I'm married and have been trying to get close to my husband again

I’ve been with my husband for almost 9 years, married almost 8 years, known him many years… I’ve left him a couple times and always come back because he makes my life hell when I leave, we have 1 child together, he has 1 from a 1 night stand (from when we were talking and I was suppose to be the only woman in his life), and I have 2 from previous marriage. When we separated I took my 3 kids and tried to move on… he would always make co-parenting difficult, always made it difficult with child support (he set the amount and wanted to transfer to my account), he was always rude if I contacted him about anything with our child, he would speak badly about me to everyone… now with all that said. I caught him cheating many times, he lies about everything even if it’s simple, and everything is always my fault. I know I have faults but I try my best and forgave him for everything. Now that he really wants to try its like I don’t no matter what he does… I want to leave but I’m scared to. He’s never hurt me physically but has made some pretty hurtful and scary comments to people that has gotten back to me and he admitted he said them but only because he was mad! What do I do?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm married and have been trying to get close to my husband again

Just because the abuse is not physical doesn’t mean its not abuse. Get out now!! Plus what example are you setting for your babies by staying

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There’s a whole life out there for you. Release…heal…time you move on. Your not truly happy and he seems to have some narcissistic qualities. You won’t regret the decision to leave. You’ll wish you’d done it a long time ago.

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Sounds exactly like my ex, very emotionally and verbally abusive, this is very narcissistic. Get out and stay out. You need to go cold turkey on him.
My ex left me almost 4 years ago now, and still get the odd random message from him. Do what makes YOU happy.

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Leave, set up a safe place to go- family friends, if the house is yours as in your names, change the locks if he isnt there, alert the police to the situation, they will say theres nothing they can do but you can say you just want it recorded, take notes of everytime there is an incident day, date and time and if you are able set up a private bank account and put a bit in that each week/fortnight, tell someone in your family what’s going on, you will need support

Leave, but don’t leave him in control! Court ordered child support, taken from his paycheck. Drop off and pick up child from grandparents. Communication in writing….

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I would leave. He is still abusing u

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You said you always went back because he made your life hell…that’s the reason you should’ve stayed gone. I dont really see any comment where you feel he makes you happy. You seem to feel if y’all stay together you’re still going to be miserable. It’s not just you that needs to be safe, happy, and secure it’s the kids!! You need to put them first and it sounds like they deserve better. Abuse comes in many forms! Get an attorney to handle child support etc…he doesn’t get to decide those things for himself.

You leave. Your kids don’t deserve the back and forth like that. Or an unhappy mom. You don’t wanna try, because do down, you know he hasn’t really changed.

You sound as if your love died. Time to move on and get a restraining order for mental abuse then DO NOT TALK WITH HIM. Let your lawyer talk for you.

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You leave, you get a restraining order and you take that man to court for full custody and child support. This screams narcissist. RUN.

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Girl… take your kids and move to a whole other state and start a new life!! If he’s making threats it would be scary to hang around n wait for him to follow thru… you and especially your kids deserve better … good luck

Absolutely leave. You deserve to live a happy life. While court ordered custody and child support orders aren’t for everyone, there’s a reason why the system exists and he is an example why. Leave him, file for a child support and a custody order. If he threatens you, get an order of protection. It’s so hard, but you need to do it.

This is still all abuse. He won’t change but you can change your reactions to it. Leave, have as little contact as possible and DON’T go back. It will be tough, you will cry but the longer you are apart the stronger you will become.

If your children were in the same relationship when they are adults and come to you crying, what would your advice be? Take that advice yourself and show a better example for your kids.

It will never get better

Best to have ur own life

He will find some one else move on eventually

Not worth it been there and a bitter custody battle for 13 years now she’s grown n it’s the past

You leave.
You see when we leave people think we leave once.
But at times you have to leave someone many times. You keep leaving him. People like that who are always available. You have to keep leaving them. In your mind, in your heart. In you everyday actions, every minute.
You leave him over and over again, in your little corner alone at night you leave him.
Even three years from now you may still be leaving him. You may even get another man, but you must still leave this one…over and over and over.
Keep leaving him, one day you will see that you have left.
And I dont mean get back with him. Its a battle between you and you.

Look up narcissism. Make an escape plan with your children. He will never change, leave now before it is too late.

Get away. You have a better life waiting for you.

