Just needing some advice

Can I please get some input or advice? I’m desperate…I have no support system. My children have grandparents but they never want to see them. One set doesn’t even speak to us. I don’t have any friends that are in a position to help with babysitting due to work schedules. And no other family. My husband and I love being parents! But it sort of feels like we’re losing ourselves. And with it being summer, our kids need to see other people too for their own mental health since they’re not with their friends. We see our friends drop their children off with grandparents or aunts and uncles all the time and it just hurts that our kids and my husband and I don’t have other family like that. But the question I guess is, how do those of you without support manage to get things done? I can do things with them here obviously, but there are just some things you have to do alone. Like therapy, birthday/Christmas shopping, cleaning with chemicals that could hurt them (just to name a few). Up to this point, my husband and I just took turns, but with his work schedule, it’s mostly going to be on me now.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Just needing some advice

Can you afford a sitter?

Sadly I just do it myself. I do my appointments when they are in school, or take them with me, or now go in another room and attempt remote appointments. I don’t go out, like ever. I don’t recommend it but it’s just what I have to do being a single mom with outside help.

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Try hiring a mothers helper or sitter to begin. Try connecting in your community to begin to build a supportive network. Try exchanging care with other trusted neighbors.

Welcome to the real world…been through it with four children alone …:+1:t2:

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Ages? What about a boys and girls club of America or a YMCA somewhere they can go during the day that doesn’t cost much or goes by your income. Our daughter loved the Boys & Girls club we’d drop her off at 7am and pick her up that afternoon,. They do all kinds of events, plays, sports ECT.,

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I don’t have advice for you but wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in it. There are a lot of us like that. :purple_heart:

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Shop online, plan personal appointments when husband is home or kids in school, send them outside or the other end of the house when cleaning (use a monitor if they are little) or do this after they’ve went to bed. You just have to do what you can! People have been doing this stuff for all of time. It’s hard to parent and manage everything else but it’s doable

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Summer camp
Programs

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We floating in the Same boat momma… I just deal with it have for 7yrs it’s grew on me I love have having my son with me he is awesome company.

Child care/ baby sitters.
You can hire someone to help you out a couple hours every week ( doesn’t have to be a full time ) maybe two days per week for 4-5 so you can have things done .
If you can’t afford it you can talk with some of your friends and offer to take care of their kids a couple hours a day if they can do the same for you , that way you both help each other without you having to pay .
Also , having a routine for your kids is a huge difference and a big help, het them involve with the house chores , not matter how little they are ( obviously not infants) you can teach them simple chores

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Maybe look into a drop off daycare.

Have you asked for help, invited them over or let them know you need some help & would love for them to be a part of their lives ??

We just do it. If you’re cleaning they are cleaning too in a safe way. They can dust with a duster or use a swiffer and they can sweep. For therapy I do it over the phone (I restarted during Covid) and I let the kids watch something or make sure they are busy. The Hubster has a job that can keep him away a lot too and we don’t have people where we live. If I need to shop in person then dad keeps them busy while I do it or it’s all done online. Any chemicals that can hurt them can hurt you too. Just keep them out of the direct work area and ventilate. Take them to the park for people time, or the library if they’re doing groups again, etc. maybe a mom day group that some churches have… idk we just do it bc there’s not another option.

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As a parent you just do what you have to do. A lot of people don’t have a choice.

Take turns hubby watches while u shop vice versa.

Ask your friends if they use a babysitter or just ask in a local mom group if anyone is available? Maybe one of your friends has an older teen who can babysit.

Why don’t the grandparents want to help out

The only thing that really ever helps me is getting my kids in bed early. We all have to wake up early anyways so I might as well get them in bed early and have a few hours just for ourselves.

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Are you part of a local church or moms group. Maybe the YMCA or girls/boys club? Our subdivision has a Facebook page see if yours done and if there are any families that are willing to do a child care swap. Maybe a chick care swap with friends you do have.

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Do you have a church home? That is one of the best ways to make friends that last. And they can put you into touch with people who can help you with childcare when you need it. I would also look into natural cleaning products to get you away from those harmful chemicals. They aren’t good for you either. A lot of the more natural cleaners are very effective. I hope you have good luck finding people to bond with. Good friends can be as close as family.

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We don’t have anyone to drop the kids off with either. My husband works 12-14 hour days 5-6 days a week so it’s mostly on me.

Like a lot of the other ladies are saying you just gotta do it if you don’t have other options.

Unfortunately you have to use the time when the kids are distracted or sleeping to get done the things you have to do.

On hubbys days off we do something as a family that’s fun for all of us to do vs just watching the kids at the park all the time so we have something engaging to do as adults too.

We make the best with what we have :heart:

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Summer camp at the ymca or boys and girls club

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Summer camps, activities, swim lessons

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You need to get some play dates going on and turn that will help you make friends!!

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You just figure it out. It’s time management and prioritizing. “Cleaning with chemicals that can hurt them”??? What does that even mean?

