Hey! I ask if this can please remain anonymous. Not sure if I am looking for advice or just need to vent, maybe hear others input on this situation I am going through, thanks in advance and sorry for the long post. So I am currently pregnant with a baby boy and have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, her father and I were no longer in a relationship when he passed away 2 years ago. My current SO and I have known each other for over 4 years now, we tried dating a while back but it didn’t work out mainly because I had trust issues although he never really gave me reasons. I guess this was due to the toxic relationship I had with my daughters father. We started dating again in the summer and when I told him I was pregnant around October he was overjoyed and told me he has always wanted to have a family with me and are relationship has been really good, no complains. Now just some background; I am 30 years old and moved back in with my parents about 3 years ago because I had separated from my daughters father. I had finished school but had no job. So my mom offered me to move back in. Now, I have always been very private about my personal and love life. I’m Hispanic and mine at least are not very accesible to talk to. When I told my mom I was pregnant she was a little serious but happy because my daughter was going to have a sibling. My family hadn’t met and still hasn’t met my SO although we were planning a dinner of some sort so they can meet him. After knowing about my pregnancy my mom was overly nice making me breakfast and such, I felt spoiled. Now Iiving with my mom I pay a total of $850 a month for a room and other miscellaneous stuff. When I first started living here I was paying maybe $500 but because she was helping me babysit my daughter and she did the food shopping I gave her more. My SO pays about $700 a month so it only makes sense we rent an apartment together. I felt bad about leaving my parents so I asked SO if he would be ok if we rented a 4 bedroom with my parents and he said it would be ok since we are all going to need each other’s support, money wise, the kids and so on. Now where we live it’s cramped, there is no living room or space for my kids and it is continuously having problems like no hot water, no water not to mention in bad condition. When I had mentioned to my mom about moving out and showed her pictures of nice apartments I had found not so far from where we currently live she flat out said no because she loves the area. So I told her ok that’s fine, but I am just giving you a heads up I am moving out. A few days later, she told me she changed her mind because they are going to start charging for hot water and they were paying too much already but it had to be around here. I told her I wasn’t playing around and she needed to make up her mind. She then began to say things like she believes I didn’t make the baby out of love and that I probably don’t love the baby’s father and that the baby is probably an accident. I was so shocked she had the audacity to say anything like that because this lady says to be so catholic, prays 4 hours a day, 6 hours on Sundays. I told her that that part of my life is non of her business. She had also mentioned that I AM the one that is going to be needing of HER help postpartum. Where I didn’t even answer back because I had had enough already. SO is taking time off work to help. I dislike arguing, and she talked to me as if I were still a little girl, like she had no respect for me at all, as if because she is my mom, she could talk to me however she wants. I have no idea why she feels so entitled. Out of my 3 siblings, I’m the oldest, only woman and also the most financially stable. Now I had told her about the apartment because I had the intention of helping my parents with saving money, my parents aren’t getting any younger and I worry for their future especially since COVID hit my father hard and was left with no savings. She hasn’t spoken to me since, it’s been over a week and I’ve even noticed she started treating my daughter different and it hurts because my daughter calls her mom too because she loves her so much, my daughter even mentioned she doesn’t want to move too far because wants to stay close to her grandparents. She can take out all her anger on me but never my kids, that’s where it hurts. I have come to the conclusion that it’s not healthy living with her now or in the future, she is always going to want to get in my business. She says things about SO without even knowing him, like how he is not going to support me, what if he walks out as if she wants things to go bad for me or she is not happy. With the way she is acting I don’t think I want her meeting SO or her future grandson anytime soon. SO hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him and I’m confident in our relationship and the family we are starting. I feel as if this is what happens when you try to look out for those you care about, they don’t appreciate the little things. From now on I am just going to let her go and put my little family first. If you read up to here, thank you.
Sometimes family can be toxic. I think she is worried for you but it’s going about it wrong. She might also be worried that without you she knows her and your father will be hurting. She might feel like she had failed because of this and it’s lashing out. Whatever her reasons, remember that are not excuses and she should not be cruel. Take your time. Move into your new place and get used to living with your SO since you haven’t done so before. Maybe in a year things will be better between you all and you can get a bigger place to help your parents out. Under the conditions that it is your home and she doesn’t get to dictate how things are ran.