For the last few months she's gradually gotten alot worse.
She is very fiery and cheeky but also her attitude is becoming uncontrollable.
She shouts, argues, says very nasty things, ignores us, just to name a few.
Can you help me how I can deal with these situations? Here is a example from this morning I was in different room getting sorted
Mum where is my ipad? - it’s on charge at end of your bed
Can you get it for me? -just grab it I am just getting dressed
Then she changed started shouting and agreesive
I’m having a drink so you get it
Mum get my ipad now
You will get it
Mum!!
Get it now
I’m not getting it you are
It went on for few minutes her voice being very controlling and then she eventually just got it.
This is a example of her behaviour, I’m so down by her behaviour I don’t no what to do to help us both
Has she always been like this or is this something new? I would definitely talk to her about it, maybe something is bothering her. For me personally if I’m stressed about something I keep conversations short. Let her know it’s a safe place to talk if she needs too. If it continues definitely talk to her doctor. They can recommend behavior health doctors and see what’s causing it and resources to help you guys.
Ignore bad behavior. If she doesn’t get up to get it herself asked you then got mean about it. Get up get it and put it away somewhere she can’t get to make her earn it back. But definitely have a talk with her after you’ve taken it to explain why you did and why that type of attitude is not acceptable to treat people with.
Take the iPad. Set boundaries now and take away privileges. Maybe take her to the doctor or a therapist to see if there’s something else behind this behavior.
She wouldn’t have an iPad if that was my daughter.
(My daughter has an iPhone and she loses it if it ever becomes a problem. It only happened once and once she earned it back with good behavior, we haven’t had an issue again.)
I wouldnt have let her have it. Nip it now or it will only get worse implement a behavior chart and rules if she miss behaves and rewards when she is doing well like a prize bin or stickers
Take that iPad away, make her write an essay on what she did wrong to get it back. Or make her do 10 chores around the house to get it back. Just make sure she understands it’s not okay to act that way
This does need to be addressed…with consistent sternness…but my first question is…could she be a little autistic…if not that iPad would disappear for 2 days then 1 week etc until she realizes her behavior decides what happens… make her responsible!
You take that iPad from her and let her know until her attitude changes she won’t be getting it back for awhile you are the parent and you need to show her that instead of arguing with her it will only get worse the longer you let that go on put your foot down take anything away she really enjoys like iPad,phone,TV until she can respect y’all
Take the iPad… Give her a book to read, and tell her when she learns manners and respect, she can have the iPad back… don’t give in. An iPad is a privilege, not a necessity… set your boundaries and stick to them. If you don’t, you’ll have raised a tyrant.
She is definitely testing you…my 6 yr old tries this too…I take the tablet away and also explain if I talked that way to him he wouldn’t like it…If his mouth continues…the next thing he losses is his tv in his room. He usually gets the point after that…but you have to stay on top and show her your not messing around. Kids can sense when your not serious.
She is definitely testing boundaries. If you stand your ground it will hopefully be a phase. I try to only speak nicely and calmly to my 9 year old and when she comes at me with anything aggressive then I don’t respond. She still has her moments but has gotten a lot better.
Take the IPad away. Tell her that you will not respond to anything that she asks if it isn’t done in a respectful manner with pleases and thank you’s. Enforce that rule. Respect is necessary but also give her the respect to express her feelings without screaming. Ask her to put her feelings in words and remind her that it isn’t ok to take her feelings out on other people. Make sure that you model that behavior. Don’t yell, explain and don’t accept anything other than her accepting the consequences of her actions.
Her attitude is the problem. I didn’t read where you gave her consequences for her actions. She’s 7 so I’m sure it’s got progressively worse. Nip it now or she will be a disrespectful teenager. My kids would not DARE talk to me like this bc they know I can get just as crazy as they act.
Give her a choice, baby you’re such a big girl now you get it or you won’t have it - your choice sweetheart!
She will soon realise you won’t run when she demands! Also an opportunity that if you did want to get her something to practice our nice words so when she speaks inappropriately I’d be saying sweetheart did you use your kind words? She may not be aware and this will help bring her attention to it. If she doesn’t then simple don’t do what she demands.
