I am need major advice…i work a job from 9 to 5 and my husband stays home with the kids because i make more than him and it works for us…but…i am tired of coming home to a wrecked house…like its disgusting…i get off work at 5, go to the grvoery store to grab stuff for dinner, come home…cook clean and get our kids ready for bed…i have talked to him numerous times and he just doesnt care…his mom literally told him its a womans job to do the house work so he is stuck in that mind set and i honestly dont know what to do anymore…i cant go on like this anymore…im basically a single mom and at this point i feel like i should be…
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I work all day and my husband does nothing in the house: Advice?
If he’s gonna take a woman’s place in the household, he should be doing the cleaning if that’s his mind set. I’d let him know you’re the man of the house and he’s the stay at home mom. His gender roles don’t apply because he isn’t doing “his part”
I personally hate this for anyone. Gender roles are stupid.
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Well people who believe that housework is a woman’s job also usually believes it’s a man’s job to provide(I don’t agree with these views,just stating that). So if the roles are reversed,he needs to step it up! I always say if you doing everything alone, might as well be alone
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tell him since he dont work outside the home and you do then he needs to step up and work inside the home and do some frickin chores
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My ex was like that. Things were different then, if that happened today…I would be single.
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I’m assuming he has access to your money, so take it away. Tell him you’re going to be handling all finances and if he needs cash he’s got to ask for it and explain why he needs it. Tell him you’re going to have to hire a maid to clean up since he can’t do it and it’s going to cut into his free spending abilities.
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Well if that’s his mindset it’s a man’s job to provide. So tell him to go get a job to pay for daycare.
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It’s also a man’s job to provide for the family but this isn’t the 1900s anymore. He needs to help
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Did his mama tell him it’s a man’s job to support the fam? Cause he sure ain’t doing that. Since we are doing gender roles
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Tell that motherfucker to get off his ass and do something because you can do all this by your damn self 
Please do not call yourself a single mum. You have no idea how hard that is.
While your partner might not clean, he is still preparing meals, providing care for your children and doing sooooo much more thqn you’ll ever know. Or appreciate.
Yeah, maybe he could clean up. But still. Dont you dare put yourself in a single mothers position again. Its an insult to real single mothers
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Maybe he’s depressed because you are the one providing when he feels like he should be the one providing. People tend to forget that men goes through mental health illness as well. I would talk to him and see what’s going on and also see what things he can clean while you’re working. For example you and him can work on meals to meal prep for the week so all he would have to do is put it in the oven. He’s a stay at home dad so being at home with the kids all day can be overwhelming for him too.
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Tell him that it’s a man’s job to provide
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Did his mom also tell him about a man role ? I guess not. You need to put your foot down hun.
Lol so I mean the woman’s job to take care of the house. What’s HIS job since he’s the MAN. I despise backwoods mentality this isn’t the 50s
Make him work. Put the kids on daycare.
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His mom told him it’s a woman’s job 2clean the house?did she tell him it’s a man’s duty 2work? Did she not teach him responsibility?damn that mom n son needs their brains 2be cleaned. Doesn’t he need 2eat,shower,clean clothes?well my girl get up, smell the coffee. He must go 2work, also helps in the houses. If mother dear has a problem, tell her 2keep her son. 4 awhile. Let’s see how she copes
Well then set and example don’t clea at all dontcook at all just go and get you and th kids something to eat. It takes 2 people nit jut 1
Well your enabling the behavior by putting up with it so why are you complaining?
YeP. Put the kids in day care and have him get an out of the house job. And tell your MIL to mind her own business.
