For starters what is she saying because being straight up disrespectful should not be tolerated my four year old is sassy but she knows what lines to cross and she knows if she does she better correct here self quick or she’s getting popped if you teach them young you’ll hardly ever have to whoop them when they’re older if at all cause they know you mean business I’m this way cause I’m not gonna be dealing with this from her when she’s older it’s never too late to start though whoop her ass or smack her in the mouth the next time she gets real disrespectful your her mother and she needs to act like it if not you are going to have an unruly teen on your hands if you think it’s bad now
She sees the way you get treated, hence, the quality of treatment with you from other people in the house needs betterment. Also, have the dad talk to her one on one about it and see what she has to say.
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Sometimes punishing our kids for their behaviour punished us too and yes it sucks but it’s the only way to get through 
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She is hearing that kind of talk from somewhere! It’s hard to stop if that talk is the norm in your home.
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Sorry but I as a parent *I wouldn’t have been the one walking off from basketball - at least not alone - she would have been made to leave basketball for disrespectful behavior - even if she was carried/ dragged back to the car kicking & screaming !! It’s ok to embarrass/ discipline her in front of peers/ strangers for bad behavior !! Stop tolerating disrespect from a child - nip it in bud now or it’ll be h€lk through her teenage years !! No basketball for you young lady - disrespectful words & attitude means no play time - sit in your damn room - no TV or other electronics … When she’s ready to apologize & mean it she *might get a privilege back - until then - sorry you forgot I’m the parent & will be treated with respect !!
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You are going to have to set some rules, boundaries and stick to them. When a rule is broken, there had to be consequences. If taking away her gaming device doesn’t do it, take her phone too. Once she sees you mean business, she will get it together.
Talk to her instead of punishing her for it. See why she’s saying those things and address it from there. Is she feeling frustrated by other things going on in her life/household(s), has something happened to her that she’s suffering from and unable to communicate about? All these people immediately going to “give her a taste of her own medicine,” or “take everything away, or (and this one is appalling imo), “hit her, she’ll learn.” None of that nonsense is going to solve the actual problem, and will probably make her even more disrespectful and mean. How kind would you want to be to someone who yelled or took things or hit you?
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Stop enabling her
Let her know you mean Business !!! I know you cannot put your hands on her , because she might have you arrested .
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My family has always put pepper or a DAB of hot sauce everytime any of us said bad things. Vinegar works too…anything that they don’t like works. you have to be consistent with it.
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My kids learned by getting a pop in the mouth, not a punch or anything just a quick little backhand.
With my niece, I spoke to her the same way she did and then had a conversation above it how she’s not the only one with feelings. Do it now, terror teen years are approaching. Stay blessed
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Read love and logic parenting books. They have the best advice
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Well she could b hormonal, ot happens. Try spending 1 on 1 time with her. U have other kids right??? She may feel like she’s being lost in the shuffle? If either if these are it punishing her is going to make everything worse.
If she’s like that at 10, wait til she’s 16 
I wouldn’t do absolutely anything fun with her, and she wouldn’t have 1 electronic (not even a tv) until she learns how to have respect for ppl
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Oh Holy wow is all i can say iv never heard of a dr recommnding to ignore bad behavior it has to be delt with the moment it happens for instance if she were to do that at a game have the coach bench her or take her home immediately and ground her to her room no electronics at all until she apologizes and explains to u why she got that punishment and why it’s wrong to act that way do not let friends stay over or her stay anywhere until this behavior changes if her father is in her life i would also talk to him have him tell her it is not ok to treat u that way u have to deal with this now or u will have no control at all when she gets older she will walk all over u and treat u like a doormat u have to make rules and strictly enforce them till she stops good luck hon
Maybe she’s coming into her first period. Hope you hav talked to her about that.
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The reason why kids are like that in present times…is because we coddle them and hope they learn through talking about it. Have her hold a bar of soap in her mouth for 3 minutes every time she talks back. If you aren’t willing to go a little extra to correct your child’s behavior, you better hope for the best and get her bail money ready for later on in life.
