I’ve been through this before. You’re going to have to call him out on it bluntly and give him an ultimatum. That’s the only way my husband and I are still married
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Either get use to this type of treatment or don’t accept it and move on.
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I will speak honestly from experience woman to woman. I worked through a very similar issue. Found inappropriate messages between my boyfriend and multiple girls. Talked myself into believing it was only messages, he never met up, yada yada yada. Fast forward 6 years, it ended anyway. Because I was always worried he was still doing it. Everytime I would look in his phone I would always find something. It left me feeling not good enough, insecure and just miserable all the time. Until I finally decided I was worth more than that. If they get caught, and forgiven, they won’t stop. They just know they will get away with it and get better at hiding it. Always remember that “they weren’t sorry when you didn’t know”. Choose yourself now. Not later! The red flags are there and you are only denying the inevitable pain. Im so sorry you have to go through this. My heart breaks for you.
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Emotional cheating is still cheating and it’s just the first step. It’s not even the 1st or even the 2nd time. He has an established pattern. Patterns do not lie.
You have to decide if this is something you can live with. He will not stop, he will find a way to do it again and again.
Maybe think about an open marriage if he wants to see others, then you should have the right to see other too.
If you don’t think this is something you can live with, then I would leave because again, he WILL do this again!
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Either accept what he’s doing or move on
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I remember when my ex tried telling me that , “online pornography” isn’t cheating 
well I ended up leaving because I was not happy and it destroyed my self image . Never settle for less than what you want because there is another man out there who will give you what you want!!!
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Get. Out. He has issues way beyond what u can imagine
Where do we even start ….
Do u wna live this way for the rest of your life, and expose the kids to his mess …if not…. Leave.
You n the kiddos are important
Repeat that
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Leave. He’s had chances before.
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I think there’s a few factors here. 1. Did he admit to any of this or did you simply, accidentally find it? 2. Did you find it honestly or by acting as the FBI because you felt something was off? 3. You found some of his acts on your phone, correct? That in my opinion says a lot. (A) he doesn’t care what you find because he knows you won’t leave or (B) he no longer has respect for you or your relationship. I suspect he has an addiction to this since you’ve said it’s happened in the past. An addiction he’s not dealt with and you’ve tolerated. I’m not saying these things to hurt you in any way. I’ve lived this (LONG story) so I speak from experience. In my case I ended my marriage over it after months of separation. I just couldn’t move beyond what I felt was cheating. At the end of the day his response to some hard questions should be your answer. You need to open your eyes and your ears and read between the lines and listen to what he says then make your choice. Your kids will heal (I promise you that)! They are resilient and would rather be in a happy place than one that both parents are faking for the sake of them. Life it too short to be miserable. I’m remarried and beyond happy. I look back on those days and thank god I stood up and owned my worth and left. I pray you find the same place inside yourself and find your worth whatever that means to you! You deserve happiness and if this isn’t it, stand up and add tax!
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I would drop him like a bad habit personally. Its extremely rare they ever stop. Its just degrading. There is a better love out there just like there was when u found this one. Usually a wife stays put bc she cant seem to stop thinking about all the “what if’s” and its really messed up bc well… we didn’t do this shit! They’re the ones that cant stop fantasizing about other women! We on the other hand have always been content with what we had! So why should we just have to pick up the pieces and move on?? Its not fair. But it also isn’t fair to keep giving 100% and getting 20 in return. Respect urself more than that! U were never the problem, its HIM. So dont beat urself up over anything he has done, go find what u deserve, and let him be the unfaithful fella he wants to be.
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From past experience, he will never change and you deserve so much better.
Whatever his reasons, they are not enough to speak to the soul crushing agony this makes you feel when your spouse does something like this.
You deserve a chance at happiness and you won’t be able to know that again until you’re out.
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Ask him if he thinks you’re worth fighting for…tell him that you need to go to counseling together and he also needs to see someone on his own to work himself out!!
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You can absolutely work through infidelity!! I HIGHLY recommend the website Affair Recovery. Soooo much great information and amazing courses for both parties! I highly recommend going to counseling with someone that specializes in infidelity.
