Lately my husband has been paranoid that I am going to leave him: Thoughts?

So my husband lately has been like super paranoid I’m going to leave him when I get enough money to. But I have never once given him a reason to think that. I don’t talk to anyone, our marriage is great, we have a wonderful life together with four beautiful babies, we just bought our first home, and I never even once mentioned or thought about ever leaving him. It all started when I started working. He’d mention little jokes here and there. But now that I’m going to be working for a company making four times what I make now, he’s been making comments almost every day about how one day when I have thousands of dollars saved up in my account I’m just going to leave with the kids and never come back. I’ve tried reassuring him over and over again that I would never do that. And when I start making more money that I’m going to spoil him and our kids like crazy. I would be making enough to where I can pay for all of our bills and our mortgage, and he can save his paychecks for the fun stuff. But he swears I’m going to leave him. He said yesterday, “it’s not of IF you do it’s WHEN you do” I’m at a loss here because I have never done anything to give him a reason to doubt it, nor do I want to leave him. I hate when he just leaves for work because we are apart, and he knows that. I’m not a materialistic person either. I don’t want things I only want my life with him, and he knows it, but it’s like it’s too good to be true for him. I am his first everything, first girlfriend, kiss, relationship, etc., so I know it’s not because of his past with trust issues. I’m just at a loss here. I don’t get where these feelings are coming from. The look on his face when he says these things are like he’s really worried but trying to hide it. Our sex life is great, and I’m even losing weight to be better for him, not anyone else, and he still thinks I’m going to leave him.

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If he doesn’t think his is good enough for you he will always be like that. He is insecure about himself. Maybe he should see a therapist.

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Sounds to me that he might be insecure about you making more money. Some men find that threatening for some reason. Communication is key here to understand, respect and help him deal with his feelings. It’s more about how he feels about himself than anything else. Perhaps individual and couples therapy could help work through it.

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Is he doing something he’s feeling guilty about?

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He is threatened, he is used to being the sole provider and you are coming in and doing that even if you don’t mean to but you are in his eyes just by making more. He will not tell you this is the reason that’s why you are getting the snide remarks. I would set him down and put it point-blank but also address that the remarks have to stop because they will get worse.

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Some men deal with their masculinity differently. Keep up the love and positive responses to him. He will get used to the difference in roles eventually. You got this

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Men are very insecure

Most men can’t handle women’s success, he’s intimidated and jealous.
He is either cheating or considering it, you tell him to grow up or if he wanna leave he should do so and stop accusing you.
Flip the script on him

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Get into counseling together and see what’s the root of the problem. Men nowadays get harassed and bullied HARD if they aren’t the breadwinner. Ignore the toxic people here who are saying jealousy/cheating/etc.
If you have no reason to suspect him of these things, don’t get it into your mind. Ask him what he needs to squish that anxiety. Ask him if anyone has made comments.

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Tell him to keep putting that in your head… He will speak it into existence and cry at the end.

I was married to THREE cheaters. Guess what one of the biggest signs is??? This. When they start paying more attention and doing weird stuff, prob cheating.

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Smh tell him the only way he will be right is if he keeps pushing you away by saying stupid shit like this

He’s upset you’re making more than him. He’s trying to manipulate you into quitting whether he realizes it or not. You can sit him down and try to talk to him but my guess is he’ll probably stay insecure about it. Don’t let him talk you out of an awesome opportunity

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You got a promotion, losing weight and are becoming more financially secure. He’s threatened and intimidated, that’s all. Do things that you need his help with. Even if you are bullshitting. It’s sad but men have super fragile egos and it sounds like you bruised his. Let him feel masculine with something for you, it’s always worked for me

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Even if you can pay all the bills yourself…dont. let him pay the mortgage. You pay other stuff…and have equal say about what happens with savings. Right or wrong…you being the provider is a blow to his sense of worth in. This relationship.