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Sleep overs at the kid’s friend’s house. Switch off and you do your turn also.

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Try getting with their school friends’ parents. Set up an agreement with them that you’ll take their kids for a night here and there and they can do the same in return. :slight_smile: I’ve lived on my own since graduating high school and had kids just a few years later. I’ve been doing it all on my own since then… it’s tough! I’ve had to wait till my kids napped and put blankets down in a shopping cart for them to sleep on, and then carry a separate cart behind me. :sob: I took them to court with me once because I had no choice, had literally no one to watch them, and I’m lucky the judge didn’t mind. It really is a struggle having no one nearby to support you! If you ever need advice or just an ear to vent to, message me! I’ll be here for you as much as I possibly can.

Idk if you’re religious, but there are churches which have daycares that are typically less expensive than regular ones. You may check into those. Larger cities also usually have mom/parent groups, where they get together often and have access to resources which could help you find a sitter or whatever. :slight_smile: Besr of luck to you.

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Library summer programs, go to the park, look for kids at the museums.
Maybe look into finding a senior in high school for babysitting.
If you can’t shop without the kids, shop online.
How old are they? They can clean while you clean, or read, do puzzles, play dough, etc.

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If it’s an option try to find a babysitter! Even if it’s just every now and then, it does everyone good to get a break from each other. Maybe set aside one night a week (or month, whatever works) for you and your husband or just you. It’s so easy to lose yourself in parenting! You definitely aren’t alone.

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Find a church. Check with the library. Speak to people.

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We took turns. And I did most shopping online. You can compare prices and most of the time get free shipping.

Start attending a church in your town and get to know people they may have a teenager that can help you out with the kids. Kids are only little for a while

Camp
Local high school sitters

and here I am without my great-grandchildren…

We do our dates mostly federal holidays.

Hubby has them off and I make sure the kids have school or camp (We have a gymnastics camp close it’s a little pricey but so worth it!)

We have also used drop in childcare in the past but the local one closed :confused:

Friends, churches have summer programs, post on fb try to fine a responsible teenager or another at home mom if your willing to pay. Play dates help also

Boys and girls club some kinda summer day camp

Trade babysitting with your friends and your friends become your family. There is not wrong with that :+1::+1:

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Any church groups around? High schools - maybe a guidance counselor would be able to suggest some responsible kids.

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I’ll be their gramma
I love being a gramma … let me know

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We are on the same boat. Our families live far so we don’t get to see them too often. What has worked for us is building good relationships and community. Good friends can become like family and a good support system. Church is another way to build community and close relationships…And of course you need a good reliable babysitter to call on emergencies and for date night with husband or night out with friends ( it is important to set time for those even if just once or twice a month) , setting play dates with school friends is a good way to have an afternoon to yourself (and of course you can return the favor by hosting play dates in your house as well) ,summer camps, library groups and playgroups, any kind of sport or class that they want to take weekly can be another way to have a good hour when you can drop them off and run some errands ( that can be expensive but sometimes your park district might offer very affordable classes like sports, dance, etc)

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Call the school guidance counselor to see if they can give you names of students who might be interested in babysitting

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You can’t be serious :joy::joy::joy:
Send them to another room to clean. Get a babysitter. Use common sense :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4:

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My kids are with me 24/7. I clean with chemicals when they are asleep I open the windows and turn on ventilation fans. I take them with me to get groceries, to pick up prescriptions, had to take them to my Dr and ob appts too before. I don’t go out unless to get groceries, appointments, or a park for the kids to play. Birthdays, Christmas, holidays we celebrate all with just us at home together. I homeschool and it’s well … Just us. They understand…they get it…

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I was a single mom more than a married one with 5 kids and no support system. You just take it one thing and one day at a time.

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Yes, church youth groups, summer camp,
Start something with other moms in your ares where you all take turns with the children. Good luck

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I honestly just wait till they sleeping or put them in their room. And I don’t do things I can’t bring them with me. Like therapy is video chat only I take them on shopping trips no matter what holiday it is🤷🏾‍♀️ Sucks tho but keep your head up!

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We have a 6,4 & 2 year old. We are the same, we manage on our own. We use daycare once/twice a week. So I can catch up on the house work. Also for my kids to see other people, they definitely need other people in their lives, I study slowly. Even then hubby is shift worker so he doesn’t get the days off I sometimes do. It’s hard! I feel for you. I totally get it. But you can’t force people to have a consistent interest in your children. I’ve learnt that. We have friends that my kids love and see often. Our kids always talk about our friends as if they are family, so Its comforting for me to know they have other relationships they love and look forward to . Online shopping is my savour, click and collect. Especially grocery shopping, it’s a massive help! Date days/nights are so important, we struggle to get one but if you can’t find a reliable, certified and preferably a recommended babysitter I think would be worth it. :relaxed:

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Contact their friends parents and make a group that hosts the kids for a day or even overnight. Do it so everyone gets a turn. You would have a turn too. Use Vinegar for cleaning, or Murphys oil soap. You don’t say how old they are but start giving them chores. Teach them how to cook or bake. Let them help with laundry. By the time they hit 10 they could make a meal, wash and dry their own clothes and clean. Mopping, dusting, we’re the chores they did. they did it great!

