Pay a babysitter and a god damn maid. No matter the situation she has no responsibility to your children. She’s their grandmother yes but it sounds to me like you expect her to do these things?! That wouldn’t be me, that’s for sure.
Find a new babysitter!!!
She’s not your servant. Bad past or not. Obviously she’s in recovery. You don’t get to treat someone like dirt because they are an addict. She doesn’t owe you squat. Clean your own house. Pay a babysitter. Life’s not free. Your mindset is absolutely disgusting.
Free childcare is hard to complain about. I’m sure if you paid someone they would do a better job.
12 hours?!? With no pay? Because she what owes you? That’s bull…pay a sitter maybe you’ll get a clean house…you’re looking for a babysitter and a maid for free…
For one their grandma don’t owe yall anything, if she missed few birthdays etc, she is making up for it now by spending time with her grandchildren, she shouldn’t have to do your job cause u feel like she needs to make up for what she’s missed, let the past be the past, I would just kindly tell her to tell the kids to pick up after themselves, or you can talk to your kids as well and tell them what you expect from them. I hope yall can figure it out. Best of luck to ya
Tell her to clean the hell up. Who babysits and leaves a mess
So, my understanding is that you want a free child care provider and a free house keeper?
Wow. I feel sorry for your mother in law. She had to survive an abusive relationship, every day overcome addiction … only to be used by an ungrateful son and daughter in law.
Sounds like the kids are having fun with grandma and building that relationship. Which is great for them both.
Maybe you are just burnt out from work. But grandma’s are not maids nor are they free baby sitters. If you both seem to resent her so much then why don’t you pay for a baby sitter like all the other parents that do not have the privilege of having grandparents that are supportive. Maybe you should save the resentment for your husband … he is after all your partner and the one you share that home with. Maybe you need a family chore chart that included you and your husband. If your kids know how to clean and know they are responsible for cleaning after themselves … they need to be taught how not to take advantage of grandma … and teach that by example also
I would apologize for being so rude … a lot of the other mothers here so carefully worded their responses … but being an educated supermom I cannot read this and not just slap truth down.
Addiction is so damn hard … on everyone not just the person battling it. Surviving domestic violence … many do not live to share their story. She is grandma not free childcare and not a maid.
Get a babysitter and a maid. She doesn’t owe you nothing.
You’re rude and entitled af. She doesn’t owe you a damn thing. Making this lady watch YOUR KIDS, don’t pay her because you feel she doesn’t deserve it and expect her to clean too? Tf outta here… You’re a real piece of work
Noone is obliged to babysit. She is not serving some kind of sentence for " missing out"
Pay her. She’s not making up for anything she’s helping you out. Don’t be an ungrateful person. She got sober and visits now. She’s trying and you’re taking advantage. Be glad you have family to watch your kids. Have them clean up when you get home if you don’t want to clean up. They’re your kids
Time to get a new sitter
You need to get someone else. Period. I wouldn’t babysit for you with your attitude. Your very negative.
Uhm… probably need to use better discretion in choosing a sitter
Honestly no need to punish this lady for her past mistakes. She must help out of the goodness of her heart
How dare you use her mental illness and disease against her like this and use babysitting and cleaning your goddamn house as a punishment! If I was your mother or his for that matter I’d tell you to hire a fuckin sitter and go fuck yourself! Fuckin entitled bitch! And if she’s so fuckin bad why would you even want to leave your children alone with her?? You know that makes you look like an unfit parent right? Give her a reason to do better! How about caring about her and showing it and being there for her. She’s family. If she felt you guys cared about her instead of wanting to use her for free child care and maid service maybe she would do better and want to do it for you. Ever think of that?
Your ungrateful…we all make mistakes but don’t need to be crucified for them for the rest of our lives ? Why don’t you sit down and talk with her ask her to ask the kids to tidy up their mess ? Instead of posting on Facebook bad mouthing her ? Or ask your husband to help clean up they’re his kids too ! Twelve hours a day is a long time to watch your kids have you even asked her if she feels ok if she’s managing? She’s in recovery and if you feel like this about her why ask her to watch your children in the first place? She and the kids will pick up on your animosity…you come across as a very selfish person
Clean your own house!! She doesn’t owe you or your husband a damn thing!!
If my mum has my kids at mine then she cleans up washes the pots and keeps my home tidy, I don’t ask her to do that, it’s just what my mum does🤷🏻♀️
This woman is doing you the favour, so you can work…don’t forget that☺️
Maybe make a list for the children and ask her to maybe help them if they can’t do it by themselves.
