I had postpartum rage for sure. My then 2 year old was hard to deal with, on top of having an infant and two other children 
Same… my daughters are 3 1/2 and 7 months. My oldest began acting out the day we brought her sister home from the hospital. She instantly fell in love with her sister but not so much the sharing of her parents. Although she receives plenty of attention and entertainment she often acts out negatively because she wants more. Having a newborn to care for is difficult enough but add to it an increase in my anxiety postpartum and the demon that inhabited my child… resentment grew. At the advice of her Developmental Pediatrician we stopped admonishing her for the negative unless it’s a safety concern and started acknowledging her positive actions with positive reinforcement e.g. high fives and verbal praise. It’s been a game changer! She’s starting to feed off the positive energy and now wants to be helpful. It doesn’t always work but has helped lower my irritability and made my relationship with her more peaceful and enjoyable. Good luck mama!
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She loves her sister, not jealousy of her per se, jealous of less attention. Any attention (bad) is better then no attention. She needs your attention momma. She needs special one on one time. I know it sounds hard but you have to or she will become resentful and her behavior worse. You were once her whole universe and she was yours and now she’s realizing she’s not your whole universe, that she has to share, that hurts.
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It’s natural. She is jealous and wants you. She’s also 3 and nowhere near mature enough to understand her emotions or actions yet. She’s also a baby. Don’t forget that.
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Sounds completely normal. She’s used to having your complete attention and now she’s having to share you. So she’s going to do anything and everything to get it. Spend some special time with her when baby is sleeping or when dad is home and can attend to the baby. Find an activity that the two of you can do together during that time. Or just sit and cuddle with her. Carve some time out every day just for her to have your undivided attention.
Yes! Please seek medical assistance. Medication helped me in the same situation.
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She can love the baby but dislike you for the favoritism. If you don’t fix it, she will turn on the baby.
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She is jealous that’s all and is very common, try to spend some time with just you and her , ask her to help you with baby ( with your supervision) so she doesn’t feel left out.
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She can feel and sense all of your resentment and it’s MAKING her act out because that’s when she will get your attention, even if it’s for the wrong reasons.
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When you have postpartum depression it will effect anyone not just baby so yes
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Acknowledgment is the first step to progress. You are human. Next step is management. Research and Google ways and ideas.
This situation is very trying. You will get through it.
My suggestion is …when upset…stop…breathe deeply…drink cold water…count to 10…before reaction.
My prayers are for you.
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You need counsling now, its isn’t normal and needs stopped before you damage your child doing it? You know what you are doing is wrong, yet you still do it. She is a child, you are the adult. She might be acting out, but that is normal, your reaction is not.
She is probably acting out bc she is jealous the baby is getting more attention than she is so she is acting out! Try spending some one on one time with her. Make time for just her. I bet you that it would make a world of a difference in her behavior.
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No you need to remember she’s a child, she wants maybe More alone time. She doesn’t hate you, she’s probably picky with her food. I think you need to read how kids think and feel. Find a parenting class something. She’s not trying to make you mad she’s a kid. Spend more time with her and baby too.
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This is a rough transition for her. She was used to being your only baby. Not saying that to make you feel bad. I have went through it 2 times. Maybe when possible, make some special mommy and daughter time for her. It can be difficult with a new baby, but she just wants to be reminded that you still love her. She’s still so young. Children don’t express themselves the way we can. They don’t understand their feelings as well.
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Hun this is pretty normal. Having a baby and a toddler can be a juggle. The big sis will be adjusting and competing for love and time. Find something special to do when bub has a nap or on the weekend just for big sis. She’s used to having mum all to herself. It gets better 
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Your resentment to her may be based in your own self hatred. She is likely exhibiting traits and characteristics that you recognize from your own childhood. Find out what you don’t like about yourself, heal, and break this cycle. If you don’t address this your older daughter will resent her sister and potentially take her feelings out on her.