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Mama, while I know the thought of your kids dealing with the separation is hard and automatically a consideration, you DON’T deserve that. Not at all. You don’t deserve to feel like this. You don’t deserve to be with someone who would give attention to others. Know. Your. Worth. It’s going to be hard. It already is! But admitting there is a problem is the first step. You can try counseling, but honestly, if it were me, I would not be able to trust or look at him the same ever again. I’d always be wondering. He does this with basically no remorse, and I have a feeling that he genuinely would not not be sorry at all, despite what be might say. Some men are just not satisfied with a loving wife and family. That’s his problem and his loss. Get papers. Get alimony, child support, and your children. Then love yourself and your children. You did NOTHING wrong and he still did this. He’s the bad egg and he needs to sort out himself.
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Is he protecting your heart? Is he protecting the marriage? Is he protecting his family? That is what a husband does. Is he willing to get help?
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if you stay because you love him, which i completely understand, know that for the rest of your life you may not love yourself. you will be plagued by anxiety, doubt, and guilt. you may start to blame yourself and have feelings of worthlessness. so you just have to figure out who you love more…him or you. and if its him, well, does he love you enough to make up for the fact that he makes you hate yourself?
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I understand completely how you say it’s not easy for you to just leave but I promise you it’s going to be A LOT harder when he up and leaves you for one of these females he’s talking to. He will leave you with nothing except letting you look like a fool.
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i think you have your answer by posting this question.
It’s better alone then with bad company!
Ask yourself if you are okay with this behavior continuing, if the answer is yes then stay, if your answer is no then have respect for yourself and children and leave, as hard as that may be.
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My ass would be gone
Hes a fkn loser send him packing mama u will find someone who will love u and not cheat on u over and over if he’s doing it on line he gonna do it in person at some point or already has done it u don’t want him coming to u with a fkn nasty ass std get out its hard I know been in ur shoes xxx
If you stay you are never going to trust him again. On top of that you will both grow to resent each other because you will start to want to know where he’s at and who he’s with 24/7 and he will think of that as controlling when it’s really just a reaction to his infidelity. Then he will blame you for ruining the marriage when it ends. If you want to avoid that load of fun please just move on. Just because you separate doesn’t mean the kids can’t still see their dad. Once trust is broken in a relationship, it’s all down hill from there.
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You may love him, but sounds like he has no respect for you 
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Only you can make the decision that’s best for you and your children. I honestly don’t know what I would do in your situation.
If he has a history of this and it’s been 8 years, I think it’s just been 8 years since you found out about it. He will do this again.
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Ew that’s fucking gross when you’re married and have kids. Tell him to get help/stop or pick up your balls and leave. Unless you’re comfortable trying some fetishes with him so he doesn’t feel the need to use the internet to satisfy his weirdness.
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My ex was the same way… I walked away after finding out he was doing inappropriate things with my so called lesbian best friend… Best decision I ever made… Instead of worrying and being anxious on who he’s talking to I dint care… I’m. Happier than I have ever been… He’s been doing inappropriate things since I was 6.5 months, pregnant with my daughter and sadly just kept doing it for the next 11 years… 2 kids and me and he didn’t care, or respect me enough to say he wasn’t happy nad wanted out… Big hugs to you… This, is not an easy choice and nothing to be embarrassed about
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I’m so sorry. Counseling at the very least. For both of you.
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Sooooo… which one is it? Is he not attractive enough or does he not have enough money to find a girl to have an actual affair with? If it was porn I wouldn’t care. Watching a cam girl? Would make me mad, but not enough that I wouldn’t try to work through it. It’s that active communication part that would be my line in the sand. What happens when a girl finally falls for his advances and makes herself available to him? Plus, commenting vulgar stuff even on girls that enjoy showing their bodies on social media (which is totally acceptable!) is wrong especially if you have a partner.
I have been through my husband cheating. It would always be one night stands and then he had an all out affair. We did make it through it. It took putting God at the head of our marriage, counseling and we both put in the work. That was 30 years ago. It went on the first 12 years of our marriage. I can say we have now been married 42 years and we are closer now and happier now then ever. Was it hard getting the trust back yes! God is still at the head of our marriage. We are very involved in Church and do things with other Christian couples. My children were raised in church and my grandchildren are being raised in church. Sure we still have our ups and downs and our arguments but there is no more infidelity.
