I'm paying for all our dates, is this weird?

I'm currently dating a guy who has a kid and hasn't divorced his wife yet but they are separated. He moved out and his kid is at the mom's. We went on multiple dates already and I've been paying our meals. He probably paid once like our second date. But we've been dating for couple of months now. He walks with me going home from work sometimes cause he's also working in the same area, sometimes I'd invite him for a coffee during our walk and he always say that he doesn't have cash on hand. Of course, I'll say don't worry it's on me. Then one night, I invited him to my bestfriend's party. It's a potluck and everyone was supposed to bring something, but he didn't. And I was like that's okay. I just chipped in from my own pocket anyway. Then after several days, we went out again. And I paid the meal and he said he didn't have cash on hand again. He's 37 and I'm 23. Am I overspending or being insensitive? What should I do? Thanks for the answers.
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I mean he may have bills or things you aren’t aware of that he has to pay. Does he have kids? I would try and ask in a causal way… just be like “I noticed that you never really have cash on you, is everything okay?”

My first thought is, is he really separated from wife. It seems like he isn’t spending so he doesn’t have to explain where his money is going. Either way, I would stop dating him. Red flags.

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Absolutely agree with this! My first thought was that he was hiding from the baby mama.

I would dump him. He’s 37 and should have some type of stability in his life. Find someone who can spoil you. He sounds like a user. Don’t collect red flags. Set some standards you want from a guy. Like has to have a car or a job. Good luck girl

Look I don’t know you but I am 10 years older than you and have sisters your age. Let’s list all the cons. He is married to his wife still. Divorcing or separated does not mean divorce is final, therefore he is still married.

He has a child. While this isn’t the problem it is definitely taking a big chunk of his money. Also he may be paying spousal support so all his money goes to his responsibility, his wife and child.

He is not being a gentleman, not only for the fact that he doesn’t pay for anything but also the fact is that he is not respecting his wife , his child, and overall his marriage, when you get married there is a commitment. Bottom line he is still married and could very well go back to his wife whenever he wants. But most importantly, he is not respecting you. As of right now you are being his mistress.

You are very young and I remember being your age trying to live my life and thinking I knew what life was about. Now I realize I really didn’t know. Even now at 33 I know I’m making some mistakes and while I think I’m doing the right thing, I know that in 5 years I will be looking back and say “wow I was blind or dang what was I thinking”. This is one of those moments. This GROWN man is taking advantage of you. In every way possible, he is using you as an outlet, you take his worries/responsibilities away and he is taking it. Here’s a young pretty girl that pays for his things and has a good time with, idk if you are sleeping with him but if you are STOP and let him show you how bad he really wants you. Challenge him as a woman his age and Let him show you he is serious about you by respecting you as a woman, respecting your time (because he is wasting your time right now) dating is supposed to be to get to know one another to build something together , and he is still married so he has that with his wife. Let him show you he respects you as someone he wants to marry by finalizing his divorce. If you allow him to use you this way you will end up very hurt in the end. Find someone that is free to marry, someone that isn’t committed to someone else that can be proud to show you off. This guy clearly ain’t it!

First of all you are wrong in every way. He is not divorced. The thing about men is they end up realizing it’s cheaper to keep her. You are just a throwback that is dumb enough to foot the bill for him. Please know your worth and do better.
There is a reason his wife doesn’t want him.
Do better.

37 and financially unstable? I’d say run unless you want to be his cash cow. And he’s probably not getting divorced. Sounds like he doesn’t want his wife asking where his money is going

I am only going to say this dump him. Sorry but you will always pay, I am betting that he didn’t leave but wife threw him out

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm paying for all our dates, is this weird?

stop wasting ur money on him , find someone who offfers to take turns

Get rid of him looking out for himself

Talk to him about it maybe hes paying for 2 places and all the bills also have they filed for the divorce if not break away they might still work it out

He doesn’t have cash on hand? And he can’t use a debit card? Something tells me his wife that he’s still legally married to controls the finances. :thinking:

Why can’t he use his card though? Girl this sounds like a terrible situation in the making. Leave him. Please do not ignore red flags, even the small ones.

Opportunist springs to mind

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Have you been to his place? If not then he’s probably still living with his wife and don’t wanna leave a paper trail

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He 8s using you. You should not be paying for dates. Period. A cup of coffee occasionally is one thing. You footing the bill regularly is not ok. And " no cash on hand" is code for broke piece of shit.

Dump his ass, he sounds like a loser. I am sure you could get alot better than that. That’s just the beginning of a shitty situation if you ask me.

Leave him… He’ll keep having no cash if you keep letting him. He’s saving while you’re spending. 🙅

Stop seeing him. We teach people how to treat us. Is this really what you want?

