Is it fair for me to do everything?

Is it fair that you and your partner works but I come home cook dinner clean the house do the washing to the animals do the rubbish do the shopping we share 2 kids I go to all my eldest girls things at school help her with home work make sure all her school stuff is ready and our 6month old baby is looked after and when he’s not working he goes and does whatever he wants I have 1 day off and I spend it spring cleaning the whole house going to do groceries I have no social life but he does I literally work kids and home! What would you’s do
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I feel like a lot of woman have this issue, mainly because men find it the “womans” job to cook and clean. Tell him you need help. I would say stop cleaning but if you’re anything like me then you can’t stand it when it’s not lol, but seriously tell him you need help. Give him certain things to do that are his responsibility, take the trash out, clean the bathrooms or whatever it is you want him to do. It sounds childish because honestly it is but if he wants to act like a child then that’s what he’s gonna get.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it fair for me to do everything?

Not at all, vocalize these feelings and set some sort of compromise

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I would stop doing stuff for him.

Open the door and direct him thru it, let it hit his lazy ass on the way out too! You are already doing everything by yourself, so your not losing anything except HIM!

You are in a relationship with him. You should have a talk with him about these issues you are dealing with & how they make you feel. The longer it continues this way, the more you are just going to resent him. Better to try & do something about it now rather than explode when you can no longer carry the weight of all the responsibilities of this relationship. Everyone has their breaking point. Good luck to you!

Get a baby sitter and go out with the girls. Leave him home to do what you do and if he doesnr like it he knows where the door is

Sit him down and explain this to him. The responsibility of kids and home are not only yours, they are his also. You and him should discuss and you should decide from the result of that discussion how you proceed from there.

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Each person should share the cleaning cooking etc. If you cook, he should do dishes after or you cook and do dishes and he does laundry and puts it away

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Vocalize your feelings… Let him know you’re burnt out and need some sort of relief. Maybe he just doesn’t realize because you handle it all so well…

Sound like you’re better off alone. It’s definitely not fair.

Leave one day and let him handle things

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Make a Chore List.
Rotate every 2 weeks.
Including helping with all kids all month long.

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Id be single if I am already being single in a relationship but thats just me

You have taught him how to teach you.
There are many other avenues, I promise.
Don’t di his laundry, dishes, side of bed.
It’s all about retraining. And never argue. NEVER!!! Quietly stating, I am not the only grownup. I really love you and need your help.
6 weeks, you will have a new man if you can stay the calm course. He is going to be an ass, don’t give in.
Simply very quietly say, I AM SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY, DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT SPLITTING CHORES?

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It ain’t fair but it’s very clear there are three kids to look after not two

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No not fair at all. We share everything and I work less hours even. Have you spoken to him about it? Open communication is everything! And you know what; if you keep asking and asking and he doesn’t help, I’d consider leaving. And at least you know you asked and tried

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Speak up and voice your concerns

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A relationship should be 50/50

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Did you in the beginning make that arrangement or did you do all of this yourself and expected him to help. You set the tone of your roles in the family. If you don’t tell him he will never change. If he refuses to help or says he will and doesn’t then you might as well be a single mom. Looks like he contributes financially but not any other way. Tell him and then see if he helps and then decide you next move stay or go!

Tell him to shape up or ship out

Sounds like my marriage…that’s why I quit my job so I could focus on the house n kid n husband…

I would let him read this post, and then all the responses.

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Not ok. I would not stand for it. If he won’t participate in the family what is the point of him being there? Tell him to figure it out!

I left that was my solution. Why have a “partner” when you’re living like a single Mom? I chose to be a single mom instead. Was much happier btw.

That’s why I’m single

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Drop him. If you’re gonna do it alone you might as well literally be alone and lose the dead weight and extra stress

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He could at least do the same for you thank God my ex when I work that he was off I always came home to a clean house and dinner was done I had no complaints in that department and I did the same for him when I was off and he had to work so it’s a shared responsibility y’all both are working and y’all both want to relax on you all day it’s off but having 3 kids I know it’s difficult but he needs to pitch in

I would stop doing everything. Tell him you need a week off. It’s all his job. Now.

Look like you just paying child support. You right.