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Did it once will do it again no matter how long ago
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I am truely Sorry for your situation…But he is A Sociopath…He will apologize incessantly, he will half ass deny, he will blame you or others…You are a Strong Independent Women…Never Ever Let a MAN’S behavior dictate how YOU SHOULD REACT…HOW YOU SHOULD THINK…OR HOW YOU SHOULD REACT To HIS behavior…
I worked through it and years later, he started up again but this time, I’m divorcing him
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You decide what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable. You should be honest about what you found and how you feel about it and allow him to choose whether or not he will continue with that behavior or not. You’re both adults and both of you should set boundaries and feel respected by the other. If he wants to do those things online that’s his choice just you are able to say whether you are okay with that or not and then you both can make a choice. In the end your feelings are valid and if you’re hurt by his actions and he continues to do those things you shouldn’t stick around just for the kids. You should try your best to make your marriage work but if it isn’t working your kids would rather have a happy Mom than a miserable mom staying in her marriage just for them 
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some men have the Madonna-Whore Syndrome, This probably doesn’t lessen his love for you, but he is getting some kind of thrill here.
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Sit down and see if he will be honest with you. Just tell him you know he isn’t being faithful to the relationship but you need him to tell you why and if he is open to talking suggest counseling. I understand not wanting to give up and you say you never felt unloved.
You never know exactly until you get the full story and I say only after you see his response can you make a clear decision you can be confident with.
If you just jump without some kind of discussion you are less likely to feel closure
I think he has needs that if he is not hurting someone then it’s okay! He likes porn and it’s a legitimate thing to like, you don’t like it and it’s perfectly acceptable but he is trying to live a happy life! Maybe you can instead of getting mad just hand him a phone he can use for that specific reason?
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Ive been through this a few times (different bfs over the years) and my current partner did this as well. It ruins the trust, we have 4 kids now and i still dont fully trust him but i broke up with him after i found out, we still lived together. Eventually we got back together and so far i havent seen anything else. Its really your choice. I found ending our relationship showed him what he really wanted, me and our kids in his life everyday. It basically lit a fire under his ass. But everyone is different. Good luck to you hun, sincerely because i know this level of betrayal and it hurts something fierce, especially when you love them and have children together.
you have already decided to stay ,‘’ when you say’’ someone will say. cut your losses get out of the relationship. you say but i still love him…this is his fantasy …
From experience, if you give him another chance it’s just showing him that you’ll stay and deal with his bullshit. I loved a narcissistic man that did things like this.
Once a cheater/liar, always the same. No matter how hard you try.
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I caught my man doing this too a few months ago… it hurt but if he keeps doing it theres a proboem
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Folks always ignore there was a “something” that happened right before the thing they are all focused on.
Is infidelity wrong? Yes.
Yet yall ignore what was happening RIGHT BEFORE HE OR SHE CHEATED.
And that is why things never get fixed.
You can be a horrible spouse without ever being unfaithful to your mate.
A spouse who is not being treated properly will always look elsewhere for what they are NOT getting at home.
Own Your Part.
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Ask him why he didn’t come to you for the dirty talk.
Own Your Part.
If you aint cooking any dinner, you want him to just not eat?!?!? He is gonna go get some fast food. (This is a metaphor for those who do not understand)
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I’m sorry but sometimes you have to put ‘love’ aside and remember what you deserve.
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Cheating is cheating even if its online
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Or. Blame him. Get divorced. Take him for everything you can. Take his kids. Make him live in his moms basement. Destroy every bit of him you can.
THAT is the advice you’re gonna get from most of these folks.
I don’t understand why everyone makes excuses for men like this. Do most women talk to men on sex sites? Do most women comment on pictures of naked men? Do most women have “needs” that are fulfilled outside the marriage? Would men be ok if it was turned around? No. It’s disgusting, objectification, and infidelity. Men can control themselves. I’d leave after the second time 
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You could read 1,000 different pieces of advise but at the end of the day, only you can make the best decision for you. Nobody knows the outcome, and either way it’s a tough call. Sounds like you’re not ready to give up, maybe some professional help could give some direction to you both. Sorry for your heartache.
