I'd like to get some advice on a situation me and my husband are dealing with

To sum it up before me and my husband knew each other he had a daughter, my husband didn’t know about the daughter until dcs took the child from the mother, my husband was in and out of trouble and the mothers aunt wanted to adopt her to keep her out of foster care my husband decided that was his only option he was young and couldn’t take care of himself and didn’t know how he was going to take care of her so he agreed and signed his rights over. We have had visits with her and his goal was to try to get her back now that he’s straightened his life up and settled down… Fast forward 14 years later the aunt calls us and says you come get her and her stuff or I’m having her put in juvenile. So of course we picked her up immediately. We hired a lawyer and got full custody also in those custody papers the aunt didn’t want visits she just wanted us to have all responsibility of my step daughter. My step daughter is doing good here with us her grades are better she’s not getting in trouble at school she seems happy. My concern is the aunt is now threatening to just take her or try to scare us by saying she’s going to have the lawyer undo the custody. I’m aware she can’t just do that, my problem is how do we deal with the added stress the aunt is causing just because we’re not letting her have her this weekend(we have 5 other children and made family plans) she also messaged my step daughter and told her we weren’t fit parents because we don’t ever have extra money. My husband works and I’m a sahm we are now a family of 8 with a single income. We may not have extra money but our children are taken care of, have food, have clothes, and a home. Yes we are poor but we love our children unconditionally. So my question is how can we deal with the aunt and her mind games she’s playing with my step daughter? Can we just cut off all communication?I know all this is going to affect my step daughter and no child should have to deal with the things her aunt has said. My step daughter told her aunt she’s happy here and she has what she needs but hearing that straight from my step daughter isn’t what she wanted to hear so now she’s causing all this drama and I’m unsure how to handle the situation. Thank you guys so much for any advice


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum.

Since she stated she does not want visits she’s not intitled to any and you can cut her out but your step daughter what she wants


Deal with the aunt through lawyers only. Document everything she sends you and step daughter. Don’t talk badly about her to step daughter, and just tell step daughter that she has her own choices and you will respect whatever/whoever she chooses and that you and your husband love her very much and love having her with you.


Let the aunt get a attorney and go back to court it won’t happen


You guys got full custody and it was obviously thru a lawyer and probably got notarized so if the aunt wants to start problems contact your guys lawyer let them know what’s going on and go from there. Every situation is unique and has challenges of their own but in your guys situation it’s best to contact your guys lawyer ASAP on Monday


She gave her up. Cut ties with her. They won’t take her away from her dad


She has no natural rights to a child who is not biologically hers and no rights have been granted through the courts. What the aunt is doing is considered abusive to the child. Cut off all contact. If she wants to attempt to drag you through court again, go ahead, but as she willing signed the child back over and wanted absolutely no time, she isn’t going to get anything she wants.


Your kid, your house, your rules. End of story Aunt can go kick rocks.


Dont waste money on a laywer, you guys have full custody, shes yours, dont bad mouth aunt but, cut off all communication if possible and go live your lives, this aunt is trying to cause a major setback for her happiness, she nolonger wanted custody, now shes regretting that decision possibly, not fair. She nolonger has any rights to do so. You do not need a lawyer for this, shes yours now, Good luck guys and , if were me id block her number and on social media, a young lady does not need this bs drama at her age, but id leave it up to the child to make that decision, tough one because aunts been around a long time.


Block her
She has no legal rights to your daughter anymore and you are not obligated to keep on contact


Was she benifiting financially from you’re step daughter living there??? The only motive should be the childs well being,and sadly her reaction and attempt to sway the child isnt that at all…
Personally id cut off all comunication,block her on all fronts and if it continues a NC order and possibly a OP
The child has been through enough, she needs normalcy


No legal agreement in place for her to have visitation, so she can kick rocks. Get a no contact order.


Of course you can cut off all communication. She sounds awful. Remove her and begin the healing process. The sooner the better.


You have paperwork stating that she didn’t want anything to do with her so you have that on your side but let the law handle it try to ignore her and if need be change your step daughters number so she can’t text or call her directly and let your step daughter know why


Cut her off she sounds like a huge narcissist and that’s probably why your step daughter acted the way she did. Keep her away from the aunt.


Wow!! Maybe she just had a rough time with the aunt!! That aunt raised the girl for 14 years, and yet here some are saying he’s the dad bla bla bla. Just remember what dad did to start with!!