If that fails maybe hire a cleaner to maintain your home.
Let grandma be grandma, and pay her or take her out once in a while to show your appreciation for minding your children. Xxx
They are your children! Not hers! I have never read such rubbish in my life! You come accross has arrogant! I agree with the others, you stay at home at look after YOUR children and see how difficult it is. And congratulations to your mother in law for getting herself clean!
Then worse thing you can do is give a drug addict money
Yes ! Free babysitting. Allows you to go to work and make a living.
Maybe leave meals and snacks prepped .
You can’t fix the past so look to the future. But with your attitude I would be surprised if you had a future with her. And if your kids know to put their rubbish in the bin then why aren’t they doing it? Not your mother in law that is the problem from the sounds of it.
Your mother in law is not a professional nanny or daycare provider. If you want a professional sitter than pay for one. She shouldn’t have to be stopping her life to be babysitting all day. Her son is grown up and she doesn’t owe him a thing. I feel so bad for her because taking care of kids is really hard work especially when they’re not yours.
Pintsize Khan Sambrina Begum
Loooool , is this for real ,
Wow firstly, if you want a clean home when you get home, employ a cleaner, or do it yourself. It’s wrong to hold her past against her, and what kind of parent are you, to expect her to look after your kids ??? Everything about your status, screams spoilt brat !!! They are your kids, it’s your home, so your responsibility.
What’s in the past should be left in the past you obviously think she’s clean and good enough now to watch the kids so you shouldn’t be throwing her past back in her face because it’s something to use over her that’s just awful. Would you watch someone kids constantly for hours without pay ? Maybe she’s actually doing things with the kids making things playing etc that she doesn’t think cleaning is a main issue when she has the time to play with her grandkids . You should be a lot more great full because if she walks out feeling unappreciated then you’ll have to fork out a fortune for childcare
Don’t sound like she owes you just because she made poor choices in life . You should be grateful for a free babysitter. Your kids are old enough to clean up after themselves so you need to enforce that and ask her to tell them as well
She should leave the house how she left it. I was cleaning up after kids when I was 14 and babysitting…
If you’re not paying her I don’t think she should have to clean too how old are the kids? Talk to them about what you expect the house to look like if they are old enough to understand. Implement the “wash your own dish” rule for everyone in the house as well
Take them to her house?
If the kids used/dirtied it under her watch she’s responsible to make sure it gets put right. She doesn’t owe y’all shit though in terms of free babysitting grow up. You don’t get to use people just because they made bad decisions in the past.
I mean, you could ask her to have everyone clean up as they go, but you have a free sitter… That said, give. Her past choices & current irresponsible behavior: do you really want her alone with your kids?
I’d sit down and talk to her and the kids. Like this is what I want from you kiddos and hey grandma is going to start making sure she asks them too…
That or write out certain times they’re to do certain chores and except it to be followed.
She’s not your nanny or maid…tf🙄
Put them in daycare then don’t complain when you get a free sitter. Sounds pretty ungrateful to me
Raise your hand if you would love a free sitter?!?
I would ask her to remind the kids to pick up, but if you aren’t paying her, unless these are her messes I don’t really think you can say anything.
If you don’t like it pay someone!!!
You get what you pay for.
Tell your kids what chores should be done before you get home.
I know for one thing if I ain’t getting paid I’m not cleaning if your kids know how to do it you need to get on their butts and tell them to pick up after they’re done. She doesnt owe anybody anything she’s human she makes mistakes just like I’m pretty sure you did in life
Nobody owes you a thing
If I don’t trust someone’s judgement they’re not getting left alone with my kids — well, except my ex husband, but I didn’t have a choice
If you’re not comfortable asking her to do it, nothing stopping you from making the kids do it when you get home. Especially if they were supposed to do it in the first place!
If they are old enough to pick up after themselves then tell them to?
My mom did the same thing. I’d come home after an hour or two to a wrecked house. I didn’t pay her so I didn’t feel like I had the right to ask her to clean up. I just don’t ask her to watch them anymore.
She should be telling your kids to clean up after themselves.
That may just be the only thing that she needs to do.
They make a mess,
They clean up.
If they can do it when you’re home, they can do it when she’s home with them.
Best of luck!
Entitled much? She owes you nothing. Pay her or find someone else
Twisted from the beginning
OP get out of here!!!
Wow. She may have made bad choices and missed out, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide that she should work for you for free. I don’t think there is much you can say to her. Address it with your children if they are old enough.