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If you don’t want to leave. I definitely suggest confronting him and couples therapy. If he won’t do therapy then 
. I know I would never be able to get over it though and would suspect something all the time and what kind of life is that? If you think you can get over it. Then work on it. Set boundaries. Good luck!
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What you do next will set the tone for the rest of your relationship and if you don’t set some boundaries and give some Consequences for his actions then why would he change his behaviour. Basically he can only treat you the way you let him so you need to think hard about your worth and what you are prepared to put up with
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I would suggest therapy that you both must go to, otherwise I would walk. The reason being that he knows what he is doing, and still here you are. I am thinking narcissistic tendencies.
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Join the page or group and send him a nude . When he confronts you tell him you thought is was ok because he is doing it it will open up to conversation and possibly spice things up.
He will loose interest in it if he thinks your doing it too
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It depends on how YOU feel about it. Some people are cool with having open relationships, some can be swingers, it’s not for me but for some people, they dig that shit.
I would recommend counseling from a licensed therapist. For you, for him, for both of you. A successful marriage is built on trust, not just staying married. Address the hurt and feelings you both are having, and see if you both are willing to rebuild that trust. Neither of you can rebuild trust if either of you feel pressured. It has to be a voluntary choice to be successful. It will take time no matter the outcome. And it will be hard whatever you choose. Which is why a licensed therapist can walk with you through whatever happens.
I’m not sure whom you are because it’s posted as fan question, I just want to say I am literally going through the exact same situation. You can message me if you’d like, I’d love to give you some advice about the situation and what has worked for us.
Only you can make this decision. The effects of this decision will affect you and your children. You are teaching your daughters to allow disrespect and deceit. You are possibly teaching your boys to take advantage of women. I wish I had left when I first knew it was happening. 20 years later he left me for another woman. I went to nursing school at 40 and finished raising my kids. It was the hardest saddest time of my life. I hate that I hurt my kids. I loved the life I thought I had. I guess he didn’t. Praying for you.
This is a no brainer. He is a cheater. You just keep ignoring it
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What you allow will continue.
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From my personal experience my daughter’s father was an online cheater,he then moved on to in person cheating. Easy to meet women online and lie and say you are single. I stayed way too long. Try to imagine what you would say to a close friend or family member who had a man doing this. He’s literally cheating on you. Decide if you can live with that or not. Love isn’t always enough.
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I think if you love him find out why he is doing this. If you decide to stay with him make it clear this behavior is not acceptable you will not tolerate it. If you just let it ride he might act on his other world and start being with these girls. He has already bought them into your house through the computer now what is next. My dear girl you need to soul search your heart soul and mind. Sometimes when we are in love we do not see the cons of the person we picked we only see the pros. There are always signs you have to love yourself enough to do the right thing for you your kids and for him I wish you well it’s really hard. God bless you.
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If you don’t want to leave don’t. My advice for you is you both go to counseling separately and then maybe once or twice a month you two can sit in counseling with one another. Cheating is cheating whether it’s online or in person. If he is messaging other women inappropriate thing’s that’s cheating. If he is on sites people shouldn’t be on when they’re in a committed relationship that is cheating. He hid thing’s from you and lied. What he did was unforgettable and unfortunately gonna make you feel self conscious about yourself, have you question your worth, and make you think different about your relationship. If you want to try to make it work it’s up to you, depending on how serious he is he will change, you can’t control anyone all you can do is sit back and see if he wants you or wants to jack off to the same females every other guy jack’s off to. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
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Only you can make such a huge decision. Deep down you know what you need to do. If he’s not willing to go to therapy maybe you can. A therapist may be able to provide you with some help in dealing with this.
Did you confront him with your findings? Any real affairs or virtually? For sure both of you need Counseling, both together if willing to work on marriage & separately both as well!
