I have been with my husband for six years. He had a daughter from a previous marriage that was 2.5 when we started dating. His ex-wife has been with her spouse the same amount of time. They live several states away from us, so we only see SD 8 weeks in the summer and alternating holidays. Her mother has two other children at home (1 and 3), and we have a 2.5-year-old here. Stepdaughter has started calling her stepdad Dad/daddy at the encouragement of her mom and Stepdad. She says they told her she needed to call him dad or daddy, so the younger siblings don’t get confused when she calls him by his real name. But here, she calls me by my first name. Of course my 2.5 calls me by my first name every now and then from listening to her but I would never want my SD to call me mom/mommy just because I told her to. Is this something we should just deal with? Is it unreasonable to ask her to call her Stepdad by his actual name when she is here? Obviously we understand she’s with him the majority of the time but she’s said more than once that he’s not even nice to her. We aren’t huge fans of him either - he’s just not a nice person. I just feel bad for my husband. He facetimes her everyday when she’s away and she answers maybe once a week if he’s lucky. That’s a whole issue in itself we’ve been trying to address.
The child should choose what to call whoever… it shouldn’t be forced on her to call someone dad…
Unreasonable to me. Let the kid do whatever makes her comfortable
If she is doing it on her own I would let her. Now to them saying they will get confused…I explained to my son that calls his step dad by name that when he is talking to his little brother he needs to say his dad. Like instead of saying hey let’s go get Robbie we are saying hey let’s go get daddy. It maybe confusing but kids are smart.
as long as the title is being earned nothing wrong with having two daddys or two mommy’s. As long as he EARNS IT. I don’t think the title should just be given. And as long as the child is comfortable with it of course.
I guess it would depend on your relationship with the mother. Are you guys on good terms? If not I doubt you asking her will do anything but cause more drama. I wouldn’t ask the stepdaughter to do that because that will probably put her in an uncomfortable situation. You telling her one thing and her mother telling her another. You will have to go to the mother and talk to her about it.
Yeah not your choice. And you don’t have a right to ask. That’s what she’s comfortable with. You not being comfortable with it is not her problem.
The child should be the one to choose I would suggest sitting down with SD and just asking her how she feels about it and what she would like to call him her mom doesn’t have to know about weather or not she uses that work when she is with you js
I dont see a problem with it. Shes calling her stepdad dad. And he is raising her.
You sound jealous. You shouldn’t ask her anything about this. If her dad has an issue with it, he can approach it with her.
Tf. Let the kid use whatever she’s comfortable with.
Unreasonable. She is an individual human being. Despite what you may think or how things MAY appear, maybe she is comfortable calling him that and it isnt your place to tell her what she can or cannot call her step dad. I called my step mom by her name only.
I believe it should be what the child is comfortable with. My step-children call me by my first name, and when talking to my 2 year old, they refer to me as mum or mummy, but they don’t call me mum or mummy. They have their own mother. My step-daughter is 11 and she took it upon herself to say “let’s go see what mummy is doing” etc, so my 2 year old. We have never coached her, or my step-son. No one is confused. Having said that, my 2 year old doesn’t yet understand when they aren’t with us that they have their own mum. But we will always explain things in an authentic, age appropriate way.
My kids call their step mom. Mom or first name but they also have been known to call their teacher mom lololo
I say just let her choose
I realize the issue I truly do however just know that no matter what name a child calls you its doesn’t dictate the place you hold on thier heart only your actions and unconditional love will do that .
I called my step dad by his name plus he passed when I was seven but that will never change who he was to me ( the best dad ever ) .
I also adopted my nephew and niece at a vary young ages they ( my son) choose to call me mom ( oddly on his own with no prompting, I have no children) so he and his sister call me mom and I am thier mom in thier heart but I would have been the same person to them had they called me aunt Samantha because I hold a place in thier heart not my title . So dont sweat the name thing .
I honestly don’t see the issue with her calling him dad. They are in the same household full time and he is in the dad role.
Why should she stop calling him dad for two weeks of the year bc she’s visiting with you guys??
I think SHE should do what SHE is comfortable doing!
Sorry that isn’t your choice and I would suggest you butt out of that situation.
Communicate with the other parents if its an issue.
Also, I have a blended family as well. I would never tell my daughter she HAS to call her step dad, dad/daddy unless she wants to, sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt. Her dad is also very avctive in her life, he and my current bf co parent too VERY WELL. Kids know who are there & who aren’t.
