At the end of the day if you the only one bringing something to the table you need to be the only one sitting there.
6 Likes
You can be more financially. On your own. He is a lazy freeloader. Move on.
1 Like
If he hasn’t been being a TRUE stay at home dad the entire time taking care of the kids and entire household while you work, I must ask…
2 Likes
It would be super silly of you to stay
I havr been with my fiance for a litfle over 4 years now, knew him from high school before thata nf am very friends with his cousin so ive known his family for years. I never thought he wouldve been the way he is now, he has worked his butt off to procide for our son and i and our pets. He has during arguments demanded i work because he dont want to do it alone anymore, but after every time he has said this he has almost instantly said he did not mean it and that me caring for our child while he works is plenty enough to him. I have had jobs off and on but I struggle from severe ptsd and social anxiety so working is hard on me mentally. Were far from living a luxurious life but he procides for us what we need and some things we want. A man will change for the woman he wants; meaning if he hadnt changed yet im sorry hut he does not want the life he has sadly. I say talk it overbeith him voice your concerns and if he isnt willing to help figure something out then its not worth yours or your kids time. You do deserve more.
If it’s been 4 years, one day is never coming.
7 Likes
Ok so you work on and off and he never has ? Who pays the rent , power, water ect…?
I get sometimes one parent stays home while the others works and that’s team work weather it’s the mom or dad , the stay home keeps the house and 75% of the care of the kids but to just not work , pay Bill’s or care for the kids is well another kid . If you live off state aid then he should not be living off money there to provide for the kids hes already not providing for .
4 Likes
time to sit him down and tell him how you feel about things, 4 years is a long time not to get a job, he should be providing for you and the children
I usually do not give my .02 cents BUT… you are waiting for a day that might NEVER COME! If it has been that long and he has NOT taken the initiative to provide for himself and for you guys FORGET IT. He is being a MAJOR set back to you, the kids, and your life. Don’t settle for a mediocre life, or be happy with crappy. You don’t want to be old or terminally ill and have this major regret of having wasted your life with a loser. You said it… that you and your kids deserve better. Respect yourself and your kids enough to do what’s best for you and them! That’s what matters. You do not need a man, much less one that does nothing for you and/or the kids.
3 Likes
Silly isn’t the word that comes to mind.
2 Likes
Honey, WHY would he be a MAN when you have allowed him to be a BITCH?
Um no. It’s not going to get better. You have not one but TWO kids to support. If he hasn’t grown up now, he’s not going to. Cut your losses. It’s not worth it.
2 Likes
Not gonna happen. Move on
2 Likes
Run fast leave like yesterday praying for you it DOES NOT get better and he WON’T change
3 Likes
Nope. He’s not gonna grow up. Why should he? If he’s not changed by now, nothing you can do will ever make him. It’s gotta come from him, and unfortunately most men never come to that point in life because we women forgive them and coddle them and give and give and give until we’re broken.
2 Likes
Why should he? He has you doing it all for him. No incentive at all. You cook, you clean, he gets sex. Why should he change?
He is not going to change. Been getting away with watching Opra and eating bon bons to damn long. He has no desire to do better for himself. Much less take some stress off you. He need to get gone. Go to the next sap who let’s him freeload… Lazy fu##. He not gonna stop. Get him gone.
Volunteering is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills. Not working for four years has become a way of life.
It’s okay for one parent to stay home & the other work. I’m a stay at home mom & my husband works BUT if it ever came to him not making enough for us to make it then I’d definitely try to get a job & help. I would give him an ultimatum that if he doesn’t work & help then you need to leave. You can’t do life by yourself. You need a partner who will help pick up the slack.
1 Like
It won’t, leave and u will see how much happier u r and how much more money u will have, things look different when u get rid of what’s holding u down
Ur dating a child grow up
2 Likes
It is your life, but just know your choices to continuously allow your children around a man child will set in motion what they think an adult is. They need a role model of a father, not someone who is lazy with no motivation in life. Not only that, they will think it is okay for women to be treated like you are and will allow that treatment (if you have daughters) and will treat their future wives that way (if you have sons). Think of it that way.