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Very difficult situation. Had past history of same behavior in the past, it seems like he sustained this behavior for awhile, but did it again!! Please darling move on, it will be difficult at first, but you will make it!! Stay strong God strong for the children.
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He won’t stop because he thinks it’s acceptable and know you won’t do anything about it.
I learned this the hard way. It’s best to leave. Sending prayers and good vibes your way!
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There’s a likely chance that if you dig deeper you’ll find more concerning things. Just because you’ve discovered online doesn’t mean he hasn’t also done so in person. If u want to salvage the relationship there will be lots of repair work to do within your relationship but also within yourself. Cuz that kind of betrayal hurts deep. 
but trying to find a way to make it thru this is not stupid or weak - this is your life and no one on here has to live with the consequences of whatever it is you choose to do. So take time with yourself and be gentle. What you’re going thru is not fair and you don’t deserve it. Best of luck to you girl
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I think a big part of it is if he is repentant and wants to change and also if that change lasts over time. If he knows that he can’t have you and do that. If he wants to change, he will take measureable steps to do so - such as installing a porn blocker (like covenant eyes software) on his devices, getting an accountability partner, going to therapy for porn addiction, etc… The thing about it is time. Anyone can behave a short time if they are caught. A true measure of heart change is sustaining it over time. Maybe separate while he does this or have some kind of consequence. Personally, I would have left already. It isn’t easy, but you do need to plan for it. What would leaving look like, how would you leave, etc… just as much as he needs to plan how he will never violate your marriage again. Porn is destructive, but he took it further than that by being in relationships with these women. If you can’t trust him to be faithful to you, there is nothing there to trust him with anymore for family either.
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When I used dating site 1/2 the men I meet were married and lied about it …Move on sweetheart you and your children deserve better
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It escalates. Take it from a Mom who knows. Get ready to run.
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If he really loves you, he will change, but it won’t be easy for him. You both need help.
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Work though it if he’s willing and give it to the Lord in prayer.
Sadly it’s now become a trust issue and probably won’t ever leave your mind I’m so sorry.
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You need to love yourself more. My oldest child dad cheated on me. Thh it completely changed the course of my life. I spent the next 10 yrs berating my self for not being good enough for him. Depression took over and I ended up in a worse situation. Work on you. Make yourself strong. Connect with others, know your worth. Once your back on top the kinks will iron them selves out. Good luck. You are not alone.
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He is repeating the same behaviour again. And if you give him another chance because of the kids and you love him…he will do it again. Some men sadly never learn the mistake. If he really wanna stay with you, the only reasonable way to give him a chance is go to marriage counselling together. And that is the last chance preferable for him…
Good luck 
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Broken trust is hard to fix. Counseling will help. You need to confront him.
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Not really the same. But was with my ex for 5yrs we had 2 kids together thought we were going great… just to find a few dirty pictures and conversations with him and other girls…no I didn’t leave at this point because I loved this man n didn’t want to destroy a family…but as years went by it got worse he started letting other girls sit on his lap in front of me ect…he slept with my best friend and her sister…so that was where I drew the line and I left and honestly I wish I did it way sooner…the longer you leave something the more it festers…I don’t know your pain first hand as our situation is somewhat different but I feel for you and your kids and I hope you make the right choice for you and your family 
best of luck sending many hugs!!
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Sorry your going through this
Im just gonna say because your unsure. From experience… your not done until your done… sadly that also goes for him doing it. If he isnt done he isnt done… talk about it. Tell him you dont know… but dont leave if your going to come back. It doesnt get easier being seperated until your done done at least it wasnt for me.
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Sometimes people make mistakes and then you work through it together. Sometimes they don’t stop making those same mistakes. A comedian said “if it wasn’t for technology, y’all wouldn’t get caught” and shit, I think that is true. So, I’m single. I wish I was with someone. But I don’t see how I can trust anyone…
He will do it again and even again dear, it won’t stop,if he wanted to stop he would’ve done it first time,know your worth do what’s best for u or learn to accept it
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Porn can be an addiction, and it will take him getting help to.stop sometimes, just like any addiction, also might not be able to have a normal intimate relationship with you, because of his porn fantasy. I’d give him an altimative .would he like it if you were doing this to him , doubt it .
