I am an Oma! I watch my grand kids often… I personally cleanup after my grands. I would do anything to help make things easier for my daughter/ daughter in law… They don’t expect it. I just do it!
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Pay someone to watch your kids and clean your house. Then come back here and complain. I paid my MIL to watch my son at her house.
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Dang everyone is going at her for no reason 
She literally never said she wasn’t grateful for her watching them, I wouldn’t want to deep clean my house after working 12 hours everyday either. It’s not a big deal to ask her to make sure the KIDS clean up after themselves. She’s not asking her to scrub the toilets and do the laundry… geez. My mom or mother in law would never leave my house a wreck wether I was paying them or not. (they have never and would never make me) If the grandma wants to watch her grandkids she should know that comes with certain things like guiding them during the day and not just letting them trash the house. But that’s my opinion 
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You people are weird. When babysitting, you make the kids clean up after themselves regardless. That’s part of watching children. Honestly, get a new sitter because obviously she doesn’t know how to care for the children. I dont think she wants the gma to actually clean the house she just wants her to get on the kids to pick up after themselves and not just run free and leave the house a damn pig pen.
If your kids are old enough to know they are supposed to be cleaning up after themselves, then YOU tell THEM they need to throughout the day even when you are not there.
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If the kids have to be told to clean up after themselves, then tell MIL to do that, tell them to clean up after themselves when she is there. But otherwise, I personally would not expect her to clean house when she is babysitting for free 12+ hours a day.
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Are you sure she should be hanging with your kids?
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Sounds like she shouldn’t be watching your kids.
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She’s watching your children and your children are old enough to clean up. She should make sure they are cleaning up after themselves. If she cant do it properly then ask someone else to watch your children.
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You are trying to make an addict pay for their mistakes…that doesnt work…either you except it or you move on that’s NOT yours or his job…
Sounds kind of like she doesnt really want to be there to me…or her concern is "making up for lost time
You cannot make a sitter clean your house…I wouldnt unless it was part of the deal in the beginning or I’m being paid extra to do so
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Well with the money your saving on childcare why not hire a cleaning lady?
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Tell your kids to clean up after themselves. Shit.
If your kids are old enough to pick after themselves then you and your husband should tell them to do so. If you’re not paying their grandma, don’t expect her to pick anything up. She’s doing y’all a favor by taking care of your kids
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I think it’s fair that everyone cleans up after themselves and not leave trash all around the house. So I understand why you’d want to say something about it. However, the attitude around making her babysit for free because of what she’s missed out on is actually really mean. Seems that she is getting punished for having a serious problem. You’re kinda taking advantage from her guilt and that’s not healthy.
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A maid and a babysitter both free???
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She doesnt owe you a damm thing.
So she did drugs and youre holding that over her head as a means for free babysitting?
Thats blackmail and its cruel.
Im 5 months sober and it would break my heart if someone did that to me.
Drug addicts are fully aware of what theyve done and they hate themseleves enough without it being used as a weapon. She doesnt owe you a damm thing you selfish entitled spoiled brat
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Sounds like the only messes being left are ones from your kids. I would just politely ask her to make the kids clean up after themselves like after eating putting there dishes in the sink and acter playing with something putting it back where it belongs. Other than that i dont see what you expect unless u are willing to pay for her to do your actual house work while shes there anyways. 
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Teach ur kids to clean up after themselves too🤷♀️
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First of all why doesn’t she deserve to be paid because she made the decision to stay away from your children while she was using? I’m guessing she is in recovery trying to change her life correct And probably feels bad enough about missing what she missed out on You should at least offer her some money and ask her if she would kindly mind picking up after the kids or having them help her pick up or making them pick up that for themselves depending on their age. But I just don’t think it’s right that her past drug use should have anything to do with the situation right now because you obviously forgive her if you’re allowing her around your kids if you don’t forgive her then you shouldn’t be using her as a babysitter.
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I never expected my kids grandparents to clean my house what wrong with you she’s babysitting for free she could tell you to pay someone to babysit your kids don’t think they would clean either
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You sure your MIL is clean?
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I have always cleaned up after every kid I have watched, being paid or not.
Babysitting is making sure they are picking up After themselves and making sure they are not making messes if at all possible.
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Hire a real babysitter and maybe even a house keeper. Another idea is to call your kids on your last break and tell them the house better be clean when you get home, if they are old enough to understand and old enough to clean then there really isn’t an excuse.
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Suck it up or find another babysitter.
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Thats wrong on your end IMO.
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Wouldn’t have her in my house let alone look after my children.