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Get right down in front of her at eye level and speak real softly when she’s not having a moment “mommy loves you let’s be kinder to eachother” or something along those lines. My 9 yr old can get pretty rude but I find when i catch her before it starts she hears me more. Also consistency with everything. If you do this then the consequence is that…and stick with it. I’m still trying to figure out which constant works best 
Show her what a food pantry/homeless shelter looks like. She’s thinking she’s entitled to having things and a roof over her head. Show her that those things are a privilege and that you don’t have to give them to her.
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Definitely reflect and see where she learns those things from. Monkey see monkey do. She may feel neglected in some area or a need of hers is not being met. She’s old enough to know something is bothering her but that doesn’t mean she has the communication tools to talk it out with you. Using hot sauce, vinegar or “putting your foot down” doesn’t do anything other than let her know you are ignoring her cry for help and only paying attention to the behavior. We act out when we don’t feel seen or heard. Ask her questions WITHOUT JUDGEMENT and LET her feel things how ever she feels them. Once you can see what the problem actually is then you can help her with the correct communication tools. Be open to the fact that you might be neglecting an emotional need and be open to being wrong. It’s not always that they are just bad kids , just kids begging for help the only way they know how.
Stop doing things for her. Until she shows respect don’t do anything for her. Going on a day trip. Find someone to watch her. Still being disrespectful do not include her in anything. My kids were afraid of me. Or send her to day camp.
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Ignore her. When she is rude, or smart alec, just totally treat her like she is invisible. Do not look at her, do not respond to her, do not react. She wants attention and your giving it at the wrong time.
“I try not to be too hard on her” is the first problem. I do not care how great she is at school, etc. if she’s talking to you like you aren’t worth the dirt on her shoes that’s not okay. Sounds like she needs strict discipline and parents who follow through with it.
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Start tracking her moods if she hasn’t started her period. Id remind my daughter that she would be starting next week so be aware of you attitude. May wanna take her to a shelter type volunteer palce to appreciate what she has.
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Make good use of this. Your child needs it more than your pants.
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Mama is often the safe place to land…which can often mean it’s where we let our “uglies” out. Your her connection, her lifeline her unconditional love. She might need some one on one with just you. It’s a thought
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Ground her ass. Room, bathroom, and kitchen for meals only. No toys or electronics, just basic needs, food, clothes, a bed, and books. Don’t cave. Everything else is a privilege, piss poor behavior does deserve privileges.
You allow it, that’s why she does it. Hunny if you don’t get a handle now, when she gets older. Goodness be bad, I wonder if you record her behavior let her see. Maybe that help,
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My honest advice is to smack her and get right in her face and tell her never to talk to you like that again. It is harsh but hopefully it will stop then.
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I searched up this move but chose this one so that everybody can laugh at homeboy not knowing how to properly do it LOL
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Clearly she is the one in charge. Perhaps her step-dad needs to stand up a bit more, as in “you may not talk to my wife like that!”
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Pop that 10 yr old in the mouth with the palm of your hand. You’ll actually hit the chin bone. It don’t hurt it startles them and let’s them know that messed up.
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I have a 11 year old… Yes it might be hormonal but don’t allow it now because when she is in her teens it’s a different level!! I’ve always told my kids they don’t have to like me but they sure will respect me! I did spank my kids when they were growing up and I tell them now your older but if your not listening I will spank you and usually they realize “Oh mom is serious” and at that point listen to what I have to say and I give them my expectations and reasoning…
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Fix it now before the teen years come!
Smack her in her mouth. Right now you’re showing her that she’s the boss. Just because she has good grades while schools in session doesn’t mean she gets to do a damn thing if she doesn’t fix that mouth.
For the love of God don’t hit your kid, why do people think abuse is ok. And yes spanking is abusing.
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I’d have snatched her up and home we go. That said, she is comfortable with you. She trusts you,even if you don’t feel that way.