It seems like a communication issue. If you’re working he’s gotta step up at the house. Hoping for change and talking about what needs to happen are very different things. If he isn’t receptive there’s many paths to take. Tell him to get counseling if he’s got depressive behaviors. If he doesn’t want the responsibility of the house, he needs a full time job and let you go part time or whatever works for you. Talk about family dynamics and that what’s going on right now isn’t working or fair to you. You’ll know what to do after you guys have an open and honest conversation about how things are going from both of your perspectives.
Depends whether he is good to you and your children. I firmly believe a woman should love a man not for what he can offer but for who he is, now I’m not saying to love a man for his scrubbiness (scrub) but if he is good to you and your kids why not? Is there a reason why he hasn’t held a job? Have you ever brought it up with him that he too should be providing for your children?
1 Like
Yeah baby you big dumb but have fun with that lol
Why would he work when you’ve been able to him and supported him all these years??? What you allow will continue. I wouldn’t do it.
He won’t work and you only work off and on and? How do you even survive?
2 Likes
It would be one thing if he looked after the children and cleaned the home, because then he is a stay at home dad. But from what you write, it sounds like that isn’t the case.
You’re enabling him by allowing him to not pull his weight. He has no incentive to grow up and will not do so. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth.
3 Likes
So you are with him because he models the type of behaviors you want your kids to show and see as important. So they see the imbalance and struggle that falls on one parent and not the other? Why are you with him? Yes money isn’t everything but having a sense that you are able to care for yourselves and your own needs and can do so independently is super important and relieves about 95% of most everyone’s stress. I’m sorry but if he’s cool watching you all never get ahead and you accept that then no he’s not going to suddenly realize that maybe he should help you. You need to have a heart and mind discussion with yourself and realize your heart is an idiot and you need a real partner. Someone who is helping you achieve mutual goals as a family -financially and emotionally. You both should be in the hustle together so you both are feeling the rewards of hard work and success.
1 Like
Four years. If he has not attempted to grow up and be responsible for his two children, nothing is going to ever motivate him to do it. Move on. Get your life together. Your children deserve better.
2 Likes
If your children were living the life you have right now, would you be happy for them?
You can’t write their survival guide, if you’re only existing.
It just takes 15 seconds of insane bravery to tell him you’re done.
Obviously you know how to stay afloat.
Do it somewhere that he isn’t.
People don’t change once they’re comfortable.
Make him uncomfortable.
He won’t change for you, you have to leave and you can’t take him back because he’ll get comfortable again, but you can make him uncomfortable enough to actually provide for your children.
Don’t you want more for them?
2 Likes
Wow so you’re really going to let the root of all evil(Money) preside over your relationship? Then you dont deserve love. Get rid of him and set him free so that he may find someone who doesnt let money control love. People like this sicken me. Maybe you can better yourself and get you a job.
3 Likes
Try to have a conversation with him and tell him how you feel. If that doesn’t do anything I’d say move on.
1 Like
For 4 years he’s had a free ride, why would he change now? I know you can’t support 4 people working off and on so how are you doing it?
You have enabled him. He won’t change. A man’s nature is to provide. If he doesn’t do it then keep it moving gal…
Why would you want to be with a guy who want work to take care of his family.
Here’s another example of
“But I love him”. Lady, drop that ZERO and go on and be a SHERO to yourself and your children. Put your Faith in GOD 
and you’ll never want for anything
That’s not a partner, that’s another child. Please stop reproducing with him and wake up. And money does actually solve a lot. Kids arent cheap.
1 Like
Why don’t you work full time and he stays home to look after the kids
I’m confused. In the post it says you work on and off again and he does not work. How are y’all providing for the family? We can barely make it with one in come let alone a partial/inconsistent one. The only way to change the situation is to have a honest conversation with him. He’s not just going to wake up one day and decide it’s time if y’all already have kids and struggle. Either be ok with him staying home and taking care of house and kids if he steps up there or discuss what you need from him and cut your losses if he’s not contributing to your lives together. My husband stayed home with my first daughter since I made really good money and day care would have wiped out his check. But it wasn’t really his thing so now he works. Y’all gotta find what works for you and your family. (He is a great dad just no initiative or self motivation to do household stuff)
Oh Jesus Christ people! Leave her TF alone. How they pay their bills is their business! And there’s no shame in getting assistance when needed.