I def wouldn’t be his mama thats for sure!!! Stop doing things that have his, him, etc in it…see how that wrks…example, stop doing HIS laundry, stop cooking for HIM…etc…and don’t let him try to degrade u as a bad wife etc…if your doing it all, your a great mom, and wife…to bad he acts like his kids are brothers or sisters and ur his mom…how dare he not go to HIS CHILDS SCHOOL FUNCTIONS!!! and he thinks he’s father of the yr??? U know what u gotta do!!!

Talk to him and if he isn’t willing to change, drop him. Your doing it all yourself anyways and he is just adding extra stress to you. One less person to take care of and look after

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Obviously he has no intentions of helping you, stop everything. Don’t cook for him, don’t do his laundry, don’t do any housework, you’ve got one day off, go out and enjoy yourself.
2 can play at his game.

Just leave on your days off so he has to handle the kids. Leave other stuff also. Like a taste of his own medicine. The ball will be in his court then

Have you actually talked to him ? You know that communication thing adults are supposed to do ?

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It never seems to be 50-50 for some reason the men think it’s always the woman’s place to do the House work cooking and the kids

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He wasn’t raised right

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You may as well be single

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Speak up , and do whats best for you :pray:

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He will only do what you allow…. Once upon a time I stopped doing my husbands laundry, took all of his clothes down that I hung up in the closet, everything out from draws, stopped getting his stuff ready for work (coffee/ meals) and cooking his food. All I did was for the kids. After 2 weeks (bc I sure as hell wasn’t going to cave in) he got the hint and now he does things without me asking

I would say listen if you want me to do ALL the house, kids, school work then you better be paying ALL bills otherwise HELP ME PLEASE​:sweat_smile::upside_down_face: I’m not the super nanny I’m a regular person

Leave and do it alone… why have dead weight…

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You made it acceptable if you’re not happy say some thing or leave… he is only doing what you have allowed him to do

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Nope! My hubby and I both work and we share the load at home. I do most of the laundry and grocery shopping but he helps with cooking and cleaning the house.

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Not going to be the popular opinion here, but…we do this to our own selves, then they just get used to. And then we feel like we’re being taken advantage of. Mine used to say that I was on “vacation” all day, until I just quit doing EVERYTHING! And I do mean, I do EVERYTHING! Including the yard work. I came to the understanding that, firstly, the world will tell you that you HAVE to do all kinds of things that you don’t HAVE to do, and your husband will confirm what the world says, because that is what he learned about “women’s work,” but you don’t! Take a very good look at everything you do in a day. And ask yourself if the world will come to a screeching halt if xyz doesn’t get done today! Dishes not done, they will be there tomorrow. Laundry, tomorrow. Do you HAVE to attend every school function? Nope. Dinner made every single day? Again, nope. If the complaints start, you can kindly tell him that he will have to handle it, or wait until you have time to get it done. It will take him some time to realize that he CAN do lots of things for himself and he won’t like it, but again, we do it to ourselves. :confused::pray:’s

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Yeeeah, that wouldn’t fly with me! Not fair in the slightest. He should be helping with all of those things too. Have you spoke up and voiced that to him?

I real man would help if he had mother who taught him right

Talk 2 him. Some guys u have 2 tell them 2 help ur they won’t do it. When I was working though my husband did help out around the house. He would have the laundry washed n dried, I folded it. He did dishes, n sometimes would have the whole house straitended up b4 I would get home from work. I am not working now though n so I do the house work cooking n cleaning. When I was working he would also go pick our son up from the sitters. He was 1 at the time. I would talk 2 him first though n mayb make a chore list, like put on there what u will do n what u expect him 2 do ur ask him what chores around the house that he wants 2 do. I dont know, I haven’t had this problem with my husband, he would help around the house when I was working n still does now sometimes. Not as much as when I was working but thats ok, cus I am home n can do it there is no reason 4 him 2 have 2 do it since I am here all day😊

I felt the same way till I spoke up. Now he helps all the time. I may have to ask but he does it with no problem. Sometimes men don’t realize what’s right in front of them

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That was my life, and now I am retired, and don’t care if the house is super clean or shut needs to be done. Bc I am retired

If shit needs to be done stupid auto correct

I left a similar relationship. It’s wasn’t realistic and I also wanted for more. So glad I left. He wasn’t willing to change.

