I'm sad that I'll miss out on everything

My husband and I are in the process of getting getting divorce after being together for 7 years. We have two little girls ages 2 and 3. He just recently moved to New York from Texas and I allowed him to take the girls up there with him from beginning of November to beginning of January because I desperately needed a break. It's coming time to where we need to start thinking about how school will work out. He moved to a small town where the classes are only 10 people per class and they can get more one on one help if needed with their teachers. Whereas, here in Texas there are a lot of kids to one class and I know I'm not a huge fan of this school district. I really want them to be here with me for the school years but I have to put them first and their education. No, our divorce isn't final yet and we haven't set out visitations. I guess I cam here to ask where they should be for school but I already have an idea. I guess my question now is how would you cope with missing out on their first day of preschool or kindergarten, extracurricular activities, dances, homework, etc....this is always something I expected to be a part of and now it's all just disappearing. I get really bad anxiety just thinking about it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
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I’m sorry you’re in that situation. I’ve never been in that situation so i don’t have any experience to share but maybe FaceTime, or ask for photos, or even just a phone call. I’m sure it’s hard, but your making a good choice for a school that they will have more help & a better school overall.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm sad that I'll miss out on everything

Where is all the family located if you guys are close to them? There’s a lot more to this than just school. Education is definitely important but you can find good schools everywhere. All these comments saying they need their mom…yes agreed but just because you are the mom doesn’t mean you have the best means to provide. They also need their dad.

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They need their mama!

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If in fact the environment was better for my kids…i would up root myself and move to be there for them

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Yeah… I couldn’t handle that crazy distance. And NY is like, insane right now :woman_shrugging:t2:.

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Why not relocate yourself to that same area? I’m sure this is easier than it sounds but

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Maybe ask him take pictures and videos of the girls on special occasions so you aren’t missing out as much. Maybe have the girls come stay with you during school breaks and over the summer so you can have one on one time with them too.

Well I for one would keep my kids regardless of school, they need their mom. Unless you think they are better off with their father then so be it but I couldn’t do that.

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Nothing would ever keep me from my kids. They NEED their mom. Especially that young

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I couldn’t leave my kids ever… that wouldn’t even be a thought in my head. You guys can co parents together… maybe move states so you’re closer? School is important, but two little girls need their momma… I think that is much more important than schooling.

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They are still very young. Preschool wouldn’t be until next year for your oldest. Not sure if you could move to New York to be closer to your children/ it is wonderful you are wanting to put what is best for your children and their education. Maybe you could do all summer long and all extended holidays you have the children if they are in a different state . Best of luck this is a hard one .

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They need to be with their mama.

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They are 2 and 3. They need their mom. To me it just sounds like you are coming up with any excuse to not have any responsibility. Go get your girls!

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I’d say they need you and I wouldn’t just hand them over to the dad based on school look at different options :heart::heart:good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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You move to New York. They need their mama. You put them first before anything else

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Um, I would move to where my children were if they’ll be going to school where their dad lives.

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I’d move up to New York for sure.

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Why can’t you move to NY? Why can’t he live in Texas or you move somewhere with a better school system? I understand money matters so those aren’t the deciding factors. I would also have to ask would they have family in Texas? Is there family in NY? How often would you see them? Can you trust the father to not keep them from you and deny you visitation since there is currently no court order? Could you get them in a magnet school in Texas or some other kind of lottery type school with better school statistics? There’s a lot that needs to be taken into consideration.

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I couldn’t leave my kids to be raised by my husband full time, indefinitely. Men don’t have the mom gene that little girls need. I know some families don’t have a choice but if you do have the choice… I’d make it work! Idk if I could do it no matter how good the school district. Whatever you decide, good luck.

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Maybe FaceTime/video chat him for all of those things!

Also, you aren’t a bad mom for this. They need their dad just as much as they need their mom.

YOU know what is best for your children, not a bunch of strangers on social media.

You’ll get through this, mama. It’s not gonna be easy at first but then you’ll start getting the hang of it :slightly_smiling_face:

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Personally I couldn’t be away from my kids. If you feel it’s a better fit for the kids in NY where they started the school year and are going to be 4 months in to school
Come January then move there!! They need mommy.

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This absolutely breaks my heart because I couldn’t be without my children for even a day, but I respect your ability to acknowledge you need a break and sending then with dad was in their best interest.

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No way. I couldn’t deal with being so far from my littles ones. Me and my ex have 50/50 custody. (2-2-3 schedule) and that is still extremely hard 3 years later.

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I would never give my husband full custody of my kids like that and I def would never let them move that far away from me :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Go get your kids before visitation gets set to where they stay with him!! He already has the upper hand

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Sounds like you don’t want your kids staying with you.

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Id move then if it benefited my children

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Um, absolutely not miss out. Kids stay with me. Texas has a great school system, don’t know what city or district you’re in but fight like hell to keep your kids with you!

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I would be moving myself to New York as well🤷🏼‍♀️

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Everyone saying they need their mum…they need their dad too, dads are just as important so talk to him as we don’t know your situation…he does

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Why can’t you move to New York?