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Part of baby sitting is to clean up after the babies/children in your care.
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Wow she is the grandma. Shouldn’t have to pay her to watch her grandkids. Pay or no pay, you make a mess you clean it up it’s called being responsible. The toys I wouldn’t be so worried about, but the dirty dishes left all over, spilled milk and food left out that’s disgusting. Yes I would say something and if she doesn’t want to do it than it’s not worth it. My mother comes to town and she will clean so I don’t have to. She would get upset saying you knew I was coming let me clean.
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If you don’t like how she’s watching them then Stay. Home. With. Your. Own. Kids!!!
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If you pay her maybe. I wouldn’t kick a gift horse. However it’s frustrating coming home to a mess after a long day work. Fully understand that. Use the money your saving to pay a cleaner once a week and give children rewards for cleaning up after themselves as I’m sure it’s there mess. Maybe dishes from her cooking
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She may have missed out but she doesn’t owe you sh*t. She was fighting her own battles. You have her babysit, don’t pay her, and expect her to clean too just because she missed out on time lmfao. Not to mention if you raised YOUR KIDS correctly they’d be cleaning up their own mess without having to be told.
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I would say if it bothers you that much, pay a sitter or stay home bc she is doing you a huge favor.
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I always had my kids teach guests, cousins, etc how we do things in our house. Cleaning up after ourselves is one of those things.
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You want a babysitter or a maid? I’m confused… And not paying her bc she fked up in the past? I wouldn’t clean your house either lol.
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I would just be grateful that you have a free sitter. Even though it seems like hubby is trying to punish her which is wrong imo
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Make your cleans know they still have to clean. She maybe still be trying to establish where she fits in. Make rewards or a point system .
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I wouldn’t let her be alone with the kids tbh. But yeah if she’s watching the kids she can have them clean up after themselves or she can do it.
I would just kindly ask her if she can remind the kids to clean up after they finish one activity before they move on to the next 1. Then I would also tell my children they need to clean up, bc they are old enough to be responsible for that. Even if you have to make them a chart or something and have consequences. Otherwise, don’t clean it, and make them do it when you get home.
Firstly time to forgive and move on from the past, I don’t know you but from this post it feels like you have this mentality she owes you both… which she doesn’t.
It is your home and and your responsibility, you clean it.
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I paid my mom for watching my kids and never expected her to clean my home. 
If you aren’t happy with the situation… then you need to change it! It’s not her responsibility.
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I would be looking for a new babysitter.
It sounds like the people who need to be talked to and guided are your messy ass kids. If you have personally said they’re big enough to clean up But need to be told then she’s not the problem. Teach your kid’s responsibility.
You have free child care. If you want your kids to not have to do anything and the sitter to do it sounds like you need a nanny.
Woooooow! You sound… She don’t owe shit to y’all. And for you to feel entitled is ridiculous as hell. You don’t pay her… And the way you worded this you think she’s less than. Your disgusting. Find a different babysitter that you have to pay!
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There is so much in here I’m gonna start from the Top … Agreed her past mistakes don’t entitle anyone to phrase no payment as punishment … it’s the phrasing that bothers me … Secondly there is NO WAY someone would pay me to spend time with my grandchildren! That is free and out of love 
so anyone saying free babysitter absolutely not… it’s being a grand parent … Next yes part of spending time with any of my family in ones home comes with respecting their surroundings , I’m gonna nag you (kids) to pick up after yourself and if some mess is left over I would help clean up … After all I am an adult … Now if the kids and I just had a fun filled activity day and you come home and it’s still a mess … Feel free to pitch in and clean as they catch you up on day activities or point blank tell kids time to clean up … I would never ask my mom to clean up … kids and I can handle it
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If the kids are old enough to clean up after themselves then they shouldn’t have to be told constantly. Tell your kids that they are to clean up their own mess. It’s not grandma’s job to do that
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I would never ask my Mil to clean up it’s not her job and I would pay her to babysit when I am back at work
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Does she live with you and use your vehical for free? If she baby sits and the kids are old enough to clean up after them selves like you said then maybe a simple reminder to the kids would be nice. She shouldn’t have to clean and babysit for free.
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I would just politely ask her to remind the kids to clean up after themselves and if she says something like it’s not her job or is rude about it, maybe find a different babysitter if possible. I’m sorry you’re being mom shamed so hard, I hope everything turns out ok!
