Am I wrong for expecting or wanting the father of my daughter to give me a heads up before coming by my apartment to see his daughter? Twice he shows up unannounced, and something about that rubs me the wrong way. We’ve been broken up about six months, but he’s clearly not moved on yet. He asks inappropriate questions in a tone that makes me feel interrogated and then wants to argue that he’s just asking a “simple question”. It always leads to him, implying that I’m seeing someone. He then asks his ex-wife if she’d have a problem if he was in the area and showed up without calling wanting to see his son, to which she replied. No, she wouldn’t have a problem, but that’s her. She stated she didn’t know what kind of co-parenting relationship he has with me. I’m bothered because this man has been so nasty towards me through the breakup process, and I’m almost always the bigger person and keep quiet and try not to escalate things because that’s when his nastiness comes out—all verbal disrespect to me and my character. I just want to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship with him for my daughter sake.
Everytime he shows up unannounced, say you have plans and heading out the door now (he will return home and think twice before his surprise visits)
I’d have an issue with anyone showing up at my house without warning, with few exceptions. It’s just rude.
Set up a parenting plan and stick to it.
I wouldn’t allow it. Dont let him just show up and if he does tell him he needs to leave and call and make a time for him to come. U are allowed ur privacy even if u are seeing someone that isn’t anything to do with him. I would have an issue and I wouldn’t allow it .
I had a neutral public meeting space to visit, and exchange for visitation.
Nope would not be ok with that. I would act like I wasn’t there when he came by unannounced.
Tell him there are bounderies and he must follow them or he cant be there
Yes it’s inappropriate. Set up a visitation schedule and stick to it.
I wouldn’t like it either and wouldn’t hesitate to tell him that he MUST call first to see if it is ok. He is continuing to disrespect you by doing this, and has no right to interrogate you on ANYTHING. If he cannot call ahead, and cannot be polite when hd’s there, then show him the door until he behaves
me and my ex been split up for almost ten years and he still does not text to say when hes picking the kids up I mean it’s always the same day but it’s never the same time he just shows up whenever also dropping them off always same day but never know when we argue every week like hey send a fucking text just to let me no and still after 10 years same shit…
Not ok. Do you have a court approved parenting plan? If not get one.
You need to go to court and set up a parenting plan.
He has zero right to be at your home. He can meet at a public place to pick up your daughter. He never needs to be at your place.
I don’t mind spur of the moment visits it is his kid too but I do expect a heads up or a is it ok? Do you have other plans? Kind of thing
Just gonna be real here and say it… He’s not looking to see his kid, he wants to see you, get you riled up, and find out what you’re doing. It’s probably time you set some clear boundaries. It’s pretty clear he has 0 respect for you. I wouldn’t tolerate it!
I have issues with people in general just showing up unannounced it’s rude for one because you could have plans
I suggest getting in writing days set up where he can see/have his daughter I’d also be saying if he can’t keep it civil you will find a 3rd party to get involved with visiting (hand overs or a house to have contact) as it’s not healthy for a child to see that or you to be put through
He’s trying to catch you with someone.
Does he disrespect you or abuse you? And shits none of his business
Have you attempted to talk to him about it? If not, communicate with him and explain that to him. People cannot fix their actions if they do not know they are doing anything wrong.
Stop answering the door. Look before you open. If he calls/texts you, tell him y’all are taking a nap. and you’d like heads up next time. That’s extremely rude and weird in my opinion for your ex to show up like that. Idc if you have kids together and he just wants to see her (doesn’t seem like that’s entirely the case), he needs to give you a heads up. What if you did have someone over and your daughter was at a babysitter? He’d probably get extremely pissed off if he’s questioning you. Maybe just tell him you’re seeing someone and see how he reacts. He doesn’t need to know anything about YOU, just about your daughter.
Then what you’re doing is best. Set boundaries. Treat every interaction as a business transaction. Take all emotions out of it.
If he can’t be cooperative and respectful id get court ordered visitation. Otherwise if he can agree on certain days and a rough time then you could keep it out of courts but doesn’t sound like he’s being that nice. We meet at a gas station for hand off of my daughter hes not allowed at my house n I don’t even know where he lives.
