advice because no one is living in your marriage. This really should have been agreed upon before getting married. I feel for you because this could cause such resistance from either one of you.
I wanted 4. My husband wanted only the 3 we had. We now have 5.
The resentment will live on in the one who’s needs are not met. Whether it would be to have that 4th child or not.
Does he NEED a reason to not have another?! Why does she NEED 4 kids?
What about what those 3 kids they already have together? And what they want?
I always wanted a 4th but hubby didn’t still to this day I feel something missing
Maybe just wait a little longer until he’s ready as well.
Why is 4 the magic number?? Out of curiosity? Why 4 specifically??? (NOT BEING RUDE! ) I’ve never understood what the frame of thinking is from people who set out saying “I want 3,4, or 5”
I have 4. Honestly 3 is so much easier. If they don’t want more then you’re just going to have to accept that. I understand why you’re upset but honestly, unless you leave them and go to someone else, you’ll probably only have 3.
Stop daydreaming and be grateful for the four kids you have. If he’s a good man and everything is perfect except for this, you need to see what you have instead of complaining. Some dreams aren’t meant to come true.
Be careful what you wish for! I had one and wanted one more…and had twins. Now, I have 3 that I’m basically raising on my own because their father decided it was too hard and walked out.
I’ve been there, husband wanted 3 and I wanted 4. I think it’s hard for a woman to say she’s done having kids. When we had our fourth I knew I was done but when we had 3 I knew in myself that I was still wanting another. We had lots of conversations and my need for another outweighed his need not to. Find out where on a scale of 1-10 you both are with your want for another child. I know I couldn’t say I was finished but now I can. I didn’t want to regret it. Good luck and I hope u support each other in your decision
That must be very difficult, could you possibly settle with 3 and try to think to yourself that you have 3 healthy wonderful babies I understand its your dream but I’d personally understand more if you had none and he didn’t want any but I’m. Sure your 3 are wonderful
I’m trying to find out why all of these women are telling this woman that her dream isn’t important. It is, and if he knew this from the beginning he’s the one being selfish. Don’t give up on what you want.
I felt crushed when my husband discussed being done before I was ready. But given some time he came around. We’re pregnant with #4 (by accident but he quickly became excited). I would just let it go for a bit, don’t push the subject too much at a time or he’ll completely shut down.
I don’t understand why so many are getting mad at her and saying she is treating him awful and acting like she’s ungrateful and even forcing him into it. She clearly said she is taking his feelings into account and seems let down but ok to have to settle with 3.
I feel everything happens for a reason. If it’s meant to happen it will and vice versa. I know so many people personally that never wanted any more and ended up grateful after having a 3rd, 4th, and even a 5th!
Really? It’s all about the number for you? Just your 3 offspring and you’re miserable? I knew of a family who had 5. Mom stayed home, homeschooled all the kids , dad worked the usual life. Dad, who wasn’t home a lot. Wanted one more.mom was happy with the family as it was. Dad talked her into it. They had sixth child. Downs. (Mom was in mid to late 30,s at this point )Then leukemia . Dads still not around much. Cany say that I myself wouldn’t resent him a bit…takes a STRONG foundation to get through that.
I would never force someone into something they didn’t want. I have one child and never wanted another one. I talked to people prior to dating to make sure they shared my same views because I didn’t want it to be a surprise later on when they find out I don’t want more kids, one is plenty for me. So you need to communicate it to him but he seems like he is stuck on not having another, and I’d never give up a husband and father to my kids just to have an additional child.
I would be thankful you have 3! We wanted 3 kids, i have 2 alive and 1 in heaven. I had a miscarriage. Then @ 27 yrs old I had to have a hysterectomy. My daughter was 2 and my son was 4.
My dream since I was a little girl was to be a mom and have 3 kids. Being pregnant is one of my favorite things. It’s been set in my heart for years that I would have 3, however, after two difficult deliveries and ICU stays, my husband only wants us to have two. After many conversations and many many more tears on my end, we’ve come to the agreement that we will only have two (keeping in mind that if we do get pregnant then it was meant to be and we will be happy). I’m thankful for the two I have. I’m thankful for my health. I’m thankful my children are healthy. Those are things that not every person or family has and is not something to take for granted. In trying to hold onto my dream, I lost sight of that and needed to be reminded of it. I am blessed and have the children I’m meant to have even if it’s not the number I dreamed of.
You got 3 out of 4, that’s not bad. It’s not like you had to give up having kids at all at least. If he really doesn’t want another child, which is valid, then maybe just focus on the 3 you do have & be grateful for them.
if you think you can afford to spend for an additional child , then do so! it could be that the husband is the only breadwinner that is why he is hesitant to have another one! please do take into consideration that it is never easy to make a living! even rich people are avoiding to have lots of kids!
easy to have a child but it is a lot harder to care and support for all their needs!
think about it!!!