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I’d move to be where my kids are

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If your willing to miss THANKSGIVING
CHRISTMAS
NEW YEAR
THEN I THINK YOUVE ANSWERED YOUR OWN Post is never send my kids away for that long and during holidays you need a break HA we all need a break but come on

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Make arrangements to be there or hell maybe even move out that way! Talk with ur soon to be ex husband about it! Make it work somehow some way!

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Move here to NY.I and I’m sorry if this sounds rude but,I think youre looking for an excuse to not be there for your daughters.I dont care how hard it gets.Those babies need you.

Move to NY. Don’t make excuses for not being there. I could never be that far away from my kid.

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Do you have the option of relocating?

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They need their mom AND their dad. If you think they’re better off in NY, and you want what’s best for them, then you can move up there :woman_shrugging:

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My children woudnt leave my side for more then a couple days.everone diff.but having their mom goes above any school district

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These kids need both parents if possible♥️
I could never be away from my kids……

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If I was in your shoes I’d have only 2 options…

  1. They’d come home to me regardless of schooling.
  2. I’d up sticks and move to another area where schooling was better.
    Either way my children would be with me. Period.
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I’d have a real convo about it with him. Communicating that you want to be a part of their first days and big milestones but you know they are better off where he is and then making a goal to move there and be present.

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How about you be a damn mother and be with your kids no matter if you have to move for them or whatever. You obviously don’t want the responsibility. Mom’s don’t get “breaks” especially for months on end. Your a real piece of work lady.

I would never let my kids leave. Sorry I can’t do that and neither should you. Those little girls need a mom. Go get your kids.

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Mostly all schools have tons of kids attending, that doesn’t mean your child won’t get the help they need. I hate to say this but it kinda sounds like you want them with their dad and you are using the school thing as an excuse. I hope I’m wrong though.

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I think the only right answer would be to move to New York if youre fine with leaving your kids there.

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That’s a lot of distance between you and your children. If they’re going to be in New York, then that’s where you need to be too.

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Move to new York or keep the kids. Those girls will need their mama .

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Don’t leave your kids move to NY

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My question is WHY​:clap:DID​:clap:YOU​:clap:LET :clap:HIM​:clap:TAKE​:clap:YOUR :clap:BABIES :clap:AWAY​:clap:BEING​:clap:THAT :clap:THEY ARE SO YOUNG​:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:THEY NEED THEIR MOM​:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:uuuuuhh

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They are too little for you not to be a part of their lives daily. My sister decided her kids would be better w their dad while she went thru some hard times…it took years to fix this as her kids felt abandoned by her and now they are grown. It’s taken literally years to repair this decision. PLEASE DO NOT live that far from your kids based on school. Your relationship is 1000 times more important than a better school ANYDAY ALL DAY!!!

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Pack up and move to NY. No question about it. See ya Texas.

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They need a parent to put them first. If it’s with Dad, then so be it. Smaller class sizes are always better for the kids. It sounds like they have been adjusting to being with dad. Is it possible for you to move closer? If not I would suggest you having them in the summer and dad during the school year. Make him primary parent since they will be living in his home for more than half the year.

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I don’t know how on earth I’d handle this situation if it were me but I can say I’ve been homeless before and even if it meant starting out in NY homeless until I established myself I’d be there close to my daughters.

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I’d move to where they are

I would move and be as close to my babies as I can be.

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If you think that school is better for them then go with that you can always move yourself closer to your kids it might seem like a big move but I know you would rather be closer to them

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I could never be without my kids, ever. Period.

Why don’t you move to same town then

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The last thing I would do is allow my child to go over state lines to live temporarily.

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I would never let my babies away from me that long I would choose the school where u live

You desperately needed a 2 month break from your baby girls? I am all for taking care of mental health and everyone needs a break here and there but this is extreme. You’re giving your babies up to him. You’re a mom, act like one!

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You are making plans like the kids will be living with their father in NY. Are you sure he even wants custody? some fathers are just fine with generous visitation, but in no way want full time custody. Some, not all of course. Also, where are the rest of their/your family? Are they all in Texas? You have to look at the big picture, not just school. But if their main support system, and yours, is in Texas and not NY, then you keep them with you and make him travel. But if he moved to NY by the rest of his family and you have no one in TX, and you all get along, maybe a move isn’t out of the question. Family is just as, if not more, important than a school district. You are not a tree…you can move and relocate. Not to mention, TX has small towns where you can enroll your children in school as well.

Honestly, it sounds like you don’t want to be with your kids at all. I’m sorry, but I could never let my kids go across the country for 2+ months without me. I don’t care how badly I “needed a break” :roll_eyes: and your kids aren’t even school aged yet and you’re already thinking of giving their dad full custody just because the “school has smaller class sizes” where he just moved to? :unamused: That sounds like an excuse. He literally just moved there, you don’t know anything about the place, and you still have a couple years before your kids even start school. If it were me, I would spend this time planning my move to New York so that I would never have to be far away from my kids for a long period of time.

