I was cheated on in my past: How can I move on and trust my current boyfriend?

I need help… in my past, I’ve been cheated on. I was cheated on by my daughter’s dad, which really hurt and made me insecure and makes me a snoopy and nosey person… I hate it… I check my boyfriend’s phone sometimes he’s never done anything to betray my trust, but I’m so scared of getting hurt again… with my ex, the cheating was out of nowhere everything was going good for us… then bam he cheats I’m just scared it will happen again it sucks… I don’t want to feel this way; I want to be able just to trust him and not snoop on his phone… I really hate snooping, but my brain makes me want to do it any advice on how to just let my heart go all to him without being scared that he might be doing something…I need help… in my past I’ve been cheated on. I was cheated on by my daughter’s dad, who really hurt and made me insecure and makes me a snoopy and nosey person… I hate it… I check my boyfriend’s phone sometimes he’s never done anything to betray my trust, but I’m so scared of getting hurt again… with my ex, the cheating was out of nowhere everything was going good for us… then bam he cheats I’m just scared it will happen again it sucks… I don’t want to feel this way; I want to be able just to trust him and not snoop on his phone… I really hate snooping, but my brain makes me want to do it any advice on how to just let my heart go all to him without being scared that he might be doing something…

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See a counselor. You’re dealing with some trauma that you need to handle.
Does your boyfriend know you do this? This definitely sounds like a situation that you should have handled prior to getting into a new relationship, but since you didn’t it’s important to let the new boyfriend know what’s going on.

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Honestly therapy is the only way I got through it you need to know your self worth again love yourself to truely trust someone else again to get close to you

Your reactions are common and will take time and effort to change, if you want to truly change them. Have you thought about therapy? It will help, there is nothing wrong with seeking help to move past the trauma you endured. You are already on the right path to moving on by being aware of your behaviors

Girl, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’d have a sit down with current boyfriend and just make him aware that you’ve been cheated on and your concerns, if you have any. Open communication is key. Make him aware that you’re still healing. Try to put your trust back in yourself and your new boyfriend. Constantly checking up on him looks like you have no trust in him which can cause a break up but that’s just my view. Just talk to him and tell him what’s going through your head. Try to learn from your past and forgive so you can move on to better things. Best of luck mama! :purple_heart:

Does he know you were cheated on in the past? Hopefully he will cut you some slack. I know what your feeling

Communicate to him how you feel let him know about the past if he doesn’t already know its hard to trust people after something like that I know because it happened to me the man I’m with now if so sweet and caring and I at the beginning of our relationship sat him down and let him know about my past so everything was out and open told him it would be hard for me to trust easily and we have been together for 5 and 1/2 years he reassures me everyday that I’m the only one he wants and he would never hurt me

Doesnt sound like you are ready to handle a relationship. You need time to heal. Let him go.

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Following. Great question which many can relate!!!

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Counselling and/or therapy is really helpful! Even couples counselling just so you both have a good understanding of your feelings so you can both work together

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Open communication and being honest with your boyfriend is the best…yes i agree therapy will help you hun

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Bam and go to seek a doctor, you need help and nobody on here is a counselor or doctor.

I do the same as I have abandonment issues from being left with zero word or warning

My ex husband cheated on me for over 15 yrs. I was dumb and trusting. After my divorce I spent 4 years single and working on myself. I met my husband almost 4 years ago. We’ve been married a year. He is not my ex.

Your boyfriend isn’t YOUR ex. You will lose him if you continue snooping. He’s not the issue. You are. Get help

You should talk to him about how your feeling, communicating is key seriously. Don’t be crazy about it though just think before you speak.

You don’t know a good man from
A bad man that sad

I got through mine with time

Let me just say… He is NOT your ex. Trust him or let him go, you need to work on you and your feelings.

You have to let the past go. Otherwise it will ruin any future you have with your current boyfriend.

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It takes time. But usually a woman will know the signs the next time. Eyes and ears open. At least in my experience I did. Don’t invade his phone though. Do talk to him though about your past experience. IF he is going to cheat though he doesn’t need to use his phone. We didn’t have cell phones when my husband did.

I know how it is. the father of my older daughter cheated on me, while I was pregnant with her. He lied saying she’s just a friend and so one. be young and stupid, kept forgiving him. ha also emotionally and mentally abused me. It wasn’t untill 3 months after i had our daughter, that I left and didn’t look back. (I left a few times before, but was on puppy love, I went back.) Yea it hurt, but I’d rather hurt a few days then a few more years. When I got with my Soon-to-be hubby, he knew what I went threw, the pain I felt, I’m insecurity. He saw some of it while I was with my ex. (He’s my Ex’s bro/best friend. I won’t tell unless asked) He understood that it’ll take some time, but I came around. We hard our hard times, he left with our younger daughter for three months, and realized he was stupid for leaving me. I hurt a lot from those three months, especially seeing my daughter crying over her father’s shoulder teaching for me as the dad walked away. That tore me. And just remembering throws me into a depression, but he reassures me that he’ll never make that mistake again and holds me tight.