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Hes insecure. Its normal when something changes. I got like this when I found out I was pregnant, it triggered fear that my husband would leave since thats how my ex was. Distanced and left. He needs reassurance and possible counseling.

He’s intimidated by your success and probably feels like less of a man but that is NOT your problem. Do not lessen yourself. Your partner should encourage growth not the opposite. Have a talk with him and if he cant get on board then move on.

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Love Dare, counceling just to reassure communication

He Seems insecure and threatened by your new found success. My husband is saying as a man they feel their job is to provide and it gives them pleasure in doing that for their families. It’s a feeling of fulfillment. So when your going to be able to provide plus some it probably makes him feel worthless in a way. I would just tell him to relax and enjoy this new journey life is taking you on. And that hes still just as important no matter what he makes. But giving up the " head of household" for a man can really sting the ego. I think his ego has taken a big hit. He will see in time your not going to leave and hopefully it will ease up his insecurities.

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Time to call him out on his insecurity and tell him like it is. Either he fixes his poor thinking or he ruins what you guys have built. Have the hard conversation.

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maybe he’s gulity of something

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It’s insecurities. All that you can do is exactly what you’re doing and that’s reassuring him. But truly he needs to seek some help as to why he’s feeling these feelings. Toxic masculinity is very real, with you in this new position it’s going against an indoctrinated ideal. It’s a lot to take in and accept for a man. But he needs to do some self work, because this is very divisive talk and shouldn’t be tolerated.

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My husband used to say this all the time too since I make more money than him. I found out he was having an affair with a coworker :woman_shrugging:. He excuse was he left before I could. Smh

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Idk I’d just call him on his word and bounce. Who has the energy to reassure someone, anything 24/7?

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I’d say that marriage counseling was very much needed in this case.

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I suggest u copy this post and send it to him so he can see how u feel and how ur worried for him

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It kind of sounds like he is a little threatened by the money you’ll be making. In no way shape or form should you give up that job opportunity. Especially if it’s going to make life better for your family as a whole. And if your marriage is as good as you have described, the only thing you can really do is prove him wrong!

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You might check on what he’s doing at work or after.

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Listen men get bad anxiety just like we do. My husband has done this. They get scared. Shit changes and even if its for the better it rocks their world and they dont know how to deal with it. Just gotta talk to him reassure him do something nice for him! I know you probably go outta your way alot for him all women do lol but do something special for him to show you care

This happen to me when I started a job my boyfriend got really jealous I ended up leaving him because I’m not going to put up with it he kept saying I was sleeping with an assistant manager which I was not it was just a headache

That’s a heavy insecurity and I would address it with him ASAP. Something like that will only fester and it’s an extremely toxic thought to have. It will most likely lead to huge issues like cheating or just pure resentment on his and your part.

Just to see what my husband would say … I told him I was thinking about getting a boob job … his reply , Do you plan on leaving me ? He was serious … lol
Seriously though , someone might have put that in his head , a lot of women do leave their husbands after they get good jobs but those women are usually miserable … I think your husbands anxiety will subside with time .

To me it sounds like he is probably more offended/hurt that you’re going to be the “breadwinner” now and may feel like he has lost some of his masculinity which is what is going to “eventually make you leave” in his mind. Maybe go half on the mortgage payments still and let him contribute to bills as well so he feels that he is still “providing” and you can use some of your checks for a lot of extra fun things! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Sounds like he has a guilty conscience in a way. Also, loss of masculinity could be it. But I’m leaning more towards guilty conscience

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Just be sensitive to his needs about the money my boss loves it he works but his wife makes more they’re okay with it I know a lot of females that make more money than their husband and they’re very happy

Sounds like he’s insecure about himself. Just continue to reassure him

Hes insecure. Have a date night with him just the two of you and talk it out.

He seams very, very insecure about you making way more money then you. I can guarantee you that hes not the first man to feel that way. It’s a blow to his ego / man hode. Its sounding like hes thinking that because hes the man he should be making more money.