I have a stepson. I started dating his father when he was 2½… he called me by my first name. I never asked him to call me anything else. He is now 9 and I have 2 daughters (age 5 and 2) with his father. They call me mom and whenever they would ask why he called me Amanda instead of mom I would tell them because he came out of a different mommy’s belly. They never questioned it. Around 6/7 years old he asked me if he could call me mom. I told him to make sure it was ok with his mom first because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. So now sometimes he calls me Amanda and sometimes he calls me mom. (we have 1 week/1 week custody)
Like hes raising her… I dont see the problem…if the child is happy
did y’all read the whole thing? they coached her to call him dad, she didn’t make that choice on her own. you shouldn’t take a hard stance either way, just sit down and have a talk with her about the fact that she should not feel obligated to call him that if she doesn’t want to (this conversation should include bio dad at the very least or just be him by himself). if she comes back next time and says she was punished or chastised for not calling him dad, then he should address that too.
My daughter was 14 months when I met my husband i never pushed the dad thing on her shes 10 now and still calls him a nickname. Her dad met his wife when she was around 5 and calls her by her 1st name. She has 3 siblings here and 1 there they don’t get confused. She will call him what she wants with age. Dont stress it
It is unreasonable of you to ask anything. If it bothers her father, he should talk to her. But as an adult that doesn’t want to put my kids in unnecessarily uncomfortable situations, I wouldn’t. I would handle it directly with my ex.
The step daughter should be making that decision! Whatever she is comfortable with
I think whatever she’s comfortable with is what she should do. However, if she feels pressured to do so- then that’s a whooooole other problem. I’d just talk to her to see how she feels.
Dont force anything on her. Its the adults feelings that are hurt here
She should call him whatever she wants. You can’t control the fact they coached her but you can’t be doing the same bs they are doing and force her to to do the opposite. Its just as wrong in my eyes.
It’s just as unreasonable for you to tell her to call him by his first name, as it is being told to call him dad. She isn’t property and her feelings should matter, let her do what’s comfortable for her. Y’all are adults…if you’re uncomfortable with it, I’m sure you’ll find a way to manage.
So you want to put the kid in a worse situation then she already is in. If her mom is forcing her to call him dad then asking her to call him “Steve” could possibly put more stress on her and possibly make for unpleasant experiences if she accidentally calls him “Steve” to his face instead of dad. If it bothers you that much how about you just let her know it is okay to not call him dad when she is with you and maybe encourage a little nickname for him like “sourdough”. It sounds like you two have a decent relationship going on don’t ruin it because you feel some type of way about something that doesn’t even matter. Let your home be her safe place.
I think some people need to learn to read🤦
It’s up to the child. Her mother should NOT be forcing it all. If the child is telling y’all she doesn’t want to call him dad, encourage her to tell her mom, with y’all present, if need be. She should continue to call him by is name if that’s what she prefers. OR all you adults could compromise and let her pick a nickname she likes, that she can call him. That seems to be the only other option.
My stepson is forced to call his real dad by his actual name at his moms house and his step-dad “dad”.
We don’t correct him here when he gets confused. We don’t want to make it harder on him than what it already is.
He knows who his dad is and that’s what matters.
How about the kid chooses what she calls her step parents
For the visits your husband needs to request from the court that he has scheduled facetime visits. I know it’s more difficult because her docile is far away. But if it’s ordered mom has to make her available. If she doesn’t then he needs to file with the court again. Calling every day is too much. Once a week I can understand. But every day???
As for her calling her stepfather “Dad”. I understand both sides. She lives there as a child in the home. He is raising & supporting her. It should be her choice, not forced. But I understand doing it for her siblings benefit as well. I understand how hurtful it can be to your husband. I’m not sure there’s a solution that fits everyone.
If stepfather is mean to her maybe your husband should apply for custody.
It should be 100% her choice you can tell her she doesn’t have to but don’t try to make her stop
I find it odd the mother pushing it - if the child is comfortable, great, but it’s a title that really should be earnt and if she’s not comfortable, she shouldn’t be made to say it.
If I was her, I’d use his name, but refer to him as dad or daddy when talking to the other kids about him - just like I do my friends kids eg "can you show daddy what you made… "
You can’t really control what does or does not happen in someone else’s home. All that you can do is keep doing what you’ve been doing in your home.
I don’t think kids should call someone else mom/dad if both their parents are involved. Sounds like an adult probably suggested it and at the very least didn’t correct it. Some parenting agreements actually outline this.