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I don’t think it’s techincally postpartum but honestly it’s probably the sleep deprivation. You’re more irritable towards little things and you can’t yell at the baby so the toddler is getting the bad end of it. It happened to me when my second was born too. I had to realize I was being way too harsh because I was so tired and stressed and my hormones were crazy
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Your probably tired, exhausted and mentally drained… it’s normal to feel what your feeling. I would make sure you include her when your attending to the baby. It’s normal for your toddler to feel jealous. It takes time to adjust to everything.
Yes!!! I totally had that I think they call it postpartum rage. I’m usually SO chill but I had 2 under 2 and a cheating husband who worked nights at the time. I was alone and already struggling and my newly 2 yr old had high needs with SPD and ADHD. I was so loving with the baby, and always was with her too but after the baby was born I struggled with her alot! I sought counseling and it took a long time but I got better. Some try medication. It can come from a hormonal imbalance after birth, seek help! You are not a bad mom! You just need more tools during this time 
also even nuerotypical kids get jealous when they get a new sibling in the mix!
Sounds like you’re tired and need some help. Can you put the toddler in a preschool so you and her are getting breaks from each other?
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It absolutely can be jealousy. She’s had you to herself for 3 years, she’s still a baby herself. She needs her momma and she’s looking for attention. Ask her to help with the baby let her get involved and do as much as she can. Play with just her, read to her.
I went through this when my youngest was born, my oldest was 10 and more than capable of articulating what was wrong. She adores her sister, loved on her every second, but having all of my attention on the baby was hard on her and she started acting out bad.
Imagine a 3 year old who can’t tell you exactly what’s wrong.
Patience with her. She needs you now more than you know. She needs to know you love her just as much as you love the baby.
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I felt the same abd sometimes still do. Give it time. My children 2,4,7
It can absolutely be jealousy. She’s only 3 and still needs your attention just as much as the new baby. My youngest girls are 4 and 5 and get jealous of each other daily. My 5 yr old acts out something terrible when she needs/wants my attention.
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Young children/toddlers are trying when there’s only one. Add a baby in the mix and it’s so much more. Try to remember that she’s still just a ittle kid. Kids push boundaries, they vie for attention, they forget and straight up ignore you. Count to ten, count to 50 if that’s what it takes, then remind her, pay attention to what she’s saying (even when it’s the 20th time she’s said it), ask her to help you with small things, basically engage. When mine was little, I would let her help me fold clothes and put them away. I would go back later and refold those rags but she got the chance to “help” and my attention. We also used a timer for times when I just needed a few minutes. I would tell her that I needed a few minutes, set it for 5 minutes and then when the timer went off, give her my attention for a few. You got this! Hugs for you all.
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She’s three…and there’s a new baby getting attention when she got it all.
She’s going to be whiny and not want to eat her food and want to play all the time…she’s still a baby too. Expecting her to just fall in line and do what you ask 110% of the time isn’t going to help. She sees you giving loving attention to the younger and probably just wants attention, even if it’s in a negative way bc that’s all she’s getting.
Try spending time with her. Color, go for a walk with both kids, build a fort, pick flowers, sh*t my daughter likes making toast just so she can butter it. Being angry at her for being a kid is going to make her want to ball up more.
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I had a horrible time with my oldest after my second was born. She was 17 months old when I had her baby sister and she hated that poor baby with everything in her. I felt guilty for even taking care of my baby because my oldest would get so upset and jealous. I finally had enough and took my oldest to a behavioral physiologist. She instructed me to ignore any bad behavior, just completely ignore it. But to balance that with lots and lots of praise when she was good. Allow her to help change baby, feed baby, pick out outfits, baths. Anything that’ll get her involved. It took time but eventually my oldest settled down and everything went back to normal
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That’s an internal problem with yourself. Number one 4 year Olds always test your patience. She will listen much better if you are understanding with her. You know what you are doing is wrong but only you can fix it.