Making it stop means being her parent. Sometimes you have to be their mirror. Show them how they’re behaving. Don’t rule out therapy. Also, have her step dad talk to her.
Set YOUR rules and boundaries. Keep them. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re stressed. Follow thru. I changed the wifi password and wouldn’t give it to them until they calmed their tween behinds down. Whatever you decide, at should hurt. Not physically, but it should make a point. So, instead of taking the devices for a day, make it 2 weeks. (And take them all, not just one) Stop playing her game and make her play yours. Be the adult. She’s going into “power struggle years”. Be firm but don’t cave bc she knows if you do, you always will.
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This is the perfect example of why you must “put the fear of God” in your child starting when they are very young.
My mother spanked me once in my life when I was about 5. I sassed her and she didn’t like it. So she popped me and I remember it to this day. But what it did was give me respect for her. So from that point forward all she had to do was give me a look and I straightened right up.
I did the same for my daughter when she was young. Now at 13 she knows when I say,”adjust your attitude” that if she doesn’t she’s grounded. And it works like a charm.
I would suggest major grounding each time she sasses you or talks down to you.
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Dominic Thieme I didnt write this. Lol
I dropped my kid off for two straight weeks at a sleep over camp when she returned from a month long visit with her dad, my ex. She understood she was being sent off to camp because I was done with her attitude. I wasn’t mean, it was a horse camp in the mountains with riding every day. I also sent her care packages during her imposed vacay. When she returned, her attitude was completely changed. I can’t give you any real tips except that, if her step dad isn’t willing to help correct her lack of respect towards you, the battle is only going to continue.
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Sadly she’s becoming a teenager and this is their attitude but honestly maybe sit her down and have a heart to heart who knows maybe she’s going through something personal? maybe being bullied in school?. Or she’s crying out for some one on one time maybe take her to get her nails done or spa day or cinema. Reaching adolescence is very very tough they go through so many changes with their bodies and hormones try be the understanding parent but also have some level of control as in rules and boundaries.
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I got my behind spanked. And I learned respect.
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Omg some of the advice on this page, goodness! Reading through these comments it’s no wonder why we have a bunch of angry heartless adults. Wow.
Have you sat down to talk with her in a moment of calmness? I feel like there is more to this story thats not included. Love and logic is a wonderful place to start with strong willed spirited or difficult to raise children. Do not match her energy and do not stoop to her level. Calmly correct her. One piece of info we get from love and logic is to respond to everything from a viewpoint of understanding (with empathy) and firm enforceable statements. Then you consistently follow that with the logical/natural consequences of her choices. Remember, she’s learning how to deal with life’s difficulties by the behavior you model. Please join the love and logic page and buy the book and read it as it’s been a wonderful resource for me.
On another note, Have you asked her why she responds this way? Children who respond this way are usually angry at something. We know anger is just sadness in disguise. What else is going on in her life? Does she have any underlying physical or mental health issues. I notice u mentioned step parents, family dynamics can affect children too. So in a calm moment, talk with her and actually try to figure out why she’s so angry when she responds to you. Listen to her heart. It’s possible she may not know, in that case try some counseling and maybe they can help you get to the root cause. Responding to and punishing her behavior is just dealing with the symptom and not the true problem. It takes a collaborative approach of talking and giving consequences while you dig into figuring out possible reasons why she’s acting this way.
Lastly, As a creative consequence to her negative behavior I would tell her ‘I take children to play basketball (etc) that are respectful with their words. Then find a sitter and make her stay home. It’s an approach that allows her to face the consequences of her choices without punishing the whole family. If she gets allowance make her pay for it or do extra chores. Whatever you do keep your cool when dealing with her. Most importantly all of this will only work if you are consistent. That is truly the key to whatever you decide. Hope this helps!
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Pull her out of basketball! Or whatever she is into !Other wise your just raising another disrespectful BRAT!
