Personally I would feel the same way as you. As a guy he probably assumes that since itâs not âhimâ helping that itâs okay but he just doesnât realize that itâs not fair when you flat out told your own daughter no. I would sit down and talk to him about the situation and how you feel about it. Personally, again just my opinion and what I would do, is tell him that since he did that youâll be helping your daughter with at least half of what she needs. His kids have both parents, while your kids only have you. Either way definitely needs a conversation
You canât control what the mother is going to do for your step son but I think it is very disrespectful that your husband went behind your back and called his ex. It is also disrespectful that you both agreed you would no longer help any of the kids and then ask you if it was ok to loan the car.
They are acting that way because they have been allowed to get away with their behavior. I mean you are letting your step son living in your motherâs house free and destroy it without any consequencesâŠthatâs why he is doing itâŠhe knows you arenât going to put him out.
You need to cut the cord! They treat youthat way becuase you allow it even thoug you mean right. Even Jesus Chrsit had boundaries. There is a scripture in which one of Jesus Diciples asks him for the bag of money n told him he would guve it to the poor, but becuase Jesus knew his disciples heart that he was actually planning in stealing it he told his disciple âNO.â Your husband n you need to set up boundaries. You guys need to advice your adult kids how to save for emergencies and not to depend on you n yoir husband. If your husbandâs step son wonât respect you n not even paying rent you need to ask him him to rent a room somewhere else, I mean maybe he is disable or maybe he does work but doesnât make enouht money, is understandable but he could had saved all those months that he had rent free to move out. Your daugther that used to help you with your younger daugther is not her responsibility. If she wanted to help then that is awesome but if she didnât you could not force her. Now if she was an adult living with not paying u rent not going to school n you guys made the agreement she could stay with you rent free as long as she help with your younger daigther then that is diferent story as long as she did not overwork hours looking after your daugther. Of course im a big believer in praying about everything first. 
sometimes there may b exceptions but there is no reason why anyone shall call you names. There is a book called "boundaries from Dr. Henry cloud. " . Please buy it n have u n your husband read it. Also it sounds like if both u n your husband have codependency with your kids n his step son, basically your husband and you are always saving your kids which enables them to not grow be responsible adults. You can fund help for that in a 12 step Chrsitian program near a church near you or thru zoom meetings the name of the program is called Celebrate Recovery. Google it to find a location near u.
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It would help if someone could edit these anon posts for comprehensionâs sake 
No but in saying that you need to be able to set boundaries which are different to ya step child if he can get help from his mothers side as ur children only have u like u have said so they have no one else they can turn to for help
You cut your kids off because they moved elsewhere and your husband said to do so? But his son is a disrespectful lil **** and lives in YOUR home⊠Nawl, not me. 
Iâm glad Iâm not the only one confused
I would really like to give advice but I canât understand a thing I jus read 
sorry but i canât read it cuz it makes no sense to me
Cut off his son too and donât let him leave in your motherâs house. Let him look for a job and depend on himself.
What? Can anyone translate?
Wow, women get your back bone and stand up to your husband, kick your step son out of your motherâs house or charge him full going rate. You put your kids to the side and put up with this shit. Nah put your foot down on both your husband and his worthless son.
Take a really deep breath; read what you just shared and see if you can make us understand better. I feel your anxiety through this and we would love to help. Try again, please.
Get him outta your house first off.thats crazy hell yes heâs very disrespectful im just saying he wouldâve been gone a long time ago had it been me
Start Charging the 30 year old some sort of rent for the house and let your children from both sides become adults and make them take care of themselves
I have no idea what I just read 
Enough with all the drama already. This was your motherâs home. He needs to leave
His step son shouldnât be allowed to live in your mothers house.
He sounds quite violent and disrespectful I dont think you or your family should risk being around him.
Often times our choices lead to our own suffering. Stop enabling your adult children. Put up firm boundaries. State it clearly for everyone involved and donât back track on them.
People who fight boundaries, are the ones who are no longer benefiting from you not having them.
Yeah I go to jail- simple words and then handle business. 
Your dialogue doesnât make sense to me!!! So nope, I canât say I agree or disagree, you are all over the place, you sound absolutely ridiculous!!
If I could somehow manage to figure out what this person is trying to say⊠I donât know, it seems like nothing but straight drama posts today. I get it that the mods are busy and itâs all volunteer work but could the near impossible ones to read not get posted??
Kick him out of that house
Serve your step son eviction papers, and start cleaning up your mothers home.
Your stepson is not paying rent, heâs disrespectful, and violent.
He does not need to be handed a house by your graces.
He is a grown man, he needs to act like one.