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Your 3 year old is acting like that because she’s 3. She probably acted like that before the baby, but you didn’t realize because you only had her to handle. You’re obviously stressed but see an infant and not going to take the stress out on the infant. While I do agree you shouldn’t just let your child get away with things, you also have to remember she is 3. Even if you consciously have to say in your head, “Yes I am stressed, but my child is just being a child” and take a deep breath. That’s what I had to do. Also, even if she loves her sister and is sweet to her, she can still be jealous and instead of being mean to the baby she is acting out in other ways to get your attention. 6 weeks ago her life drastically changed in a lot of ways she doesn’t understand. Give her some extra mommy time while she gets used to her new normal. And that can take many months
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Take theolder child on a date, just the two of you. She went from being your no 1 to your no 2 quickly. She needs reassurances she is still a priority. Hubby or granny watches baby and you girls go for a little date. Try do alone time or bake with her. It helps them feel included.
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Sounds like you need a break
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You possibly do have post Partum depression as mood swings are one of the signs. It’s not aimed at a particular child, you just have it. Your eldest child is at the age of testing boundaries too. Which is why you feel the way you do towards her. Set clear rules and have mummy daughter dates with just you and her as a reward for good behaviour
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Sounds a bit like jealousy plus terrible threes. Three is a hard age in general. Hang in there momma! I have 3 kids two boys(10&7) and my daughter turns 3 in august and she is in that stage of not listening, throwing tantrums, not wanting to eat what I cook, ect. It’s a normal thing at this age, don’t beat yourself up. I went through it with all 3 of mine. Especially with my oldest son and we had my second son he was about that age. So adding a new baby defiantly does has some to do with it as well.
It’s you and your inappropriate expectations!
YOU need help.
Your toddler is acting appropriately for a child who is being displaced by a baby.
Especially a toddler who has a mother that doesn’t seem to have prepared or educated herself AT ALL!
Do you have a partner? Where is he in all of this?
My heart is breaking for that 3 year old.
Sorry but You need to GTFU. Smh…
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Postpartum depression isn’t “towards” anyone. Actually says a lot that you worded it that way… poor girl. Hope she gets love.
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Yes you absolutely can. Postpartum depression can be in the form of depression, sadness, being easily irritated, angered…it can be ANYTHING. I had this exact issue. But I got help. My two year old was bored and getting jealous. We put him in daycare two days a week (Montessori) and I got on medication…it’s nothing you should be ashamed of and I am appalled at all you mothers on here saying mean things to you instead of reminding you to breath, take a moment and ask for help, even if the help comes in the form of pharmaceuticals. It really can get better but you have to take the first steps. Wish I could offer you a cup of coffee and an ear. It’s going to be okay 
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She needs your love, not your rejection. She is so little and needs you. When you get irritated at her, it only makes her act out, just to get your attention.
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If your first child was a surprise then it may be that you had all this responsibility on you at a young age. Usually the second child is easier. Be patient with yourself
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I think it’s jealousy. Please treat your oldest right. She must feel like shhh.
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Perhaps she is stressed out by the environment…maybe you both need a special Mommy & 0Daughter day…just the two of you doing special girly things togethr.
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I,ve been there.It’s very hard with 2 little daughters,demanding all the attention all the time.
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She’s looking for negative attention…it’s better than none at all
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Treat them equal…yes the baby needs you but so does the other children… you’re showing favoritism and the other children see it…
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Could be jealousy my eldest adores her sister still does but she still gets jealous, yiur eldest Could be jealousy she could miss things that maybe can’t so now you got a baby and if your shouting at her all the time and not baby, my girls are 5 and 1 and half and are both jealous of each other if I’m giving one attention the other has to get involved same with there dad
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She’s having issues feeling left out and unloved. Carve out some WE Time when the baby is napping. This is very important. Involve her with simple child care. Please try to be gentle and careful with her.
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I was the opposite. I resented my baby because he was colicky and took any time I had away from my daughter and I just cried. Postpartum is very real. My baby is 5 months now and my daughter is 20 months and I’m finally getting the swing of things. It takes time. I still start to feel that way sometimes when he’s super fussy and he’s sleeping on me. I feel like I can’t tend to my daughter like I should, which is t really the truth.
It may be jealousy. She can probably see that you love the baby but don’t love her. Please be kind to her, she is still a baby herself. You may need professional help.
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My boys are 3 years apart. The summer my youngest was born my 3 yr old turned into a turd. Jealousy overload. Negative attention is better than no attention if baby has all of you.
