Omg this is exactly my 12 year old daughter. As a mom it breaks our heart knowing that our daughter is lonely. We as a parent need to look closely how they behave. We need to talk to them alot about it. Make sure she is happy. I talk to her time to time telling her that its ok not to have friends just try your best not to feel lonely. I told my daughter to meditate which helps alot with these kind of issues. Even it doesnāt bother them just in case. I even got her phone with plenty of data so she can use during lunch time to kill time. Unfortunately her school doesnāt allow phones in school. I myself went thru not having friends in high school and because of it I dropped out of high school. I told her how my career was ruined just because I didnāt have friends. I made her understand that friends are not that important and there are even people without friends are happier than people who have friends. It good to have friends but also not bad to not have friends.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 10 year old daughter doesn't have friends, will she be okay? - Mamas Uncut
My daughter is the same way for the most part. She has one friend and thatās about it. They donāt hang out really, but are great friends. Sheās happy, sweet as can be, but sheās just a loner. Kids donāt really go to friends houses anymore, I donāt think.
As an adult who has plenty of friends and socializes often, I will say some of us prefer to be alone outside of social settings As long as it doesnāt bother your daughter, I wouldnāt worry too much.
My baby is the same. Sheās happy to have her own space most the time once she is done with school and running. There is one occasional friend that will come over but thatās once or twice a month
I was that child. Sheās an introvert. Itās ok. Sheās happy. If sheās not. Sheāll tell you. Build a mom and daughter time to talk. That way you know sheās good. Maybe find a hobby. Reading or knitting or cooking. Warn her of people who use otherās. Especially if she has such a giving heart. Teach her to write in a journal. Help her find an interest. God bless.
She just hasnāt found that one true friend yet. My 10yr old has 2 friends at school. The other girls tell her she cant play or be friends with them because she isnāt popular. I told her then those are not girls that you should be friends with. You kinda have to be picky who are your friends are.
Sheāll be okay. I didnāt have friends either. I was a loner, so was my hubby & we are comfortable not having friends. Itās really not a train smash
Are there children that she has expressed an interest to hang out with? If so, has she asked them to hang out? Maybe she could ask them instead of waiting to be asked.
Itās hard to know. If she seems contentā¦maybe gently find a way to ask herā¦ I really didnāt care to socialize with many. Didnāt like busyā¦or gossipy giggly stuff. It just was my nature to have a very few friendsā¦and didnāt really care to do outside social thingsā¦ Some are very content with not being a socialite.
Try to get her into some kind of team sport or team of anything
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 10 year old daughter doesn't have friends, will she be okay? - Mamas Uncut
Sheās still young and times have changed. Honestly when my kids are older they are 8 and 5 right now I donāt think I would allow them to go over to friends houses unless I actually knew the parents on a friendship level. Itās not like when we were little you canāt trust anyone these days at itās sad. Maybe if you have friends with kids invite them over to hangout and see how she responds
Make sure she falls in love with herself, that she never has to doubt who she is.
I was like that and for a while I had a hard time as I later didnāt fit into people ideals
But I am embracing myself more and more I donāt look like/act like others but Iām me
Forging my own path
I was this way, but I enjoyed it and craved my peace. Im still this way. Not many friends, maybe 3 real friends that I talk to. You could try a play date and see if she enjoys it, but if it doesnāt bother her that may just be how she is mama. My 12 year old plays basketball and has friends at school but she doesnāt hangout, she enjoys being alone.
Why feel bad for her if sheās happy and healthyā¦ sounds like youāre projecting.
I wouldnāt worry about her right now. From what you said it seems sheās involved in sports so she participating in something with others. You said she has acquaintances and socializes well,Iām no sure why youāre concerned. Just because sheās not going over to her friends or doing sleepovers etc doesnāt mean she has a problem. Just let her be herselfā¦sheāll know when she wants to change that stuff. I know a young lady that was the same way at that ageā¦nothing wrong with her waiting until sheās comfortable. Nobody wants to be forced to ālikeā people or be made to feel guilty for not hanging out etc like others. Let her just be a happy little 10 year old.
Do you coordinate play dates, birthday parties and connections with other moms & kids?
Thats just her personality. Not everyone needs to be surrounded by people to be happy.
She be just fine and soon youāll wish those frikkin friends were gone!
Two grown! I promise
I was like that. Made my first (and basically only)friend at 13 and we were friends till I was 23-24? Iām 29.
My daughter is the same. Girls are different now. They arenāt loyal and donāt invest the time we did with our BFFs in the 90s. And this goes somewhat for my daughter too. I have encouraged her to put effort into creating and maintaining friendships. There is value in have a good girl tribe. But everything is a competition now. She has girls she will do things with but not the bffs always at the house etcā¦ just strange to me.