Reading is hard apparently. The child doesn’t want to call her step dad daddy shes being told to by her mother. It should be up to her and her mother can teach the younger siblings the difference. I dont make my older kids call my husband dad or daddy because it might confuse my younger kids, who are his bio kids, I simply correct them. Its not that hard.
She shouldn’t be forced to call anyone anything. And, it isn’t your place to tell her not to call him dad. It sounds like it bugs you more. Because she doesn’t call you mom, and calls you by your name? If it’s bugging you husband, then as her father, he should be the one to talk to her mom. And stop it. And suggest maybe she call him step dad if it’s that big of a deal to the mom 🤷 but, you shouldn’t ask her about her mom’s house. And vise versa. That makes them uncomfortable. Maybe she is okay doing it. But doesn’t wanna hurt your feelings so says she isn’t 🤷
Sounds like the ex is just an evil malicious person who has no thoughts or cares about other people’s feelings other than her own.
Some at a small age say mama 2 or daddy 2 for the step. I know it sounds kinda silly but some do. I wouldn’t ask a child though to call anyone anything other than what they want as long as it is appropriate. If the step daughter starts calling you that on her just roll with it. I hope the little girl doesn’t feel weird calling him dad/daddy.
She’s a child, they shouldn’t be asking her to call the step dad, dad and you shouldn’t ask her to not call him dad. They’re adult issues, discuss them with adults, don’t put that on a child.
My daughter ( biological) has me and my husband and she calls us mom and dad. My ex husband is now married to a great person, my daughter calls them mom and dad. You don’t have to have just one set of parents. The more love, the better.
Mine calls their bonus dad his real name all the time.
Same for their bonus mom.
Mommy m Matt
Daddy n Lisa
We have a son(their step brother). im sure he will get confused and ask at times which is why you teach them. Not change for the other
why cant she call both of them dad?
My step son tried calling me mommy one time and we came up with Mama Aja. So that’s what he calls me or just aja my son is 2 and never called me by my first name and my daughter is almost 6 and did it some times but we just explained that im mommy to her and mama aja/aja to him because he has a mommy. Now my daughter has never called me by my first name.
It should be her choice what to call him…!
How old is she? Maybe she could ask to come live with her real dad if she wishes to.
She shouldn’t be forced to call anyone by another name. That’s her choice alone.
They have her most of the time I don’t think it’s right to stress her over something that’s a constant rule in her life there. It’s probably not how she would prefer things. It sounds like maybe she needs to see her dad more too.
I don’t know of American culture but here in Africa is very disrespectful to call an adult with their name expeccially once parent, you call adults with aunt or uncle with their first name attached. He been married to her mum makes him her step dad just like you said and deserve a Dad. Your husband didn’t teach her to call him Dad and should not be mad she is calling someone else dad.
It’s not right if they are forcing her but also it’s not your place. Don’t add any more amount of pressure on that child because this will definitely cause an issue. Kids tend to play down the opposite parents, not to pin them against each other but out of guilt. I’m not saying that is the case here, just an observation. If you tell her mother and stepfather that she is coming over telling you things that happen in their home, she will probably not feel safe telling you anything else. Also keep in mind, stepdad may not be “nice” to her because he has her the majority of the time. He is with her more than her father due to distance and it’s not to take away from your husband, her father, but he is still her parent if he is the main father figure in her life.
Like adults kids have a choice i would never make my kids call my partner dad i would leave it up to them when they feel comfortable with it no matter how long it takes… like i dont even call my step dad dad and hes been married to my mum since i was 12 I’m now 32 so you and the other adults involve need to talk to each other abt this
You only have one mom and dad. I’d be furious if my kids called anyone but me mom. That’s a special name that only the real parents should be called.
Just tell her to refer to her step father however she likes. Whether she wants to call him dad or by his name. At your house you dont care. Dont force her to go one way or the other otherwise your just as bad as them
Honestly no one should force a child to call someone daddy or mama. If they choose to then that is their choice. The mom is dead wrong but if she is comfortable with it then let it be but if she doesn’t feel comfortable with it then have daddy speak up. You can openly tell her that she has one mama and one daddy and she should only call him dad or you mom if she wants to.