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In my home fuck around find out is the motto I have three boys. You need to discipline her. Take stuff away, make her do yard work. You are the parent
If you let them disrespect you they will grow up not respecting anybody I know they say you can’t spank a child anymore I spanked all of mine and they’re all very respectful spare the rod spoil the child. I do have a couple of grandchildren it’s the other way around. she needs to be punished when she treats you like that spanking or whatever do not let her get away with it.
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Take away all privileges…Everything in her room comes out. Leave her bed…7 outfits. Everything else she has to earn. Don’t get soft with her or she’ll play you. Stay strong…
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I ignored mine when he went through that. Ignoring is hard to do… but it works. Bc then they start to wonder why they aren’t bothering you.
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Have you tried sitting down with her and talking to her, that you love her, you’re proud of her, you are not the enemy, it upsets you to fall out with her? Spend time doing nice things together. Use more carrot and less stick? People saying smack her in the face or beat her with a belt!! Dear Lord! What’s wrong with people? 
Boundaries and consequences yes, but try to get to the bottom of why.
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Take everything away until she has 2-3 outfits to wear, a book to read, and a mattress (on the floor, no bed)with sheets that she sleeps on. She’ll learn or do without.
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Make her stand outside with a sign around her neck and say I’m disrespectful to my mother I have to stand here for an hour and let people read my sign
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Take her to help at volunteer work like shelters once a week… so she could see how fortunate she is to have the things she has. Maybe it’ll teach her something?
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Mom would have made a great boxer she could reach across the room smack or smart mouth. We learn’t respect the hard way. Still love for teaching respect.
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Therapy can help you and her. I recommend having an individual therapist first snd then try working together at the therapist office
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Why do you let your 10 year old act like this??? Start being a parent!!!
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I would say slap the smart out of her but that’s frowned on so put in in her room and take everything out of it but bed and clothes and let her stew as your day and anyone else in the family goes as normal!! Let her know why she is there and her disrespect to you creates consequences and to bring her life happiness is to make you happy by good conduct and parental respect!! Its up to her attitude how long!!
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How be and who is he imitating and you are the parent. Respect comes from not allowing anyone and I mean anyone talk down to you. You are valuable and have worth. Stop allowing it.
It might be too late for 10. But I always gave my kids a flick in the mouth. Or a thump on the lip for smart remarks. Or back talk.
I used soap 1 time. Never had to do that again.
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I am one of them “old school” mommas and when my 11 y.o. son tried that with me, well let’s just say “Madea” showed up and lost her dang mind! YOU are the PARENT and SHE is the CHILD. If she sees and hears someone else treating you like this, and you are allowing it to continue, she will think it is alright.
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You are the parent. Period. You listen or you can write a short essay about why you should listen and the consequences if you don’t. You can lose privileges, like phone, games. Lay down the rules, mean it, follow through.
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Who is the parent and who is the child? Parents give in to their children from a young age, oh it’s cute and funny. Then when the child gets out of hand, parent wants to know why it’s happening. Seems a classic case of tail wagging the dog !!
Belt. Seems to work with mine 
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They Are As They Are Made
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Scared straight!! And no I’m not a “spanker” but my child would know not to speak to me out of the side of her neck that’s for damn sure.
A bar of Irish Spring soap works wonders. It don’t take much, just a couple swipes across her teeth. And it don’t hurt them at all.
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I know this is 2022 and most parents are like “talk to them, explain how that makes you feel”… uhhh no… respect is taught at home. That’s what’s wrong with this kids today. Tippy toeing around. It wasn’t asked of me to respect my parents or others or to “earn” it from them. It was demanded. I wasn’t spanked or in my day called “whippings” alot but the few I got taught me. If I had EVER spoke to my parents or any adult with disrespect, let’s just say I knew better!! I’m 59 years old. I still say yes mam no sir to my elders. Hey!! I’m ok, no flashbacks of oh I was abused bullcrap. I’m thankful!!! Proud my parents taught me. Wish more parents now would do the same. That’s my opinion.
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Most people will be upset with me an I don’t care I’m 67 and I would pop that mouth
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Be hard on her. You’re the parent.