I am sorry youâre going through all of this.
I hope you are able to find some peace.
His step son is 30 time for him to grow up he wouldnât be disrespecting me living rent free trashing your motherâs home. Looks like your husband has favorites and I would help me kids still you guys are letting a whole adult live rent free.
I only got the adoption of the girls. Kinda crappy you wouldnât help them out because they moved away (if that was the case?) I could be wrong but not sure what I am reading here
She said that her and her husband both agree to not help their kids anymore because they are grown. She has had to tell her daughter no but then her husbandâs son needed a car so she also told him no, but the step son and her husband just called his parents and had them help his son (her step son) get another car. She does not have her parents she can call on for help. So she is saying it is unfair that he did.
Fan Question
Is my stepson being disrespectful?
My husbandâs 30 year old step son, lives in my deceased mothers house rent free with his two children every other weekend. When you go over there itâs trash everywhere, and food in the kids room from the weekend before. On different occasion he has called me awful names, one time threw a table over⊠But to say all that; we before have children from previous marriages, and we both do way more for them than we should. Believe me, Iâm not saying my children are angels in the least. My oldest daughter which I adopted and then her sister after she was born I adopted her (their mother was in prison, moved to another city) and I was a little upset because she really helped me with her younger sister after my oldest son passed away⊠I struggle sometimes ( which is another story) ⊠so me and my husband decided we werenât going to help the kids anymore. So a few months later, my daughterâs car breaks down, I tell her, ââIâm sorry you choose to go live there I canât help you.ââ It broke my heart. **Fast forward a month ** we are on vacation and his son and kids are there and he said something to upset my son and my son excused his self. Then my husbands" son continuious calling me names and then throwing the table over. My husband told me to get in the house and shut up⊠after that we didnât hear from him till one afternoon, he has a wreck (dadâs son) and calls his dad his dad ask should I go check on him I said of course make sure he is okay. He comes back home and asked if his son can use our car I say âno.â So he continues on but sneaks and calls his mother to tell her he needs a car. Which she runs to the rescue. My children have no grandparents itâs just me and them. Am I wrong in thinking that is disrespectful?
You should have the papers stating that is your house. Get an eviction started asap. Find out if you can kick him out sooner rather than later.
Once the house is empty, leave your husband
Eh? Iâve got a headache trying to decipher thisâŠ
Lady asking for help and negative comments may not be in her best interest, scroll to next story
Serve eviction notice on the step son. Heâs not paying AND trashing the house. Donât enable grown and capable people.
Itâs time your step son gets a taste of reality and gets an eviction notice time to grow up and pay your own bills bud⊠if your husband doesnât back your decision then maybe itâs time you think about your own marriage and where itâs going.
Just want to know what your daughter did to deserve no help when her car broke down ? I really hope itâs seriously not because she chose to go live somewhere else ⊠Did she steal from you ? Lie to you ? Hit you ? Throw something at you ? âŠ
If I had a daughter and her car broke down , I would never tell her oh sorry you chose to go live there , Iâm not helping you 
Tell him to grow up act his age he isnât 3 so tell him to stop acting like a 3yr old with tantrums. Heâs 30, time for him to put his big boy boots on and be a man not child if he doesnât get what he wants
Grammatically, this was too hard to read. âOn different occasion he has called my awful names one time through a table overâ. I read, then re-read that, and still didnât get what she is saying.
You guys had an agreement that he fails to uphold. âYourâ children and âhisâ children should uphold the same standards. Also if the son wants to be a little puke EVICT him. At the least DO NOT let him live rent free anymore. If your husband and has an issue with it, I geuss you have a house to move to. 
I would.
Hmmm what the husbandâs name so I can ask how this women behaves towards her own kids and step kids because obviously u guys are doing something to make the step son snap no one just out rights calls someone names then throws a table out of anger sounds like a one sided goof story from another ass of a step parent as usual.
Donât be a push over make him pay rent and give him jobs to do if he refuses kick him out. Tell him you are not his mother cleaning up after him. Tell him grow up and act like a adult instead of using you.
I read the first sentence. Are you kidding?
Why is your stepson living in your deceased Motherâs house. Tell him to find a place of his own - then either sell the house or rent it out - for pay!!! If Dad doesnât like it - tell him goodbye. He sounds like a jerk too.
Start charging rent for living in your mums home and watch how much things change.
Simple.
Pay rent or leave.
You are not to be used.