For the poster, I imagine it’s become a habit that would be really hard to stop. He is used to the way y’all are living and you enable him when you don’t speak up or take action.
I believe people CAN change. But it’s really, really difficult. He needs a push, motivation, support and consequences.
Depends what you want a partner for ? If you want a partner to support you financially then yes leave him … if you want a partner to just love you unconditionally ( and he does that ) then why would you leave ? You need to look at what you want in life and if that person meets those needs or not
I can’t believe there’s women out there who like pieces of shit like this lol 4 years and you still have hope? I’m not trying to be mean but you sound dumb. You should be attracted to hard working guys who would work all kinds of hours just to make sure their wife and kids have it good. You need someone to match your ambition.
The longer you keep letting him live like this the longer hell be like this. He should’ve had a job along time a go. Give him 3 months to get a job and if he doesnt then you need to leave. File for child support and move on. You’re right you and the kids deserve better.
6 Likes
I would say don’t waste more time on him than you already have. 4 years of not working and watching your family struggle obviously he doesn’t care. You have kids and need to think of them (not saying keep kids from him if he’s a good dad) but like you said they deserve better then struggling. You also don’t want them to think its ok for ppl they love to take advance of them.
1 Like
Ughhh! Girl, you are not alone unfortunately. This kind of love usually turns to resentment and you still stay bc why not? You stayed this long. I don’t know if I’d necessarily leave him but I would 100% put my foot down and give him a timeline. You have too much on you not to be crystal clear in your future desires. Then if he wants to keep adding nothing but “love” to this partnership then go on about your life. Bc I promise, 4 years turns into 17 before you even realize it.
1 Like
No. He won’t mature beyond this point without some very serious consequences. Even at that, it may be temporary at best…“tow the line just until she calms down”…
Is this kind of behavior what you want your children to model? We are their first instructors and showing them how to grow up to be a lazy, dependant, free loading, immature adult is setting them up for failure.
For their sake, leave.
If it we’re just you, eh, whatever you’re willing to put up with.
But, it’s not just you.
4 Likes
Why would he change when he’s not held accountable,no man is gonna lay up in my house while I get up and go to work,no way in hell, some of the things women put up with just amazes me,smdh
8 Likes
He isn’t gonna change, why should he? You’ve enabled him all this time.
7 Likes
My ex held a job for 8 months out of the 13 years we were together, they DO NOT change!!!
2 Likes
Yes, you’re silly. No he’ll never get it together. Yes you and more so the kids deserve better. No, he won’t grow up one day. Time to move on.
3 Likes
He’s never had a job the 4 YEARS you’ve been together. You answered your own question.
6 Likes
I went through the same situation but not this long. I gave him an ultimatum to either get a job or get out, he got a job because I found him a job, but then he started doing crack and stole my car and kidnapped our child and went up state so I took him all his things and got my child and car and we haven’t heard from him since day after Thanksgiving 2019. So I say give him an ultimatum and give him until a certain date and if he doesn’t do it leave or kick him out.
2 Likes
Your crazy staying with him I husband didn’t have a job or in his words looking for work when he really wasn’t looking for work he just wanted the work to come to him and we needed up losing our house so we had to move in with his parents wasn’t so bad we lived in the basement and my son live out in the what they called it the hot tub room stay there for 6 years thought it was going to be 6 months but you know my husband wasn’t looking for work
It’s been 4 years and nothing has changed … that means he isn’t gonna change … dump him and move on or tell him he needs to get a job if he doesnt then kick his butt to the curb you and your kids deserve better
1 Like
It wont change. My ex would not keep a job more than 2 yrs or less and then the the last 6 yrs of our marriage he didnt work at all. I finally said no more and with 2 kids to support. So we divorced.
He’ll never change kick him to the curb. I’ve seen this he’s just a freeloader. Get out why you can.
I would not hold my breath for him to change…
Let him stay home and make him 100% responsible for the kids and the home, while you work. I’ll bet he gets a job real fast!