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Contact you’re local social services. Maybe you qualify for help with day care or they can send you in the right direction to an affordable one. See if you have a local YMCA. They usually have programs that are affordable and the kiddos get to socialize and you get your time for whatever you need. Check out Facebook groups for your area. Maybe you can find things for them to do there. There are lots of possibilities you just need to see what’s available to you.

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You got this and no you aren’t loosing your selfs you are changing into the parents you should be. I have my boys 24/7 and we just work around it. We have family close by but we love parenting I guess it’s also because we include our kids in everything. Libraries have great summer programs and also see if they have a day summer camp where you can take the older ones to hang out. Good luck

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Everyone saying church ummm that cost ALOt a

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My momma used to drop our asses right off at the boys and girls club when she was around :rofl::rofl: I’m not gonna lie it was super fun and I had many great experiences. I will ALWAYS remember the water slide with soap and trips to the pool. When she passed, our dad would just lock us outside so that we were made to have some active time not inside. Now, we lived on a military base and it was a much safer time back then. We were also old enough to be responsible outside alone as well.

My family are over 5 hours away in another country, they are more involved than my sons family 30 minutes drive away, if that.
I have some amazing friends who are self proclaimed aunties who save me time and time again, I am eternal greatful for them, they both work, one also has twin daughters of her own but they still somehow find the time to help me :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: my old neighbour from where I just moved away from also helps with him, she’s like an adopted grandmother who cares about him more than his biological it seems x
Finding some really great friends really changed my life.

There are some great groups aswell they can attend for about 2 hours to give you a break or maybe even enrol them into nursery for 1 day or 1 half day a week x

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Single mom no family that helps , I have a daughter w an extremely rare disease . Everyday I drive first thing in the morning for 25 mins to get her to physical , occupational, and swallowing therapy before work. I pay a ton for daycare as I work 6 days a wk . I work 3 mins from daycare and then it’s 5 mins home. We get home at 730 at night. I don’t take lunch at work I use my lunch times to leave work to take her to Dr’s appointments twice a wk. Once a wk on my only day off she has blood infusions in our home for 8 hrs . I do all shopping in the morning before. I work 6 days a wk cause overtime is the only way I can afford any of it as I don’t make much money. I stay up half the night doing the housework scheduling and just to get a little me time. Sleep a few hrs get up and do it all again. It sucks sometimes i feel I can’t do it anymore but then I see her smile and would not change it for the world. My daughter and I are so close we have a bond like no other.we dance when I make dinner make everything into a game, we are googfy and we have fun in all we do . When she is older I will miss these days. Myself is with her right now , when she is older I’ll have all the time in the world for myself. Again sometimes it sucks and some days are extra hard but with careful planning and routine it runs like clock work.

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We moved often when my kids were young because of my spouses job. I had no support system. 5 kids. Very difficult. Most of it on me. But I survived. And so did my kids. You will too. Before you know it ,those kids will have grown.

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There was a young family that needed someone to help out with their kids. They reached out to our church. I volunteered to help out for a few hours once or twice a week.

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l get paid over $135 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $19431 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Summer time churches have VBS and other community programs for summer camps during day .

Walmart pick up has been a lifesaver for me, I save money just getting the things I need and the kids not asking for extra stuff. It saves SO much time. Depending on the age of kids, have them help you and do chores. I have made quite time from 1-2:30 this summer, so the kids have to rest, read, or do something quite, that’s when you can clean and do the things you need to do, without them being in the way.

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Is there something associated with the school that has a summer program? We have what is essentially a day camp that’s a little cheaper than daycare but for school age kids only. It runs during a typical ‘work day’ 6am-6pm maybe there’s something like that by you. You could ask your friends if they’d be willing to take your kids for an evening so you and your husband can go out. Or see if they know and trust someone that they think would be willing to take them for a bit. Last resort, look on those babysitting websites where they list qualified people… (obviously if you go this route, meet the person a time or two first) these are some suggestions that I think could help you out.

Don’t use harsh chemicals like that

Look up youth programs. Like Mothers Day Out, Vacation Bible School, summer camps. And through these programs, you can often see who works well with your kids & see about them doing independent babysitting gigs for you.

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I don’t clean with overly harsh chemicals since I have reef tanks, steam is the best alternative for sterilization and deep cleaning. Go to the park during busy times and maybe find a mom friend and set up play dates, or just go for their exposure to other people in general. Give them chores to do while you clean something as well. I usually do a lot of my cleaning while my daughter eats her meals, but that’s because I usually eat one meal a day when she goes to bed.

Tell them to find their own babysitters. Stop taking the kids.

I remember that. Fortunately, I had a mom & dad who helped. This is so hard. You don’t have money for child care or park programs or day camps… I wish I could answer you. Best of luck.