Involve her in stuff, take a day for you and her.
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I wouldn’t say your depressed but angry with your 3 year old for some reason smh The fact that you even worded that way makes me sad and concerned for your child since you clearly favor one over the other. You can’t be depressed towards just one person and you can’t turn it off and on at a drop at a dime. You’re probably able to be loving towards your baby after punishing your 3 year old because you’ve taken out all of your anger on her. You also need to realize that your 3 year old is still a baby too who isn’t gonna listen all the time and want to eat all her food. She needs love from you not rejection and that constant rejection is what’s causing her to look at you like you are treating her cruelly which in reality, you are doing that. This is a YOU problem not her problem smh. Sounds like you need therapy
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She wants attention she is adjusting as well stop being mean to her. Please get help she can probably feel she is getting treated differently.
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I think you should talk to your Pediatrician ASAP, you may have Postpartum depression, how ever your taking it out on your oldest and that’s not right or fair. She’s still very little herself and doesn’t understand all the changes happening around her. She needs her mommy too just like the baby, maybe you need a mommy and daughter day with her without the baby. She’s seeking your attention other than negative attention. Please, talk to your doctor. 
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It wouldn’t be towards your eldest it would just be PPD in general, but other than describing a typical nearly 3yr old you haven’t really said anything else that would scream PPD to me. If you feel you have any symptoms of PPD speak to someone though.
Your tired & your eldest is just trying to find her place now a new sibling has arrived. She’s barely 3 & you are expecting way too much from her, she’s still a baby & wants your time as well.
I have a 2.5yr old & a 5m old so am in your boots, it’s all about distraction, explanation & time with your eldest without the baby. She will get there but it takes time x
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Can happen. Stress is funny
Are you in a better place than you were when you had your oldest? Maybe different dads, or you’re more secure in life at this point? I have a 9 year old, and while I don’t foresee myself having another child, IF I was too…that pregnancy would be very different than my first. I would never be a “baby mama” again. I can’t imagine pregnancy with a doting partner. I think I would feel differently cause it would go differently. Also 3-4 years does make s huge difference. Maturity, life lessons. Having two children is not easy. And three year olds are assholes (sorry, not sorry). 6 weeks is like, in a groove. You’ve got shit down pat. Your three year old is UNPREDICTABLE. Forget the terrible 2s. It’s the Tornado threes. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
It’s jealousy I went through this myself. You have to set one on one time always invite the oldest to be apart of the babies routine but don’t force it. Take time for you and breathe.
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No but I ve been there get help xx it will get better xx
She’s 3 doing normal 3 year stuff… she’s just gone from been the only child to have your attention to having to share you with the baby weather she loves her or not, you creating the jealousy by favouring one over the other… spend time with just her …
I had ppd and it’s not just towards one child you still need to talk to some one about how your feeling.
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You’re older child May love the baby but her whole world has been changed and tbh the way you are towards her is going to make it worse. She is trying to show you how she’s feeling she’s 3 so she can’t express emotions and feelings like older children/people can. She’s looking the attention from you like she had before. Try and understand her feelings and spend some quality time with her instead of the frustration try making things into a game and using bribery and distraction. Give lots of praise, rewards and cuddles and make sure you have 1 on 1 time with her when you’re babies sleeping. If babies crying and fussy include your 3 year old let her help you. It’s not rocket science .
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Yes depressed, BUT the 3 year old is jealous and you are showing favorites… plus the 3 year old is still learning how to control her feelings
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She is 3. She is still a baby herself. It’s so common for oldest children to also regress when a new baby enters the family. She is probably struggling to adjust to, jealous and feeling pushed out - and to be honest the way you’re treating her will only make things worse. You need to seek help IMMEDIATELY. This isn’t your 3 year olds fault
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She’s a 3 year old. They require a LOT of patience, that’s why it’s harder. She isn’t perfect, and is still learning life, as well. I know you’re tired, but give her your time, when you can. Baby is napping, read a story with her, sing songs, snuggle on the couch, etc. Let her help with baby in little ways that she can so she feels important, and tell her that she is really helping. She wants attention, and to know that you still love her as much. Be proactive with her. Sit with the baby and let her play like she is cooking and feeding you. All you have to do is sit there, pretend to eat and that it’s yummy. Little creative situations. How can a kid love their sister too much? That’s great that she loves her baby sister. It’s not easy, and I know you’re exhausted, understandably. Just remember she also needs love and her mom.