If she is unbothered I wouldnāt worry.
Involvement in extra curricular activities can sometimes promote friendships and provide an opportunity to meet different girls then just school.
Good luck
Not to be a Debbie downer, but Iāve came to realize with my daughter and her āfriendsā the ones who seems sweet and nice are usually not.
But your daughter will be fine. I would suggest a club of some sort 4h girl scoutsā¦
My daughter is 12. He had 2 best friends when she was 10. They were both dramatic and always mad about something. After a year and a half of all that she cut them off. She said she doesnāt want no part of that. Lol. She hangs out at home and is content. She sees other people at school with the drama etc and cut it off.
She sounds like a great kid. My daughter would rather be home with me also and sheās 13. She has friends and goes out but prefers being home. I donāt see anything wrong with that at all. If you spend time together thatās all she needs. I always make time for my daughter on the weekends. Sounds like your daughter is doing just fineā¤ļø
Honestly she sounds introverted. Which isnāt bad at all, just means she doesnāt have to have as many interactions with other people to be happy or feel validated. Ask her how she feels, without making her feel that she is not normal for it. Has she expressed herself that she would like to have more friends around or to be invited places? If not she is probably A-OK with her current social situation.
If she is OK with it, Iād say itās fine. I have 6 almost grown children. Some were into friends, some werenāt. They all different. Some just prefer to play alone. As long as you arenāt seeing signs of depression and keep communication open. Itās fine and nothing is wrong.
She sounds perfectly content just the way she is, my daughter is now 32, she was very similar to your daughter at that age, my granddaughter is 7, there arenāt any children her age in our neighborhood to play with, but she always talks about her lil bffs in school , she socialized there and at her ballet class, it isnāt like the old days where kids were allowed to just go over to a school friends house ,IMO yours is just fine and not to mention " safeā in her own home living her best lifeš
She might just be an introvert. My daughter has friends but doesnt want to be woth them all the time. She enjoys being home.
Does she tell you she wishes she had friends to hang out with or that she feels excluded? Maybe sheās content being alone or is mature enough to know she doesnāt want to see any of those kids in her home or outside of school? Sheās very young still. My son was always the āannoyingā one. Heād hang out with the teachers or security guard during lunch. He talked a lot about anything and the adults were more polite than the kids. He has Aspergers. Before he was diagnosed, he cried about how alone he felt. I will never forget how deep I felt his pain. I took him to a 13 week social class. They teach kids social techniques and how to pick up on social cues. For 5 weeks I felt it was not working. I was going to drop the program that last week but it happened to be the weekend of my family reunion at the park. I watched as my son had the courage to ask to play in the soccer game, talk to his cousins and was just, social! Heās gone twice more and now he doesnāt have a problem talking to other kids. They have those same classes for typical kids not on the spectrum. If your daughter does not see anything wrong with not having kids to hang out, donāt bring it up. She might truly be ok. What you can do is talk to two or three parents of kids she is friends with at school and take them to dinner and a movie. See how she feels hanging out. Donāt invite them to your house as she may feel pressured to entertain them. Just my two cents. Good luck.
My daughter has spent every weekend with a friend since 2nd grade. But both of my boys really prefer quiet weekends with our family. They have friends but prefer to spend time with them on a very limited basis. I was concerned at first as it was such a stark contrast to my social butterfly daughter but itās just their personality. Itās totally normal.
Have her ask friends over. Itās a hard age for kids. Usually the parents have to start and encourage them to ask friends to do things
I have a 13 year old that is the same way! She is a straight A studentā¦ plays school sports as well as travel soccerā¦ all the teachers love herā¦ she is very well known around schoolā¦ but she doesnāt have any friends that invite her over or that she invites overā¦ the friends that she says she does have are boy crazyā¦ and are jealous of herā¦ talk behind her backā¦ make comments on their groups chatsā¦ etc! I just tell her to be true to herselfā¦ donāt change who she is for them!! She is a good girlsā¦ smartā¦ athletically talentedā¦ prettyā¦ wonderful personalityā¦ she has it all! I donāt worry much about itā¦ but I do feel bad for her at times!! Just let your daughter be who she is! She will come to realize who her real friends are!!
If sheās only 10 sheāll be starting secondary school soon. Sheāll be going from a class of 30 to a year group of at least 150 kids. She may find friends that suit her more and have similar interests
Youāre lucky. āFriendsā can be a nightmare.
