So I am really having issues with my mother in law. My husband and I have married for almost 11 years. I have never really gotten along with my mother in law. I have more so tolerated her for the past few years because she’s done some really terrible things to me. She once was someone I thought I could confide in or talk to about little things turned into her writing me a 4 page nasty hate letter about how terrible of a person, mother & wife I am and how she hopes I never walk the earth again to telling her parents how she’s not going to do anything but pray for my death. And after all this happened my husband never said anything to her about it. I do not trust her at all. I am nice to her because her and my husband and finally mending their relationship and I don’t want to be the person to come between them or be “that” wife that makes someone choose between myself and their mom. I’ve heard the whole “people change thing” way more times than I can count. But she proved she hasnt by writing her sister a nasty hate letter not too long ago. So no, I dont think she has changed. I guess my problem is with my husband treating her better than he does me sometimes because she decided to waltz in and throw some money around and nice things. For example, he doesn’t take the initiative to help me with things unless I go from 0-100 but will turn around and baby his mother and wont let her carry pretty much anything. Or we went out for breakfast and the food tore my stomach up and he turns around in the car to his mom and says “are you ok? what’s wrong?” because she wasn’t talking and then looks dead at me and goes “why are you so angry? you look pissed off”. I’m not sure if he is just that comfortable with me to be able to show that crappy attitude or if he just genuinely doesn’t care how I feel. How do I go about bringing up this up in a conversation without him feeling like I’m attacking him? I know he will get defensive about her but I am tired of feeling like a 3rd wheel when she comes to visit and dealing with this crap all on my own.