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At three-year-old, most emotions and feelings are communicated through actions. It’s difficult as a parent, especially when we have another little human as demanding as a baby. She feels left out, she feels like the only way to get attention is to do things, like breaking things, not eating…
You certainly need one-to-one time with your three year old… it’s a huge change for the whole family having another baby, especially for first child…
I remember having my daughter, my son was 22 months at the time and he wouldn’t come anywhere near us… he didn’t really understand, suddenly it had gone from having my undivided attention to having to share it.
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The child is just 3 years old going in to 4 years, she’s just a baby, she’s not going to listen all the time to you and eat her food. I have a 4 months old and a 4 years old. Yes my 4 years old get jealous sometimes but not for long because I show her so much love as well. And I let her help me out with her sister. She’s bringing me the diaper, she watch me bathe her sister, I let her sit down in front the baby and play, I take her out on a date just me and her or me and her father and her. My 4 years old never feel unlove or unfair. What you are doing to your almost 4 years old babygirl is not right. She’s just a baby too. Please be fair and stop treating her like that. She will end up hating you for sure and it will be all your fault!
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Children can see favouritism, your 4 year old is ‘acting up’ because any attention even if it’s negative is better than none at all 
If you’re constantly shouting at your oldest child, being angry with her and putting her for frequent time outs meanwhile being loving and patient with your baby your older child will be feeling left out and unloved 
I know it’s hard with 2 children, I have 2 little ones myself but I really think you need to at least try to have a little patience with your oldest, be loving and caring with her and get that connection back 
I’m sure she isn’t jealous of her baby sister, she must love her a lot but it’s still a massive change going from being an only child and having mummy all to herself to sharing you and being pushed aside bless her 
I think even something small like scooping her up for cuddles and kisses throughout the day, when the baby is having a nap doing something just you two, even if it’s just cuddling watching her favourite cartoons and having some nice snacks, or playing a game or with her toys together I think even 10/15 minutes of your attention will make a big difference 
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PPD is towards anyone, it’s about the hormones in ones body go here & there after one has a baby, You are just upset how your child is acting. Maybe do something special with your daughter after your baby is asleep, Maybe include your child with some help with the baby, so she doesn’t feel left out. Like getting you a diaper to change the baby, Have her draw pictures for the baby, Have her sing her favorite song to her new baby so her new baby knows that she is her big sister, When you are feeding the baby, whether a bottle or breast, have your child talk the baby & tell her how her day is going, what she did , what she likes to do & she can’t wait until the baby is old enough so she can show her how to do everything. And if possible, if you have family, maybe one can take your daughter for a few hrs to give you some alone time, hopefully when the baby is sleeping or just to relax
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Shes going to be seeing the favouritism, you can’t love one child and just constantly lose your patience with the other. Imagine how she feels, the hugs used to be hers, the kisses, the long nights with mummy by her side. She’s 3. She’s still a baby too, treat her like one, she’s learning everyday exactly like the 6 week old. If you keep up the favouritism then you’ll make it harder on yourself because her attitude towards you will only get worse. Its alot easier done too, I’ve raised a new born with a 19 month old, single mother, threw a pandemic and DA environment. My oldest is also 4 in augest and my youngest is 2. Not one gets more patience then the other. They BOTH still so little remeber that… Breath woman.
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Spends some one on one time with the older!!
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Hope you have blood work & have your doctor check to see what vitamins you need like prenatal vitamins because kids are a handful. Hope you give the kids a 2 hour nap time. Noon to 2 P.M. worked for us.
Your 3 yr. old is being 3. And don’t forget she was the only one for 3 yrs. She needs more loving from you not yelling at her. If she doesn’t want to eat when you want her to that’s being 3. She’s not going to starve. Give that girl more love and time with you. One on one. Children are precious.
