Is this normal?

Is it normal for your fiancé to have a past full of exciting adventures with their exes and be VERY physical with them but hardly does those things with you? We barely have sex and he never wants to do anything with me. I’m 30 and he’s 43 and he just can’t understand why I need those things and says that I’m asking for too much. Am I being unreasonable or do I have a valid point? All I can think about is the stuff he’s done with them and I feel like all I get is leftovers. It’s heartbreaking and it’s driving me insane

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is this normal?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

Maybe he has more respect for you and your body than to treat you like his exes. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I think you are gonna push him away by constantly comparing things with his exes. Obviously it didn’t work out with them, hence ex, so why are you trying to force him to recreate multiple failed relationships?

Maybe you didn’t see it from this point of view, but he could be doing something different because he wants this to be different.

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It is ok for you to want to have fun. Create your own fun with him without bringing up the past.:heart:

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Because he on the downward slop to 50 and his sex drive and “do exciting things” drive is probably on its way out :woman_shrugging:

Is it because you actually want it or just want it because he did it with the ex?

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I know how u feel i am in the same place as u are it is heartbreaking my wife is 49 i am 36 and it is as u say feels like u get leftovers be strong you will get what you deserve at the end of everything that is all we can do

They had the young man and you have the older man do I have to say anymore

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You got engaged to a man for him and now your making a comparison to his exes :thinking:. different factors here i.e older and mature , depression um more strenuous job or tiring and so on .

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Your not being unreasonable

You are just going about the situation wrong

I understand what you feel but also there is a difference between you and his ex

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Your being honest don’t force anyone do anything sexually instead look elsewhere

They got the boy. You got the man. Kinda what happens when you are with someone older.

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Don’t compare your relationship w theirs. He’s older now n has a right to change. Accept how he is now or find someone younger and more fun.

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Why do you want to do the things he’s done with his ex? That’s weird

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You really need to stop comparing your relationship to his past ones. He was younger when he was with them, so he could probably do a lot more. Make your own fun with or without him!

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I feel like you’re breaking your own heart with the comparisons.

His past relationships are exactly that; the past. Let it go and find middle grounds that you’re both interested in today. Why would you want to recreate his failed past? Maybe that’s why he’s so off-put?

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Well 43 is young… too young not to want to have sex. And you’re in your peak! Barely having sex would be a deal breaker for me.

Why are you guys even talking about his exes ? That doesn’t sound healthy? I wouldn’t want to know what my fiancé did with his ex’s in the bedroom

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Its the past dont let it impact your future. You have a past as well, leave it there

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Dont compare yourself to his exes, those relationships didnt work out for a reason.

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He probably did all of those things when he was in his 30s. He’s a good bit older than you are and most likely at a different stage if his life. All the things you wanna do in your 30s, he’s already done through his 30s. You should never compare your relationship to either your relationship with an ex or his relationship with an ex. If you want your relationship to be like either one of you twos past relationships, it’s not going to work because those relationships didn’t work. You should sit and talk to him, like adults, and figure out what works for the two of you so that you’re both happy. If he refuses to compromise, maybe it’s time to end the relationship because communication and compromise are two very important aspects of a relationship.

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Maybe the age difference is having more of an impact than you thought it would. Might want to think this through before marriage especially if you want kids.

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Your husband is pushing 50. He’s old and tired! He’s old enough to be a grandpa, with age your energy levels change. He probably doesn’t have the energy to go out all these adventures. He probably had all the adventure he wanted in his 20s-30s so he could spend his golden years relaxing. You can’t get mad at him for acting like an older man when you knew he was significantly older than you to begin with. Also, as far as sex goes he could be on the beginning stages of Erectile dysfunction, or he could just be tired.

My man says i do this to him but he going back to when i was 18 before i had a daughter at 19 and grew up. Things change as you get older…

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He’s 43 now, he may be more settled in his life or his age and after 40 testosterone goes down so he may not have as much energy. Also you should never compare your relationship to past relationships, if he’s not giving you What you need then cut your losses .
No other excuses necessary.

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Why are you comparing your relationship with his relationship with his exes? Doesnt sound like you are in a healthy state of mind. Get over the exes, and get on with your own life and relationship. If you dont, you might become an ex too.

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In the past, he probably wasn’t thinking about his future. My partner and I want to provide for eachother and our family. We have sacrificed a lot of “fun” things to better our future.

Its possible that all that stuff he did with then and all that affection was driven by the ex, that may not be who HE is but who he was FOR them.

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Go get u some dick girl !!

He could have low testerone now.

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Mine is 13 yrs older than me I completely get what ur going through. I’ve heard all these stories ab his exes who were strippers. It’s hard but u can’t compare ur relationship to theirs. The problem w the age difference. He could have low testosterone or something else going on. Maybe bring that up. They hate that lol. It’s the age difference.

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1.) How do you know what his sex life was like with his ex’s?

2.) Why would you want to know that information.

3.) He probably exaggerated his prior sex life to impress you.

4.) He’s older now and things can slow down a bit once you’re in your 40’s

The minute you stop comparing yourself to his past partners is when you will be able to move forward. Every relationship is different. He may also be at the point In his life where he is done with all these “exciting activities” you speak of. Evaluate your relationship and decide if you want to stay but you need to stop comparing yourself to his past relationships.

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Dump his ass, go after what you want
…basically…GROW UP …QUIT WHINING…!!!

He will NOT CHANGE!! If YOU want a different life it is up to you to go after it!!! He sounds like he is done with any adventure so you will be stuck and YOU will be resentful!!!

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Well if you’re playing the comparison game, yes you’re asking too much. You aren’t them… why try to live up to it? You got engaged … so must be a decent relationship for you to say yes?

Get out of your head, initiate some of the sexual things you’re desiring. Go ON adventures, he will go along and if not, maybe he will see that he’s missing out :tipping_hand_woman:

Men reach their peak at 25-30. Then testosterone levels drop. Woman peak at 35.

Hey girl listen I get it I’ve been there maybe not with the big age gap but I’ve been the less exciting relationship and the fun and exciting… but honestly… I’m 30 and even if the guy wants fun and exciting… I’m sorry to say but that’s definitely not me anymore. I know I’m not a guy but maturity hits both sides… plus energy to do those things kind of gets low and old as the ages go on. It’s not about the stuff y’all do together but rather loving each other doing the stuff y’all guys do… you ever think that maybe he doesn’t do that stuff bc of several reason like ! Maturity, low energy, depression, or maybe even the fact… what if you are the one that he actually opened his heart to that he truly respects and doesn’t want to have his relationship on repeat like he did with the others. Maybe he wants firsts with you.