Just needin to vent

My husband cheated on me 5 years ago. I moved on and choose to stay with him for the sake of my daughter who was 3 months old at that time. He didn’t change and has been hiding things and being emotionally abusive to me. Any group of friends we socialize, he will keep eyeing the girls and try to impress them. There is no love between us. I could never trust him. I am 35 years old and feel too old to move on. There has never been a week , we spent peacefully in our house. I loathe him. For outside world, we look like a perfect family but from inside I am dying everyday. I come from Asia, I have no family to support me here. I don’t even call/talk to my parents or siblings since they have their own problems.Since my kids are small I do not want to break the family.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Just needin to vent

Divorce him. I can’t imagine the environment your kids live in . Never to see love .

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The kids would rather see u happy alone then miserable together. Trust me. I left my ex when i had three girls age 4,2 and 4 months. Best thing i ever did

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Get checked for sexually transmitted diseases this week. He is disgusting and disrespectful.

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Im from Asia too but im not putting UP with his shit.You cheat on me its over

Omg! You are not too old!!!

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It is a million times better to break up your family when your kids are small, because they never remember you guys being together. Your relationship sets the tone for what type of relationship your children seek in the future.

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Girl, id leave. I didnt find the love of my life until i was 33 and i was a single mom. It is never too late!

You are onlyndoing a disservice to yourself, him, but mostly your children. Youll be a better parent if you are happy without him. Kids are resilient and will be fine.

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Is that the home you want your kid to grow up in though? One where you loathe each other. One where they will learn that’s how man acts or can treat them? And don’t kid yourself that they won’t know. Kids are smart. Also your never too old to start something new. But if you decided to stay then this is what you gotta deal with and what your kids will grow up learning. The choice is yours.

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Either get a divorce or our advice is pointless,

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Move on there is someone out there that will treat you and your child then way you should be treated

You know what it’ll remain like, if you stay
You’ll always wonder about what if, if you dont

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Broken home is worse than a broken family

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But do you want your children to think this is right.

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Girl it’s never to late to start over…and deft not to old…get out

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Don’t teach your kids that this type of relationship is ok

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Leave, you’re never too old to be happy…

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I’m so sorry :pensive: some man is waiting for you so he can love you and treat you right. Don’t waste time you could be spending happily on someone who is not what you deserve. Please.

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You’re actually harming your daughter even more by staying, kids are not dumb they can feel the tension and unhappiness at home, you must be happy first to raise happy children, you’re just tormenting yourself and your kids, imagine how happy you could be the rest of your life or imagine living this horribly for the rest of your days, you’re the only one who can make a decision

So you’d rather teach your kids to stay in an abusive unhappy relationship? Leave… there are resources that can help you… Kids learn more from what they live and see… your girls will learn this is how life should be… and the same could and most likely will happen to them… if you have boys they will grow up thinking it is ok to treat women the way their mom was treated…
Get out for yourself and for them

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Not trying to sound mean but do u really want your kids growing up in that environment?i grew up with my parents that fought it’s definitely not healthy.

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Oh mama, my dad didn’t even have me until he was 35. I’m 36 & left a 20 year emotionally, financially, verbally, psychologically, & occasionally physically abusive relationship. There is hope. Get out while you can. You are SO NOT TOO OLD to start over!

Don’t stay for the kids. It’s teaching them what is & isn’t a healthy relationship, & what they should & shouldn’t put up with.

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Go break it anyway he has no issues with it. Don’t settle for the kids. Make them priority and leave , it will only damage the kids if you stay and put up with the abuse.

Girl you need to let him go and move on for you and your children! You need to find you again and what makes you whole!!

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You really need to leave. You get 1shot at life and happiness, make it count. Do it for yourself and kids. There’s other men who’ll worship you! Seriously get out now before you ARE to old and it’s to late and u lived a miserable regretful life

41 years of on and off. Save yourself.