It’s a hard situation. Either way someone is going to give in to the other. But you don’t want resentment in the relationship. I would say give it some time. Maybe he’ll come around, but if he doesn’t that’s ok. If it was the other way around you wouldn’t want to be talked into another pregnancy when you didn’t want to.
Almost the same to us. We have at home wonderful 3 girls. Middle of them is adopted. But we have one more child in our hearts-our oldest child, our son, who died soon after birth. I really love all our girls, but so want 2 more sons, my husband doesn’t want child anymore. Atleast in nearest 5-10 years. Will see, what will happen after that time. I don’t force him. It’s hurt, but I understand him and actually start really enjoy this time, when our girls are little older and we can go on dates often than before some time. Feel agan as pair, not just parents. Our princesses are 4y, 3y and 2y old.
If my husband told me he wanted another and I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having another one. I think always if someone doesn’t want more kids, then you have your answer. A child isn’t something you can make someone “get use to”
We’ve settled for 2 girls but ended up with 4 cats , i would never change my house hold of 2 children and 4 furr babies to feed ,
On the serious note thou, I would respect his wishes, till he changes his mind. If he don’t change his mind, I’ll settle for the 3 and if u really want to keep that nurturing role, maybe try a pet, honestly, I’m so happy with the 4 cats but I’m now banned by him getting more cats. 4 cats is, plenty. Of course I’ll always have the need to care for more, but I’m focusing on the two we got and 4 adorable furr babies.
It is rare that a couple completely agrees on how many children to have. Even if they have discussed it before they get married. Sometimes the reality of how many children they end up having and what it cost to have them and raise them changes their mind about how many children they want. Face should think and pray about it and talk to each other. I wanted another child my ex husband did not and so we didn’t have another child. If both people are not in agreement they should not bring another child into the marriage.
It’s so hard to have alot of children these days. Financially, mentality and emotionally things are different from back in the day. 3 kids is alot to deal with. I too would have more children if I could but I know that would not be good for our whole family. The older kids get the more they need also and it’s alot more work even just one more than 3.
Same situation. I have 2 boys and I have been wanting to have a 3rd baby coz I am still hoping for a baby girl. But my husband doesnt want another one anymore. He said that 2 for him is more than enough. He’s contented with our 2 boys. And I think having another child needs to be agreed on together. So I let go the idea of having 3 babies since I am the only one who wants it in the first place.
A friend of my daughter’s is married to a man that lied to her about wanting to have children because he wanted to marry her so bad. When she started talking about having a baby he fessed up. She forgave him and decided not to have any. She loves kids and would have been a great mom. I feel bad for her.
If you have 3 healthy, happy kids consider yourself lucky and don’t dwell on a 4th. Believe in these crazy times 3 is definitely enough !!!
We were in the same boat and had baby boy #4 in July. I’m so glad I was able to talk him into it! Our family has so much balance now’
I just have to say to the ones upset about the number of kids that some people want more kids than what people claim is socially acceptable like for instance my husband and I have 9 all together ranging from 4 months up to 15 and we handle it just fine as for the girl who asked the question you both have to be on board with either decision or there will resentment
I’m honestly shocked by some of these comments. Honey, if you want more kids, sit down and talk with your husband and explain to him why you want more kids and how much it means to you. I don’t care how many kids you have, if you want more and can afford to take care of them, that should be up to you and him.
I always said I wanted 2 but only have the 1, my husband has 2 grown boys ages in the early 20’s from previous relationship and he refuses to have another, I wanted a sibling for my little girl who’s nearly 8 now and after heartbreaking discussions, arguements over the past 6 years, and repeated no, I’ve finally given up , as much as I would love another, I’m 38 now and mentally can’t keep dwelling on it and also my husband feels 3 is enough for him and I can’t force him… so for my own sanity, I let it go! Decided to focus on a new career and spend all my time as much as I can making sure my only child has the best life and memories x
So simply saying, enjoy the 3 you have and make their lives one to remember… your closer to being able to have more time for yourself and another baby is added pressure that I don’t think your husband wants anymore. Look at what you have and be extra greatful.
I don’t understand why most people are telling her to accept what her husband wants??? Why is what he wants more important than what she wants? I’m just confused…
Just wondering why you want a 4th so badly…?
You already have 3 precious gifts! Be grateful for the time you have with them and respect hubby’s wishes of NO MORE.
You never want to force anyone in to conceiving a child!
We were in the same position… we settled on 3 as I didn’t want to unfairly burden him … he got the snip as in the case of we were not together anymore… death or divorce I would probably have another with a new partner he was done though… do what works for you both!!
Well frankly talk and share . maybe come to agree of let nature decide. Pregnancy happens even when being careful.