Well you’re not paying her to babysit or tend to your house she’s making up for lost time
She’s not a sitter, she’s the grandmother. While her past choices suck, she’s watching y’all’s kids for free so I’d say it’s about even there. She gets the time, y’all get the free childcare. Your kids are old enough to know their responsibilities around the house and to be held accountable if they don’t take care of them. Make a chart or w/e so they have a visual reminder of what needs to be done before you get home and if they don’t do those things, they need to have consequences. They’ll get in the habit quick. The only thing she should really need to is clean up after herself.
Since her services are free…hire someone a couple times a week to straighten up. A win win situation…you could use a break!!
I’d rather pay someone than have to spring clean every evening.
She raised her kids . It’s not her responsibility to catch up; you should teach your kids to clean up after themselves
I would roll my eyes too stop being a selfish bitch she is doing you a favour by watching your kids while you work if you want her to clean and shit PAY her!!!
I wouldn’t expect her to just clean things… but picking up dirty dishes and clutter is something I thought everybody did
How old are the kids? I think she should tell them we clean up after ourselves an she can help an show them
After all she is the Adult.
well, put your kids in daycare. i mean shes doing YOU a favor by babysitting for free so you really cant complain and you sound really ungreatful. you are not entitled to anything…grow up
Find a new sitter do not take a chance relapse and it may be after a child is hurt sounds like no parent around while you are gone
That’s a tough one
I do not envy you doll but imo you can’t be doing that every evening for sure. If he wants to let it go tell him to clean it every evening after work…see how long that lasts. If not I would honestly be straight and tell her what your expectations are…and I don’t think they are too much for gods sakes
U get what u pay for (free)esp from someone notoriously unstable. At least u know they’re eating
Consider your self very lucky that she dose babysit for you. There are people out there who wish to actually have this form of help .
Lmao! she babysitting YOUR children for free and you still want her to clean and be your maid…she ain’t ur mother in law…she is ur slave!!! How about you pay q cleaner and q babysitter as it’s not her responsibility to come to the birth or even see ur children… thats a choice …u sound like q n ungrateful person and ur husband also
She should wash up after them and have a general tidy up it’s just common courtesy I think. I would do it as I go through the day obviously I don’t think she should have to clean your house but cleaning up after the children while she is looking after then or at least telling them to tidy up after themselves. Maybe take them to her house. x
Gosh, I feel like there is so much wrong with this situation. First, you can’t make someone repay you in any way shape or form for mistakes they made in their past. I’d imagine she probably feels bad enough without someone feeling they are owed for it. If you want her to take care of the kids and clean the house and any other jobs that may go along with it you should pay her something or find an actual nanny and pay them. If your kids are old enough to do it then they should be cleaning up after themselves. You could maybe ask her to try to have the kids cleanup after themselves so your not really asking her to do it but I wouldn’t expect much if your not paying her.
All I have to say is, I’m sorry. I appreciated my mother in law before, but after reading this I feel even more blessed. She’d clean my house everyday she was there, I’d come home from work and it’d be cleaner than when I’d left. If I didn’t do the dishes, she would. If I did the dishes then she’d mop or clean a bathroom. She’s a Saint. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Kelly Ames, you’re the real MVP
Just start paying someone then?
I would just be greatful she was there to help I would never tell someone who was being kind enough to help with the raising of a child that I also expected them to clean too. Those kids are your responsibility not hers just saying
You are getting a free babysitter. If you expect her to clean then offer her money. She doesn’t owe you anything despite her past absense.
She may have had a rough spot but she does NOT need to babysit your kids and she’s doing it for free, be happy about that and clean up after them. Period.
To me grandparents shouldn’t be paid to babysit their grand kids ! Unless they have to do it full time as a daily job. And its normal to nicely tell her to clean up or make kids clean up
She should clean up or have the kids do it, the mess that is caused while she is there, yes.
then tell your kids they need to clean up after themselves since they are old enough . You and your husbsnd sound so entitled she doesnt owe him anything she sounds like she was going through alot and the only thing i see wrong here is that he thinks it ok to not pay her to babysit
I’d much rather pay someone to watch my kids then come home to a nasty house! And I’d like my kids to have Structure and she doesn’t sound like she does that
Your mad because she missed YOUR kids stuff? I get she’s a grandparent but damn. You’re taking advantage of her.
Don’t have her watch the kids. Problem solved
Personally think she should clean up whatever mess she made or the kids made when she was watching them… OR you can have her do the housekeeping and pay her for it.
My MIL and SIL always leave my house a mess, dirty diapers on the floor and trash everywhere… but I only expect her to clean her mess up… I had a talk with my husband and told him if she can’t do that then she no longer babysits them.