Your kids will grow up and understand what’s going on and staying on an abusive and toxic household is hurting the kids in the long run. As a mother it’s our job to protect our children and that means putting them before everyone; our partners and even ourselves. Do right by your children and leave. It’s easier said than done, but you can figure it out. Reach out to supports or show up at a women’s shelter and state you physically have no where to go and are fleeing domestic abuse. They will help. Good luck

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You’re still so young, get out now you and your children deserve happinet

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You can get help in so many ways to move out or he’ll make him move out! You have the kids and obviously he has other beds to sleep in. I say this like it’s an easy task but babe think about your babies and how nice it would feel to just be happy

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Girl break that family before it’s you that’s broken …

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I got married for the first time at 38. Your kids will one day if they haven’t already will notice how unhappy you are and I feel it will affect them. Move on and let your self be happy so your kids see a happy mom and not a sad one.

I’m so sorry.:sob: Please know that you are not old enough. You CAN and should leave. Sending hugs.

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Please know you aren’t ever to old to start over. I am 35 and have went through this same thing for the past 13 years. I have decided I am done and gonna file divorce.

My children deserve better. They deserve to have a happy momma. Even at some point they deserve to see their momma being loved the right way. Your children deserve the same.

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Be better if you did

You already know what’s wrong
Hunni
Move on and find happiness for yourself and kids
Even if it is remaining single

Dump him now and start the healing. You are young and can start a new.

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Life is too short, stop being miserable! Leave

Let him think he’s won and bang anything. Provided he supports you and the kids do something else to make up for his neglect.

Time to leave him. Don’t stay for the sake of your children. Your children will grow up thinking it’s ok to abuse women & betray their trust.

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35 is not old there’s people that begin again at 60 you are still in your prime don’t waste no more time

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You are never to old to move on an beside that why live in he’ll and keep your daughter in it.Theres places that will help you if you need help.Get out its only going to get worse ask any woman that has been there.Family Sunshine Center here in Montgomery.

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Please don’t feel you have to stay. Please don’t feel you are too old to find someone who loves you and respects you. I would recommend finding therapy for yourself and a good lawyer

You’ve only lived 1/3 of your life. Do you think you’re the first woman to leave her husband and raise her kids independently? No.

You wouldn’t be breaking the family. Leave and be happy.

Your not too old at all at all too start over! It may feel that way because you’ve been with him for so long! You deserve to be happy an if either of you are happy then what’s the point! Honestly though its not good either for kids to grow up seeing an hearing stuff an thinking it’s normal. You could be doing a lot more damage to them staying together.

Oh Grow up and move on!!! Or stay and suffer in silence!!!

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Leave. Why prolong the inevitable? Your kids deserve a happy & free mom

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You’re not old. You deserve to be respected and treated well.

Don’t teach your kids to settle, teach them to be brave and love and happiness matter. If you don’t they will most likely end up in the same situation because they think it’s normal.

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It’s much better to leave. Especially for the kids. It’s not good for them to see you get treated like that. You’re not too old at all. You’re never too old to move on. You’ll find someone to love you and your kids.

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Easier said than done but you are causing more damage for your children in the long run by staying. There are resources and help out there. you CAN leave. Now choose to.

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You will regret staying way more than you will regret leaving.

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Better to grow up in a separated family than an abusive apathetic one.

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That’s no way to live. Your kids deserve a happy mother. 35 is not old and you definitely have time to create a life you love.

You do not stay in a crap relationship for the kids. That only hurts and punishes the kids

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Life doesn’t end at 35 doll. I’ll be 45 this year and I’m still out living and having a great time single. You need to ditch that asshole and start living.

Your children learn from you, don’t let them think the life you are living is ok. Go find happiness. You deserve better

Kids do better with a Happy Mom. Go to an abuse women group. Go get it.

I hate to hear women who aren’t happy say they stay for the kids. Like its good for the kids to hear parents constant arguing.