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I would talk to him, communication is key in a relationship, especially with kids involved. Hes taking you for granted but then again your allowing it to happen by not talking to him and telling him how you’re feeling. If you love him then try and work it out together, change a few things so EVERYONE is happy.

I supported myself for 6yrs while he did nothing but plan his hunting trips but found out he was supporting hookers and porn,and xdressers now i am gone doin it alone but much happier. I left in 5,000$ depth but all well.

LEAVE, it will never change !

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You should talk to your partner , it has to be 50/50

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I’d say, first talk to him about how you feel. Remember communication is the key! But he don’t care then on your day off do whatever YOU want! If he doesn’t like it then HE can do it. So HE can see how YOU feel! And if you have boys raise em to be independent so they won’t be like their dad n depend on the wife to do everything jus cuz their females.

Make time for yourself!!! You can’t do your best for everyone else, until YOU are at ypur best. You need to find time to relax and do things you enjoy…

This is the advice I wish I received 22 yrs. Ago…

You need to explain it to him…if he’s not on board… There’s always someone else willing to do what he wouldn’t.

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You need to tell him how you feel and what you want and expect out of him and if he ain’t it with you then you’re better off alone collect child support and hire a nanny that is going to help you so you’re not burned out and can start to revisiting your social life and re-learn your self worth while learning how to balance it all with some actual help. Like I tell my kids you should never feel tied down or settle just because you have kids with someone especially if instead of helping you and being supported to become a better version of yourself to have a healthy relationship with him and your kids independently of as a family as a whole then again you are better off with him.

My hubs was pretty much the same way and I kept telling him I want a life partner, not another kid to raise. I stopped doing everything. Before we had kids I told him he needed to help with house work, he said he didn’t care if we had a cow path thru our house to get around. Well…we did for a period! Until his mother and grandmother stopped for a suprise visit. He said he was so embarrassed that I would leave it like that. I told him I was just living by his standards. He started changing then. After kids, he got them handed to him daily to deal with. His mother brought him up that she did everything because she didn’t work. So it took years and a lot of threats that Inwas going to quit working if that was what kind of woman he wanted. He now helps with everything. His mother was so impressed that he helps with everything. Not that she has anything to do with it! Basically wives are just extensions of their mothers, sometimes you need to help them grow into the man yiu want.

My dear. Read what you have wrote. Listen to yourself and you will know.

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Crack down. From the very beginning I have never been my husbands mum. And if I want to go out. I tell him. Don’t ask. Just like he doesn’t need to me. You both need to make time for eachother too. Also if u both work. Why not get a cleaner in? In the UK you’re talking about £20 an hour. An hour a week will give u both a day free. Just a thought. Best decision I ever made. For both of us. X

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it fair for me to do everything?

I asked for a divorce after 20 years of marriage doing exactly what you’re doing. It’s exhausting and your spouse is showing a lot of disrespect and taking you for granted.

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You are worth more so much more

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Who’s fault is that ?

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Tell your spouse he needs to step up and do housework too. That if things continue as they are with you working and doing everything else too that he can pay child support and alimony… It’s a partnership… He doesn’t get to skip out on household duties and go play with friends. You both should have equal opportunity to have a break.

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I would say Bye. You’re already doing everything on your Own!!

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Never stay “because of the kids”! Do you love him? Can you tell him how you feel?

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No it is not fair. Have you verbally expressed to your husband that you need him to step up and start helping? Men are obvious most of the time. You may need to say something along these line “husband I need you to be responsible for taking out the trash daily, and helping with nighttime routine with the kids”. Give him specific duties you need him to take on. If you have and he still is not then he is deliberately deciding to disrespect you and that is not acceptable. Most importantly is the communication between you two. If you are not verbally expressing you need help with whatever then you will never get what you need.

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Well if he’s doing what he wants no it’s not fair and fighting won’t fix it.leave him and say you’ll come back when he’s ready to help ,otherwise he’ll never do it.just my opinion

The advice my dear sweat mother gave me on my wedding day was “If you don’t want to keep doing it, don’t start doing it”.
It made sence to me & 32 years later my husband and I still share the household chores.