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He probably doesn’t like staying at home with the kids maybe talk to him about it not that he doesn’t love his kids I don’t mean it that way but he should clean up the house
If that’s the case that it’s a woman’s job to do the housework then it’s a man’s job to bring home the bacon . He needs to get a full time job and a second job so he can pay the bills and you stay home and clean. You are going to have to put your foot down. He can’t have it both ways
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At least you don’t have to pay for child care and if that child care falls through and they’re already paid you have to pay another to taker there place
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His mom’s not helping
She sounds old-fashioned that’s not the way it is today
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Stick in there until your babies turn 13
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If this was a post saying “I am a man & work all day and my wife is home with the kids and when i get home I still have to cook and clean” the comments would be very different…
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If that’s his mind set infirm him he is in the woman’s job position and that he needs to start doing his womanly duties bc you’re doing the “man’s job” and providing for him an your children. Also take is ability to access your funds and tell him he’s only getting an allowance. Once you strip his mindset away and show him that he’s in the very position that he thinks only a woman should do then his tune should change. Or hire a maid service an only give him an allowance a small one. An id tell him if he can’t do his part then he can go be a mamas boy at his mommy’s house and see how she likes living with the very adult version of her son after awhile.
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Everyone needs to stop giving trash advice. Have a legitimate conversation with him. Ask him why he doesn’t do those things and find out what the real problem is. If he wants to return to the work force find child care and work together. Your suppose to be a team and figure things out together. Don’t just assume and jump down his throat without figuring out the real issue
Why do women marry men who don’t cook or clean? Does he at least cut the grass and fix up the broken stuff at the house and do the car maintenance? Liking someone’s personality isn’t enough for me… what do you do to equal what I bring to the table?
If he stays at home and does what with the kids? You have to clean and cook for them not just make sure they don’t get hurt… and dinner is best before 6pm so you can digest better so dinner should be on the table when you get home… you clean the house so the kids can run around and not fall… plus you parent by helping the kids clean up each activity after they finish with it and then move on to the next activity… I’m so lost on how he thinks… uhh yall need to ask a therapist to explain it to him that he is not a fit parent…
He may have to go back to work, staying home is not for everyone. It hard n not everyone can deal with it. Daycare n maybe a house cleaner once a week. MIL needs to stay out of it.
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How old are the kids and how many are there? Because as a SAHM I can tell you that the house can be clean at 10am and trashed by Noon… I mean he’s obviously not making a huge mess all through the house, so do you expect him to stop the children from playing so your house stays the way you left it the night before?
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If his mom taught him a woman’s job is the house work then I’m sure she taught him it’s a man’s job to work and provide which he is not doing so the roles have reversed. Tell him to grow up and stop being lazy.
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If that’s the case and his mommy told him it’s a woman’s job to cook and clean and that’s what he’s going to follow, send him home to go live with his momma
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I would say have another conversation with your husband and lay it all out there for him. If he is home with the kids all day, I’ll be honest… I was a stay at home mom for 4 years before I became a single mom. And it was hard sometimes to clean the house and make it all tidy while taking care of my daughter and that is just one kid. Imagine having multiple kids at home all day. I understand your frustration, but if he is home taking care of your children while you work try to see it from his side too. Again, you need to have a conversation with your husband. We don’t know the full details and the whole dynamics of your relationship. But please don’t say you are basically a single mom because you aren’t. Learn to communicate with your husband. Again we don’t know the full situation. But if you say that you feel like you should be a single mom you need to look at your whole marriage. If you haven’t been a stay at home mom with kids you will be surprised at how hard and challenging that can be.
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He needs to step up or step out. If you’ve discussed this numerous times and he’s not listening take action. Get your babies in daycare and get him a job! SAHD just isn’t working for you 
hope you find a resolution. You must be knackered.
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If you’re doing it by yourself, be by yourself 
If you can’t change the man, change the man.
Read that last one again.
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Then your dude needs to go get a job(s) to make up for his lack in income. Otherwise, he can do his “wifely” duties. I don’t play this game. Get up or get out!!!
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What kind of mother is that? He is not a man, he needs to grow- up. You are a wonderful mother, wife and person. Get rid of him. I feel bad for the children because they need mom and dad but dad is not been a dad or a husband.