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Ask yourself what you are teaching your children about relationships by staying?

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Its broken already. Leave him

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You are never to old to be happy. Move on if you can!

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You are teaching your daughter it’s okay to be treated like that and your son it’s okay to treat women like that. Children mimic their parents. And they know what’s going on. No matter how hard you try to hide it. If you won’t leave for yourself leave for children. Go to a woman’s shelter. Or call your local help line. If you stay to get your ducks in a row…. Then Start QUIETLY planing your exit now. If you don’t have money get a job. There are stay at home jobs that aren’t a scam. Do your research, check with the better business bureau to make sure it’s not a scam. Save your money and get the frack out of there. 

Trust me, your family is already broken but you’re not the one who did it. He did. Growing up in a home where the parents aren’t happy together is obvious to the kids, even if you aren’t screaming at each other, they notice. Your kids deserve to have a happy mom and you definitely aren’t too old to start anew and build a better life for you and them. The relationships that they see as children are the relationships they will mimick in their adult life. There are resources out there, you just gotta call around and ask. Call your county human services depart, 211, etc.

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My heart aches for you.

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Do it back if you are going to stay… and you are never too old to start older and don’t sacrifice your happiness…

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35 is not old, move on! What kind of example are you setting for your child by staying in a toxic relationship?

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You are 35, out of (in average) your 70-80 year lifespan that you’ll get… do you really want to spend the second half of your life with him just because you think you’re too old to move on?? Do it, yours and your daughters sake!!

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The family is already broken if what you said is true! Don’t teach the kids how to survive lies and a fake perssona!! I’m 45 btw!

It hurts my heart that you’re only 35 and feel to old to move on. You are still a baby!! Find someone who loves and appreciates you

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i did and it is not easy but it gets better

Don’t waste more time. If you are financially able to leave do it and realize that outside of a whole life waiting for you is peace and love…even if it is self love until you can trust again. Start rebuilding and be an example, please don’t settle because it could start a cycle. Good luck

Biggest thing noone wants to hear but you don’t need a man moving on doesn’t have to be with another just do you and your child/children no trust means no relationship its pointless to suffer :100: if you keep one hand on the past and one on the future you will stay in the past and demolish the present, need to let go and move forward use all those curves as stepping stones. Baby steps you will get there.

It’s worse for your kids to grow up in that environment. Trust me, your kids will be happier if you’re happy, no matter where you are. It will damage them more and permanently if they spend years witnessing your marriage. They may even someday resent you for not leaving and would respect you if you did.

I know this sounds really blunt… and not ideal… But you are better off alone with your kids… Than to stay with this loser of a “man”.
Slowly start saving $… even if it’s a little bit at a time… and make a plan to get yourself out of that terrible situation.
You don’t want your kids to think this is an okay way to treat each other?? Do you?
I know it’s hard… but it’s worth it in the long run.
I’m a single mom to 5… and left a terrible, toxic abusive (verbal…mentally… Physically) relationship… about 4ish (maybe more) years ago… At first I thought I couldn’t survive…but here I am . So thankful that I don’t have to deal with such a narcissist any longer.
Yes, I am still single… but I am happy.

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If you didn’t live off a man you could leave.

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He ain’t changing period !!! I’m sorry!!! Do what you have to do but … get the hell stepping

How would you feel to find out this is the kind of relationship your daughter was in? Would you want that for her?

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If you have immigration concerns our office can help. Pollak PLLC

Get away from him, why would you do this to yourself? Your kids would want a happy mother instead of a dying one everyday !

Leave. Teach your child never to settle for unhappiness.

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Never stay because of kids. They’re not stupid, they know. You must be happy, youust take care of yourself if you’re going to raise the child. No one can make you stay or go, that is up to you. But your happiness, sadness can and will affect not only yourself but your child. Your husband has shown what he thinks of you. I suggest really looking into your life and self. There is always a way, you are not stuck. You just need to look, ask, try💗

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Children are resilient. When I went through my divorce I was told that if I wasn’t happy I couldn’t expect anyone around me to be happy.