No you’re not wrong. I’ve been seperated from my ex for almost 9 years. He’s never showed up at my place unannounced. There’s times I don’t know exactly when he’s going to pick them up, cause it’s when he gets off work and he doesn’t the time he gets off, but he’ll text when he gets off and is on his way and I still know the day lol and usually around the time. That’s my house. Regardless. Even when I lived in the same trailer park as his friend. When he’d be at his friends, he wouldn’t just come down to see his kids. If they weren’t out to see her was there, he’d text me and say he was down there and ask if I could send them down there to see him. He doesn’t have any right to show up to your house unannounced. Especially if you’ve told him not too. Regardless how he feels about it. You’re not together anymore. Tell him he needs to call or text you, when he wants to see his daughter.
The issue is the unannounced part for me. If I was to break up with my fiance I would love him to want to see the kids as much as possible which would include last minute plans but to not ring or text and ask if it were OK or even ask if he could just pop in etc
He is violating your rights to privacy and security stuff that if he doesn’t get it which is the case by what I just read. Simple ignore him do not open the door to him. He will hopefully eventually get the drift and God forbid if he makes a scene and you’re scared just call the cops…
You don’t have to allow him in if he comes over unannounced. He doesn’t live there. Set boundaries and get an official parenting plan.
Set the boundaries you want
Document everything, keep track of when he comes unannounced and how he talks to you. Only talk to him through text private messages. Then go to coirt and get a parenting plan.
He’s popping by to be sure you are at home and not with someone. I bet it has almost nothing to do with seeing his kid and everything to do with keeping tabs on you. If he doesn’t call ahead by at least a day…I ain’t answering the door.
My daughters father and I split when I was 6 months pregnant. He hasn’t seen her in over a year, but when he was seeing her he knew to call or text before showing up. Whether I’m dating someone else or not isn’t the point… I don’t like when people show up unexpected and unannounced
It may not ever happen with him set your boundaries if that don’t work you might have to take him to court
Don’t Let him in and tell him call before coming!!
My ex showing up unannounced bugs me BUT its not about me so I bite my tongue and move one because OUR child is what matters most
I would never allow an ex to just drop by for a visit. My ex was similar, after years of his harassment, I learned to never talk to him. Only text or email, and save them all. If he asks questions that are none of his business or make you feel uncomfortable, tell him, so that it’s documented, and if it continues, it is harassment.
Hes obviously popping in unannounced because he thinks he’ll catch another man at your place I would explain to him you just feel uncomfortable when he comes round - you could be doing anything, just out of a shower… just about to head out somewhere etc etc personally id prefer to know if anyone, even my bestfriend was calling into my house (but I do think im abit strange like that lol)
Don’t answer the door
Any unwanted guest shows up at my door, one of two things are gonna happen.
1, I just don’t answer the door. Or
2. Answer, and apologize but I’m conveniently on my way out to the doctor, grocery, anywhere really. And I’d let them know they should have called first instead of wasting their time.
Get on it quickly with a lawyer dont let him think he can come and go you.are not his business anymore make it clear that you have boundaries make it stick good luck
He can’t compare the 2 relationships. Set your boundaries a quick call 5-10mins before is not a big ask.
come on you already know what to do most mothers do.stop looking for excuses to why your allowing it.no one cares really but since you put it out there fck what you think whats best for your daughter … you already knw whats best for you and your daughter… ask all your family because there probably sick of hearing your same ole rant shit.your mum knows best ask her and if she doesnt say to your face fck him literally then you both need councelling
It’s not okay. I’m in court right now and I’ll tell you that it’s not okay. If you don’t want it and if you’re not comfortable with it then it’s abuse and manipulation
Court mandate when he can come over. He sounds like he is controlling and would escalate.
You are NOT wrong
There needs to be boundaries. If it makes you uncomfortable then let me known !
I would have a big issue because he has a motive behind it. You need to tell him to mind his own fucking business and he has no right talking to you or asking you those questions. Your not his child and that’s the only person he needs to worry about. I know you said you don’t like confrontation but don’t let that allow him to walk all over you like a door mat. Hang in there girlfriend!
It doesn’t matter what his ex wife allows. Stand up for yourself. He has no right to come to your house at all. That’s a privilege you allow many parents trade the kid off at public places or police stations.
Nope. A call or text easily could be made. You have a right to your life too