It doesnāt hurt to just have an open conversation with her about it. On one side it could be bothering her a bit. On the other side she could honestly just enjoy the time to herself (I had a few years where I was like this. Just had enough social interaction other places and liked to be on my own when I had the option to) you never know unless you ask
I never went out on weekends had friends school landlined them twice a week by choice. But I enjoyed being home with my grandparents Iāve never been for gossip or drama. Sheās just fine doing what sheās going she just may enjoy being home
There is nothing wrong with being introverted. If shes happy being alone, dont worry. Encourage her to do what makes her happy. The world makes us think that to be happy and successful we must be extroverted, play team sports, have lots of friendsā¦ Its just not true and can cause huge stress on introverts. Let her be!
Sometimes a mom can be the best friend you ever hoped for. Take this opportunity to be her friend, shes at the age where shes going to really need that on ābest friendā and I donāt care what anyone says about it, but if your daughter can establish that friendship outside the home, it is okay for you to provide that for her. Spend extra time with her and do fu. friendly things with her. You can also be in her social support network. You can know things about her and talk to her about tougg things shes going through better than a feiend her age ever could. It might make her seem awkward for a time, but as shes grows it will do her well.
Maybe she also needs a little help and guidance in making friends through example. Have some friends over and let her hang out too, in an appropriate fashion.
There isnt anything wrong with her, for sure. But if you worries, take small gentle steps to let her experience other things and if she enjoys it, sheāll then understand how to do accomplish that in her life, in her own way.
This has been me my entire life. Still bothers me deep down.
My 11 year old daughter, as well as my 13 year old son are both this way.
I didnāt have any good friends until I was in the fifth gradeā¦ I think Iām doing alright. š¤·
My 10 year old is like this tooā¦ I donāt necessarily worry about it seeing school has only been in for a month where we live and she does have friends at school. Plus, last year she did all virtual, so it was hard for her to make friends.
Maybe find out if there are any kids she wants to be friends with and invite them to do things after school or in the weekends it will help them build a friendship one on one outside of school then as their friendship grows maybe the other parent will do the same and start inviting her over.
Thatās just the way it is with some kids. I have two daughters, one has never been asked to go anywhere and hasnāt really had anyone over except once and it was a few weekends ago & sheās 13. My other daughter has so many close friends and is always gone or always has someone over and sheās almost 10. My oldest is definitely affected by it, but we let her know sheās awesome just the way she is!
Keep in mind weāre in the āpandemicā too so when parents would encourage social hanging out- itās not really a big thing much these days anymoreā¦
My daughter is the same. She just doesnāt like people and she stays to herself except for her cousin. Iām not worried.
I was the same way. a people pleaser to keep friends. once I realized they really didnāt care about me I cut them off and havenāt had any friends in a few yearsā¦just waiting for an honest caring person to come around. teach her her value and to not give without receiving as well.
Thatās how I was growing up. I was a social bug at school but never really hung out with anyone. I just was that way. I liked to keep my personal life at home. Now at 24 I realize that stuff like that doesnāt matter and Iām okay with that. Not going to lie the only hard to do was bridesmaids at my wedding but one was my sister, my brothers girlfriend and 2 friends that really only talk to me when they need something.
Tell her to make the first move
Non of my friends ever asked to hang out outside school either. It did make me sad, but what can you do?
However the kids on my block always asked to play, and I got invited to a lot of birthday parties. So I grew up a little sad, but ok. Now I understand that because Iām autistic and ADHD that it was probably difficult to get attached to me since Iām different. So Iāve made peace with it.
Hopefully your daughter will make friends in middle and high school elementary friends donāt really stick around anyway. I have like 2 elementary friends still lol.
This is, and has always been me. It doesnāt bother me, never has, I prefer to stay away from the drama, maybe she does too there is a surprising amount of drama even at her age on schools now days
She sounds fine to me, but maybe offer to throw her a sleep over and ask her if there is anyone she would like to come. My daughter is popular at school but only hands out with her friends outside of school every once in awhile, her choice. I didnāt have many friends myself and the ones I did have honestly were just exhausting.
Thats me and there is nothing wrong with her. Shes an intrivert. I hate hanging out with people or being around people. Indo go out every now and then with my husband.
My son is like this. He is close to my 5 year old great nephew and thatās about all he has in the way of friends to play/hang out with. He wonāt participate in any other activities (sports, scouts, karate) with kids close to his age. Heās been like this since he was small (11 now). I hoped as he got older it would change. Iām still hoping it will. But Iāve also have come to accept that this is the way he is and might be for the rest of his life. Iāve tried to get my son involved in activities outside of school and home but he breaks down crying at the mention of it. I just donāt push the issue and hope that heāll do it on his own. And if not, thatās ok too.
