Is it possible I can get custody modified?

So I’m having yet another issue with my child’s father. We have a parenting schedule that’s been in place since our daughter was in 2nd grade. She is now starting middle school. He hasn’t been able to follow this plan bc he’s continuously kicked out of his wife’s house. Anyway, my daughter expressed to me she wasn’t comfortable going over there the first couple of months since she was virtual all year last year. (He also didn’t get her during this time bc he couldn’t keep the internet on) I never take him for contempt. I just keep taking care of my daughter. Lol, moms don’t quit. So I mention to him what our daughter wants he dgaf. He thinks I’m doing/saying this, not her. So she texted him and told him ( she has no relationship with him bc he spends no time with her. So she wasn’t comfortable talking to him in person). He ignores her and starts in on me. Telling me not to have her text him getting in the middle… I don’t think that’s what I was doing. I think she SHOULD be able to talk to BOTH of us… do you ladies think I could go file to modify our agreement and a judge actually take me seriously???

87 Likes

Yes! Custody is modifiable based on change in material circumstance. An eligible change is an inability to keep court ordered custody schedule! It is not fair for you and your daughter to have to live in limbo never knowing if he will have her during his time or not.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it possible I can get custody modified?

Honestly it may be hard since you’ve never officially complained about issues to the court. A good lawyer should be able to help though.

2 Likes

Only one way to find out, take it to court.

1 Like

Do a free lawyer consult

1 Like

I’d look up age of consent in your state. At a certain age, a child can state who they want to be with.

4 Likes

Yes. Plus now your child may be old enough to tell the judge what she wants.

4 Likes

Do it she’s old enough to make her own decision

2 Likes

Yes it can be modified

3 Likes

When shes 13 she can choose who she lives with in most states. But yeah id contact the court

5 Likes

Depending on your state and her age she may be old enough to make that decision, legally, herself to the judge. I would put her in counseling as a proactive measure and then file.

3 Likes

I feel like maybe at her age, a judge may take her opinion on the matter into consideration

1 Like

Document every single thing. We called it a paper trail when I was a social worker" very important you keep every single thing if he’s" a no show,? Document it, can’t keep the internet on" document it! Cross all your T’s and dot all your I’s from here on out!

4 Likes

I definitely would try. With her being in middle school she should have more of a say, and he keep having issues keeping internet on which affects her education, and he doesn’t have a stable home life. They should take all these things into account

Fuck him take him to court

Yes do it immediately.

Modify the agreement she might be old enough to choose anyway, he sounds like a real jerk

Yup, my son had to appear in the judges chambers to clear up everything. In NJ the child has to be 13. The handle children gently and professional in doing so. SON THREW HIS DAD UNDER THE BUS

Yes. Document everything, get legal help.

Take him to court. Atm he’s just ignoring her and etc. Imagine if and ever his spouse gets vengeful and takes it out on you’re daughter. Instead of being on you’re daughter side he will side with wife. Take matter into you’re own hands especially since you’re daughter has expressed her uncomfortableness

1 Like

Yes and take your daughter! The judge may talk to her alone an dog she tells him what she’s said to you you may get full custody

2 Likes

Check with the court facilitator and see what needs to he filed to do an ammendment.

If your state doesn’t do the legally able to choose after 13 you can still get a child advocate to assess the situation and they’d fight for what’s best for the daughter

Yes your daughter is also old enough to speak for herself in court

YES!!! Do a modification and contempt at the same time.

2 Likes

Document everything you can… and your state may take her opinion into consideration, so definitely worth a shor to together it reevaluated.

1 Like

If he isn’t getting her anyway I don’t see why not but never let her see you make him out to be a bad guy she’ll realize that on her own and she won’t resent you

3 Likes

Your child is a human being and needs to be heard . She has said she is not comfortable with him . Red Flag !!! He does’nt have a relationship with her , does’nt follow the plan and blatantly dgaf about how she feels . Personally i think the judge should nail his arse to the wall and make him understand how privileged he is to have a daughter !!

Daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, he doesn’t sound like much of a father anyway. YES

1 Like

They told me at my custody thing to make sure you write down when he see her and all that and write down what time he got her and dropped off

Yes and depending on which state, she can tell a judge straight from her mouth how she feels

Have HER speak to the judge

My daughter made the decision to stop visiting her dad when she was 13. He could have taken me to court but I’m sure he was advised (as I was) the judge would listen to the child and make the determination from there. Unless the child has cognitive development issues, most judges listen.
My son will be 13 in December and really doesn’t want to go either. My only requirement is that they need to tell their dad (even after the fact) because it coming from me appears as though I’m holding them from him. My son has a ways to go in the area of courage but he knows I’ll stand by him and support the decision.
In your state you may need to go through mediation to make changes.