Please keep in mind some can’t have any. Look around at what you have and everyday say 3 things you are thankful for.
It sounds like you expressed you wanted four kids before you guys married. It’s horrible that’d he go back on something like that. It’s not ok and you’re not wrong for continually bringing it up and feeling bad about it. Maybe revisit the subject in a year. OR have your fourth child with your next husband. Put yourself first. You may never stop thinking about the child you never had.
If you need to borrow my husband we just had a baby a month ago and he is already wanting anoughter… I am done lol. I now have 4. 1 boat and 3 girls. I wouldn’t push the issue but talk to him about it. I dont want anymore at this time bacuase I mentally cant handle it, it’s a struggle. Maybe he has a reason for not wanting more.
I wanted more children but after our second was born my husband decided the kid thing wasnt for him. It is still upsetting once in while for me.
Give it time & see how things go. I wanted 3 & my husband wanted 2. After awhile I was fine with our 2 & he started talking about having a 3rd… and now we have 4. Saying “okay” to an exact amount of kids before having kids is a lot different than saying yes/no to another when you have kids.
Don’t manipulate or force him into it if he doesn’t want another. Talk about it without forcing your feelings on him. Why doesn’t he want more? Is it more of wanting to wait or is he done-done? You can talk to a doctor about tubal ligation with it being reversible. Be sure you make it clear you would like possibility of reversing. Same with your SO getting a vasectomy.
Women with 4+ kids are less stressed than Women with 3 i think its bc they don’t care about petty crap anymore
I’m not saying your dream isn’t valid , but seems like y’all both kinda wanted diff things and still chose to be together so seems compromise is the best here
Will you be able to afford another vehicle (your going to need a bigger car that fits at least 6 people), and all the other costs with bringing another child up?
Think about the money you can spend on family holidays and experiences that you won’t get to do with 4 kids.
I always wanted 3… My ex never wanted any. We had 1 daughter. Now with my second partner and pregnant with our 2nd and last together to make my 3 he only ever wanted 2 kids and its his 6th… So really depends on the man I guess
Absolutely do NOT have another child if he doesn’t want one. It will certainly ruin your relationship
With the way life is right now, the unemployment rate, the cost of college, be greatful you have 3 and respect his feelings.
i think you should enjoy your 3 and be happy he agreed to that many. having a 4th kid without him wanting it isnt worth him being unhappy. you just have to grieve the thought of that 4th child. his mental health may not be able to handle 4 kids.
Omg why would u want more kids this world is really messed up all these kidnapping, child traffickers child molesters people r so mean the schools r messed up im so glad my kids are all grown n i even tell them dont have any kids
You can either settle and respect his wishes, or make a choice that you deem fit, aka move on to someone else. Either way both sides of the coin have their consequences.
I think it’s better to have an even number of kids
I wanted 6 my husband wanted 2, we had 4. Not quite what I wanted but we compromised. Now I have almost 9 grand babies so I am happy!!!
My husband wanted to be done and I wanted 1 more. I was on birth control and ended up pregnant with baby number 4. I am currently 13 weeks.
There are 250,000 kids waiting to be adopted. The end.
If you have a 4th he will silently resent you and your relationship will definitely suffer.
If you told him from the beginning that you want 4 children, I would say have the 4th.
Wow this comment section is full of terrible advice. “Be grateful that he allowed you to have three”?! Really?
Why don’t you guys table it for a year and re-visit it, agreeing to have open minds?
When you told him at the beginning of your relationship that you wanted 4 kids, what did he say?
It’s about discussing the pros an cons and coming to an understanding.
He will resent you if you push him into having more children. If he’s clearly stated he doesn’t want anymore. You’ll have to accept it or leave him.
He loves three ,he will love four.
I’m 100% in your shoes right now…I struggle with it daily …I legit feel a huge void…It doesn’t help that we were pregnant with our 4th and I had a misscarraige at 5 weeks… I think he was relieved… I too have had everybody tell me be blessed and happy for the three kids that I do have… I ask myself, Why would God put this in my heart though, I don’t feel like I’m being selfish, why does it keep eating away at me!?..I have even prayed for peace, acceptance, and closure if this isn’t in Gods master plan for my family…it has been a very emotional journey…I have always wanted a large family because I didn’t have much of a Family growing up… When husband and I were dating we were good with four kids…He tells me His reason against another is that he’s getting old (he’s 38) and he is concerned about his retirement years, doesn’t want a kid locking him down if he wants to retire early, and doesn’t want to be the “old parent” at his kids graduation…I’m not happy with his reasons, but I have to respect it…It’s beyond fustrating, but on the other hand We’ve been together 18 years and I’m not going to ruin my marraige over it…
You should really be talking to him cause it is all about you and him. But i wish you luck
These are conversations you have before getting married.