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No I wouldn’t ask my sitter to clean my house, but I would be sure to tell her that the kids need to keep the house clean and that means cleaning after themselves. She as their grandmother should enforce that. Sounds as if she doesn’t want to be there. In my opinion regardless of the situation, expecting anyone to work with kids for 12+ hours with no pay is wrong. Her staying away while she was using is a good thing and you should be thankful for it. Be thankful that your kids didn’t see her in that condition. You should pay her something for helping you out. What would you do without her? Find another babysitter that will charge a steep price for multiple children? Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
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I would either be happy with the free help im getting or hire someone else who I cam hold to specific standard. Your husband is probably rolling his eyes because he feels is him is doing the best she can (which may not be enough to us) as a product of an EXDrug addict I would be happy with the free help im getting or I jist wouldn’t let her help anymore.
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So, how long is she indebted to you for “what she missed out on”? It sounds like you are using your kids as punishment for her and now expect her to be your maid, even though your kids are old enough to clean up after themselves. The ONLY way to handle this is to ask her if she could guide them to be more tidy, and then if they don’t, it’s up to you (the parent) to determine if you want to clean your home or give out punishment to them.
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Use the money you would spend on a sitter and get a house cleaning lady.
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My mom watches my children for free for me. I come home after working a 12 hour shift to get them ready for bed, tidy up some then get to bed myself. My house is sometimes a wreck BUT my kids are happy & healthy…her saying is “vertical & breathing” . If you want the mess cleaned up, hire a maid.
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My mom watches my kids for free quiet often and I don’t make her clean… sure I come home to a mess but they are KIDS! Regardless if she was watching them or not they would still be making messes lol! Enjoy the free sitter don’t be bitter about how she gets it done!
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She’s not your nanny or maid, she’s your mother in law I don’t care how much she missed out on don’t treat her as a slave … ask her if she would straighten up a bit through the day but don’t expect to force her too
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This poster sounds like an ungrateful, entitled woman. End of my statement.
I guess if she wasn’t so cheap, she could have a sitter and house cleaner. #User
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it doesn’t matter if she missed births, birthdays or whatever, those aren’t her kids and she doesnt owe you anything despite what you or your husband think. you should be paying her for keeping an eye on your kids. you think somone is supposed to watch your kids 12 hours a day 6 days a week for free and you expect them to clean your house too? you sound selfish and ungrateful
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Don’t let her watch the kids then if you’re so ungrateful. And find a housekeeper. 
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My mother in Law to be just does it but that’s because she is a neat freak… Where I am not I also have daily body pain sometimes to the point I can’t move so I’m lucky on that end but yes I would just state that you expect certain things to be done not specifically by her bc you said your kids are old enough to do it themselves… but a gentle reminder of the expectations never hurt anyone
It wouldnt hurt her to starighten up put dishes in sink make sure trash is picked amd maybe wipe a cou ter down or 2. Put ur foot down obviously hubby aint gonna say nothing so.maybe pull her aside and ask for those thing to be done
Only thing I can think of is if she was getting paid you might ask for her to keep up with it a little better but since she’s doing it for free then no… I agree with maybe telling her to make the kids listen but honestly if you trust her enough to let her watch your kids in your home then the past has nothing to do with the present. Just my opinion though.
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U sound like a entitled t wat
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Is she just baby sitting now and then, or is she actually looking after the children while you work? If just now and then, then no she’s helping out and spending nice time with her grandkids. And you do your own cleaning, if she helps now and then, that’s nice, but not an expectation. If she’s minding while you work say 8hrs a day and you’re expecting her to keep house at the same time, then she should get some form of recompense. Otherwise that’s a lot of her time to be giving up… and you’re trying to take advantage. If you don’t like it, hire somebody.
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Making up for what she missed on? They are not her children. They are yours. She has no obligation to be there at the birth or babysit while you work. She doesn’t have to be there at birthdays. But it is nice if she is. These are your children not hers. It’s sounds like you thinks she is obligated to be there for parties and births and everything Else that is for your children. How about you tell your children to pick up after them selfs. Why did your children leave their bowl on the table after breakfast. Why does she need to tell them to throw their trash away. Didn’t you ever teach them to throw their trash away. It seems to me your kids should be more responsible for what mess they are making. My mother has never watched my kids so I can work. I wish she would. It would make it easier on me. But she should pick up to keep it as it was left and your children should too.
