I've had some health issues and now I feel like my husband doesn't want me: Advice?

Please post anonymously. I had a child in March via c-section due to my development a kidney stone(size of a large marble) and infection when I was four months and had to have a tube placed in my back to drain the urine out that wouldn’t get past the kidney stone. Since giving birth, my SO and I have only had sex twice, maybe 3x. I feel like after seeing our son be born, the bag collecting my pee and just the everyday life of being a parent, he is no longer interested in having sex, and trust me, I have asked and done just about everything to have a “good night.” Before we found out, he was constantly trying to and would get mad when I said no. But now he hardly touches me or anything sweet like he used to. I was just trying to see if there was anyone else who went through this and if so, how did u get him to be interested in u again.


Try sitting down and talking to him about it. Becoming a parent is a huge drastic change and exhausting for both sides. Maybe he’s still adjusting. But definitely talk with him and see what you both can do to make things work.


Talk to him about it. Personally when I had my second two I was the one completely not interested. But being open and honest is the best policy

Talk to him and not us ask him why he don’t want it 🤷


It seems to me that you both have been through a lot regarding your health issues and having a child. He may just be overwhelmed with everything that has gone on and thats effecting his libido. Sit down and ask him if he is okay, if there is anything weighing on his mind, tell him how its making yiu feel not having sex etc communication is key.


He may also not want to hurt you! I know my husband was really worried about hurting me even after I had a UTI


Talk to him about it. Just set your hubby down. Tell him how your feeling and ask him what’s going on, what you can do, what you both can do to change things. He don’t know unless you tell him. Also men can suffer from PPD just like women

Dad’s can get PPD just like women


It may not be that he isn’t interested or turned on, maybe he feels your fragile now and scared. Talk to him!


This is where that ‘in sickness and in health’ thing comes in, nobody thinks it will happen to them. Showing love to each other every day is a CHOICE. Even though physical appearances have changed, there should still be the emotional, mental, spiritual connection there that fosters intimacy. Sorry to hear this, hope you guys can get back on track :blush:


Umm I had my son in April and my SO and I have only been intimate once lol… you just had a baby. It’ll come girl.


It is possible he feels like you have gone through a lot and it is hard because he feels your fragile

I asked my boyfriend of almost 10 years…he says most guys won’t turn it down!!! If you’ve tried everything like you said, he should show some interest!!! If he doesn’t show any interest, he’s either gay, or he’s cheating , and has been for a while!!!

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I wanna know when they’re going to blast the kidney stone :thinking:

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My husband really wanted to but was very careful, he hurt me once like the 2nd time we did it and there was a. Week or so in between that he was just scared. And I also caught him like almost obsessively going to bathroom to watch porn and after telling him how much it hurt me that hed rather leave me to go to bathroom to jerk off instead of asking me if I’m in mood. And how it hurts comparing myself to all these “big booty” women he kept looking up because well I’m skin and bone. Just communicate with him. It hirt and broke my husband to see how much it hurt my self esteem feeling like he didnt want me after having my son in December. We got plenty of new sex toys and have gotten back into our groove and it’s been much better since. I’ve also been feeling more confident and into it(and he has too) since I started working out and drinking plenty of water and decreasing my caloric intake and getting my body back in shape.

Don’t stress about it! Having a baby is a lot of stress (which I know you understand lol) just keep trying and maybe bring up your feelings to him… but I’m sure he’s still attracted to you. You brought his child in into the world. There’s nothing sexier than that! You went thru all that just for your child. It’s such a strong thing to do. Just keep your head high, mama. It will get better :orange_heart: my son is 7 months old, and my bf n I just started getting back to normal with sex.

Having a newborn changes a lot. I wouldn’t assume he wasn’t interested in you sexually anymore. I’d more assume its just the normal stress of having a couple month old baby is just exhausting him, and stress can decrease a person’s libido exponentially. Have a conversation with him directly but don’t be accusatory or aggressive. But you BOTH need to air any potential grievances you have to eachother and make sure you guys are on the same page.

Is he helping out with baby? Baby might be making him too tired.

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Communication is very important for a Husband & Wife if you can’t talk to each other about anything and everything than something is wrong with that. I had 3 C-sections an very high risk and health probs with at least 2 of my pregnancies, Yes my husband waited for when I was ready and was very considerate of me healing but he never made me feel unwanted or unloved ever.!

