Is it selfish to keep my daughter an only child?

3 years ago I was in your situation with my ex husband and my daughter. I was a single mom with from the time she was 2 and 1/2 months till she was just over one years old. My current fiance has been helping raise her since. we got engaged on Christmas day and almost a month later found out I was 2 and half months pregnant with our son. Like you I wasn’t sure about having a second child. But now that I had home (10 days ago) I can’t imagine my life without both of my children. My fiance is a great guy and an amazing father to our kids. My 3 year old absolutely loves to the point where when he comes home from I’m chopped liver :joy::joy:.

To be honest, your story sounds identical to mine except I was 19 when I had my daughter and didn’t want to have anymore children after 30.
I literally went through most of the same thing relationship wise.
Once my ex and I split, I got myself together to build a better future for my daughter. I went to college while working full time and busted my tail to get to where I’m at today. I always said I’d only date a man that was one step ahead of me.
My husband and I got together right before she turned 5. He had no children and expressed wanting some of his own one day. From day 1, he walked into our lives as if he had always been there.
The following year we decided to try for a baby and got pregnant 8 months later. I had said I didn’t want anymore after she turned 7 and I delivered our daughter 16 days after my oldest’s 7th birthday.
I had the same worries and fears but there’s one thing I reminded myself of. I had been a single momma before and if something happened, I could do it again. No one wants to do it alone but I knew I could if I had too. My children are now 10, 3 and 1.
I just turned 30 this year and I’m on the fence about possibly having another in the future. I decided I would not make a permanent decision at this time, that I may regret.
The best piece of advice I can offer you is to wait. If there’s any thought or want of having another child, wait before you make a permanent decision. I don’t think it’s selfish of you if you were to decide for her to be an only child. In the end, that’s a decision you’ll have to make on your own. But just know that things can work out how you want them too when you least expect it.
Enjoy life as it is snd don’t worry about anything else. Everything will fall into place when it’s time.

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As an only child, I wish I had a sibling. I’m a single mom of two, 8 & 6 and I would love another baby and I’m 38. There is no right way to do anything, make the decision for what’s best for you and your daughter :blush:

If in doubt don’t do it. You do you. I have 2 children (6 1/2 years apart) they love each other and are very close.

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I feel like this is simply a personal choice that doesn’t need everyone else’s input. If you only want one kid I don’t think it should matter what everyone else thinks whether it’s supportive comments or not…:woman_shrugging:t2:

I have one child and because of miscarriage and extremely painfull periods i got sterilisation done. I have no regrets. I thought years about the procedure and how it would affect my girl being a only child.

My best friend is adopting if she doesn’t get married and have a biological child by her own personal date. You could do that.

Dont judge yourself so harshly for thinking that having an only child makes it your fault if your child gets lonely…it isn’t. Put aside the expectations, put aside the worries, because even though she may in fact get lonely at times having siblings will not always change that and we can all grow to adapt to our environment. If you’re unsure about having another child with or without another parent, don’t do things while in doubt because you will need some type of support system.
Focus on your present, don’t make drastic decisions about sterilization if medically it doesn’t benefit you and maybe one day the right guy will come along. Take life as it comes in the meantime, enjoy the time you have with your daughter and roll with it.

No. I have one daughter. There’s no guarantee siblings will like each other. There’s no guarantee that another child will make life easier. In fact, it’ll probably make life much harder. Given the haphazardness with which most children are conceived, it’s much less selfish to consider all possibilities and if no more children are the answer, then so be it. Don’t look at it like she’s alone. Look at it like she has your attention. Your resources. You don’t have to try to spread yourself thin financially or energy wise because you can give her more.

Then find you a good man that won’t walk out on you learn how to choose a good man !..not all men are like ur ex

I have had the pleasure of knowing many many single parents - and quite a few of them are better a parent then some with two. You are thinking on this to much young one. You need to focus on your peace first - happiness will follow - I promise you young one. You have to let life happen - you can not force it to happen.