If they cant ve grateful for what they have and have that ungrateful attitude, remove the privilege
Curious of the ages of all the âchildrenâ involved first off. I only see that the stepson is 30âŠhow old are your daughters? Do you have a living son as well? (My sympathies on the loss of your one son)
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You and your husband need to talk about boundaries with all the adult children. (I donât know if they are all adults. They need to be the same and you both need to be consistent. If that doesnât happen, then maybe you need to do some serious thinking about whether the stress the marriage puts on you is worth it.
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The stepson needs to (at minimum) pay a reasonable rent and be held accountable as a âtenantâ if he is going to live in your late motherâs house. Personally, I would probably evict him because he sounds like he has no respect for you at allâŠand is violent to boot.
You are enabling them
Charge him rent or evict him
evict his ungrateful ass and make him pay to have the house cleaned and if your husband wonât back you he can go live with him wherever
Any adult children should be treated as such, meaning adults should be paying rent, their own bills, etc. Help them only if you want to. Donât forget, youâll need your own substantial savings when you guys retire.
Get him out of your mothers house!! If your husband doesnât like it then you move into your mothers and he can have his son to deal with.
First off, you got to proof read your post before posting. So many grammar mistakes itâs hard to understand what youâre trying to say. Secondly, start charging him rent and get your husband to deal with him.
Kick the little shit out ur mothers house ⊠how dare he disrespect u like that.
He deserves nothing the entitled little shit.
Sell it and divide it between ur daughters⊠or even better sell it and go enjoy ur life and travel and make fantastic memories for urself⊠life is way too shortâŠ
That boy needs a gd old fashioned hiding
Your daughter needed help but didnât get it meanwhile your stepson did, thatâs a no, whatâs good for 1 is good for the other and in the end the help he needed was a car??!! He lives rent free, he should have had a car, time to grow the hell up and your husband needs to wake up too, if that was my child and he threw anything or did what he did I would of popped him in his face and told him to get the hell out of my mamas house, heâs 30 defs not a child but thatâs jus my opinion
Why do you guys feel the need to insult the author? It was not that difficult to read. It actually requires better reading abilities to read improper grammar. I have dyslexia and not one time was overwhelmed reading thing. 
If youâre not bailing any of them out he needs to pay rent Iâd evict him and clean it up and either move in myself because I donât tolerate that BS from a supposed partner or I would rent it to a legitimate renter and use that money to maintain/pay property taxes ect on it. Then put excess $ into savings for your children. Thatâs YOUR kids inheritance from their grandparents that youâre giving to his son to trash. He has a grandmother who drops everything like that? Are your kids in her will or just him? If your kids are not in her will and he is then you need to sever that now and get him out of the house before itâs trashed beyond repair and either use it yourself or turn it into income.
So he lives in your house rent free and disrespectful. And u let him 
time to put your mumâs house on rent
You refuse to help your own daughter cuz youâre upset she moved and canât help you⊠And youâre wondering if your step son is disrespectful?!
Kick him out of the house or make him pay
You ALL sound disrespectful.
First and foremost, your stepson is 30! His ass should be paying rent. I def would be telling him he is gonna start paying rent AND keeping the house clean or he can hit the road. If husband doesnât like it then tell him they can get a place together. Also Iâm conflicted about you not helping your daughter because she moved, but you got a whole grown man child you are letting destroy your momâs house for free, makes no sense.
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Itâs not fair that he wants to go against the rules both of you set in place for your kids. Also thatâs YOUR families house if he wants to be disrespectful he needs to grow up and get his own damn house!! He is 30 time to grow up and he wonât do it with daddy holding his hand. Sorry if that sounded rude but I canât stand an adult child disrespecting a parent when they are pretty much still living off the tit
First of all, Refusing to help your daughter when her car broke down just bcuz youâre upset she chose to have her own life instead of choosing to help you raise her sister is selfish n narcissistic. Second of all, if your husband is giving in to his grown a$$ sonâs behavior you should probably seek marriage counseling. To answer your question in short? Yes, heâs disrespectful.
Why is a 30 year old living rent free 
Yes very disrespectful
Y remt free and yes he bloody is so Wrong
This hurt my brain. 
You do not have to cather to anyone Dont think twice get him out of your mothers house and rent it you will need the money
Then sit with your husband and go over the rules again the lines must be clear.
If the 30 year old is not ready to be respectful dump him just be civil
BUT GET HIM OUT OF YOUR MOTHERS HOUSE NOW
A 30yr old should NOT live rent free. You not helping your daughter cause youâre mad she chose not to raise YOUR kid, is you being a d**chead. The son is disrepectful but so are you to others.
Ok I couldnât make it past the first 5 sentences. Who proof reads this shit?
