If you SO is defensive, does that mean something

In all honesty overt defensiveness is almost always guilt. I’ve noticed those who give angry responses and hard denials are not the honest type. Whether or not he actually did something is TBD. If he can’t provide cool and collected responses it’s because he wants you to back off the topic usually. He probably can’t even identify his own emotions or vulnerabilities. On the other hand, someone who is cool and collected and starts jabbering too much can also be a thing. But like 9/10 times it shows as defensiveness in my experience.

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My now ex husbands “friends with the female " bullshit ended in him and I divorced after 13 years, and him and his " friend” now live together as a couple… So…


So I had a friend who’s husband did the same thing spendingtime w her bestie (we will call her Suzy)…well her childhood friend(we will call him Bob) had just moved back and recently got in touch saying hey just moved back would like for you to meet my new husband (Max). Well her husband (we will name his george) has never met her childhood friend (bob) bf so she was telling him the story well they made a plan…Bob would come over and they started hanging out just like George was hanging out w Suzy…let’s say George decided to stop hanging out w Suzy…expressed his feelings of how uncomfortable he was with George hang out when he wasnt there…still to this day George doesn’t know that Bob has a husband and it was all to prove a point!! So HELL NO your not paranoid…you need a BOB to prove your point!!

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Yes they can my friend is single and I’m single and that’s all we are is friends nothing more nothing less and it’s been that way for over 20 years

Do you sense that the 23 year old wants him?

You aren’t being paranoid. Your gut tells all. Listen to it.

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why have a 23 yo roommate when you’re 40 something with a child? yes he’s into her if he’s spending more time with her


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. If you SO is defensive, does that mean something

Depends on how the question was asked and how you approached the subject with him

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. If you SO is defensive, does that mean something


Nope they can’t I can’t even get into it I don’t care who it is it leaves room for things to progress into more if they are all need to be friends and his phone needs to be unlocked or accessable if he can’t give you the password something’s up 16 year 14 unlocked 2 in an affair and A maybe baby I should have insisted as soon as he had it locked or walked away. It’s been over a year we are still together but I don’t know how I still cry every day


Yes, men and women can definitely be JUST friends. Most of my friends are male and I have zero interest in them romantically. They feel the same. Speaking only for myself, I’d get defensive if someone thought there was more than friendship going on between me and my male friends. It makes me angry when people suggest it.


I have a lot of guys as just friends. I love buying and rehabbing properties so am around a lot of workmen who sometimes become my friends. It gets tiresome dealing with their wives and girlfriends calling them at work or just showing up on a job site. It happened when I was young, middle aged and old. If you have reason to believe he’s cheating, don’t bother blaming her. Blame him.


You have been with this guy for a long time. Ask yourself is this as good as it gets. Probably because if he was a decent guy he would have proposed to you by now. Is this the example you want for your daughter. Dump the dude and find someone that is interested in growth and commitment you’ll be much happier


Don’t ignore your gut. However imagine how you would feel if you SO told you they already had their mind made up and assume guilt. Aside from proof the roommate sleeps around, what proof do you have that your SO is doing the same? You need to have a serious conversation about boundaries and what mutual expectations are when having a friend of the opposite sex. Again do not ignore your feeling. Evaluate them and have solid grounds for your accusations. If you are accused you may shut down and respond the way he did.


Yes, they can and being offended by it when you’re not usually can be an issue. If you trust him is on you. Unless there’s obviously signs don’t accuse him of shit. Maybe bring it up to her that you feel uncomfortable about certain things if it’s an issue. Only you know your man and your friend in this situation well enough to judge

Listen to your gut feeling with this. If it made you feel UNCOMFORTABLE then HE should have just said I’m sorry I’ll make sure not to do it again, not bring up jealousy!


Absolutely they can, i have several male friends whom I’ve know for years, there’s never been anything between us other than friendship, and yes we hang out, club together, everything. I’m not saying he’s innocent, I’m saying he might be. But men and women can definitely just be friends.


Instead of driving yourself insane with worry, leave for the day or evening & be your own PI. :sunglasses:


I dont have a jealous bone in my body. This has nothing to do with jealousy. Trust your intuition. He is putting it on you as something it isn’t. His excuse is fishy!