It should be her choice and her mom should not be forcing her to call him dad! Wtf kind of mom does that? He isn’t her dad and he doesn’t even like her… that should’ve been her choice from the beginning
I think this should be a conversation you need to have with the bio mum and not step daughter , letting her know that daughter is feeling uncomfortable calling him dad , be her voice of reason and don’t make it about yourselves
I am a step mum have raised my bonus kids for 10 years full time they are now 13&15 and I made it clear from the start you call me whatever makes you comfortable but most importantly it is a choice they make on there own and to this day they’ve never called me mum and I’m ok with this.
They have respect for me and they know I love them that’s all that matters
What you are asking is the same thing you’ve noted you don’t agree with at the other house so I think you have your answer
Just leave it alone. There are more troubling things in life. U do what u do in ur house and let them do what they do.
Kind of sounds like he (the step dad) might have some self esteem and/or control issues… sad. If she does not agree with it or is uncomfortable… you guys or the Dad should have a sincere yet polite discussion with the mother. Their children should know that’s their daddy and will call him as such as long as he introduces himself as that and be present. They may try to joke around but kids are not dumb. They would understand that your step daughter has a different daddy… this is silly. I have three older step sons and one of my own. My son has tried joking with me but I explained (in simple terms) how things are. No big🤷🏻♀️
Uhh… Yeah big red flags here. Nobody should ever force a child to do something out of their comfort zone. Ever. Her calling him dad has to be on her time, her choice. If she ever does.
He’s not nice to her? Why does he want to push the dad thing thing then? He wants too much say and control over her and I fear other awful things. Stay vigilante. Keep your head up. Please please let her know that you are always there for her to talk abt anything she needs. Let her know all the time.
I think it would be better to just let her call the Step Dad by whatever her Mom has requested. It wouldn’t be fair on your SD to ask her to go against what her Mom has asked. Try to address the issue of taking her Dads calls more often as a way to strengthen their relationship. Hubby should understand that she is only calling her Step Dad that because she has been asked to do so and should not take offence in this case.
If she calls you by name she should also call him by name as well given the time frame the 2 couples has been involved, especially during visiting the opposing parents. What she calls y’all in behind closed doors should be her choice not forced
It is unreasonable. My children call their stepmom mom because they live with her and their dad full time. I have zero problem with that. She is their mom most of the year! They call her Mom Janet when they are with me. I’m just happy they have another mom who loves them.
That’s a conversation for the child’s mom and dad to have. I don’t see anything wrong with the child calling stepdad dad but she shouldn’t be forced.
Some people may disagree with me but
Stay tf out of it. That’s her parents place. Stepmom or not don’t go making life harder for the poor baby just because you wanna be a petty grown up.
If you have problems with your kid correct them
Yeah it’s unreasonable to ask that.
You don’t know what really goes on in their house. Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. I understand that you feel bad for your husband. I have a blended family and understand the ins and outs of it and the different feelings that come with sharing kids.
Kids say and do a lot of things, they will try and people please. You need to let her be unless she comes to you and expresses with zero prompting that she doesn’t want to call him dad, then your husband should address the issue with her birth mother. The child is a child, this is an adult issue for adults to handle.
I think this is a discussion your husband needs to have with his ex wife and you need to stay out of it. Not your child it’s his.
She should choose to what she feels comfortable doing. She didn’t choose this change in her life. So it should be up to her to choose and encourage her that she can call him what she is comfortable with.
Who cares? The child is being made to call him dad so if she calls him by his name at your house then she may slip and do the same at her mom’s house. It’s a ridiculous argument
Your step daughter should be able to call him what SHE is comfortable.
Pick your battles. If she wants to call him dad, let her. If she doesn’t want to, then she needs to tell her mother that. I have a friend that is remarried and her daughter calls her stepdad her bonus dad. His nickname is “Two (not dad)”. Because she says she’s lucky enough to have two dads.
Another thought…does her mother call her husband by his name or does she call him dad also? Because her excuse of the stepdaughter calling him dad for the little ones sake, is just BS. All kids at one time or another have called their parents by their names.
No child should be “ forced” to call a stepparent mommy or daddy if the child isn’t comfortable with it no matter if there are other children in the home. I’d address with with her mother& stepfather .
I feel bad for the step daughter. Y’all are grown ass adults. Can you image how confusing this is for her ? Let her call whoever she wants whatever she wants. Y’all are going to have bigger fish to fry in the not so distant future!
You need to learn to pick your battles and this is NOT one of them. For now, just leave it be. Since the girl is NOT your daughter - there is no need for her to call you mom.