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I say leave him. Tell him to pack his shit and get out. Unless using him as a free babysitter is enough to keep dealing with the b.s
Leave. His. Ass. You’re doing it alone already might as well get rid of the useless thing🤷🏻♀️
He should be taking care of the kids and cleaning the house. But once both of yiu are home . You both should share the responsibility equally.
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Drop him. Wtf. WHY do women subject themselves to this. You and your children deserve more.
He deserves his mom. 
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Send him back to his mom
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Yuck, sounds like a man child.
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Tell him to go live with mom then
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Tell him it’s time he goes back to work and works as much overtime as needed to make what you would working, mindset might change then.
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Right you are. Send the spoiled brat back to his mommy.
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Nope. Be a single mother. You’re better off. Tell him to go back to work and hire a babysitter who will keep your house together on top of watching the kids. Or put them in daycare and he can use his salary to pay for it
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Does he even take them anywhere outside of the house or does he plop them in front of the tv? Pathetic
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I would give him a SERIOUS ultimatum. Change or be gone. He can care for them at his moms house while you come home to your house clean. His mom can clean up after him and the kids!!
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If he’s “stuck in the mindset of that’s a womans job” I’d have to remind him, that he should also be stuck in the mindset of “the man should be bringing home the bacon”. He can’t have it both ways. Tell him that he can go get a job to pay for a housekeeper and daycare, or he can get up and do it himself while you are at work. If he doesn’t like those options, tell him to go live with his mommy and let her clean up after him.
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If he stays home what does he do……does he even take care of the kids? I was stay at home mom and your job is take care of house and kids……
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Well if you can afford a babysitter just pay a babysitter and your house would be clean all day when y’all come home get him out
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He has 3 choices
Tell him he needs to get a job to support you all and you’ll stay home , he gets off his lazy ass and keeps house or you and the kids leave and live alone
Tell him it’s the man’s job to bring home the income to support his family. That crap goes both ways. If you’re doing “his part” he needs to be doing “yours”.
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Tell him to go get a job that’s financially suitable for him to pay all the bills OR tell him to start cleaning and be the good little housewife his mother raised and clean the fuck up, you sound like a single mother already.
If he’s stuck in the mindset of a woman does housework then it should be the whole mindset. A woman does housework and the man brings home the bacon that simple. If you bring home more bacon he needs to clean. If he lived alone would he just wait for a girl to clean ?
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Take action; your done talking… Sadly, we teach people how to treat us. His mindset won’t change. So you stay home with the kids and do “woman’s work” and he goes out to get a career that provides for you all. His behavior is very disrespectful to you…and your children are watching!!
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Let him go stay with her. Drop the kids off before work, pick them up and go home. Easy
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16 yrs of this. They don’t change
I’m a stay at home mom homeschooling 2 kids. And I do the cooking, cleaning and everything else that needs done. The house does get wrecked, but 30minutes before dad gets home the kids do a run through and tidy up youngest is 2. It’s not his fault alone. If he wants to stay at home he needs to be the home maker and an actual father that teaches his kids how to pull their weight. Why does his mom have a say anyway?
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Doesn’t his mother think he should be working
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Don’t cook and clean and do the housework. You’re only reinforcing what his mom told him….that it’s your job not his.
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If he’s home it’s definitely his responsibility
His mom needs to mined her own business
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My now ex-husband(yes, I left him because of it)used to do that crap. we were married for 15 years and he did it the entire time. finally I stopped cooking for him, cleaning for him, doing his laundry. I would not buy him groceries, I would not buy his necessities like shampoo conditioner, none of it. I changed all the passwords to the Netflix, everything so he could not use any of it. I wouldn’t give him money for his chew or his doctors appointments, nothing.
He still continued to do it so I left and took our daughter. We moved into my parents house and I stopped paying the rent and all the utilities as well.
He used to put our daughter on her tablet or her tv in her room and spend all day/night in his video games.
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He wants a woman to take care of him send him to his mommy’s house and they can be in that mind set together. It’s 2022 now that is not only the woman’s “duty”
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If you have sons he is setting up future wives with the same thing you are dealing with
Ohhh nooo mama I’m sorry but this is exactly why I live alone with my kids and I no longer have a husband draining my energy!