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Smaller class sizes doesn’t mean a better education.

Hard no. I would never let my son go. If he went,I would too. And idk where in NY there are classes of only 10 children… Upstate?

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You might want to move there with them. Divorces get nasty and you’ll be fighting for custody after he’s had them for 6 months. I’ve seen this happen plenty of times. Im very familiar with family law/child custody

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You honestly sound like you’re making your own excuses to be away. Either move near them to be with them or bring them home. You’re missing all the major holidays… Because you need a break? I couldn’t ever imagine needing a 3 month break from my kids.

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Move there… I’m married but if something ever happened I could never be away from my kids

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Some of yall being vindictive because these kids are living with their dad? Sometimes dad’s are the better parent for the kids to live with than their mom is.

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I’d move to New York if I was able. If not, I’d have to keep them with me.

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wow i’d be damned if i miss out on anything when it comes to my babies!!

Packed them off for 3month because you need a break and all your bothered about is school :woman_facepalming: my kids wouldn’t be going miles away for Xmas cause I needed a “Break” no wonder your marriage is over & well done to him for stepping up & taking them. Their BABIES 2 & 3years old fgs

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No school can teach them more than what they’ll learn from their mother on a daily basis EVER. You’ll never forgive yourself if you let that happen. Either they stay with you or you move too, but them moving across the country without you is not an option sis I’m sorry.

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I would have them with me for their schooling. Children when starting out at school need structure to cope with the changes. Same bedtime, bath time, dinner time etc.
I divorced my husband when my daughter was 4 and she started school with me and I made sure there was structure. Her dad didn’t understand how much a child needed that and I know he wouldn’t have been making that structure a priority.

Maybe you need to take the time and evaluate your mental health needing to be away from your babies that long and now possibly wanting them to be in ny sometimes it’s a lot and not everyone can do it. If it’s in their best interest to be with him then let them they do need their mom too but they need you healthy and happy

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2 girls?? They def need their mother. My kids would never live without me and how do u need a 2 month break from ur children :thinking:

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I personally can’t see what would be greater in stopping you moving to New York to be with your children if you really don’t want them going to schools near where you are now! I would move to the other side of the world for my kids and definitely couldn’t go through the Christmas period without them! Hope you sort things out very soon for all of your sakes

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I’d move. Be in the same city/town. Have true shared custody/co parenting so the kids have both of you even if not at the same time. Don’t miss anything. Be there mama! You can do this!

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Also, they’re still like 2 years away from school age…

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I personally would never be comfortable passing my kids off to anyone for two whole months. I understand moms need breaks. But two months is extreme to me. If you think they would have a better schooling in NY, you also need to consider the fact they will be without their mother unless you move there!! Your children do need both of you so I would not suggest staying in Texas while your children live their lives in New York.

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Move closer to him in N.Y.

I would move to be near them

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Wow some of the comments!?!?!

  1. Divkrce bring up alot of emotions and years of confusion need sorted out! Healing is a journey.
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They need both of you ! Move to New York ! It’s better than Texas anyway

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I would move there or put them in school near me. No way in hell would I choose for my children not to live with me, ever

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I’d never let my kids go just like that. If you don’t like the school in Texas then follow your soon to be ex to New York… that way the kids have both parents

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Um why would you just let them go that long that young that far away from you? I’m sure you dont need that big of a break. That’s redicouls question.

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I think you need a therapist, not to be asking a bunch of strangers on social media. What ever you’ve been going through, a 2 month break from your kids seems extreme!! Get some mental health support then decide.

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You want a three month break from your kids? They’re toddlers.
You need to figure your shit out ASAP. They are little.

Either follow them and move, or say goodbye.

Nothing would keep meawY from raising my girls. Relocate so you can co parent.

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It sounds like you say you need a break so if you decide to let your kids move across the country then not seeing them regularly is your choice. I could never be that far from my children but to me it seems you already made your choice and want validation. Being a parent is hard…and for many there are no breaks. Others find breaks through childcare, family, friends, ect and some find breaks by giving up custody. We do what we think is best and we have to live with our choices. My best advice is to seek some therapy to help you make this decision and cope with your decision.

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They are 2 and 3…… you can work with them at home and put more time where they need it if you don’t like their education once the time comes. I would never be that far away from my children , let alone miss out on all of that. They grow so fast! The time with them is priceless. I think once they are older you can start looking into moving out there if you really like their schools out there or what not. For now, I’d say get your kids! But then again idk your situation, only you do. If you think they would be better off with dad (besides the school situation that’s not happening till a couple more years), then I guess leave them with him🤷🏻‍♀️

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Do what is best for the kids! You can have them for the summer months and Christmas Vacation.

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Is there no chance of you moving as well?

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Move there too or accept you won’t be near your kids and you’ll miss everything. You haven’t mentioned moving there once so I’m sure you’re fine with it.

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If he has them for the majority of the time like to have them in school and stuff; homegirl better be prepared to pay child support!!!

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I would move up there too!