I'm unsure if my husband is drinking again...what do I do?

My husband is an alcoholic and has been clean or so i thought for about 3 months…i found a bottle stashed away in hsi work truck and dont know if i should approach him about it or let it go and just monitor how he has been acting…it could be there for a while ago or he could have fallen off the wagon…i dont want to make it seem like i was snooping but i went to his truck to grab my car charger from it and it was in the glove box with the bottle…i put the bottle back so he didnt know i saw it but what do i do next?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I'm unsure if my husband is drinking again...what do I do?

I would of took the bottle and not mention anything!

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Id have to say something but monitor his reaction also took the bottle & not mention anything x

I would remove the bottle…or keep checking his truck and if a new one shows up in the glove box then you know you need to confront him
But when did you leave your charger in there
Wouldnt you smell the booze or taste it on him
And can you tell when he has been drinking
Then you need to have him go to AA…or rehab

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Remember he’s not a child, taking the bottle could really agitate him and is in my opinion bad advice. If he feels as though your are interfering with his basic human rights he is not going to like being confronted. Try bringing up how long he has gone without a drink in gentle conversation and see if he says anything.

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Just take a photo of the bottle. Give it a few days and look again and see if any is missing based on your photo.

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Take a photo of how much is in it an go back a coupe days later an check to see if there any missing

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Keep in mind only he can make the decision to continue being sober or not so nothing you say or do is going to force him either way. Mentioning it can push him in either direction also. Continue to support him as best as you can without enabling him…

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Ask him if the bottle of grog is a gift. That would give him an out if it is a gift. You will know if he is drinking again by the smell and or his attitude. If he feels as though he is being accused of drinking when he isn’t it might be a trigger to him if he had good intentions. If someone gave it to him as a present you could mention that he is being really strong resisting. As it’s said you will catch more flys with honey not vinegar.

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Did you notice how full it was…check it again in a few days and see if it is less… have you smelled it on him…

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I don’t think taking the bottle will solve anything. He most likely will realize it’s missing and buy a new one and hide it in a different spot. Because of where it is, I would monitor how much of it is gone, how often he goes to his truck when he is home. If you notice some is gone, and he hasn’t been inside his truck when he is home, you may have another problem on your hand. Drinking on the job or driving while drinking. Depending on how bad his sobriety means to you is how you approach the situation. If you choose to talk about it with him, choose your words wisely…

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Talk to him, maybe??

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Well you have a talk about it. Is he attending some sort of program to help him with recovery? Or therapy to work on himself and so he can work on fixing the relationship? Are you in therapy? Living with an addict to anything is incredibly difficult and has trauma associated to it.

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Leave his bottle alone.
He won’t appreciate U being the booze police. Go to Alanon meetings and learn how to deal with your alcoholic husband.
U can’t make him quite with any kinda demand. Your only gonna make it worse if U confront him. If he wants he that’s one thing. He can go to AA.
I’m speaking from experience and have 11 years sober. No one gets sober unless they want to even if they need to.
Help yourself by looking into Alanon it’s a game changer for U. Blessings on your journey.

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If you don’t want him drinking take the bottle … he knows it’s in there.

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Talk to HIM about it not Facebook
In my experience when people on anything relapse it’s full-blown and not just a single bottle to sip on occasionally

Nope. He needs to be held accountable and as an addict in recovery I would let him know that y’all need to talk and have a peaceful conversation to the best of your ability…and presented with the evidence. And go from there. You baby an addict/alcoholic you will bury them. Not saying be an asshole BUT 100% holding us accountable can’t do anything but good…even if for a moment the only good that comes of it is you also learning how to place boundaries for yourself and save your own sanity.

Dump it out dont let him drown

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If it was in glove box than it is definitely new

Leave him if he won’t stop drinking.

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Don’t just let it go. My brother is a raging alcoholic. He lied to his wife and family for many months. They found bottles hidden everywhere. He was drinking watered down (to hide the scent) vodka all day long! Be open be honest but the communication has to be there.

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Some people when they quit drinking need that bottle not to drink but to have it for peace of mind. Some keep a bottle around for months or even years. Be supportive of him

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Confront him unless you want him dead from alcohol poisoning like ma mum

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Psshhh, confront him

You talk to him! Be open, be gentle and be there.

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Lived with this for years, you need to take care of yourself. There is a group they can help you understand what you’re living through Al-Anon is not for the alcoholic it’s the family friends and loved ones of the alcoholic. local groups or online groups. be careful confronting an alcoholic.

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Communication is KEY. You would be surprised at how Communication is key.

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My opinion is if u and him. Can not sit down n talk about what’s going on. Than u should not be together. My husband and I was married 11 years n together 15 when I got tired of the drinking. He would always say this is his last 30 rack. It got so bad one evening I came home from work n getting kids from child care he was so drunk I left with nothing but the basket of clean clothes I done the day before of my children clothes. I had nothing not even q change of clothes but we got out. 6 months go around he got help n he’s now sober 2 years

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Have him get on the shot

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I would tell him the truth that you came across the bottle while getting your phone charger and then ask if he is doing okay and if there is anything you need to be worried about. I wouldn’t start an argument or come at him in an argumentative way. Just show him you are genuinely concerned he’s falling back on old habits. I would also think you would be able to see a change in his behavior if he is drinking again.