If it makes you feel uncomfortable your partner should respect your feelings. My partner would stop if he knew it bothered me. I’m a believer men and women can be friends but the moment a woman gives her male friends an in sexually chances are high he will take the opportunity, especially if he already is disregarding your feelings of being uncomfortable with it


Starting this with men and women can definitely be just friends but in this situation where its making you uncomfortable and he’s completely dismissive of your feelings, whether there is something going on between the pair of them or not, he should be respectful of you first as his partner


The fact you are questioning it should end the relationship.

From reading the post the author appears to be very insecure, and it is unfair putting that insecurity onto someone else.

This isn’t a question, this is a justification.

Personally, I would sit down and have a conversation with both of them.

Either way, you’ve gotta take some responsibility here too.

7 years and this has to be considered?

Maybe the author is hiding something :thinking:


yes they can be just friends but he should reassure you rather than getting defensive which is a huge red flag


sometimes. it depends on their personality ive learned. when my old s.o didnt do something i accused her of she would overreact and just be overwhelmed at the fact that i would even dare accuse her of something so atrocious. bt then something happened. im not gonna get into details. all ill say is she didnt cheat, bt something DID happen to her, and when i accused her she was a lot more quiet about it and yeah.

and then also, it depends on how long this shit has been going on. if youve been accusing your s.o of something for the first few times and theyre overreacting/getting crazy, thats one thing, but if you guys have already spoken about it and you keep bringing it up and you keep bringing it up and not letting it go, then i can understand why they’d get pissed and overreact.

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People get instantly defensive when they know they’re wrong - it’s a common human trait.

When there’s doubt, there is no doubt. If you don’t act on it, you’ll never put it to rest.


Men and women can definitely be just friends and I would be defensive also if I was being accused of something I hadn’t done. That said, your relationship has been on and off for some reason. If you feel you can’t trust him, don’t dismiss that.

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They can be friends but if they’re suddenly spending more time together, well…let’s say I wouldn’t believe them

Men and women can just be friends. Literally almost all of my close friends are guys, and I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 7 years. Girls are too much drama for my patience to handle lol

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Men and women can be friends but the male needs to respect the women he is with and not be spending so much alone time with her,but if your instinct tells you something is going on then you’re probably right God Bless you on what ever you decide to do


Men and women can certainly be friends but these two are suspect.
Dont be surprised to find him at her new home in the near future.


I would go with my gut feelings…not very often I have been wrong.


Men and women can be platonic friends. However, if you can’t trust him, then don’t be with him. Either he’s cheating and you deserve better, or you’re irrational and he deserves better.


I didnt see you say why she was moving out, after livi g with you so long…or why he is moving her to the new place…but something isnt right about it…tell me im wrong…

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I’ve been there but he said sorry. In your case, trust your gut but don’t go to conclusions just yet. Just act like it’s nothing. When you feel like they’re on to no good, investigate but don’t be obvious.

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Yes they can and I would be the same. I have a female friend that I consider very close. How close? she asked me to walk her down the aisle when her dad and step dad were both available. One of my most proudest mements

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Men and women are aloud to have friends of any type. Men and women are allowed to be defensive if they feel like they are being accused of something that isn’t true. Ultimately it’s up to chance on what’s happening. Unless you have evidence you will never know what’s going on behind your back. Therefore you pick the “lesser of two evils”

Trust your gut, it is never wrong.
Having friends of the other gender when married isn’t generally a problem, but I think you are picking up red flags subconsciously.
Maybe his (& her) attitude has changed, something subtle & your intuition has picked it up.
Certainly, his response confirms it.
Your daughter will pick it up soon too, if not already … I wouldn’t want her thinking this is ok in relationships!


I think it depends on the people in the friendship. My ex was “just friends” and I could never trust him. I definitely can be just friends though, as well as my girlfriends, best guy friend, and my boyfriend. Just some people can and others can’t.

I think within, healthy realms, a committed person should always prioritise their sweethearts feelings over a stranger… he may not be cheating, but he def. Isn’t being considerate of your feelings :disappointed_relieved: as a woman i def have male friends but you can bet the needs of my beloved will always be my priority. Its a balance of respect, boundaries, listening, giving freedom to have relationships outside partnership. Mmm if he is prioritising her needs over yours, he’s showing disrespect to the relationship. In saying that, if you can’t trust him with a woman for a day… that’s saying alot too.

Nope. Sorry. Too much history of men sleeping with any available female, the nanny, the best friend, the neighbor.
Being defensive is often a sign of guilt. You already know your roommate us a loose caboose, why are you risking this??..? Foolish in the extreme.