These are very clearly manipulation tactics to keep you with him.
You’ve made it clear from this post that you don’t want to be with him and the only reason you are now is because he’s basically bullied and black-mailed you into a relationship.
I would assume that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with this person who makes you feel so terribly.
My advice would be to get away from this man as quickly and as safely as possible. If you truly feels he poses a threat physically, get a restraining order. If you believe in carrying a weapon for protection, do so.
Find a relative or friend you can stay with if you aren’t financially able to get your own apartment. If you can get your own apartment, then do so and move out. Do not let any of your mutual friends or his friends/family know your address.
Next, don’t let yourself be concerned about what he is saying to other people in an effort to tarnish your reputation. People will always gossip, no matter what you do.
If you have to, go completely ghost. Move to a new apartment, change your number. If the circumstances are extreme, you may even change your job. You know the level of threat better than we do.
Just do what you must to get yourself and children out safely and don’t look back.
You weren’t born into this world to be miserable and manipulated into a relationship.

U shouldn’t want to be with some one who dont make you feel like your the Qeen of his castle… I would get out…

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What are you waiting for? A black eye? Why be miserable? What did your children do that was so bad that they have to live in that situation? Think about if your daughter was in your situation. What advice would you give her? What would you want her to do? That should give you your answer. No woman in their right mind would want their daughter suffering so why are you doing it to yourself!!

Stay the hell away!! Never put yourself back in that situation!!

You need to leave now I’m telling you this as a heads up I’ve been in a situation similar to yours actually a little worse cause my ex husband was physically and mentally abusive and it’s only going to get worse and trust me your kids will thank you later for it they don’t need to hear and see how he treats you. My kids didn’t fully understand that what their dad was doing was wrong and now that they are teens and see how their step dad treats me and them and how it was when they still seen their dad ( his choice he still calls them but doesn’t have a stable living situation and moves around to different states every few weeks) how he was treating his now 2nd ex wife. And my kids thank me and their step dad every day for them having a better life then before. And I know it’s now easy but you can do it for not only you but your kids

Seek some professional advice and help!! NOW

He hurts you motley thought that’s the same almost or more

Honey the only thing you can do is leave it seems like you dont want to be there and you deserve to be happy and your kids deserve a happy mom

Why do people even ask these questions after telling all the bullshit the person put them through??? Hes a shit person, let him be shit on his own. File for a custody order, and let FRO handle the rest. You dont ever have to speak to him. If youre scared of him, get a restraining order. Plain and simple.

Life is too short to be with anyone you’re not madly in love with. Why would anyone short change themselves? Plan your exit, then run and don’t look back.

Let it go and move on. Is this how you want to live from now until death?

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Kick him to the curb live your best life girl.

Leave and stay gone for good .

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Pack your bags and leave!!!

So… What’s even the question??? Seems cut and dry honestly.

Get out! Go as far as you can…GO!

Leave and don’t look back

Get out now, do not look back just keep moving

Get out for good before the real hitting starts.

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Never stay with someone just because you have children. Stay with them because YOU want too for YOURSELF. It ain’t gonna work out and your just wasting time atm

Controlling narcissist! It will never get better, trust me, been there and wasted many years with men like that. Leave and file for child support and custody order and get a protective order if necessary. You don’t sound like you want to be there at all. You’ll feel so relieved one day and you’ll wonder what took you so long to do it. Stay with family or friends and don’t tell him where you are because he will again make you miserable and try to talk you into coming back.

Why in the hell would you want to get close to him??? Hes made you miserable. He’s cheated, talks shit about you to others, and where he might not put hands on you, sounds like he IS abusing you.

Make a plan to leave, goto your local childsupport place, explain your situation, they will help you get childsupport setup, he has no business "deciding " what he should pay. Nor does he need access to your account. I get its not easy, I’ve been there, but you’ll feel much better when your able to be on your own with your kids, out from under his control.
And also, going through state inforced childsupport is not just for low income people, when I was getting divorced my doctor told me it was a really good idea and saves headache, she was right, they handled it for me.

Go get a restraining order and leave. Change your number, block him on social media and start parenting plan proceedings in court. In the meanwhile, use a 3rd party to help coordinate visits unless not safe.

It really is as simple as that.

Lieing and Cheating Doesn’t Make any One Happy, Forgive and Forget…Nope Not Me…
Stand up for yr self…You Deserve it…

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Leave and contact friend of the court. Get a lawyer.