U r tbe mom i know fb might block me n others might hate me for sayi g this but a little belt across her azz will let her know u r the mom n she will do as u say do otherwise u will catch hell from her at all times
A lot of people like Slumberkins for kids’ behavior issues. IDK if that will help or not because she’s at that in between age for them, but worth looking into.
maybe start taking things away from her starting with her ipad… the more bad behavior the more things you take away. she can earn getting items back one at a time for good behavior
She’d have lost that IPad for a week talkin to me like that. You have to set clear boundaries and stick to them. Disciplining effectively is very difficult these days…
Don’t let it get to that. The first bit of attitude you give a warning saying if your attitude doesn’t change then “your consequence” is going to happen. Then follow through. Don’t let your child run the show, you are the mom and you are in charge! Find calm strength you’ve got this!!!
I would have told my kid after the FIRST attitude filled reply towards me, “okay fine I’ll get it and put it up in my room since you forgot how to speak to me respectfully. Next time get off your lazy butt and get it yourself, and hold the attitude please.”
I wouldn’t allow the tablet/iPad until attitude changes
Electronics are not necessities and can cause behavioral issues such as this if used out of context
Children have attitudes but what’s important is the follow through
If she doesn’t want to get it on her own, which she is capable of doing, and she throws a fit because you won’t get it. Don’t allow her to have it. Take it away.
But if she’s searching for your attention maybe that is something that needs addressed as well
I would’ve gotten the iPad and put it up. If she can’t talk nicely then she cannot have it. Consistency is key. It’s okay to say no and take things away. Telling her that unless she can ask nicely or talk to you nicely then she won’t get what she wants.
Did you take the iPad away .what kind of punishment did you give her for talking to you like that…no punishment no consequences no reason for her to change her attitude
Before all else say no or set expectations that they know, andcan achieve
Then
1 what ipad?
2 make your word golden. If you say no ipad for 2 weeks make it 2 weeks not 11 days, not 15.
3) don’t set consequences you can’t enforce. Ie you’re grounded for 6 months
4 deal with misbehavior and escalation as a single unit by setting a single substantial but manageable consequence. Then all you have to do when they try to escalate is stick to that consequence. “I’m sorry that you’re frustrated but the answer is still no / youre consequence is still x” piling on tons of extra consequences just fuels anxiety and escalation.
Read: “Running on Empty” and, “Running on Empty No More.” You’ll be on your way. Audible has it. It’s easy to get into and listen while doing hum drum housework.
Why are you letting her parent you? Sounds like you have been inconsistent previously and she’s seeing just how far she can push you.
My response would be something to the effect of ‘ keep talking to me this way and you won’t have an iPad.’ ‘YOu can now go clean the kitchen as consequence for your decision to speak to me like this and then you will apologize.’
“If you continue to talk to me in that voice then you will not get your iPad” “either you get the iPad yourself or you won’t be getting it at all, those are your choices” and then tbh let her throw a fit and let her feel disappointment when she starts calms down “I see that you’re upset but we do not talk to people that way once you’ve calmed down and ask nicely then you can get the iPad for x amount of time” she won’t understand how to ask for things unless you model that behavior
A lot of kids in privileged upbringing all over the world are like that. You need to show her that she is privileged. And of course there is that very important verse in the bible that we still follow in Africa.
She wouldn’t get the iPad then and I’d let her throw her fit and ignore her. Don’t feed into the behavior. Once she realizes she’s not getting a rise, she may stop. Or calmly tell her, “Speaking to me that way is very rude, and it hurts my feelings. So when you’re finished being angry and can ask nicely, then maybe I will consider it.”
Does she acts this way with other adults or just you? It is true that kids behave a certain way to their mom vs other people, meaning they are comfortable with you and therefore can behave a certain way and think they can get away with it. But like many of these women have mentioned she is testing you, and it is vital to nip it in the bud now so it does not continue on into later years. Children do not understand how their actions have consequences it is up to you to teach her that. There are different ways you can discipline your child but the key is to stay CONSISTENT. And don’t just throw threats out like I will take this away and then not do it. If you say you will do something, then do it and be consistent.
Sounds like YOU need to be the parent
What YOU allow will continue. She’s 7! Come on now, get a back bone and take her stuff away, she’ll be fine I promise.