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In my experience even when I wanted platonic friendship they didn’t but yes I believe they men and women can be friends

She’s fucking your man and you know it, you befriended her, your fault, you know how she is, you left them alone, might as well join in and have a threesome, then take your kid and move away to a new life


Gut feelings are strong for a reason. NEVER doubt your gut. It’s usually right :wink:

Of course men ans women can just ne friends. LOL. Why couldn’t they? He could get defensive because something is going on or he could be defensive becaise they’re just friends and he’s being accused of something. I get real defensive if I’m accused of doing something I didn’t do. That being said, if you’re married then imo there shouldn’t be a roommate that will eventually make one of the spouses question things. You can’t expect them to not interact, hang out and be friends when y’all live together.

The thing is … you should always trusst yourself with how ur feeling

but …

To answer if guys and girls can be friends yes they can …

Just remember…

ur man could just as easily be hiding the fact he is gay and sleep around with his best guy friend and vice versa for girls and girlfriends …

Ive seen it personally with people i know…

If it looks like a duck walks like a duck and quacks like a duck… it’s a duck.

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1000% men and women can be just friends.

Men aren’t always doing things. But seems no matter what you don’t trust her or him. If you don’t have trust you don’t have a relationship. I don’t ask my husband to explain anything. He’s helped woman out before. He’s almost always home or with me so on the rare chance he has to help a female. I’m glad he’s out there helping someone. Not thinking he’s cheating. But I’ve been with him since I was 16 (1996).
But I do know they can be perfect honest and don’t get why you’re being jealous because they dimes nothing wrong. If you’re willing to ruin it over this 1 time of him helping her move out and be out of your lives.

I think you are asking the wrong question. My spider sense was tingling when said you off and on. That’s what significant. Why were you off? Were you both still exclusive when you were off? What makes them significant to you then if you can walk away like that? What was so bad you were off? You know I never would have called my ex the love of my life and in turn then she left me and moved in with my BF but were never off for over 28 years. People change. but now I adore the woman I love and I tell the world andI would never refer to her as my SO. she is literally the love of my life. It’s not halfway. I would never be off unless she told me she didn’t care for me anymore. I trust her completely and if I didn’t I would leave her. Whatever the issue really is I don’t think your “When Harry Met Sally” poll is going to resolve your issue. Friends can be any gender. I notice you don’t call your now ex roomate your friend. I thought my best friend was like my brother and yet there they are. I expected them to be honest because they would respect my feelings. No, at a certain point my feelings were not a consideration. Try asking her what’s up she has every reason to to tell you the whole truth if she really is interested in him

Go hang out with a guy friend all night and see how he feels :wink:


Yes and no it’s a loaded question. Depends on the man and depends on the woman.

my experience was guilty.

I believe you answered your own question. That’s a hard no for me

If she sleeps around alot then I wouldn’t trust the friendship.

Yes, men and women can be friends. However, you clearly stated a boundary and he doesn’t respect it. That’s a huge red flag.


They’re bangin for sure, sucks

Yes they can.

But I am not sure that is all is going on here.

Well, you need to protect you and your child’s dignity by moving into your own place, no roommates and decide whether you are perma “ON” or “OFF.” Your boundaries help certain types of guys strengthen their own. He probably hasnt done anything yet but he probably will…he’s flustered because its a half truth. Its all not good this happening in front of a child and children need consistancy and security. Ask if this enviornment makes your child feel secure?

Could just mean that they’re tired of having to defend themselves constantly/regularly. Not always a sign of guilt.

Yes they can be just friends, however I don’t think in this situation it’s ONLY that.

I’m a BIG believer of trust your gut. That’s why we have that sixth sense of red flags when something doesn’t seem right. If you felt something wasn’t right, then Follow your intuition. This has nothing to do with jealousy. Stand up for yourself and be firm that you’re uncomfortable with the friendliness between them. Trust is a big thing in any relationship. And your concerns shouldn’t be dismissed as jealousy.


Yes men and woman can be friends and you’re being paranoid. He has every right to question your feelings on it.

Nope. They can’t. And the women who say they can are naive asf and don’t realize they make friend is secretly in love with them or they in love with the guy friend just don’t know it. :100::clap: And this is BIG facts.

Yes, definitely men and women CAN be just friends.

Be the man or woman, not both .

Yes but I don’t trust them hardly ever. Depends

No he’s fucking her!

Hoes don’t have friends

Women are mental. Id be defensive to if my woman made an issue out of a non issue .