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I got to sit for 5 minutes with a bar of soap in my mouth if I disrespected my mother. After a few times I straightened my sh*t right up! Also, are you still giving in to her wants when she does this ie; buying her items she wants, using phone, tv, taking her out for ice cream, playing with friends etc… if so you need to stop letting her do or have those things. Good luck to you.
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Is she actually “talking down” to you or simply having an educated difference of opinion and you aren’t liking that? More info needed for sure… if YOU feel defeated and inferior to a 10 year old, it kinda sounds like a YOU problem
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I have a 5 yr old so the age gap of my daughter vs yours is quite big. My daughter can get an attitude tho and when that happens I try not to snap. I sit her down and explain how rude it is and ask if she’d want me speaking to her that way💁🏼♀️ I’m sure you’ve done just that many times with your daughter to. My suggestion is attending a session or two of therapy/counseling, it could really help you both see what’s actually going on and why.
My mom would have smacked me in the mouth. Over the years, each of my children earned one (i have 3 children), and that’s all it took. One smack nipped it in the bud quickly.
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Be stern but caring first sit down explain you are a person also and have feelings but first and foremost her mother and you wont tolerate disrespect. Ask her why she feels the behaviour is okay and what she can do in the future to avoid it . & after that if it continues wash her mouth out 
or a old school grounding be stern and dont crack no friends no phones t.v or toys just books loool
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Sounds like it’s by choice bop her in her mouth one time she won’t do it again
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Spank her and take her with y’all but make her sit…. Sit out and watch y’all enjoy your summer while she’s alone wondering why she’s a little shit head ti you
Nothing like a good back hand to nip that ish in the bud. Thank me later.
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First of all… it doesn’t say anything about a bio father in the picture. Regardless, could this be part of the issue? Or is it because she’s spoiled? Just from personal experience, if this isn’t nipped in the butt now, by the time she’s in middle school-high school, it will get 100x worse and those once straight As will turn into mostly Cs-Fs with maybe an occasional A or B here and there… nip it and nip it quick!
Have her write sentences, an apology letter to u, etc and no fun or anything til it’s done!
Or stand her in a corner for a while. Or find something that she HATES… like take away all electronics and fun and make her sit on the floor (not comfortable furniture) out where she’s visible… don’t let her run off to room to take a nap or do whatever out of your sight. You’ve gotta get very creative and FOLLOW THRU
Lord—look at all these “educated, fully mentally developed adults” immediately turning to physical violence because they don’t know how to have an educated conversation or make a point. Whew…what a kick in the ass to all the strides we’ve supposedly made and evolution😂 People being driven to blind violence by a ten year old child…mercy
If I talked back to my mom, woah boy, that wooden spoon would materialize out of no where and come down on me so hard. I got spanked, I got the bar of soap in my mouth and I’ve got no past trauma from that. My mom would take everything I loved out of my room, leave me my mattress and bed sheets and take the door off the hinges. This “gentle parenting” shit is making a fuck load of future entitled kids. YOU are the PARENT, SHE is the CHILD! You take control by any means necessary! Get her into therapy and find the root of the problem! This isn’t something that just happens overnight. Does her friends act this way towards their parents? Is she copying them? I know I tried to copy my friends attitude once to my mom and I got that backhand faster than you can blink.
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Aaah… the lovely terrors of tween… hormone poisoning, etc. Good luck. First… every time she’s “sassy” or disrespectful make her wash the floors. On her knees with a brush & bucket. Dusting, vacuuming, etc. It may not make her respectful, but your house will be so clean !!! This actually worked for me.
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My mom popped me in the mouth… not hard, not abuse, just enough to let me know I’ve crossed the line… as a mother, I now understand and have the utmost respect for the woman. No mother should be talked down to by the person she brought into this world. Tell your child you will not be talked to that way and if it happens again you’re going to pop them in the mouth!
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We are having this issue with an 8 year old. Parenting plan states no corporal punishment, which includes an open hand across the butt. Otherwise he would be getting spankings. I got them and I turned out just fine, lol. Following to see what others say.
