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QUESTION:
"Is it normal for your fiancé to have a past full of exciting adventures with their exes and be VERY physical with them but hardly does those things with you? We barely have sex and he never wants to do anything with me. I’m 30 and he’s 43 and he just can’t understand why I need those things and says that I’m asking for too much. Am I being unreasonable or do I have a valid point? All I can think about is the stuff he’s done with them and I feel like all I get is leftovers. It’s heartbreaking and it’s driving me insane"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"You're not being unreasonable, you are just going about the situation wrong. I understand what you feel but also there is a difference between you and his ex"
"They got the boy. You got the man. Kinda what happens when you are with someone older."
"Don’t compare your relationship w theirs. He’s older now and has a right to change. Accept how he is now or find someone younger and more fun."
"You really need to stop comparing your relationship to his past ones. He was younger when he was with them, so he could probably do a lot more. Make your own fun with or without him!s."
"It's the past don't let it impact your future. You have a past as well, leave it there!"
"Don't compare yourself to his exes, those relationships didn't work out for a reason."
"He probably did all of those things when he was in his 30s. He’s a good bit older than you are and most likely at a different stage if his life. All the things you wanna do in your 30s, he’s already done through his 30s. You should never compare your relationship to either your relationship with an ex or his relationship with an ex. If you want your relationship to be like either one of you two's past relationships, it’s not going to work because those relationships didn’t work. You should sit and talk to him, like adults, and figure out what works for the two of you so that you’re both happy. If he refuses to compromise, maybe it’s time to end the relationship because communication and compromise are two very important aspects of a relationship."
"Maybe the age difference is having more of an impact than you thought it would. Might want to think this through before marriage especially if you want kids."
"Why are you comparing your relationship with his relationship with his exes? Doesn't sound like you are in a healthy state of mind. Get over the exes, and get on with your own life and relationship. If you don't, you might become an ex too."
"The minute you stop comparing yourself to his past partners is when you will be able to move forward. Every relationship is different. He may also be at the point In his life where he is done with all these “exciting activities” you speak of. Evaluate your relationship and decide if you want to stay but you need to stop comparing yourself to his past relationships."
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