If you got custody nope

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At the end of the day the most important thing is that your step daughter is happy. Ask her if she would want to cut off the communication with the aunt. The aunt did raise her and so an important bond was formed during that part of her life. Give her the choice and stand by her no matter what she decides.


Set healthy boundaries with the aunt but at the end of the day that “aunt” raised your daughter for 14years. That’s almost her whole childhood!
Communication is key and please remember this isn’t about you guys and the aunt…it’s about the child that’s stuck in the middle


Get a restraining order


The woman has raised her for 14 years…it’s hard raising your own teenager let alone someone’s else’s…the woman sounds like she was struggling, stressed done with it all …don’t we all get like that about our own at times?because I do …
Raised the kid for 14 years as her own, why shit on each other now …I’d make contact

Block her on all social media and either block her phone number on daughters phone or get her a new number. Block her on yours tlo


Block number block on socials block anyone contacting on her behalf!


Sorry if I sound rude but both her mum and dad failed her and now her auntie failed her, dad should have stepped up when he found out not 14 years later, this girl has been through the worst experience any child can go through,
I would deffo ask the child what she wants to do regarding the aunt,
U can’t cut her out completely when she was the one that stepped up when it mattered

If she signed paperwork to terminate her rights then yes. Cut communication and change your daughter’s phone number so the aunt doesn’t have it.


You’ve got full custody. You’ve got a legal contract stating she didn’t want contact. Who cares if you’re poor…youre rich in love and all your children are properly cared for.
Your daughter is old enough to speak up for herself in court if it came to that but im guessing the Aunt won’t go that far.
Talk to your daughter. Make sure its what she wants…then cut all contact with the Aunt .


Cut all contact off with the aunt. Block her from her phone and all social media accounts. Let her spread her lies and bullshit. and let her look like the crazy lunatic she is. Then if her behavior continues and she keeps harassing your family and daughter, get a no contact order. She made her bed, and didn’t think your daughter would turn herself around. When things got hard, she GAVE HER UP. I cant even imagine what that did to your daughter. If she’s happy, thats what matters. The rest is just noise. But take whatever steps you need to to protect your daughter and your family.

Well, you can kindly sit down and talk to the aunt don’t forget she did raise her. There is more to this story I am only saying cause I am that aunt that took someone else child raised and I have learned the hard if they want me to raise YOUR child I need NO contact with child till you get yourself together . Just on my end. Good luck she acting good right now but, just give her time. On and when she starts acting up remember you have other kids that are going see everything act up tooo

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Nothing about this really adds up. I have raised several children that were not mine biologically because of bio parents not being able to be in their lives. These children have trauma from these situations and regularly act out on multiple levels because of the severe psychological effects of these situations. You can look up a plethora of research about it. The bottom line is the Aunt raised the child without either bio parent being present for almost all of the child’s life. She was effectively the child’s parent without either bio parents help emotionally, physically, or financially. For anyone to say that this woman should not be a part of that child’s life without solid and total just cause is completely not right. I feel like there is MUCH more to this situation than what is being portrayed here and not enough information given for anyone to provide informed advice. Put yourself in the Aunts shoes - raise a child for 14 years and see if you wouldn’t still want contact with that child. I would be more inclined to think that she chose out of the goodness of her heart to allow the child to go back to her father because he was the bio parent and then was cut off from the child and now is experiencing grief from the loss of her relationship with a child she raised. Just a thought! :thinking:

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I’m confused. If he signed over rights then how did he obtain custody? Once you sign over rights & allow adoption you’re no longer the child’s parent. There’s a lot to this story that isn’t being told & a lot that needs to be clarified.