Introduce her to your back hand…problem solved
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She can see it upsets you. She has the power and seems to enjoy using it. Don’t let her. Don’t react to her crap. She obv doesn’t care if u take things away coz she still an arse, she can still talk crap to you. Stop reacting. Ignore and walk away and make a cuppa. Read a magazine. It will be hard, but ignore. Show her, her words don’t effect you anymore. She can talk to you when she is ready to stop being an egg.
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All the parents in this comments suggesting you physically harm your child is insane
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Soap in the mouth , no phone, bedroom door off the hinges
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So maybe get her some therapy, I feel maybe it’s resentment. Think back to some shit you might’ve said or done that might’ve stuck with her. Maybe somethin is going on or happening that she isn’t talking to you about, or maybe she is just having moods and you aren’t being supportive. Either way ‘punishing’ her isn’t helping obviously so go to in a different approach, with positivity and support. Extra chores aren’t going to do anything except make her resent you. Maybe it’s not disrespect but just different opinion and you don’t like being challenged as an authority figure but those kids who challenge authority figures and don’t just give respect out unearned are the ones who have a big voice and will later be useful.
Or use a point system, positive behavior earn points/ treat, negative gets points taken away. No treat
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Sit and have an actual conversation with the kid and see what is going on behind the behavior. What is she struggling with that needs addressed?
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Her behavior will only get worse if you don’t stop it now. Take away every electronic including phone and television. Until a time she is consistently kind and then she can slowly earn them back. Tell her they can permanently be taken if she continues.
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My son 9 has been doing this a lot.
I stop doing things for him when he’s hateful 
Sunday morning we needed to go grocery shopping. We got everyone up. I said oldests name…i was going to tell him hey we’re gonna be leaving soon and to get breakfast.
He screamed at me.
I told him never mind.
Then in the car he was complaining about not getting breakfast.
I told him well I was going to remind you but you screamed at me.
I’m so over the attitude.
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Smack her mouth she will learn. That’s the problem with kids. They have no fear of doing wrong things
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I mirror my 8 year olds behavior. She’s rude or makes smart Alec responses to me I do it right back. She doesn’t like it so she stops right away. I also just ignore her until she acts properly. Or next time she wants to do something fun it’s a flat out no until the behavior is changed. She went for a month without doing anything fun and it all stopped after she noticed that she wasn’t being allowed to do anything anymore because of her behavior
If you were pissed at someone and were being disrespectful to them how would you want to be treated?
If that person took away your stuff or hit you (as an appalling number of people are suggesting you do) would that make you respect them more?
She’s entering puberty, she probably has a lot of emotions that she doesn’t know how to deal with. She takes it out on you because she feels safe to do so, because she knows you’ll still love her.
Ask her what’s going on. Maybe go on a mum and daughter date and ask why she feels so out of control.
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We’d have got slapped in the mouth, belt or switch across the but. Still living and respectful and not in jail or prison
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Smack her ass a few times bet she will learn real quick
Bye bye basketball next game…take charge and show her who runs the show…I wouldn’t put up with it…if we had to sit at home all summer and do nothing…
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I know I would be in jail, I can’t handle a child talking back to and adult…
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Ask her what’s going on and tell her you love her and that you don’t appreciate it her being rude to you. Express your love for her and that she can tell you anything.
If talking doesn’t work, smack her mouth.
I was like this best thing my dad did to me was stop being so nice back. He won’t into my room and took everything but the bed a pillow the blanket and a few clothes that I would need basically just left what I needed everything eles was a  privilege and little at a time he would give small things back to me when I acted appropriately if I didn’t he would take it back. And make me write an apology letter to him and read it out loud. Stop coddling and start getting your respect from your kids or it won’t stop if you don’t and will only get worse as they get older and they will believe they will get away with anything and everything they want because mom don’t have the guts basically. It’s how my little sister is because she was coddled and didn’t have any problems with showing it off especially the attitude.
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