The judge can take into consideration what the daughter says. But at the same time, unless there is a significant reason (neglect or abuse) the judge might not change the schedule.

Is she at least 12 years old? Used at 12 a child could choose who to see? I wouldn’t make her have a relationship with him. If he wants to then he would be the one showing an interest. Hell no don’t make her go.

1 Like

If she is old enough to speak her mind in court take her and good luck i kinda been there myself my daughter is almost 26 and hasn’t seen her dad sense between 3and 5 yrs old and when went anyway she wasn’t comfortable and he also had supervised visits and after or before I found out she was always with a sitter.

1 Like

Yes go file. Maybe the judge will let her talk to them. I would write everything down like when he does take her and when he doesn’t.

1 Like

Leave it alone, don’t push it. She sees things already. Just be the parent you are being. I deal with similar :woman_facepalming:

Yes! If he’s been unable to stick to the plan, a judge will see that and it will most likely go completely in your favor. I’ve seen judges even award the mother more child support because the father has had the child less in cases like this. :woman_shrugging:t3:

1 Like

If in the state of Michigan children age 9 and over have the right to choose if they want to go to the other parties house I just went through this with my daughter

3 Likes

Ur daughter is old enough now that a judge will listen to HER.

1 Like

Just document then take it all back to to judge and ask for a modification let’s just hope it don’t take 7 years like mine did but it’s over and my husband is adopting

In Australia they get to make their own decisions after 12 years old. So if she wants to get them changed then let her. No reason she should feel unsafe or anything but as long as it is her idea.

Do it, if you have proof even better

And even if it fails or is only slightly modified at least your child knows you took what she said into account and you have her back, especially if she isn’t comfortable with him.

Go do it. If you feel it’s right. Only you know - go with your gut - never underestimate a “Momma’s gut”:heart::v:t4:

Also get her to tell lawyer for child how she feels, note when he misses his ordered times, and let your lawyer know, and build a case for court.

2 Likes

Depending what state you live in, (I live in Pa) , she may be able to choose for herself… here, once you’re 12 you are allowed to decide whether you want to go on visitations with the non-custodial parent

1 Like

Doesn’t sound like he’s in a stable relationship with a safe place to have your daughter stay. She is also old enough to put her case to the judge and be listened to.
Id go back to court…good luck

2 Likes

If you have proof that he’s not taking care of her and he’s not seeing her they will modify

I think that no matter what, you’ll never regret fighting for the best interest of your child. Someone needs to advocate for her.

2 Likes

I’m not sure why you’re even asking for our opinion, just do it. You need to do whatever needs to be done for the well being of your child no one else. Just get it done and your life will be so much easier.

The judge should take your daughter seriously. And that’s what matter here. Save any and all texts for the judge to see also.

Once she’s a certain age she can go into the courts and tell them what she wants. I would modify. Especially if she’s not comfortable, don’t put her in that situation

Absolutely I keep a journal of everything on what date and time ! It goes a long way in court .if your kid is old enough tbe judge might even talk to the child!

Omg he sounds like my pos narcissist bd smh. I think for your daughters sake and sanity, her peace, it’s worth a try.

13 in texas 14 in Missouri to decide who she wants to be with

Yes she old enough to say her wishes

In some states at 13 they let the child choose.

With his responses you will not have an issues winning! Keep everything through text and you will be ok! Print it out file your paperwork and have everything in a folder. And just say this is what it is dealing with him he can’t maintain a house hold to provide stability she isnt comfortable over there she is 12 not 2 and she knows what it means. When approached he acts like its irrelevant but it is. He doesn’t do a, b, c, and d and its pointless to have this in place until he can maintain a household and build a relationship with my daughter. :woman_shrugging:t3:

2 Likes

Absolutely and the judge needs to ask her. She’s old enough

Yes at this age a judge should listen and take into consideration what she’s comfortable with

I would change my phone number and only talk to each other thru email or a parental portal that way everything is recorded. If your daughter is not comfortable then go modify.

1 Like

Yep… And her opinion will matter.

Go to court ask judge to talk to her

When is a child allowed to speak in the courts? Pa.

she is of the age where she can voice her self. I would go to court on this for sure

2 Likes

She’s old enough! They will have a guardian ad litem will probably be asiigned for her best interest. Trust me…… she’s old enough to say what she wants

4 Likes

Keep records of all conversation regarding the matter and file for a court hearing. If your child is old enough she can make her own choice

2 Likes

Records of everything’ he said, or texted either of you. Date and time with circumstance if possible. Courts don’t like cell phones so print it out. Nice big notebook

If she is old enough she might be able to talk to the judge herself and tell them how she feels about being with her father and that when she does spend time with him his really not there

By middle school the judge will listen to her

1 Like

Yes you can Modify they will listen to her

1 Like

As long as she is 13 she can tell the judge what she wants and what she doesn’t want.