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Pour out some of the liquid and replace with it water. If he’s truly not drinking, he’ll never know. If he’s sneaking it, he’ll never be able to complain about it. :wink:

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If you’re not going to Al-Anon, please do. It’s for friends and families of alcoholics. There are in-person and virtual meetings every day at almost any hour. Just remember that you can’t be responsible for his sobriety; that’s his job. You can only be a support person. That said, since you found the bottle in the truck, I’d be concerned about drinking in his vehicle.

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Was it full and sealed? Or had it been opened? Either way that can’t be a healthy coping mechanism… that’s like someone addicted to cocaine keeping a tiny bag of it around “to remind me to stay sober”…nope doesn’t make sense, right? if anything that’s just temptation and if it’s open could land him in big trouble for having an open container in the vehicle if something happens (wreck, vehicle search, etc)

The sad truth is that dating an alcoholic is like being on a rollercoaster. There will be ups and downs. Many fall off the wagon at some point. The hardest decision you have to make is can you love him through it? People will tell you to leave just because he is an alcoholic but nobody is perfect and we all have our own problems. We also, only personally know what we can and can’t deal with in our lives. All this said, you do need to bring up that bottle, but try not to accuse. Tell him that you don’t want the trust between you to end and you just need him to be honest. If he did fall off the wagon, then tell him to please never hide it from you again. Remind him you are in this together. One day he may want to seek help, and your love and encouragement can be the reason.

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Be honest w him. You weren’t snooping, but you did come across it. Don’t get mad just ask him to be honest. I would tell him you’re willing to help him but you’re not willing to spend the rest of your life w an alcoholic. Addicts have to choose when they’re ready, nobody can do it for them, & forcing them more than likely won’t work. But it’s okay to be honest & give a little nudge into whichever direction the addict wants it to go. Good luck :heartbeat:

Talk to him. You saw it. Your worried. Your not accusing him but you still need to express your feelings about it. As an addict he has to learn to deal with the fact he’s F*ed up enough in the past that ppl close to him are going to worry and they have every right to express that.

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In the end the drinking is his choice but I would talk to him about it. I would also suggest to him that he does not have any alcohol in his work truck because that is the worst place for him to be sneaking drinks is on the job. Hopefully he isn’t the one driving :grimacing:

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My husband had a bottle sitting in our car for about 4 months. Sealed. He had it before he got sober I asked him why he still had it. He’s reply was it’s just proof im sober enough not to want it. He did give it to his cousin a few weeks ago. We talked about it.

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Driving around with a bottle is an open container charge…
I would confront him, but have an escape plan ready to implement immediately. Some people never sober up, it’s sad.

Throw it away!!! If he’s drinking and driving, he could kill himself or someone else. If that happens you would be just as at fault as him.

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Toss it out if he’s not drinking he won’t care if he is you’ll know right away

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Definitely share your concerns with him.

Ah yes, step 13 of the 12 step program is to keep a secret bottle in the glove box of your WORK truck, lol

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Monitor the situation. Don’t mention it to him. See how he acts. Some people will use the bottle to help them stay sober… I don’t know how that works. I’ve heard some people do the same by keeping a pack of cigarettes in their glove box to help them stop smoking. I don’t get it. I guess you just wait and see if he starts acting squirrelly. If he does, you’ll know he’s been drinking and can decide to go from there.

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Kinda enabling if you don’t say something

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I keep a little travel bottle it’s still sealed and I haven’t touched a drink in over 3 years idk why I can’t get rid of it

I would approach it in the nicest and most understanding way that you can and let him know you’re there for him and to reach out for help when he needs it maybe help find a sponsor for him

If you weren’t snooping you have nothing to hide and if he’s not drinking he’s got nothing to hide. Just say that you spotted it. No big deal. And ask in a supportive way What would he like to do with the bottle?

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Could be a old bottle you never know

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Personally I would have taken the bottle and left it where he could see it and waited to see if he hurried to trash it or see what he said. You went to get a phone charger (I’m assuming that is truth) so there is no reason to expect snooping.

Sometimes when people stip drinking or smoking they keep z little bottle or a full pack of cigarettes so as reminder that they stopped…

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Take a pic of the bottle so you can track the level .

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I dunno how to reply to this but years ago my grandpa quit smoking and he always kept a pack of cigarettes and he said if he hadn’t had them there he would have smoked not sure the logic but it was his way of quitting
Either way you need to talk to him about it

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Put a small pin line/mark on the bottle and put it back. Check it in a couple days and you will have your answer

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You have every right to mention it. It wasn’t found snooping. Regardless as an alcohol had it been it might be justified. This is from a recovering alcoholic. Hold him accountable.

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If you don’t say something you are enabling him

If you take the bottle and confront him, he may tell you it’s an old bottle. Take a picture and monitor it to see if it goes down or mark the bottom with a dot using a permanent marker in case he drinks it all and puts another in its place.
If you notice the level goes down or it’s a new bottle, you need to talk with him. Hopefully he is going to meetings and you are also in a support group. Addiction is a family disease. Learn as much as possible about your husband’s disease. Your recovery is as important as his. Be well.