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Out of respect for your home she should tell the kids to clean up, or do it herself. That’s just common sense. Or was I just a different kind of babysitter?? Always made sure the house was clean and tidy, and yes I babysat for free as well (my three nephews) it was the least I could do. Everyone’s different and everyone has different opinions, but whether I’m getting paid or not I would not leave someone else’s house a mess 
(my messes & the messes the kids made on my watch anyways, not whatever mess was there when I got there)
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I’m sure there is a lot more to this story than what is shared but I will say this, sometimes it’s hard for grandmas to draw the line between just being a grandma (spoiling the kids and letting them do what they want) and making them do things. Daycare is VERY expensive ESPECIALLY if you want it in your home. I get that you’re tired but I agree with some of the other comments I read, hire someone to come in and clean. Good luck!!
You aren’t paying her. All you should expect is a fun time with grandma. They’re your kids to clean up after. Hire a sitter and pay them if you want housekeeping too.
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If they make a mess they should clean it up. If she lets that happen she should clean it up. Clean up their own mess so yes she should clean up what they all dirty while your at work
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You would pay ANYBODY else. Dont take advantage of her guilt. Expect more pay more and get more or get another sitter
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I’m so confused…
Y’all saying she’s a free sitter so don’t complain… I could never imagine babysitting my grandkids for my child and not cleaning up after myself and teaching the kids to do the same… it is incredibly disrespectful. It shouldn’t matter that it is free, if the grandma minded that she wasn’t getting paid she would quit doing it. I would be frustrated too. I would definitely talk to the children about cleaning up their messes and also sit down and talk to your mother in law about what she could do to help keep the mess to a minimal. She doesn’t have to be a “maid” and clean the entire house. She should however clean up after herself since she is the adult, and the kids learn from adults. Y’all shaming this mom for wanting a grown woman to pick up after herself and the her grandkids are whack.
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Regardless she should be respecting your house and thats not it. Your not asking her to scrub your floors but thats part of her watching them, making sure theyre doing what theyre supposed to be as well. Like cleaning up after them
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Cleaning spilled milk and cereal bowls isnt too much to ask, especially if she can literally just ask the kids to make sure they’re taking care of their mess.
My mums naturally a clean freak so my house is always cleaned when she watches my kids I dont expect it but I love her for it. She also makes dinner my mums the world best nana. But I my mans mum sucks yet I expect nothing from her if I dont like the way she has my kids she doesn’t babysit. I dont expect her to do things my way but yea she simply doesn’t have my kids and I dont think she owes me anything because shes a sucky grandmother
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Also your kids grands do not OWE you anything. Anything they do is amazing, especially if theyre watching your kids for free for a whole 12 hour shift. Maybe worry about teaching your kids that trash can be thrown out without being told.
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She’s probably too busy making up for lost time to clean !
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I may catch hell for this… But i don’t care!
What does her past have to do with anything else in the post?? If her past has any reason to do with why you may not trust her to watch your kids or she isnt responsible enough to watch them… Then she shouldn’t be watching them, period. If her past has nothing to do with the situation that your are disliking, then i don’t know why it’s included. Now on the mess part, yes, i feel like any kid should clean up after themselves and any babysitter should ask such of them. If the kids aren’t listening, the babysitter cant/doesn’t feel comfortable to enforce, or you just don’t like how things are being handled, then find another babysitter. Now on the lart where you say that he says his mom owes him this… No… If she didn’t do it right the first time around why place expectations on what she is going to do with grandkids?!? If he believes she CANT do it then she SHOULDN’T be doing it. Saying “I’m trying to give her another chance” is different from “she’s goung to watch our kids bc she screwed up so bad before and she owes me this”.
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She sounds so ungreatful like your mother inlaw dosent owe you anything they’re your kids your responsibility you sound so fukn stupid honestly!
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You should just be glad about having her there willing to watch & spend time with her grandkids.
Not everyone has that
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First of all why would you think she’d be good to watch your kids if she wasn’t in her own kids lives? Second, why would you think it’s ok to guilt trip anyone into watching your kids for free?? And third, you sound ungrateful as hell
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Has anyone thought that maybe she’s never acquired these skills? I think it’s ok to mention it but free babysitting? That’s a good deal on its own
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Also I’m sure this grandma is eating there food, drinking their drinks, watching their cable, using their internet. She may not be getting paid out right but she is getting a lot out of it as well.
I’m really ashamed Of y’all.
Poster, I would like to say I would be weary on trusting her to watch your kids. I’m not saying people can’t get sober and stay sober but I just don’t think it would be safe to have her watch them all day. Of course we don’t know your circumstances but perhaps there could be a safer solution. Cameras maybe? Or a professional sitter you could pay.
Whatever you do, I’m sorry you are having to read all these judgmental women. You asked for advice and they are being incredibly rude.
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Mayb cut her some slack shes come a long way getting clean and trying make an effort finally and talk to the children about the clean up.