That is an ARGUMENT for the parents. My ex husband tried to get my son to call his wife mom and I went off on them both. If mom or dad isn’t in the picture that’s one thing, but if they are, there’s only room for one mom or dad period.
Of course it’s unreasonable. My daughter calls her stepdad dad and her real dad dad. Not a thing wrong with it and you sound a little jealous.
I was waiting for the real answer and once I got to the bottom I caught on. You guys don’t like him that’s all. Don’t put that on an 8-9 year old. Everyone is going to be okay at the end of the day. Quit trying to control every aspect.
Sounds like the child in question is 8+ which should be old enough for her to decide what she wants to call her step parents. I never wanted to call my step-dad dad or anything other than his name. I did, however, call my step-mom Mom most of the time. It was how I felt about each of them.
I swear this is the most childiest pettiest bullshit I have ever read. Yes my family is blended my kids call my husband Dad except for the older one. But he refers to my husband has his Dad.
On another note I was once a bitter baby mama and told my x thst my son only has one momma he’s not to call the another woman momma.
Well at 3 yrs old he started to call her hunny and at 18 he still calls her hunny.
It was some petty bullshit I was pissed about from what my x had done to me. In the end she has always done right by the kid and has never given me a reason to object to him calling her mom. She is his bonus mom.
Absolutely unreasonable. He’s a dad to her. He’s raising her. She should be allowed to call him whatever she wants.
Girl that ain’t your business.
U need to stay out of it and go through your SO not directly to your stepdaughter. As hard as it is… I know and been through that.
Yes absolutely unreasonable.
let parenrs have conference and see what happens
I would say that’s definitely a decision and topic for the house the child lives full time in. Being someone who has dealt with angry competing biological parents, as a step mom I think it’s truly dysfunctional to try and control what a child calls a parent in someone else’s home. Especially one they’re at 99% of the time. I’d focus the energy on far more important things!
Its really irrelevant in the long run
As someone who is a stepdaughter of someone, I think you should go with whatever she is comfortable with. Personally, I call my stepfather by his real name, and that is what I am comfortable with.
It should be 100% up to her. Don’t make this a parents decision/issue, HER boundries and wishes need to be respected in this instance. If she has clearly stated that she doesn’t want to call him dad/daddy then absolutely defend her right to set that boundary. Bringing up what happens at your house and your feelings makes it about you and your feelings and that shouldn’t happen.
I would ask her what she’s comfortable with. Sounds like she’s under a lot of pressure already. Maybe you can change what your children call your husband such as papa. That way what she calls her father is special. As for what she calls you, I wouldn’t make a big deal. My son called me by my name; when I asked why he replied “ because I like your name “. My parents didn’t even like my name ( long story) so I let him. He’s now 27 and calls me mom. It’s just a name, what matters is the love she feels from you both.
Talk to your stepdaughter if he’s not treating her right she might want to come stay with if that’s something yall are ok with
I called my stepparents by their name to them and to my stepsibilings their mom was mommy. When I was at dads. There were 5 of us so we called them the parents in reference and then mom and dad. They called my dad by his name
At my mom’s I called my stepdad by his name.
I was asked to call steps (mom and dad) and it felt weird.
Good thing too since both parties arent my parents anymore
My mom tryed this on me but I refused to call my step dad
He has always been the best in everything for me
But if your daughter or stepdaughter doesn’t like him she should not be forced upon that
Yes it is unreasonable! Regardless of how you feel, that Step Dad, is exactly that in her eyes when at her Mums. If you can’t act like an adult for the sake of the children, then don’t be in a split family.
I don’t feel kids should be told to call someone mom or dad it should be what they feel comfortable with.
None of you have the right to tell her what she can and can’t call them.
It’s her choice. Whatever comes natural to her!
It should be about what she’s comfortable with, not what suits you and the other children.
Explain to ur kids they are in a blended family which technically you all are but they are siblings by regardless so they should be able to call who they want mom dad mommy or daddy ? Let them decide who they feel comfortable with they didn’t ask to be in these situations
Sounds like something that the dad needs to talk to her mom about… I don’t think you need to get in the middle. That is something for them to discuss and work out with the daughter. You can support the daughter but I don’t think you need to say anything. Tell her dad to talk to her
I’m pretty sure the younger kids realized who their parents are. I feel like it should be choice she makes. My daughter calls her stepdad by his first name. But then she asked him if he would be her dad. We let it be her choice