Too much baggage for you. Let him go

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Sounds like he’s still with his wife and doesn’t want her to find out by leaving a paper trail. I’d ask to have the next date in at his house and see what he says. If he dances around it, or makes excuses as to why not, he’s definitely being shady af. Run!

Quit paying for everything. If it’s not bothering him that you’re paying for everything then that’s a problem imo. Me and boyfriend been dating for about 9 months. We was both working but he quit to take care of his mom (very bad health) so for a few months it’s just been my income. So yeah, I pay for everything but I can tell it eats him up, he’s even told me no a few times but I’m just that type of person especially when I’m with a man.
Relationships are partnerships, not a single hand feeds both.
Your dude needs to step up and start paying for stuff or else leave.
I’ve been with some broke dudes but the decent ones still at least tried. If he’s not trying, he’s not worth iit.

First of all, he IS married. :triangular_flag_on_post:
Unless you want to pay for everything, step away. :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

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He doesn’t love you just leave him…

Sounds like his WIFE is getting his money and you are just messing around with a married guy. Joke’s really on you.

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Not worth it girl. Tell him bye.

He is still with his wife, she probably has access to his bank account and can tell when money gets spent. My ex did the same thing, said we were separated but was still living with me and saying he loves me.

That’s a whole bum. Dump him now.
Been there done that

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Oh hell no,see ya bum!

Cuz he not divorcing his wife. He doesn’t want her to see.

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If you guys continue your relationship together, I’d sit him down and have a conversation with him. Explain that you’ve been paying for all the dates so far, ask him if he’d be willing to pay for the next few dates. Is he working? Does he have his own place? Have you been to his place? I’d definitely would sit him down and have a little talk with him about this.

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The kid is living with his mom? More like the kid is living with them both together. The age difference already says it’s just about sex

that’s a big red flag that means keep it moving without him

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I never have cash! If he’s really into you, if would make a way!

Move on…he has already established a pattern.

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You already know the answer. Plus he’s still married

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Run!! This man is broke and has no shame!

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Get rid of him… you do not want to be paying for a grown man… he should be paying for you!! Plus he needs time to handle his divorce!!

And not to hurt your feelings but he’s probably not that into you! You deserved to be taken care of. Not taking care of a grown man!

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Nope get rid of him asap. That’s what my ex did. And I let it happen for a year. Finally I had enough. You’re a grown ass man you can pay to

major freeloader… dump him

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Tell him to start paying or loose him. It looks like to me he is using you. Move on girl…

Nooooo baby nooo leave his ass and live your best life. Trust me !! Wish someone would’ve been there for me and told me to Leave these bums alone

You’re enabling bad behavior

Over spending don’t let him ruin ur life

Move on, you deserve better. He will not change

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Looks like his having his cake and eating it, probably still with his wife and doesn’t want her to see withdrawals or dinners etc on cards…… :no_entry: I’d be very cautious :rotating_light:

Maybe most of his money goes to his child? Money isn’t everything. It’s sad how many people jumped to the conclusion of you leaving him. Him being married still is a big red flag though.

You wanna have a think about what a 37 year old is wanting with a 23 year old :flushed:

of course it’s an age gap relationship

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Why dont you just…ask…? Boy are you broke or you just dont want to pay or you prefer I pay or what’s up? If you dont Iike paying for him then…buy yourself something and enjoy it infront of him everytime. You’ll quickly see he chills for free shit or hes happy to just chill with you.

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He can’t use his debit card or charge his card cuz his wife will see it. :woman_shrugging:t5:

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Ok. First of all, think of the age difference, think that he is already a divorcee and think about the fact that he already has a child. If you have taken that into account and still want to continue pursuing a relationship with this person, then accept the fact that he is going through a rough patch in his life. He is honest that he doesnt have the money to be going out…… If YOU want to spend your money on dates, continue to do it. If it’s hurting your wallet but you actually like him, and want to know more about this person plan cheaper dates with him, for example, brew coffee at home and drink it together at the park. Make sandwhiches and plan a hike. Love is NOT about money and a man can not be expected to provide at all times. Those are toxic BS standards set by society.

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GTFO!!! I did this for years. Run!! Dump him today!!!

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He is lying. If he knows he is going out with you somewhere why wouldn’t he have cash on him or a credit card to use. That just seems odd

He’s not really separated, he just told you that. He can’t use his debt card cause his wife probably has access to it. He’s nobody to introduce your friends to. Stop letting him use you. A man that’s 14 years older than you & can’t afford a coffee? Girl … he’s not leaving his wife.