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Send his ass back to his mamas since she’s the brilliant one so sick of these mothers and their F— sons
Kick his lazy ass out 
might as well be single. I hate when people instill that into their Children. If it’s a woman’s job then is the mans job to work his ass off then 
but they don’t teach the whole thing
I’d tell him to get this act together or I’m filing for divorce. If he’s not contributing to anything, cut the dead weight loose
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Tell him to get a job and quit yours then.
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You’re doing it all by yourself now so send him packing…he’s either your partner in this life or he isn’t.
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This isn’t the 50s. If you work and he stays home, then he does the duties of a stay at home parent since you are working. Yes share responsibilities but do not be a doormat. You deserve better.
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No way! Kik this loose out back to his mama!He is abusing you… You’re not his mother!
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Pack his bags and send him to his mom’s house then. She can look after him.
You deserve a man not a little boy
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Girl, LEAVE. I’ve dealt with this for 12 years… if he wanted to change, he would. I cook, clean, take care of the kids, the animals.
All he does is work, which I appreciate greatly, but so do I. I didn’t make these kids on my own, and neither did you. He should be helping you.
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I guess his mom should come do his work then…
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Tell him to shape up or ship out. He either gets off his dead butt and takes care of the house or he moves back in with mommy who thinks it’s the woman’s job. If you have to do it all yourself, get rid of the dead weight.
Tell him to get a job and hire a sitter. Even if you spend every penny that he makes on the sitter, if he/she keeps the house clean, you win!
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Tell his mum to come round and do it then. Since she’s a woman
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Make him work🤷🏽♀️. Set your boundaries. His mother can respectfully take him to her house & take care of him since she raised a free loader
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If his mama says that" it’s a woman’s job" maybe he should get out a job because “that’s a man’s place to take care of the family”
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Leave him. Become a single mom be eaiser and less stressful in the end to not have to take care of a grown man
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If Mom in law wants to say it’s a woman’s job to clean/cook, I’d say well then it’s a man’s job to go to work and provide for the family. Ya can’t have both. Both people need to contribute
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If you’ve communicated numerous times and he is not making any attempt, and you are at your max I would consider a separation. You are already doing it all on your own, it might be a huge weight lifted to make the next move. No one here can tell you what to do, I’m always a believer with going with your gut. Life is too short to spend it unhappy, frustrated and unheard. I’m sorry you are in this position.
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If your husband is home all day and is not caring for the day to day needs of running the house then that’s a problem. Embarrassing really, sounds more like he’s just one of the kids waiting for mom to get home.
If you’re going to have to act like a single mom you may as well be a single mom and find some happiness for yourself.
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Don’t go home get you a hotel room for a few days and teach him a lesson or call his mom since it’s a women’s job and have her come and do it
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Hire a male housekeeper🤣 see how he feels about that
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I would make his mom babysit for free while he works his ass off to pay the bills. Otherwise tell his mom she can have her giant baby back
I need to know how many kids and their ages and what else is going on lol.
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Seems that he’s stuck in his ways and not gonna do it. To me you have two options: 1.) Leave. 2.) Hire a housekeeper… I don’t want to bash my hubby or anything but we used to have so many fights over cleaning and me feeling like I do everything so I hired a housekeeper that comes every 2 weeks… Best $$$ I’ve ever spent and almost lol eliminated all stress/fighting about it.
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Kick him out…if he wants to b stay at home dad then do the work or leave
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If it’s a woman’s job to handle the house then it’s his job to provide for his family but I bet his mama isn’t ready for that conversation.
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I would just get rid. He doesn’t respect you, what you do or your home .
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It might be time to actually be a single parent then
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Well you know it’s also a man’s job to bring in the money and to be the breadwinner but it looks like he’s failing at that so maybe he should put an apron on and get to picking up a vacuum…
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