Keep note of everything it helps alotttt date time everything any encounter with the father positive or negative

2 Likes

Yes I think you should fight for her

1 Like

You can always get custody modified at any given moment. Go ahead and file a contempt order to modify. It’s free. I’ve been in this position. And always advocate for her :heart:

2 Likes

Get a lawyer, document everything and advocate for them to hear your daughter.

2 Likes

She should have an opinion.

2 Likes

Yes especially if she’s in middle school she has a say. I went for modification for my 6 year old and the ass didn’t even show so of course they ruled in my favor…you never know he may not even show thinking they wont

Yes and depending on her age she can talk to judge herself

2 Likes

Yes, if you think there’s an issue and your daughter has expressed this to you do what you can. Your owe your daughter the fight.

2 Likes

I think at 12 they get to decide if they want to go or not. May want to see what the age is in your state

2 Likes

Time for a mitagation counselor for the child to express their desires.

2 Likes

Yes. You just have to go to court. Document everything.

1 Like

You can take it back to court. Record, record and record!! And judges take in to affect what your child has to say and how they feel.

2 Likes

Yes. A. Judge. Would listen

1 Like

Yes you need to. If she doesn’t want to go. Sounds like something else may be going on. Maybe she’s getting treated bad when she there

2 Likes

She absolutely deserves and needs to be able to say how she’s feeling. You are only supporting her the way you should.

1 Like

I would get visitation modified

3 Likes

She can legally speak for herself now.

4 Likes

You are doing what is in the best interest of your child and you are listening to your child as well can’t seem to say the same for her dad - yes you should be able to go back to the courts over the circumstances and the judge should listen to the child as well - she is the one who is uncomfortable and doesn’t have the relationship she needs with him and by all means take her with you and let her write her feelings out in the petition and sign it - give her the strength she deserves to be able to speak her mind and feelings on the matter…keep up the great work being a great mom.

How old is she? In the state of NC at 12 a child can say they do not want to go anymore and a judge will listen and talk to them

1 Like

Middle school age is old enough for the court to listen to her opinions and wants as far as visitation.

Definitely take it back to court for a modification.

4 Likes

Print off a modification for custody online. Simple.

Depends on the state. At age 12, a judge will talk to the child and take into consideration what they have to say. But, they will weigh what the child wants with how important they feel the relationship with the father still is. And consider any damage that might be occur if she were forced to keep the current schedule. I think there is a good chance they would decrease the visitation, but still keep it on a regular basis, like once a month or something like that. Depends on if she’s 12 or 14 though. They tend to listen more the older the child is and if there are problems with education, etc…when the child is there. So get ready to present texts, etc…as documentation proving he hasn’t kept internet current.

1 Like

I am going through something very similar, with the exception that dad’s fiancé is a real piece of work and says horrid things to my daughters. They also continue to get evicted and blame it on having to pay child support. I petitioned the court for a Guardian Ad Litem and it has been a game changer! I recommend that for you.

Yes, I think a judge should listen to her. Each state is different but it’s unfair for her if she feels uncomfortable.

Absolutely! It’s actually pretty common. I see it all of the time (I work at a Law Office). Document every little thing. Pictures of any incidents/interactions, including any screenshots that could aid your side between you and him, you and your daughter, If she has ever communicated being uncomfortable/expressed her feelings on not having a desire to stay over there and/or anything she says that could help detail/outline the reasons why. Any communications regarding the situation. Every time he’s supposed to have her that he doesn’t get her/Isn’t with her when she is there/any delayed exchange of child. Most lawyers will want to see copies of your previous Court Papers/Orders/Agreements.
It doesn’t seem like this could be done amicably on his end so the Judge will probably refer your case to mediation if the lawyer doesn’t suggest it & if no new Agreement comes to fruition they may appoint a “Friend of Court” (FOC) or Guardian ad litem (GAL), if they haven’t already, which can be a great tool.Especially since she has made it known that she has opinions, I think it would greatly benefit in your case. An FOC/GAL, their sole purpose is to protect the interests of the minor child, basically a “mouth piece” for the child, making recommendations to the Court based on what they observe/hear/see, in the best interest of child. This includes custody, visitation rights & parenting time.
I think it’s a great idea & wish you luck, & hope you and your daughter get the outcome that’s healthies & works best for you both. :relaxed::two_hearts:

3 Likes

Go to the child support office and have a mediator. Document everything also. Prayers to you & yours :heart:

1 Like