Talk to him about it.

You’re not ready for a relationship, go to therapy.

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What helped me is talking about it. It sounds like you are holding it in which intensifies the feelings.

trust goes both ways…you really don’t completely trust him, Remember he’s not you ex, He is with you now & if you don’t stop , he will leave you because of this !! Talk to him & explain everything & also find a therapist to talk to :slight_smile:

Until you’ve worked through trauma from your previous relationship you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Why? You’re proof. You’ve taken baggage from your previous relationship into this one and it’s going to not go well. Get some counseling for yourself.

You are not yet ready for another relationship. You need more time for some healing…

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Seek help…see a therapist and figure out all ur thoughts and feelings. also remember, your current guy is NOT your ex. If u dont seek help for yourself, you may sabotage your relationship with a good guy because u couldn’t leave the past behind you.

If you feel this way so strongly are you sure you are ready for another relationship, it could eventually cause issues if your new guy feels you are insecure and you go through his phone.
Being in a relationship is taking a chance no matter what. And maybe getting some help for yourself would be a good idea.

I am so VERY VERY sorry for you to go through such horrible things that cause such distrust. I can TOTALLY empathize with you on that, for I have been a cheater and have also been cheated on. It is extremely easy to move on from relationship problems though. I’ve been their many times. However, since I moved in with my stepmom (the perfect Christian lady who could do NO harm) my world got turned UPSIDE down. And I completely have NO trust in ANYBODY. I am sure this just elates her with ecstacy, though, because she is that kind of crooked! She has wonderful outwardly appearances and a following of friends, but after living with her I know she is a fake and a hater! And I know that is why she is ALL smiles to have crushed another’s soul, especially one she hates. But me being the sweet happy soul that I am can forgive her, because I’m great like that! And one day (out from under her evil realm) I will have more than she ever wished for, which is genuine happiness and love!!! And I will find me a match to enjoy that love with!!!

Snooping is not being very trustworthy either. Talk him and seek counseling for yourself.

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We all get hurt, but real love accepts that another person can hurt you and reaches out anyway. It isnt fair to your man to carry the baggage someone else gave you, besides, how can you love someone and constantly think bad thoughts about their character?

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Love yourself first, if you take him back then tell him if he does it again, your leave him. Tell him that you don’t have time to go through that crap again and life is to short to be unhappy and if he wants to play the field, to not be with you and waste your time. And as far as the trust issues, you are going to have to let it go. If you can’t then don’t set yourself up to go through that again with him. If he’s your boyfriend then trust him if you can’t, then y’all should be friends. There is no excuse for cheating, but ask him why did he do it. So you can get some closure.

First- you have to realize that it’s not your fault.
Second- he’s someone else completely different from your ex.
Third- trust and love come hand in hand. If you can’t trust someone then why are you loving them?
Fourth- before you get into any other relationship, please make sure you are healed from your previous one. You shouldn’t be accusing the new bf/gf like the old one. It’s just not fair for them.

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Until you deal with your issues,you will never have a healthy Relationship.

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If you haven’t found anything then all’s good he’s not ur ex so don’t treat him like he is.

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The only way to have a solid relationship is to get through your issues and get over that fact because if you don’t then you will never give yourself completely to the new relationship. You as you describe it now are still hung up on the fact that your daughters dad hurt you. But not everyone is the same. I’ve been cheated on and my husband way worse than my experience was cheated on and him and I had let go of what we can’t control in our past and look forward to the future together. The more you think about it the more you feed it and then the crazier you seem to feel and get. Don’t go into a new relationship automatically thinking well I know he’s going to do it to like it was done before. It’s not always the case. Go slow and just take your time and explain that to him and if he understands that and supports you then he won’t be like your past but if he freaks out and starts an argument then well the relationship won’t seem to last long. The number one thing that couples cannot stand is being compared to an ex and that goes both ways. My husband and I have been together for 10 years (9 years married) it takes a lot of work on both ends and we have had many ups and downs but one thing is for sure that if both work on a relationship together then you can grow into some amazing times there’s always going to be bad times but the good times outweighs the bad and if not then the relationship should be re-evaluated. Don’t pin him up with the rest world take his hand and you both go up against the world together.

My ex husband cheated on me the last couple of years of our marriage, has married the mistress, and they’ve had a baby… My advice would be to be upfront and honest with your boyfriend about your concerns and insecurities. If he cares about you and your relationship, he will calm your fears and be reassuring. My current boyfriend knows what I went through with my ex, as I know what he did with his. I think y’all need to have an open, heart to heart. It may be uncomfortable, especially in the beginning of the conversation…but it’s totally worth it in the long run.