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If you have to ask then you aren’t quite ready yet. I stuck around FAR longer than I should’ve in your shoes along with him being a hoe! One day I woke up and was JUST DONE. I was over it and kicked him out (he likes to thinks he left me and idgaf bc he is GONE and me and our daughter are just fine!
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Porn addiction is a tough one to over come. Set expectations and let him know what you won’t accept. Men don’t do these things for the same reason women do it has nothing to do with you or what he is or isn’t getting at home. Prayer is the only way to get through and time can heal it
Talk to him and tell him you’re not putting up with it. If he doesn’t stop it’s because he doesn’t want to or can’t, maybe he’s addicted to this type of stuff. I wouldn’t end my marriage over it yet BUT if it continues I’d be gone.
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It doesn’t get better trust me. And if you do decide to stay and forgive him you’ll always have those thoughts in the back of your mind “is he cheating on me again” you’ll be doubting yourself and that’s not fair to you.
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My husband hid a porn addiction for 10 years. I had caught him a few times. But he found out ways to hide it with the new smart phones. We were in church and he and another man was over the boys ministry. So he was very involved at church. I had to beg and plead for him to tell me the truth. I mean really beg and he finally told me he had been doing it our whole marriage. I know some people have different opinions about whether it IS or IS NOT cheating. But it is. I felt so betrayed, not good enough, and humiliated!! And it took lots of counseling but we made it. And just like any other addiction you have to starve the addiction and slowly over time the cravings come less and less. Sometimes it still pops in my head after YEARS, And I remind myself that he is NOT that person anymore. That its the past. He is forgiven. Forgive 7 x 7 as the bible says. But if your husband isnt willing to change then yes divorce him. If he agrees to go to counseling for his addiction and for marriage restoration, then I wouldnt give up!! God is able to restore you and him both.
Since this behaviour is repetitive adulterous, I would leave, He does not love you, I dealt with this with my ex, I kept taking him back, in the end, he married his 4th affair. And I was left heartbroken, God frowns upon divorce except if a partner is being adulterous. What he is doing is not love,
Screw that, love is not being a cheat
Why would you have to move the kids? Just because you want to leave doesn’t mean you have the right to take his kids away from him.
I would be heart broken too especially being in a really good.place with him and your marriage. Of course the easy thing to do is stay…or is it? Only you truly know if you are going to be able to move passed it. I say counseling is def a must. He is doing this for a reason and unless that is addressed…you will never feel at ease moving forward. I say marriage counseling because honestly this is probably a scenario a lot of couples go in for. He needs to be held accountable as to why he is making an active choice to create these profiles and then continue to interact on them… and then is able to continue to act or pretend that the marriage is great. The only way he is held accountable is to admit it and sort out the mess as too why… a counselor will ask the tough questions for you. I wish you luck mamma
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I would tell him you know and ask him to get help.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is my marriage over or should I work through online infidelity?
I think at this point you need to decide if this is something you can forgive him for and move past it together. I’m sorry to say but if he’s looking at things like that there is a reason for it.
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So wrong on every level and disturbing if he had a prior history of this behavior. Deep down you know your self worth and deserve better.
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Is it possible he might have a sexual addiction? If so, he needs professional help. You definitely need to have the difficult conversation with him about what you know is going on. It is considered an emotional affair which could turn into a physical affair. I highly recommend marriage counseling. If he doesn’t go, you need to go by yourself for guidance and wise counsel. This is unacceptable and inappropriate behavior on his part. Have enough self-respect to stop it for yourself and for your children.
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Here is some steps you can take, ask him about it and see what his “actions” and “answers” are if your still having doubts and concerns ask to see his phone if he freaks out about it, true sign you should walk away , you deserve better.
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Up to you if you feel your marriage can be saved and if you want to try. Marriage counseling is totally necessity! Together and Separate! As someone pointed out could be a sexual addiction. But n the long run do What’s Best for Your Family.
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First of all, why would it be on YOUR phone? Also, you said nothing has happened in 8 years, but then you said he had a “dirty chat” with a girl LAST YEAR. I’m a bit confused.
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