Umm noooooo.
You are not too old.
It’s better for the children if you leave now.
That “man” sounds like pure trash, throw it out.
If it were your daughter in that situation, what would you want her to do?
Stay with him, while she slowly dies inside?
I know if it were me or my babies, I would want to fight because fu€k that, life’s too short. Times ticking.

LEAVE!!! You’re far from old. Put your big girl pull ups ON & handle it. Mamas strength never goes unnoticed.

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Girl your 35 ! :rofl::woman_facepalming: You’re definitely still young enough to completely start over. go for it!

staying will hurt the kids more than leaving id get out and its just also hurting u also

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I’m 51 and there is no way I’m going to die unhappy if I have a choice! Leave! Run! You’ve done all you can, there is no saving this relationship, get set up to leave. Own accounts, paperwork to file for custody , if you need help dial 211, there is help for housing, food, any need you may have. You’ll look back at this time in your life , and wonder Why did I choose to suffer!

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You are definitely not too old. I’ve been divorced now for 11 days at 36 (almost 37) and it was the most freeing experience.

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Oh hun…. I left my ex of 15 years when I was 34… less than 6 months later I met a man who is amazing!!! I wasn’t looking and neither of us wanted anything serious but we get married in October, right about 2 years after we met… I can say I’ve never been happier… yes, it’s been an adjustment especially for my 14 yr old but her father and I are both happier now

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Ask him if he wants to continue in the marriage. If he doesn’t, tell him to let you go so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

We are not promised tomorrow, leave as soon as you are able. Everyone should be happy

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Your children don’t want to live in a household like that it has a shock over the whole house. Trust me they won’t grow up with fond memories like thank God mom stayed.
As far as too old, no never as long as you’re breathing 35 is still relatively young, it’s not even the second stage of life.
I know people in their 40s 50s just marrying.

As for finances yes you HAVE TO strategize and plan, you know your finances not us.
But people have overcome worse and done better.

Can’t trust him learn to trust you. All our lives have potential for better you have to respect and trust that’s on the opposite end of your situation like many others. Put in work do the prep work move on be happy and proud of yourself

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I was a single mother and you can do it too. My kids turned out great and I am very proud of them both. You may think you need a man but you don’t and 35 is NOT too old! I believe that life is very short and you shouldn’t waste time being in an unhappy relationship. Your children will be happy if you are happy. Get out of it, you can do it, I did

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Please don’t waste any more time in an unhappy marriage. You deserve better.and can find happiness alone or with someone else. 35 is sooo young- you have plenty of time to move on and have so many more years ahead of you! I thought like you in my mid 30s and now in my mid 40s I really regret not leaving.

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Too old at 35! Your life has barely started move on…leave that jerk behind you will be much happier on your own for now…

.

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Be happy.
Life is short.
:blue_heart:

Girl, you do your child no good if you are both unhappy. In fact, by choosing to be blatantly disrespected even in public, you are subjecting your child to thinking this behavior is normal. As a child whose father cheated on my mother for 15 years, I’m telling you, leave. You may think you’re saving face, but your child sees how unhappy you both are. This is toxic. You deserve better. Your child deserves a mother who will stand up for herself when she is disrespected and choose a happy life. You are damaging both yourself and your child by choosing to stay in this relationship. You can tell yourself your staying for the child, but you’re not. You’re staying because you know what to expect here. While not ideal, it’s comfortable… but what exactly are you trading here for that? Is it worth your dignity, your morals, your child’s understand of what a healthy happy marriage and relationship should look like. And you said yourself you loathe him… thats not going to magically change now or 30 years from now. You’re gonna grow more and more resentful, for the past and the way he continues to treat you. And by then, you’ll be kicking yourself for not leaving sooner.

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You’re not too old to start over

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