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I would take the mess if it meant a free sitter. Not even gonna lie. Otherwise, pay her or someone else and make it clear what you’re paying for. You can’t ask her to raise your kids and clean your house for nothing. That’s my opinion though…
As for ‘making up for time’…those aren’t her kids. She doesn’t have to be there. If she missed things due to work would that be more acceptable or would she still need to ‘make up’ for it?
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Wow would not lives like that or with that !
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Let me tell you… paying for daycare is like a second mortgage… you could do that instead, but I’d personally keep the free in home messy nanny at most, I would address it as you are trying to teach your kids responsibility and you would like for her to remind them to clean up after themselves. Definitely do NOT tell her she needs to clean.
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Don’t ask or let her babysit then…
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I would never ask someone watching my children to clean my house… they’re already doing you a favor no matter who it is. If your kids are old enough to clean up after themselves then make them a chore chart and ask her to make sure they get their chores done for the day. If she decides to do them herself (like my mom does) then that’s her decision. But either way it will get done, and at the same time it will teach your kids responsibility and then they won’t have to be told to do something they’ll just do it 
win win for everyone
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Cleaning up after the kids and teaching them to clean up after themselves IS part of babysitting🤷. It doesn’t need to be spotless but shit.
I pay almost $200 a week for my 3 kids childcare! Yes it is wrong for you to demand stuff from your mother-in-law if you are not paying! 
this world owes you nothing; your child, your responsibility. If you say your children are old enough to know better then they should not have to be told or you can remind them everyday before you leave to pick up after themselves. Sorry for my rant but omg this sounds outrageous to me; you get what you pay for
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Be happy she is there for you and her family. Don’t punish her for choosing to spend time with family. Free child care, woo-hoo, awesome! The children are safe and happy to have grandma there to love and care. Maybe mention it to the children and remind them they need to do their chores too. Set up a reward system for doing their chores. Gently ask grandma to remind them.
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She needs to be picking up after then while she is with them. That’s just basic respect.
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For starters she is in your house she should respect your wishes. If you kindly ask her to straighten up through out the day as she looks after the children then she should. No ones fault that she missed time with her grands other than her own. I don’t think she should be payed to stay in your house and spend time with her grandchildren. You two should have a sit down to discuss the issue as respectful adults.
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She isn’t expecting her to clean the house. She’s expecting her to clean her own mess and get after the kids to clean theirs. Common courtesy and it comes with the job of babysitting free or not. She is getting FREE food, FREE drink, FREE cable, FREE internet, etc. the least she can do is be a decent human being and clean up after herself.
I can’t imagine watching my grandkids free or not and not cleaning up my messes or theirs. Good grief y’all are something else. Please go use this anger and protest things that really matter in the world instead of attacking this woman who had a simple question, looking for advice.
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I would question the level they are actually being cared for.
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Hmm. You should totally pay $200 minimum for childcare instead
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Wow… just wow… first off if your children are in fact old enough to clean up after themselves then they need to pick up after themselves! Secondly yes she may have been an absent grandparent in the past but she is there now. If she is doing better the last thing she needs is to be shamed for being there and helping you FOR FREE! maybe remind your children to pick up. At most she can give them a gentle reminder of picking up. Now here a little story from my life…
My mother was an awful alcoholic and an absent grandparent for years, she missed so much with most of my children from the start(my oldest is now 13) she has now been sober almost a year and since then has been in our lives every day. She is the GREATEST grandmother and mother and we are so grateful to have her back! With that said, I never once made her feel like she had to “make up for lost time, missed births, birthday, holidays” seeing how happy my children are to have their grandmother in their lives is enough for me. She always watches my 4 kiddos so I can run errands or take a trip to the store by myself. I would never expect my mother to clean up after my kids BECAUSE they ALL know how to clean up after themselves!!! Damn girl just be happy grandma is back and crack down on your kids! You sound absolutely selfish and ungrateful!!!
Get a paid sitter and let her be a grandma
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She’s an adult and should know how to clean up after herself I’d hope substance abuse or not, if she can’t handle the simple tasks of that I would definitely say something to her.
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Admin you NEED TO CLOSE THIS. I think enough women on here have commented and said their points.
I am seeing a lot of rude and judgmental woman who don’t know the meaning of polite speaking.
I bet ya the poster of this, is crying over how incredible rude y’all are. Smh.
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Be grateful for what you get. You said yourself, your kids are old enough to clean up after themselves. Have a chat with them, and if they don’t listen, sadly, it’s still your problem, not your Mother in laws.
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