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Get help for your anger that Is brewing so u don’t wind up potentially abusing ur child
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What she needs is positive attention from mom, she has picked up that if she acts out she no matter what will get your attention. I know baby is young but you need to set some time out for just you and her, and might I suggest some serious counseling to help you get through this.
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You are just overwhelmed and frustrated, I just had this issue with my 3.5 year old. I tell myself a little mantra whenever he is being defiant and stubborn: He is just a baby still, He is still learning his feelings, emotions and how to express them".
He’s also in the most annoying phase, the “why” phase! It’s cute, but it’s constant! I’ve listened to Janet Lansbury podcast called Unruffled. I’ve watched 8 episodes of supernanny, I’ve tried to make time for even just snuggles as I think that is what he’s missing the most from me as my baby seems to always need to be in my arms.
You will find your groove, my baby is 6 months and now things are settling and becoming more manageable.
You are all adjusting!
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If it is possible for someone else to take care of the baby for a little bit and spend some one on one time with your oldest, I highly suggest it. It sounds like you all need to reconnect and she needs some extra love. Children ask for love in the most unloving way sometimes. Also please talk to your doctor. These are not things to be ashamed of as it can happen to the best moms, but it is good to ask for help.
Also try to include her in what you can… getting a rag, patting the babies back, rocking her, reading them both a book, helping wash her, etc. This really helps because she will feel included and in control.
My youngest are 2 years apart and oh how I miss those days! Do what you can to enjoy them because you don’t want to carry regrets. Also do what you can to grow their bond with each other. It is totally worth it as they are growing up together!
I hope things get better soon!
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I had the same issue with my daughter whose 4 ab to be 5 when I had her brother a year ago. She started to mimic him as I paying more attention to him where I was breast feeding. When he turned ab 3/4 months old everytbing settled down. I started spending his nap time with her and she gets an hr of me to herself before bed. I started playing with her for 5-10 mins when I had it. I basically spent any “free” time I had with her so when her brother was up or around she didn’t feel like she was in competition with him for attention and then slowly she started playing with him and realizing she had to be easy.
I’m sure your 4 yr is just missing mommy.
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its definitely jealousy…give her lots of attention wjem baby is sleeping or isn being held
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3 year olds can’t have attitudes on purpose, their brain isn’t even functional in that way. However, your eldest can see the difference in treatment. Mine are 3 & 5, there is no forcing them to eat, they eat when they’re hungry. Take your 3yo on a date and let them know how loved and special they are. Make sure to remind them how special & loved they are all the time. Every day. Find your patience for your eldest. It’s not their responsibility, it’s yours.
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Need frequent time out, with quality time just with 3 yr old. Just you 2 everyday for at least 20 mins up to an hr. Ask someone to hold bubba while you and toddler spend quality time. Then get some alone time!!
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She CAN love the baby but be jealous of how you treat abby over her and the lack of time she now has because of the baby. Remember SHE was the baby of the family, she got that attention and now its gone. That will have a major impact on her especially if she is having a hard time, needs you and rather than getting positive loving getting yelled at. Spend one on one with her daily
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You need to remember this is a huge change for her as well. She just went from being your baby to the second child and she’s being treated just as that. Take some time out and spend some one on one time with just her. She is probably 100 percent jealous and you’re just not seeing it. She not getting your attention anymore like she used too. She’s doing bad things because she isn’t getting any positive attention. At least negative attention is still attention. Take a minute and sit back and put yourself in her shoes. She’s 3 years old. She’s still a baby.
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She needs you to remember that she was there first and this is a big adjustment for her as well. She needs her mommy, just like before baby was born. You need to make time to dedicate uninterrupted 1 on 1 time with her and let daddy or grandma take over for a bit. The baby will be fine without you for a couple hours to remind your oldest daughter she’s still loved, “#1”, and part of this family;that her feelings and needs matter too. If you’re breast feeding, pump for the feedings you’ll be absent for. She needs your attention too and it sounds like she’s not getting enough. Mama’s have to learn to stretch and bend. I know, I have 3 girls myself.
