Is it unreasonable to ask my stepdaughter to call her stepdad by his real name?

It’s not up to any adult to decide what a child calls someone. She should decide for everyone, not even just the step-parents.

From personal experience with this exact situation, it’s what I’m comfortable with. My mom who I lived with full time, remarried my stepdad who I’ve called dad my entire life. My biological father who I also call dad, married my step mom who I call by her first name. I was asked to call her mom but I never did. I was asked when with my biological father not to call my stepfather dad, but as a child it’s confusing. Even as an adult it’s hard to stop and think about changing a name just to make someone else happy. Be understanding, she has 4 parents and she needs to be comfortable calling them by name or mom and dad.

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You can’t control what happens at her mon’s house. If they are forcing her to call stepdad “Dad,” it’s their decision, unfortunate as it is, so leave it alone. Kids can distinguish different relationships (just like they can understand having two friends with the same first name), but if it makes it easier for everyone to use the same address for the same person, it’s OK, even if the girl isn’t thrilled about it. The girl probably has enough problems without you creating more drama. And this should be something bio mom & dad discuss together, not you.

How well do you know the stepdad to say he’s not a good person? I’m guessing the daughter complains about him because that’s what teens & preteens do. Does she complain about her bio dad or you to her mom and stepdad also? Make notes if you think there is truly troubling behavior and bring it up with bio dad to discuss with bio mom.

Let the girl call you whatever she’s comfortable with at your place and accept it. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and they know who’s in their corner and who isn’t, regardless of what the people are called. “What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Boost your self-esteem and realize the only person you have control over is yourself.

Pick your battles. This one isn’t worth fighting over.

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My SD is 10, and she told her father and I are wanted to call me mom, and her bio mom lost her shit and told her she can’t call me mom. So she doesn’t … Which pissed us off but she’ll realize the truth on whose there and who isn’t when she’s old enough :slight_smile:

This whole thing messes with a child’s mind. Do not force it. If she is comfortable calling the step parent mom or dad it should be her choice. Parents should abide by her choice like it or not perhaps a child phycoligest should be seen to ask questions.

When my husband and I married, I was adamant that his kids had a mom and we would have a different name for me… and they do. My kids are grown and address my husband by his name. Just a difference in the age of the children.

My kids were made to call a step-mom Mom… I about lost it. Children have a mom and a dad and when others are added, find names for them.

My kids- Mike and Momma
His kids- Daddy and Mimi

And that’s what worked at our house.

It should always be the child’s choice. Eventually they will decide on their own exactly what they chose to call them.

It should 100% be her choice :slightly_smiling_face:

My son calls my husband daddy. Makes his bio dad irritated because he calls him by his first name. I have no idea he just always has. Probably because my husband does 95% of the dad stuff. His bio dad made him start calling him dad. Didn’t kill my son lol. He’s not emotionally scarred. On the other hand my mom made us call my step dad dad. I always thought it was ridiculous :woman_shrugging:t2:. Maybe he should start working on a better relationship with his daughter. FaceTime is okay but maybe go visit there more often. We live in Ohio and my husband drove clear to South Carolina for weekend drill for the military for years. Lots of times we’d go to and just hang out in the hotel. We’d save up and pack food from home to cut the expense.

You say “call him what you’re comfortable with as long as it’s respectable” and then leave it alone.

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I want to also add that what the child calls you or her step dad should be her choice. What if she came up to you and asked if she could call you mom? I think it ultimately should be her choice as well as a discussion between her mom and dad.

My stepdaughter when she talks to me I’m " Teresa" I’ve never asked her to call me mom but I did tell her she could call me what she wanted at 4.5 years old she’s 22 now. However she calls her dad " Larry" instead of daddy and it has always pissed me off . Idk what her mom told her bout her dad but she hardly ever calls him daddy . If I’m around and I hear her say " Larry" I give her the " look" and she says daddy .I call my husband " daddy " for our kid’s sake not b/c I’m being disrespectful .

Seriously, stop making the child’s life more difficult on account of your petty ego!

Not your business! You are a step parent and only 8 weeks out of the year! You wouldn’t want a step parent doing this to your child!

My daughter calls her biological father daddy vern and then my husband became daddy ted. Now my husband is Dad, and her biological father is dad vern

My kids are all grown but they’ve always called my husband Dad. Their father gets mad about it but I honestly think, hey he’s the one there for everything, and I mean everything, including cutting one of our grandson’s cord. So why can’t you just be happy she’s got 2 dads?

Sounds like she is stuck capitulating to the jerk her mother married. Thats too bad. Hopefully she can option out of that arrangement and get away from that jerk

Honestly not your place

It should be based on how the step daughter feels.

She can call him whatever she wants.