Good luck my daughter is 8 going on 18 with her snotty attitude towards me
She gets punished a lot she got her toys iPad tv and other things taken away
Parents need to realize it will not kill children to be hard on them and stern and they will hate us for some things we need to do but that ok they don’t need to like us or be our friend but what they will learn to do is RESPECT AND LISTEN . Whatever route you go for discipline, you gotta stick with it every single time don’t allow her to poke any holes in your parenting you stick with it for long enough eventually she will learn her place as a child
I would have got it and taken it away until she calmed down and spoke in an appropriate manner. I know many professionals say ignore the negative behavior (as I am a behavioral therapist) which is good advice but taken out of context most of the time. Once you told her where it was and that you were unable to get it that is where your response should have ended to help eliminate her arguing, cant argue when there is no one to argue with. If she chose to continue to escalate then that is where you calmly walk get the tablet and say you may have this when you talk nicely to me and walk away do not engage in an argument. If she continues to escalate remain calm and do not engage. Remember our children learn from us how to process and handle stressful situations. Do not respond with questiins such as do you want to go to your room, reapond with demands go to your room until you calm down. Questions should be used for options such as would you like icecream. Demands are none negotiable time for bed, go to you room, time outs.
Good luck and lead by example
i had this issue with my son! normally what happens is i take away literally anything fun possible minus books and then my boyfriend, who is a great communicator, will then go in and talk to him about what he did/said was wrong and how it makes us feel and what we expect of him to put things at ease and most importantly so my son understands that behavior is not ok! we also put my son in martial arts and that has also helped tremendously! it’s been 2 years now and his behavior has improved so much! we still have bad days and we still refer to what i mentioned above, at first it was hard but now it’s a breeze and he knows that he’ll get grounded if he doesn’t behave respectfully. good luck mama💜
Tell her straight your the parent.I would of took the ipad off her & asked her who the hell does she think shes speaking too as a start. I agree with above.Take away things.Punish her.She needs to learn that she cant speak to people like that especially her parents!
Like others said, “HER IPad is actually YOUR iPad, she should have to earn time to use it, whatever that means to you, chores, having a nice attitude, helping others, etc…when children have too many privileges and room to make their own rules, they feel out of control and therefore try in a very immature way to control things and people around them. YOU are the adult and parent, not her. Also, STOP arguing with her. Tell her you will hang on to that iPad and not continue the conversation until she finds her respect and manners
Take away her iPad. You seriously allowed her to still have it after she did all that? I would’ve snatched my child up and gave her a good pop, and then she wouldn’t have her tablet for the entirety of the day. Parents wants to be too soft on their children. Yeah, I spank mine. And guess what? They know that if they behave, they won’t get a spanking, and my kids are actually very well behaved, and I don’t have to worry about dealing with all this entitlement issues.
Even if you don’t believe in spanking, why on earth you even allowed her to still have the iPad after that mess shocks me.
As an Asian mom, my kid once did this to me and I immediately cut her horns off. She must know who is the adult and what is an adult or else my hand will be landing through her face.
Remain calm or she understands she has the control. Correct her - then explain. I’d say something like, no ma’am. You’re tone and request is not acceptable. Now you may get up and get it or sit there without it. It’s your choice. If you speak to me like that again you won’t have access to your iPad today. And follow through… if you don’t she won’t take you seriously.
First of all why are you even having an argument with a 7 year old child? Second of all start taking everything away from her every time she acts out iPad charger TV electronics. Make her write a notebook I will not insert whatever she did and make her right at 10:20 times. Don’t engage with her when she acts that way it only feeds into her
I think the first step is to stop going back and forth with her. You don’t need to argue with a child. Your first “no” should have been enough. If she wants to keep going,
Take the iPad away and then go make her stand in the corner with her nose touching the wall😁
At that point I would’ve got the ipad and not let her have it. If she acts that way with no consequences, she will continue to act that way more often. There needs to be consequences for her behaviour.
No back and forth. You threaten to discipline, FOLLOW THRU.
you’ve got this!!!
and she would be watching as i smash the hell out of that beloved ipad with a hammer.
your the parent.I would of took the ipad off her & asked her who the hell does she think shes speaking too as a start. I agree with above.Take away things.Punish her.She needs to learn that she cant speak to people like that especially her parents!