Adopt a girl around the same age its not that hard alone 2 is not much more than 1

mine ignored me as we got older

Girl no. Stick with one. I had one. Single mom. It was me n her for 11yrs. We did everything together. More money to do fun stuff. I advanced my career. Then BAM. I was 33 and pregnant with twins. Girl, fucking twins!!! I had an 11yr old. I had to start all over, give up my career, and totally change my future. Now I’m 38 with a 16yr old that thinks she’s 25 and bad ass 5yr old twins. Lol. My body hurts, my brain hurts, and I need a vacation. My oldest constantly says “I miss when it was just u n me.” SIGH

If I didn’t know any better I would of thought I wrote this myself! Girl if you ever want to talk pm me! I’m in the same boat as you but it’s always nice to talk to someone who has been through what you have! I don’t really have any advice, but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone!:heart:

I’m in the a similar position as you are. My son is 7, I’m 27 and I for medical reasons I have to stop having babies by 30. Although my heart aches for another baby, I’ve just accepted that won’t happen for me.

Deep down you know what you want and no one else has the right answer for you. You have and I have been a single mother before and it’s hard but not as hard as stopping yourself from love from another just because you are scared of the next step of said relationship. My advice is live it day by day enjoy your life and don’t look for something because if it’s ment to be it will find you. The what ifs only get in the way of unseen potential… pay more attention to the here and now, focus on just you two and love it. You know that no matter what you two is what is important!

Its a personal choice I feel like a lot of time is wasted by making decisions for 2 adults when at the end of the day it only falls on the mother

I’m 36 now just had two babies in the last two years with current partner. I also have a 15 yr old and a 5 yr old to previous ex.
Despite the mother in law’s protests I may or may not have another in couple yrs time :sweat_smile::smirk: If my body is up for it, I’m kind of tired as it is. It’s hard running around for these four but I personally love it. My ex suffered from a mental illness and things got bad after I had my second child. It was hard and I got depressed but met my current partner two years after and have had two more. I understand and can see where ppl say you can give more time and energy to one child or two but for me I’ve always come from small family, just mum and nan, which have passed away now and I like to think my kids will have each other for when I die. And I look forward to getting old with lots of grand babies lol

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I grew up an only child and was never lonely. I had friends at school and friends at swim practice. I loved being an only :child:


You are at the age a lot of women just want one more! Hormones!!! Look at the numbers if you have another child your daughter will probably be 8yrs old. When your baby is 8 she will be 16 when your baby is 16 she will be 32. Now that’s a heck of a spread! Think of how they really won’t have that much in common except you have 2 children.

I had a second child, when my first was 6 years old… She resented his intrusion into her life and never got close to him.

Yes I’m a only child all ways wanted a brother had a lonely life very selfish person it does cause problems

I have one child (now 23) he did not feel like he was missing out because he didn’t have siblings. There seem to be a lot of only children now. He would often have a friend at our house or he would be at a friends to play. Going on vacation we also always had him bring a friend along. That was the trade off. You may likely meet someone who already has kids so your daughter will gain siblings there. I wouldn’t stress on it, whatever happens happens. Having a large gap between children often means they don’t bond as much because they are always at different stages in their life, doing different activities. Does she have cousins that you can make sure she is close too that can fill the gap and provide the support that siblings typically would?

I got fixed after my second. I think it was the best decision for me. But in the end you have to go what is best for you. If that means only having one child because you can be a better happier mom without more than one to worry about that’s what you do. Don’t let anyone shame you for doing what’s best for you! There are some things in life we all have to be selfish about and that is one of them! You gotta take care of you first before you can be good for anyone else and like it or not your a mama now. I didn’t expect mine either and it was hard at first because i didn’t want to be a mom but then i realized, hey it’s too late they’re here and I’m responsible, i started to enjoy motherhood(most of it​:confounded::joy::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:) and i still don’t feel guilty for not having more. I knew i couldn’t handle more than 2. But i couldn’t live without either of them. So two was my limit but if yours is one THAT IS OK! Being an only child would be pretty cool i think anyway so girl if it makes you happy that’s what you gotta do!

My sister was 36 when she had my niece she am only child