She dont owe you guys anything even for missing out on stuff that’s just childish thinking. If you dont pay her then dont expect her to act like a babysitter and nanny go pay someone else to and trust me it isnt cheap
Wtf, you guys are toxic.
If your kids are old enough to know better then I would suggest talking to them first and start taking things away if they don’t show better respect for the place the family lives in.
As for the MIL I’d just tell her you spoke to the kids about picking up after themselves and you’d like it if she could help you reinforce it.
I don’t understand why not paying her is because of her missing time with them.
Punishing her while she is in recovery and seemingly trying to do better by being there seems pretty harsh.
I mean, we don’t pay my MIL either when she watches the kids because she is their Grandmother and doesn’t want anything and would never ask for it either but I also only drop them off maybe every 2-4 weeks for a few hours.
If she is there full time, helping raise the kids there should be no reason that she isn’t paid some agreeable amount and also guided to help discipline/teach the kids.
If you can’t speak clearly and openly to the person who is caring for your children while you are gone, then who can you do it with?
I’m not trying to judge you. I hope you don’t take it that way. I’m trying to guide you to reflecting.
You’re upset about the state of the house. You’re laying all the blame on MIL when the kids are old enough to know better too.
You’ve brought up all her past awefulness and basically said her not being paid is a punishment for her not being there, all while she is in current recovery.
Honestly I think the answer to this entire solution is find a different means of child care and see her on a regular Grandparent basis and not as a full time babysitter because she isn’t doing things the way you’d like them and she isn’t being treated that great either.
You aren’t paying her. She’s obviously not a good housekeeper. Pay someone to watch your kids. Leave a chore list for them if they are old enough to pick up after themselves. Expecting your mil to keep your kids and clean up behind them 12 hours a day bc of a screwed up past is ludicrous. You’re getting free child care. Either pay her and leave a list of expectations or deal with your free babysitter.
I babysit my nieces for free (so do both sides of grandparents) maybe it’s a southern thing but when the parents come home it looks just like when they left except for maybe a few toys. The same goes both ways when the grandkids (5 of them) go to the grandparents house b4 we leave I make sure they/we have picked up everything. Plus I’m sorry but if she had a drug or drinking problem my kids would never be left alone. My dad used to drink and I would never let him take my kids anywhere unless my mom was with him and knew he wasn’t drinking. Sad but true. I love my kids more than anything.
I would have sympathized with you more had you not bashed her and just started you rant at: we come home and there’s bowls of cereal, etc…
Sounds like she isn’t doing much babysitting to be honest.
Maybe if you did pay her and give a expectation list she would hold tight to it. She may need the pay after what she has been through. Not disregarding the feelings you may have towards her with missed time. You have to look at both sides and it sounds like she doing her best with no pay.
Yes you can ask her to clean up after the kids when she watches them but remember if she gets mad she may not watch your kids so make sure to have a back up plan for someone else to watch them
She’s watching your messy ass kids for 12+ hours a day for free and you want her to be your maid too I think her drug problem rubbed off on you because you’re obviously smoking crack
And you trust her to watch your kids!!
I would never expect my MIL to keep my house spotless! She cleans up but I never ask her to or tell her she has to! If she’s watching them for free I wouldn’t expect her to do it. You said the kids are old enough to clean up, so why can’t they do it once you get home??
I thought it was common sence to clean as you go if your baby sitting, that just makes you look like a shitty person who’s incapable otherwise.
Instead of asking her to clean I would say, “Hey heres a list of chores for the kids to do. We would appreciate it if you would encourage them to do them.” And then leave it at that. Free babysitting is a precious gift and I wouldn’t rock that boat
She should be cleaning up the messes that are made while she is there. Yes, she is watching your kids for free while at your house, but she is also at your house. I clean up the messes that are made by me and my children when at other peoples homes. Its common decency. Its not asking a lot at all.
Her missing out because of her bad choices is not your problem. You should not be made to feel guilty because of her shitty decisions.
You just bashed your MIL. Despite her absence previously, she is here now and that counts. And taking care of your kids for free. If you want a clean house, find someone else and pay them.
Count urself lucky u have a babysitter. Self entitled much no? I’ve no grand parents on either side of me nor my partner. Wish I had to tidy up their mess tho should be ashamed of yourselves
I guess my mom is one a kind according to these crazy posts. She wants to teach my kids to clean up after themselves. Doesn’t matter if she’s getting paid or not. Common manners. This is what’s wrong with the world today
So your punishing her for her past? Real nice. If you don’t like it, find another babysitter.