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Nope. You’re well past the post partum stage
It’s normal . The oldest wants more attention so they are going to get any kind of attention from you that they can be negitive or positive
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Emphasize about her being the older sister, and make an effort to have special one-on-one time explaining to your oldest that she did the same thing as a new baby, telling her special stories and that she took a lot of work and love also ,but look at the wonderful big sister that she grew up into. Continue to have special time even if it’s just cuddling on the couch watching one of her shows…
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Maybe you do have ppd and are taking it out on your oldest.
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She’s acting out to get attention. Baby I’m sure gets all the love and attention right now because it’s the baby and they need it. Try spending more 1 on 1 time with the oldest and give more positive reinforcement. With my daughter I’ve noticed she usually only acted up when she was tired hungry or just needed some kisses and cuddles and almost always it was that easy to fix her tantrums
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Your oldest wants attention. You have to understand that until the baby came, they had your attention 24/7. They didn’t have to share you.
They can love their sibling and still be jealous of the time they are losing with you.
Try to make sure you have at least 1 day a week where you spend 1 on 1 time with each child. At least 2 hours. Or 20 to 30 mins each day. You could go play in their room, have a tea party, play some games, read stories, go to the park, have a picnic, go to a movie, ect.
Eating is an issue in my house as well. Mostly because they are fixated on something else. I make sure they have fruits and veggies to snack on. I will cut up some strawberries, celery, ect. Just a few pieces for each of them and just let them know it’s there. I do this a couple times a day inbetween meals. Sometimes I have to convince my 3 year old to try new foods. I do push fluids if I notice they haven’t been drinking much that day (my 5 year old) my 3 year old drinks like a fish! So I have to slow him down about 2 hours before bed. I also make sure they have vitamins every morning just in case.
Another issue I have noticed in regards to behavior issues with mine is boredom. I do a lot of redirecting to different activities.
One thing I noticed that helped my 5 year old’s behavior when the 3 year came along was to make sure I spent time cuddling with both of them together while telling them how great they are, how much I love them.
The last piece of advice is that you have to acknowledge the good behavior too. Praise them for their good behavior. Be excited and so happy they are being so nice, helping, being gentle ect. Kids want attention and at that age any attention will do, good or bad it doesn’t matter. So if you pay more attention to the wanted behavior by praising them for it and less attention to the unwanted behaviors they eventually will stop the unwanted behaviors.
When we yell at them, raise our voice ect. We are teaching them to act in that manner. Next time you feel like yelling, instead try lowering your voice instead. And when praising them raise you voice in excitement almost as you would yelling. Now you are changing the dynamic and they will respond well but it might take a few weeks to get down.
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Yes, it’s difficult transition, I have ppd even though they said I scored a little bit high and it wasn’t much of a concern to them. Doctors do not take it serious, it’s unfortunate but yes you can have postpartum against your oldest. You feel the need to bond with baby and get easily frustrated because you are tired. Seek some help, have to find ourselves again, have to find balance for both babies. It is difficult but try setting aside some Mommy and me time with your 3 year old. My daughter is 6 so I do nails, hair and she sometimes helps me cook.
Your older daughter needs you weigh more than your baby does think about it all the baby needs really is to be fed and held the other one needs to be taught everything of course your eldest is very jealous of the baby doesn’t matter if she loves the baby you’re admitting yourself that you treat the baby better maybe you should get into counseling before you hurt her it sounds like you’re thinking about it you should re-read what you wrote you sound like you might be a little dangerous towards your oldest child that’s not postpartum depression but you might have some issues going on go see a doctor about this don’t be ashamed get some help before something bad happens
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Have you thought that she might be jealous of the baby ? You know the baby takes a lot of your time, and if she acts up you are then paying attention to her. Could be also just the terrible threes. Good luck 
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Maybe plan some one on one time with her, she probably really needs attention.
She can probably feel the difference in your energy around her vs. the baby. You really have to make a little special time just for her to make her feel special too.
She needs more love and more attention from you.more one on one time with you and just her.