So many women end up in a situation/marriage like this and I’ve always wondered why exactly women are chomping at the bit to get married?? Is it just because society places so much of a woman’s success or failure on whether she “got the ring” because I really can’t understand what the appeal is for women?? Majority of marriages are exactly as op described. I can see why men would want to get married, they have someone to do all the housework and cook for them but what’s in it for women? Seems like it just doubles their workload or more.

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Let him do his own laundry!!!
The kids are his too so when you go shopping leave the kids with him. Let him fix them lunch. If you are helping the older one with her school work then dad can tend to the baby. He wants to go out with friends then you get a babysitter and go out with your friends. Hire someone to come in and clean once ot twice a week. Make him help you with housework. If you’re cooking he entertains the kids and he can do dishes while you get the kids ready for bed.

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Fair? Sort him out or roll out. You’re helping him disrespect you.

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Start getting a sitter for your day off and go have fun, let the housekeeping go, and don’t cook for him or do his wash!

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Males want us to do everything.

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Nope its not… i do the same only diff is he does not work either… but I do and I still do it all amd have no kids to worry about … if I dont do it it wont get done

Nope. Main reason me and my first got divorced. His time was his time, I was the made. Didn’t work.

Every longterm relationship ever! Either get used to it or get single.

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You better get it strait soon, otherwise that will be your life.

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On the same boat :weary: it’s exhausting.

Yell him about it, tell him doesnt change next time he heads out and leaves you with it all. Tell him not to come back!

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I would not do his laundry! If he doesn’t help you, then let his laundry go. Don’t iron his clothes either. You need to have a serious discussion with him about duties around the house. If both are working then both should share in the responsibilities. I mean it! Don’t do his laundry!!! Until he steps up!

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I don’t get the impression he was helping before, so why did you make a 2nd child? Anyhow, you need to speak with him.

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Not ok at all. You need to talk to him about it. Also let him live a day in your shoes. Make a list of everything you do and have him do it and see how he feels after that. It should be 50/50.

Hell no!!! I would not stand for that at all. You both work!! So, all household chores should be shared. Anything to do with the kiddos should be shared regardless considering that shouldn’t even be considered a chore. Both of you should WANT to be there for your babies and do whatever is possible for them, together!!!

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Sounded like my marriage before I got divorced

Share the responsibilities, he’s just as much part of the household as the rest of his family and should be able to help out. You should try to communicate to him that you feel overwhelmed by the chores and find a way to split the difference so you both can enjoy your days off. Take a break and let him cook dinner and clean up on your day off so you can go out or spend some time to yourself. Good luck!

If you are partners, the household chores should be shared. Additionally, he bears 50% of the responsibilities for the children.
Make your needs known to him as well as taking steps for self care on your days off. :v::two_hearts:

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New husband, lots out there, not all selfish

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Time to communicate your needs. Instead of saying ‘you need to’ tell him a cleaner is needed to help with laundry and housework and you are going to start looking for help. Don’t put him on the defensive at the beginning. Let him know you would like some relaxing time with the kids such as the movies once a month. Now you can tell him you are feeling overwhelmed and would like for him to take over the trash out every evening. Start small.

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Cleaner is a good idea, make him pay. Say u need help.

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The bar is low…
& men ain’t shit :woman_shrugging:
Mfs act like they CAN’T do things for themselves. They don’t want a partner they want a MOTHER.

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Honestly put your foot down and tell him, if he fights you on it then move on. He sounds like my father and believe me I feel disgusted cause he’s misogynistic and believes women should do the most while men should be treated like kings…I hate him.

Sad that you question it.

Sit down with him and make a To Do List. His chores and your chores. Tell him (don’t ask him) that he will be helping from now on.
If he is a real man he will do it. If he is a slacker and refuses then throw his ass to the curb.

You should both be equals xx

Definitely not okay! That’s basically you being a single mom with a roommate. You are supposed to be in a partnership not a one person does everything while the other doesn’t even do the bare minimum. You need to put your foot down! And have a serious sit down conversation with him about him sharing household responsibilities as well as child caring responsibilities! If he continues to do nothing than you need to re-evaluate your relationship! Because eventually if it’s not already it will lead to resentment and major issues in your relationship! No it’s not okay for him to do absolutely nothing! Especially when it comes to your kids! That’s completely unfair to them as well that he’s not being involved and present in parenting them!!

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