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With my first she was 34 weeks after my csection the thought of sex made me feel ill I just wasn’t interested i put it down to hormones and my body had been put through alot plus a prem baby I went back to normal after a few months if U are concerned talk to your partner and gp

I’m sure it’s not you, sometimes guys go through things too, ask him about it, if he loves you he will talk to you, good luck sweety💜

I believe after any birth you should be waiting at least 8 weeks for intercourse so the wound where your placenta was located can close. Add to that adding a new life and the fatigue mentally, physically, and emotionally lack of sex drive is common. If it is something that concerns you having an open discussion may help ease your fears. Bug hugs mama

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Big love to you sweetie. Birth is traumatic for all those involved. With all u went through he may be looking at you delicately, and concerned for your well being. Some men shut down for a while when trauma happens, maybe give it time but open up a gentile, non confrontational convo. (My husband sometimes shuts down when he feels bad about something and it takes a few days for him to talk frankly) but communication is key. Babies change our worlds. Good luck hon.

Before kids, my husband and I were having sex 4 times a week (minimum!) but now, 2 years and 2 babies later we might manage twice a month!
He’s tired from work and I’m tired from the kids etc

After our first baby (long labour) he was nervous to come near me never mind actually have sex, and labour for our second baby was very touch and go, we were nearly taken for an emergency c-sec and for a few minutes after she was born we didn’t know if she was even alive. My husband went through these traumatic times as much as I did, just in a different way; he had to watch everything, not be able to help take the pain away and not know if his wife and daughter were going to survive and come home with him.
He’s only opened up to me once about it, but I know that caused him some serious pain that he had to deal with, so yeah we didn’t have sex for a while because he was paranoid I’d get pregnant again and this time I wouldn’t survive labour!
(For the record I am on contraception, but men are allowed to be paranoid wrecks too lol :laughing:)

March is not that long ago, give him time to come to terms with things and use that time to properly heal yourself.
If your sex drive is that high that you really need it, get a vibrator and use it in bed next to him :joy:

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I was given a colostomy bag at 12 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. (My bag was on my belly and that’s where my poo would come out). I’m so very sorry you’ve had to endure what you have :purple_heart: I feel your pain, frustration and that uncontrollable feeling of always being overwhelmed. My partner was super supportive & didn’t want to hurt me. He said it scared him to death of what I went through, and he could only sit and watch. Maybe it has emotionally effected your hubby, I’m sure it all would of been quite traumatic for him too? Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt you? Even if you’re reassuring him, men are funny creatures when it comes to how they are feeling. Give it time. I look at my scars everyday but they saved me, they saved my baby. You’ve got a story not many people can tell. Give yourself some time, pregnancy and birth within itself is a lot, let alone adding other health issues. Physically and mentally you’ve been through so much. :purple_heart: Best of luck x

Men too can have post partum depression!

Maybe he is afraid of hurting you
Make it known that you desire him
Don’t wait
Be aggressively
Be the suggested
And if’s its no
Try try and try again

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How old is the baby? Men go through PPD as well. Opening up to him about how you’re feeling and asking him how he’s feeling would help. He was probably really scared and nerves are shocked.

I had my little guy in sept by csection (he was breech) then when I went in to get the staples removed they ended up saying my incision was infected, I ended up having to go to surgery again to have it removed then I had to have a wound vac attached to the incision for 4 months. Then I got it off and my SO had to change bandages for me. And he admitted to me after all that he wasnt attracted to me in that way for awhile, so things like that do effect the other half. But if he truly loves you he will work thru it and you guys will be good. But you need to openly talk to him and ask him questions without getting upset. I understand why my SO felt like he did. But we talked and still working on everything. You guys just need to be open and honest with each other.

Honestly talk to him he may just be terrified and not want to hurt you. If he loves you he is already going through watching you suffer it really just could be great concern for your safety and health.

Just give him and yourself time. He might be thinking it bothers you or he might feel he will hurt you.
Just sit and discuss your feelings together.

Men go through changes after becoming a father. Give him space and support, rather than make assumptions and analyze his behavior. Talk with him.