2 Likes
I don’t understand why you would want too??? I mean you’re doing it by yourself anyway…why stay and be miserable doing it yourself or be happy with your kids doing it by yourself.
1 Like
Let him go, if the kids are his, file for child support. You and your kids deserve way better
1 Like
No job in all 4 years…I’m afraid he won’t change doesn’t see a need for change and you should find other options…this is my opinion only…you need to find your strength n do what’s right for you n your children
1 Like
I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and he has only been working the last 2. If you love him, stay with him. Every relationship is different and would you be feeling the way you are if roles were reversed? I will say this, if he won’t work maybe going back to school to gain skills for a job might be the push he needs to get back into the working world…hugs!
1 Like
Sounds like you have 3 kids,not two.How old is this thing that don’t work to support his 2 kids?You’ve put up with this crap for 4 yrs?How old are you?
1 Like
You need to let him know and say HEY WE NEED YOUR FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE. You dont want to be with someone who gives you financial stress. So have a good talk with him.
1 Like
Did he have a job before you married him? If not this should have been a warning to you.
know how u feel sister.
No. If you continue to support him, he’ll continue to let you.
Nope not likely, sorry
Time to move on. Even if he went out & got one at this point I doubt he would keep it long.
Take it from someone who has been there and done that, leave. He will find someone new to mooch off of, my ex has been living on his mother’s couch for 3 years and I’ve determined that is his choice to live that way!! I am now remarried to someone who has a great job and I dont have to work if I don’t want to. This way of life allows me to be able to provide for my kids but also give them things like birthday parties, vacations, fun activities like the zoo or Tanglewood, things we couldn’t afford years ago when we struggled to have gas and food. I am so thankful all the time that I made the decision to leave and that decision allowed me to meet my current husband.
It will be hard but it will be worth it.
1 Like
The longer you enable his POS behavior the longer he will use and abuse his power! It will never change
1 Like
Unless you give him the ultimatum he is going to do nothing I had to kick mine out for it to sink in
Time for him to go back to momma’s house. If he refuses to help around the house, with bills, or just looking after the children time for him to walk. You need to get yourself setup to work, protect your children, and protect your future. Don’t back down, once you do, he will continue taking advantage of you.
55 Likes
He won’t. I don’t mean to be harsh, but having one child with a deadbeat was bad enough. You and those kids deserve more. He’s not going change. You’ve spent four years enabling him. Cut your losses
55 Likes
If you don’t have a job, and he hasn’t had a job while you’re together - neither of you really has anything to bring to the table. Time for both of you to grow up and come up with a plan of action. School, work or something to better yourselves.
Yes, maybe someone needs to be a SAHM/SAHD while the other works or goes to school- but y’all need to work on yourselves
114 Likes
Get out of relationship & get over him. It’s one less mouth you have to feed and house. He isn’t going to change the way it’s going.
45 Likes
Yes you and your children do deserve better. He has had enough chances. He needs to move out of your home as you already have two children and don’t need to take care of a grown man. Give him his space so he can learn to grow up on his own and learn to provide for a family. And then you move on with your life with your children.
5 Likes
My daughter has been with her boyfriend and father of her three girls for about 16 years and in that time he has maybe worked four years …But now is working and taking responsibility …So yes there is hope …But if he doesn’t yes money isn’t everything but what are you teaching your kids?
8 Likes
Get rid it’s not like he’s being a house husband is it … one of you needs a full time job the other needs to do the housework, cooking , shopping looking after the kids etc., doesn’t matter who x
11 Likes
So sorry, things are not going to change or get better, time to go, go now, he has no interest in changing or caring for his family, take care of yourself and your children, don’t look back, good luck
7 Likes
run far far away, he has NO intention of growing up because you are allowing him to act like a child with no repercussions. he gotta go asap
5 Likes
Move on, you are NOT HIS MOMMA! You deserve better. I’m betting he doesn’t take care of the house, laundry, cooking, yard work and take the kids to school after making them breakfast snd packing lunches.
7 Likes
He won’t grow unless He is forced to. Move out and force the issue.
7 Likes
Girl run! I did this for far too long and in the end he NEVER stepped up. If he hasn’t stepped up in 4 years he’s not going to…leave his ass in the dust and take care of your kids on your own. . You are already anyways!