My best friend was a male

You need counseling.

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You can be friends with men also


My best friend is a male have been best friends since 2009

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Someone getting his pickle wet


guilty. It’s means they are guilty.

If you don’t like he should hate it. Period. Not saying he can’t have women friends but having friends that you’re uncomfortable with isn’t acceptable.


He’s totally gone there and you feel it. Send him on his way go get you some fresh D! “Tada” …… or vag whatever works :wink:

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“Can men and women be “just friends”?

Seriously - you are in your 40s and feel the need to ask that question? Do you have male friends? Every female has had (or have) male friends and they’re strictly that. I don’t see how those questions he asked are “defensive guilty” when they are pretty legit questions if you indeed have not been the jealous type before with him. If she, he, or both have not been sneaking around your back and/or you haven’t caught them in any type of REAL questionable lie…. That’s just you being paranoid, insecure, and jealous. :tipping_hand_woman:t2: Believe it or not, there are women out there that just like to “play the game” and enjoy their cardio - does not mean she is stooping low and boinking your man.


Yes you can just be friends

They can if they know how to just keep it that way

I have plenty of male friends and they are just that, friends….they are like brothers to me actually and my husband knows that because half of them are also his friends too. As for your SO or any man getting defensive, to me that is a red flag. However, I don’t think what he said really sounds defensive…sounded like he had legit questions for you.

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Yes but. Look the whole picture. Hopefully she’s moving out . It’s her choice how she lives her life.

My best friend is a guy I’ve known him sense I was in 7th grade he was in 9th.
We hang out still by ourselves totally nothing else happens because I’m engaged he’s married two kids I have one kid. Boundries and respect
, Trust, communication is how it works other wise yes you are peranoid just keep the talking lines open with you two.

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No, I don’t believe friendship in between man and woman, no such thing! They are getting too close to each other and that’s the red flag!

If you can’t trust him , which clesrly you can’t
End it
Has nothing to do with her or what she does
It has to do with YOUR relationship with him and trust.
If you think he would be distracted by somebody who sleeps around then he ain’t for you
If you trusted him you wouldn’t care

If you feel something is amiss good chance it is

OK now you say he was helping her move… Is she now moving out… Trust your gut my girl… You will feel thr truth

Kick both of their butts out! Problem solved!

That’s like asking the dog to watch the barbeque. Duh!!

If you have no reason not to trust him then yes. My husband knows ive got guy friends but also knows im never anything less than completely faithful. It really depends on your relationship. And if you trust him.

Well ironically my close friend Dave is male, he’s been happily married to Rosie for 35 years BUT she hates rock music, so a few times a year she waves Dave and l off as we go to some music festival staying overnight in a Travel Lodge family room! To add to this, she regularly goes to folk events with Dave’s best friend! She refers to me as his ‘other wife’ and he refers to his best friend as her ‘other husband!’. But…this is absolutely genuine trustworthy friendships, there’s never been a hint of anything untoward, it’s total trust. Unfortunately it is rare. My ex husband was a sneak and dishonest and defensive about everything. I say trust your instinct but if you have a tendency towards jealousy and paranoia there can never be trust anyway.


My best friend of 30 years is a male. Of course its possible to be just friends. I’m happily with someone to. It all boils down to trust.

In my experience NO they cannot ever just be friends . I left my ex who was just “friends” with multiple women turns out he banged every single one of them LOL so honey , if your asking this question at all you already know the answer . Your asking because you want advice about something you don’t trust . You don’t trust him or your roommate considering your mentioning she sleeps around a lot . Save yourself the heartache and just end it. If I knew then what I know now I would have. I left after the first “friend” I knew about that he had sex with , and after that only found out about more “friends” . Which in turn made me realize I absolutely made the right decision because I’m not someone that deserves to be cheated on . In certain circumstances I’m sure yeah , men and women could be friends but considering it’s the opposite sex it’s rare one or the other doesn’t developed some type of sexual feeling. Listen to your gut girl , I did and I was right.


Just trust your intuition. It’s always right. If you’re not normally like this then something is likely going on.


Listen to your gut.
In a similar scenario and I was 150% right.


Men dont take time to help someone move unless there is some interest there for something more - trust your guy its always right - you say you have been on and off - make it off permanently

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Men and women can definitely be just friends. One of my closest friends is male and I enjoy his friendship and input.

Yes men an women can be JUST friends but this whole situation doesn’t sound right to me🤷🏾‍♀️