Tina-Marie Ogg I’m the op. The aunt called us because my step daughter was giving her problems. For 10 years the aunt allowed us to visit and allowed her to come stay weekends with us. Once she was fed up with my step daughter she said she either lives with us or she was putting her in juvenile. Me my husband the aunt and her husband got a lawyer and the aunt gave us full custody. In those papers we are responsible for her in every way, and if it ever came up we can’t get child support from her and her husband, they are mom and dad on birth certificates
( we never would even try to get child support she’s my husbands daughter and it’s our responsibility to provide for her) when my step daughter was born he was the 11th man tested and he was in jail for stealing a car yes he made many mistakes but those mistakes don’t define him. He straightened his life up when he met me then we got married and had our other 5 children, we’ve been married 10 years. My husband always thought he’d have to wait until his daughter was old enough to choose to stay with us. But the aunt just handed over full custody. She was going to let us adopt her back but the lawyer said that would take longer than the custody and we needed to enroll her in school so that’s why we went that route instead. The aunt and husband are willing to sign over all rights and allow us to adopt her…because of the aunt giving us custody that gives both me and my husband rights. I understand the aunt raised her when my husband was unable and that’s important. The problem is she makes these threats. She tries to get my step daughter to say she’s not happy well as soon as my step daughter told her we are taking care of her and treating her the same as the other children and that she’s happy, that’s when the drama started…again…this isn’t the first time she’s pulled this. We just don’t want things to effect my step daughter negatively. I’ve talked to my step daughter and explained she did nothing wrong that it wasn’t healthy what her aunt is doing and she said that’s how she’s always been…nevermind the aunt blames my step daughter for ruining her marriage because she says she started fights between the aunt and her husband and that it’s my step daughters fault they had to file bankruptcy because of her medical bills…you can’t blame those things on a child and this is stressful for all of us when the aunt throws her fits. You can read the custody agreement and see where the aunts heart was. Any caring person would have wanted visits but money and responsibility were her concerns. Any more questions feel free to ask I just wanted advice on how to deal with this. We tried to co parenting with the aunt because of the role she’s played in her life…me and my husband are together and he’s the father of my 5 children so having to co parent and a situation like that I have never dealt with so I want advice. I feel trapped dealing with her trying to control our life in a negative way

I’d get a restringing order :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

Explain this to your daughter let her know she is loved and wanted

She’s toxic , cut her off. She didn’t ask for visitation at court so there is no legal reason to keep in contact. Save the message she sent as prof of being toxic if she trys getting a lawyer.

I don’t see any judge just taking her away from a biological parent and giving her back to a relative who gave her up and didn’t even want visitation. I wouldn’t stress it at all. You don’t have to answer her calls and deal with the threats. I wouldn’t at least. Obviously it wasn’t working out with the aunt. If the courts see there’s no signs of neglect and she’s in school, not having any trouble then I don’t see it happening. The aunt needs to piss off, leave this baby alone and stop trying to complicate her life anymore than she’s already had to go through at no fault of her own.

Tell the ain’t to kick rocks and don’t give in to her threats. If there was no custody set them you are not obligated

As a law student, my advice to you is to contact the attorney who represented you in the custody case and ask him/her for advice. You’re asking for legal advice and no one on here has seen your court order to know exactly what it entails. Also, it has been my experience that most people do not understand many of the legal terms used in family law, so terms such as “full custody”, “parental rights”, etc. end up being used incorrectly. That can lead to receiving bad advice.
The attorney who handled your case is the person who is most capable of giving you the correct advice.

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I think that it was admirable for the aunt and uncle to take her in when her mother abandoned her and her father wasn’t quite grown up enough to take care of her. I also admire dad for realizing he was in no position to raise a child and allowed the aunt and uncle to take custody. With that being said, I think it’s effed up that the aunt/uncle adopted her and then one day just said “come get her”. That’s not how it works when you adopt a child. If the two of you have been given custody but the aunt/uncle are still legally the parents, the first thing I would say would be complete the adoption naming the two of you both the parents and guardians. That would eliminate all rights that aunt/uncle have. In the process of all of this, talk to your daughter about how she feels and what she wants. She is the most important thing in this whole situation. If she’s getting texts and calls from the aunt, then she knows what’s going on and should have a say in who is and isn’t in her life. After that, speak to the aunt. Draw clear boundaries and set limits. If it continues after that, I would cut all contact with the aunt. That kid has been through enough in her young life, she doesn’t need the toxic drama.

I would cut her out. Your family doesn’t need that crap.

I would document everything. And IF aunt takes it to court you have proof. And if the stepdaughter is 14 or older she has a legal right to live with who she wants to. I would talk to a lawyer too.

Maybe the Aunt feels guilty giving her up when the going got a bit tough, and now wants to be a part of her life.
However she’s going around it in a controlling over the top way, I think she regrets giving up on her.
I would carry on regardless with you weekend plans but maybe try and talk to her and if you can maybe invite her over now and again and include her a little.

Your husband needs to text or call her and put her in her place, RESPECTFULLY. If she cannot honor his wishes, then she needs to stop contacting him. Period. The kid is happy, and a judge would see that espcially if she was getting into trouble with the Aunt and the Aunt couldnt control her. You are an awesome step mom for loving that girl and that’s probably one of the reasons why shes so happy. Unless its going to break your s-daughters heart, I’d cut the aunt out if she wants to continue being disrespectful. No need for that bs. Also, have you thought about adopting her?