90 Likes
My daughter had a jerk like this, they don’t change, time to move on and take care of yourself and your children, Good luck.
4 Likes
If he didn’t step up when you got pregnant with the first and then again with the second, what makes you think he will ever get his “stuff” together? Here’s a thought. He thinks he already has his “stuff” together. He has someone taking care of him with no responsibilities. You are raising 3 children, not living with a partner.
6 Likes
Absolutely needs to have job! He has two children to support. Get off his dead ass, life isn’t free
17 Likes
Cut him off financially. Sit him down and tell him to find a job any job man up or get out. I went through something similar and he manned up quick.
9 Likes
If he isn’t working then he needs to take the mental load of the house off your shoulders. If you’re supporting the home financially as well as doing all the housework you’re functioning as a single parent. If he can’t even get off his butt to keep the home while you keep them in a home, then he’s not a partner, he’s not a good man, he’s watching you struggle with the financial and physical burdens of the bills, house, and kids and standing by with a thumb up his butt. Not worth it. He’s not going to come around, he isn’t going to change, he isn’t going to wake up one day and take responsibility for anything, why would he? He’s been shown that you’ll handle it, he doesn’t have to do a thing.
8 Likes
I think you answered your own question. Be tough on the guy I highly understand that maybe he’s saving money by staying home and watching the kids but in another way he needs to freaking work or get out. You shouldn’t have to beg for him if he is willing to help make the kids be man and grow some balls and get a job help support the kids or we are done.
6 Likes
He knows yall are struggling, and still didnt get off his butt. I dont know how that didnt answer your question, you have a boy not a man.
A man see’s his family struggling, and will work 3 jobs if he has to.
7 Likes
You asked the question but I think you already know the answer. Get a steady job and kick him out. A grown man, able to work, who sits around at home , not working? Seriously… you deserve better. Go get it
35 Likes
Girl, you married him for better or worse. You both need to change. You need to go out and get a full time job. If he wants to be a Mr. Mom, stay at home and clean house and take care of the kids, do it. Child care is expensive. Talk to him and tell him, if he doesn’t want an outside job, work at home. You can’t do it all. Both of you have got to communicate. You must have loved him at one time or you would not have married him. You take care of all the finances. Get a good paying job. Make him be Mr. Mom.
1 Like
I don’t think you need to ask this question, you already know the answer. Get a job and make a real productive life you and your kids. What kind od an example are you setting for those two little ones. Get away from him until he becomes a responsible adult and then if you want to try again go for it.
15 Likes
Go to a mirror.
Now look into it and ask yourself
This.
What would I tell my son or my daughter about the situation if it was reversed. Would i Encourage one of my children to stay in such hell? Would I say to them the life they were being handed was acceptable?
Hell no you wouldn’t!! You wouldn’t let your son or daughter be with someone who’s completely incapable of being an adult and getting a job but sponges off their significant other. So why let them grow up in it witness it and Suffer in it? I mean he brings nothing to the table but another mouth to feed sounds to me.
Run!! Give your kids better!!
30 Likes
Sounds like you just want to be told what you want to hear, not actually the truth. my man struggled to find jobs in the past but I knew he was TRYING and making that effort, and even when I was working and he wasn’t the house was taken care of. So he always contributed. If he refuses to get a job, or even look, or help raise the kids y’all made together… Then it’s time to leave. Also, just cause you raise kids doesn’t mean you can’t work either. If he’s not working, he can watch the kids and you work. I don’t know all the details of your situation obviously but based on what I read, seems like if you want a better financial position you need a good job or you need to give him the choice of him getting one, or leaving
9 Likes
He’s not going to change. Just know you don’t need a man to complete you. Yes, it will be hard, but it’s not good for your children or you. They will look at him as an example, you don’t want that.
3 Likes
I’m sorry if he’s not working yes he needs to be helping but it states she works part time off and on and volunteer so where are the finances coming from if he’s not worked at all and she works part time off and on how are the affording anything
7 Likes
Leave him! You and your kids will be better off. He isn’t being a good role model for them at all.
5 Likes