Theres not more you can do, that I can think of.
Good luck.

I think men naturally want to be the breadwinner because most of them we’re taught to take care of their woman and family. It may naturally make him feel less masculine. That doesn’t make him bad if he does feel this way. You just both have to communicate and maybe once you get the job he sees everything is okay it might give him some comfort.

His ego has taken a hit because of the money you’re making. Men are naturally providers and protectors. I know you meant well but saying things like I’ll pay everything and you can save your money for fun stuff will only feed his fears. Honestly you need to let him keep the role of provider if you want to try to get his fears to subside. Let him pay the Bill’s, or most of them and just pick up the slack so to speak when necessary.

It sounds to me like he’s having insecurity issues, if every thing else is good it could be because he believes that a man should support a woman and kids and now your going to be making lots of money, my advice is to sit down with him and do a combined income budget and talk about what you both want for the future.( any major purchases, long term goals, saving for kids collage, talk about retirement goals ect, hopefully if you talk about the future with him it will ease his mind) and quit talking about when you make more your going to spoil him, you can pay all the bills your sending a message without realizing it that you don’t need him

He might be doing something himself. To make him paranoid…

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Well I hope and pray that I’m wrong but it’s a sign that he might be cheating? Have you ever though about having some therapy maybe he has a problem with insercuity? But you really need to find out.

You really just have a heart to heart with him and get to the bottom of this

He sounds immature, insecure, and threatened by your new sucess and status
Those are the men that are most likely to cheat so they can feel more MAN than they feel with you
You cant spend 24/7 reassuring him that you arent going to leave him. In fact, if he keeps it up he will be sealing .his own destiny in a way. You might be able to survive for years hearing that day in and day out
But believe me, u won’t want to hear that FOREVER and it will one day be the reason u Do leave him!

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He should know…and maybe you should too…the longer and harder he pushes the subject…the greater the chance that someday…you will leave…because you got pushed away too long…

He may be feeling insecure about you making more money than him? This may make him feel inadequate. Just keep reassuring him and it wouldn’t hurt to express that you don’t like when he says these things to you; let him know that it really bothers you.

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I dont think he cheating. A lot of men were raised to be the bread winner. It’s a hard pill to swallow for them sometimes. His role is changing… he will be dependent on you… just reassure him. Maybe some day nights… itll get better

His mind is playing tricks on him,he,d probably seen that happen to other ppl and think u,ll do the same.if i could speak to him i,d say bro enjoy your blessings and treat your wife good.u know how.many men wish they have a wife like u

He’s doing something he feels you will leave him if you found out about,

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I’d sit down and have a conversation with him about why he feels that way…if its guilt or insecurity…

Just keep reassuring him that your not going to leave. Also this is me being cautious here be careful because it could easily lead to financial abuse. That is me being cautious tho

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I would ask him to go to counseling. Cover all potential issues.

Ask him if he is saving up so he can leave you.

Sometimes women and men both get this way when something big in their spouses life happens. Like a new job etc. Also, I’m sure now that your making more money than him it’s hitting his ego a little. Just keep reassuring him, support him, and keep loving him the way you do. Sometimes people hit a low in their life, and it happens. We’re not all perfect.

Perhaps he is worried that you will find out something he did and you will leave him.

I make more money than my husband as well and have two kids together. We sat down and wrote down our finances together, have a joint acct so our direct deposit goes in that acct and we said how my paycheck is going to pay for everything, bills, needs, and wants, and our indiv accts fo ourselves. His whole paycheck will go into our family savings and keep building that way for whatever we decide to use the money after it’s all saved. We both have a sense of security about each because of our plan and goals in life and it’s written down and posted on my board in our room. I think because of the self care that you probably NOW have time for is just making his self conscious… I would to if it was random to me… (due to past history though)
But doing this has been really great for us, esp because we’re very communicative in our finances and purchases which plays a big role…