Oh no girl find yourself a man who doesn’t come with baggage. Leave him, and doesn’t he have a debit/credit card?! I’m sure he does he probably doesn’t want to use them cause he doesn’t want his wife to see the transactions :woman_shrugging:t4:. Dump him!

Run away. Have you ever been to his house because if it’s been going on for months and you’ve not went to his house, he’s probably hiding something. If he’s not paying for anything at all, he’s obviously either hiding a money trail or just using you for money.

You shouldn’t be paying for all of that. My boyfriend has kids and he still pays for a majority of our stuff. You are taking care of a grown child.

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He still with the wife and doesn’t want her to see he is using the card!!!

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Stupid question. $37 year old man with a job doesnt have a debit card? Nobody wants cash during covid. . . . .hes using you.

Girl, why you want married 37 year old dick? There’s better men out there, you deserve a man who pays for your dates. Never ever date a man whose “separated” from his legal partner

My boyfriend and I TAKE TURNS paying. There are times when it is his turn and he can’t or my turn and I can’t and we jump in but for the most part, it should be shared. A relationship is a team thing

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Hot rock!!! (As in, drop him like a…)!!!

Cash? No one hardly has cash- we all got debit cards, CC, Apple Pay- leave while it’s still early

Yes. If a man can’t atleast help out then u don’t need him. It’s different if he chipped in or atleast showed effort sounds like he may be using u…definitely run u can do better! A 40 year old man should not be mooching off someone just getting their life started. That’s prob y him and his wife are divorcing

dear god i beg of you stop

Girl, RUN. coming from experience…

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run sweety. THERE is a reason he’s divorcing and living with his mama

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He cant use his credit card because the wife will see it. Cop on girl

Many things I would ask why are they getting a divorce, are they really separated, have you seen his place since he’s “moved out”, to many red flags for me.

Run, your too young to deal with a man that old still playing games and cheating!

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Girl why you be wasting time with a broke ass …is his D that good you be paying for dates… like he’ll no!!! Good luck trying to change your expectations later on in relationship…

Sounds like he found himself a sugar baby…run and don’t look back

Get rid of him now!!

Girl run :running_woman: he’s a moocher

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Leave him! If you can’t take turns with meals/coffee, this will just further to bills/mortgage. And if you’re doing it by yourself, just stay by yourself until someone is as offering as you currently are.

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Maybe he can’t afford nothing and is too ashamed to admit it

Is he your child or your bf? He has gotta go.

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Your over spending and home must be broke if anything you be played by a married man and he dont pay for nothing cause all he got are cards thats probaly joined with his wife and dont want her seeing what he spending.

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This ain’t even red flags… honey. He is throwing out flares. lol. Y’all aren’t dating, you’re just enabling a whole ass bum. He’s probably still with the wife; and doesn’t want to leave a paper trail. Dump him- like yesterday.

The more you pay the more he expects you to pay. He probably thinks you have spare money being young and he probably doesn’t want to spend his money as he has things he needs to pay for. Whatever it is though its selfish. If he doesn’t have lots of money to spare he could atleast pay once in a while. Some people like to save all the extra money to use on themselves. Either way it’s not good. Even people who have nothing manage to do something in return for their partner.

Who doesnt have a debit card these days? Leave his ass alone?

Leave that scrub! A man especially at that age should be paying for dinner at the least! I’m old school, I just feel it’s the mans job.

He is a user Step away!

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ON TO THE NEXT… You’re getting taken advantage of!!!

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You lost me at “he hasn’t divorced his wife yet”… MAJOR RED FLAG :triangular_flag_on_post: Typically I’d say, don’t invite if you cannot pay but in this case, dump him altogether because he is probably cheating on his wife! I’d contact the wife and tell her he has been dating you and see what she has to say.

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You’re his meal ticket.

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Tell him to kick rocks nowwww. The sooner the better.

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He may just be broke. I have a platonic friend like this. I’ll tell him where im taking my kids and he’ll ask if he and his kids can go knowing he cant afford it… Fully expecting me to pay. It gets old FAST

Maybe do some dates that are free things

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Or he hasn’t actually separated from his wife and doesn’t want her to see the bank transactions.

Who doesn’t carry a debit card on them these days. Once or twice maybe. But all the time? Fishy AF

You need to run, not walk. This guy is using you, and I would bet money that he’s not separated and you are his side action. You’re worth more than that.

He doesn’t have it. He’s telling you he doesn’t have it. Maybe he’s using all his money to take care of his kid and pay bills that come with being newly single.

Red flag… especially if not divorced… sounds like he just wants to have play time n free ride

Maybe Start doing free things.

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Dump him he’s using you!

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Get rid of his ass. You just started dating and paying for everything. Hell no. Find someone else who is not attached.

Girl he sees you and is like someone who will pay and not care sweet… run