Dr. Phill would straighten this hog crap up an thatâs all it is the whole darn family is rude an disrespectful to each other the 30 year ole lazy boy needs to clean the house up an move on down the rdif the girls have jobs take them to the job No make them hitch a Ride with someone else from work you Actually donât owe none of them a dern thing unless itâs under 18 then was your hands of them all device all of them sell the houseâs an you move on down the road heck itâs better than that sorry lot
I couldnât figure out where you started an where you stopped take a few breathers an slow down, then tell the real story, all that other stuff was a bunch of hog wash,so slow down an then tell it
Devorce all of them and you move on down the road
You say you wonât help the kids yet youâre letting the stepson live rent free in your motherâs house. That is helping him out so so much. You not helping your daughter because she moved away is you being an ass. Thatâs unreasonable.That is her sister you want help with itâs not her child nor her responsibility to help you. Get your priorities straight. Help all of the kids or help none. Yes that 30 year old was disrespectful, but so are you and your husband. All of you need therapy and the daughter that moved away probably had a very good reason to do so.
i canât even tell whatâs going on by reading this. itâs all over the place
Wow your a dick no wonder your daughter moved sorry you tell the step son to grow up n kick him out or tell him to pay rent or you suck it up n put up
Could not make any sense out of this.
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Make him pay rent and do regular inspections!
Make him pay rent or kick him out?
Make him pay rent end of story
Make him pay rent and call child services if the children are living in dirty conditions
As soon as I read ârent freeâ I stopped reading. Heâs a cunt.
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Can everyone just be nice and stop grammar bashing. The lady is emotionally invested and weâve all been there, when weâve written things faster than our brain can cope with being perfect. If you can not be nice and stop nitpicking just try refraining from being a judgey human being, please try just once a day on fb try be a nice person or better yet if itâs gunna be a nasty comment, pause, think & say nothing at all and just scroll on. It wonât hurt I promise.
Which part? It jumps from one thing to another and I hardly understood most of it!
It is brave of people to ask for help from strangers and people they will never meet on this post. All the bashing of her grammar is just adding more hurt to a person who is already hurting. Yes there were some grammar mistakes but I understood her dilemma and the problems she is facing . Scroll past someone when you feel the need to criticize. She doesnât need it. I bet those of you who did criticize her had some wise helpful tips from your own experiences you could have shared with her .Be kind.
I was on my own at 18 and I could not depend on anyone but me. I didnât run up debt or beg, I did without until I could better myself and my job.
I think you need to separate the issues.
The house is 1 issue then the relationship is another.
I would put the house through a realestate at a low rent to cover the realestate fees.
That way they can do inspections etc to make sure its all up to standard and if they need to ever be removed the realestate will deal with that.
They can live how they want aslong as they are not damaging the property but I completely understand how frustrating it would be seeing it like that. Thats why I say get a realestate because if u stand up and say anything it seems like there will just be an issue.
As for the way he treats use thats not ok. But thatâs a family issue and nothing to do with him living in the house. He should be more respectful but I would just distance yourself a little so when use actually see each other it might be more fun then problems.
I also think as they are both your children you shoukd either help them all or not help any. Helping them if they are appreciative then thats fine if their not then they can work it out themselves Best of luck
I think you should possibly try helping people and they might actually want to help you out sometimes
Is English her 2nd or third language. Incomprehensible prose.
I got lost half way through.
Go back to school and learn how to write properly.
Doesnât anyone know how to write or use periods in a sentance.
Thatâs why over 60% of second marriages w kids donât work out. Usually the parent will side w their kid, and leaves their second partner feeling SOL. The step son needs to be out on his own (paying rent somewhere else), and your husband needs to grow a pair and tell him you canât come over until you are respectful toward my wife. You need to tell him to start paying rent or get out.
We have 5 children we help them where we can! Your son needs to be told he is being disrespectful! As his your husband to you! Your daughter needs help shouldnât matter if she has moved away solong as she is not taking advantage! Im crap at spelling gramma too .x
Throw out ur partners son and ur partner. Both have no respect! If heâs not reading from the same page about things both have to go. Start helping ur own kids before they start resenting the fact u will help every one else out before them.
Itâs sad that if all your daughter did was move to another city that you would refuse her help especially if you could have, you missing her help with your son and having her around is not a reason to stop helping your kids out. She shouldnât be punished for making a life for herself.
You are disrespected by your husband and his son. Your husband should never let his son treat you like that or use your motherâs house rent free and destroy it. YOUR children should be using it or you should sell it and give the money to YOUR children or be able to help them with that money. Either way your husband and his family bring nothing but pain and suffering to you, your heart, and make you push your children away. Itâs time for you to think very hard about what is best for YOUR family. They come first 