Give her time she may find that friend she just clicks with
Leave her alone. If she hasnāt expressed this as a negative, this may be her personality. I have many acquaintances and socialize very well. But home is my sanctuary and time to be quiet.
all my sons were the same wayā¦now as grown men they have maybe 2-4 really good friends. Iāve asked my 16 and 18yr old sons if they are okay with not having many friends they both have stated they arenāt worth making friends with plus they are trouble makers and act childish and are disrespectful. Maybe your daughter feels itās best not to associate or make friendships with certain kids.
Sounds to me like you raised a girl who isnāt afraid to March to the beat of her own drum and isnāt trying to change herself to be one of the ācool kidsā.
I never had friends Iām fine lol a little crazy but all the best ones are
Some people are like thatā¦I was like that as a child and I still am. Sheās probably am introvert or even an Empath and to much socializing can drain her.
My 11 year old boy is a friend to all when out in public or social settings but he never wants to go hang out and do much outside of when heās there in the moment. He always says he rather just chill at one with me and the dogs
My granddaughter Braylea is 10 and in the same situation. Of course we do live in a very rural area so thereās no neighborhood kids her age. But I donāt think kids go to each otherās houseās and hang out like we did. People seem to stay to themselves. She does okay but I feel the same way because I grew up in a neighborhood full of kids. Today her cousins my other grandkids are over and they have been playing all day.
My daughter has just turned 10 and she is like the she prefers her own company x
She will be just fine she has the only friend she will ever truly need writing this post and it will always put her at an advantage when sheās older xx xx
Put her in dance class or something like that out of the house to give her more opportunities with socialization
If she seems happy then thereās no need to feel bad. Some people genuinely like being on their own, people can be very exhausting. But I mean tbh the people you make friends with in school rarely stay in your life.
My kids are still little, but Iām a pretty big introvert myself and I can relate to your daughter. I had at-school friends and acquaintances but didnāt really ever hang out with people, I was more than happy sitting on my own playing video games, coding, reading, etc.
I found that rather than having a whole ton of superficial friends, Iāve picked up one or two ārealā ones from each phase of life. I have 1 from HS, 2 from college, one from my first job, 2 from another job, and I met my husband at another job that neither of us ever fit in at. And all of these friends are the sort of people who are cool with only hanging out a few times a year - we keep in touch via FB. My husband also isnāt a huge socialite, he has a handful of friends that he sees once a year, even his best friend probably only pops by once every couple of months. Our family keeps us busy and happy.
Iām really only going the extra step to be social these days to benefit my children. Although I have a good life and am happy and functional, I do wish Iād had a ābest friendā type of person and I hope that my girls will have one, but I know theyāll be fine if they donāt - and your daughter will be too. Some people are just more solitary. If she isnāt concerned about it, then donāt worry yourself. Sheās dancing to the beat of her own drum rather than following the crowd and that can be a good thing
My daughter is 15 and the same way. She talks to girls at school and text with them sometimes but doesnāt ever hang out with them outside of school. She plays sports and loves being at home and spending her time with me and her horses. As long as your daughter is happy and thriving I wouldnāt worry about it as long as there are no red flags.
Iām 36 and I was this child. I still donāt have close friends. It bothers others more then it bothers me. If I need to talk to someone I always have my family and my therapist. Honestly, I am happy that I donāt have to put that time and effort into maintaining a friendship with someone. I have friends and chat with them every few months or years. But I can focus on myself and the kids.
My daughter was the same way. Never wanted friends to come spend the night but enjoyed hanging out with them at school. When she moved schools, she had one friend from her old school that would come over once in a while. After being at her new school for a couple of years she became good friends with a girl and they hung out in band and then eventually started hanging out on weekends at each otherās house. Sheās almost 15 now and just started letting another friend come over and hang out (band friends, doesnāt spend the night). She enjoys her space. Girl, I consider it a blessing because thereās so much trouble kids today are getting in. Sheāll slowly open up as she becomes more comfortable.
My son was that way but he found some really good friends when he started high school they are a couple years older than him. He has friends the same age as him now but he gets upset with them for acting immature and takes breaks from them. I think he has always just been a little mature for his age and also a very caring and sensitive guy who when younger caused kids to take advantage
I thought the same of my daughter. I was sad for her for a long time. But she hit that social point where she felt comfortable enough to interact and now sheās 14 and has several friends always asking to come over or her come over or meeting somewhereā¦ we literally cannot keep her with us at any town event lol she always runs off with a friend
My 22 yr old has never had friends that came over .he has social anxiety at 22 its hard meeting people these days.he has friends on line
I.had friends from school and scouts. I donāt have many now
My kid was the same way never really had friends she was very good at her sports and had good grades but she would always say kids her age were stupid and did stupid stuff so she would rather not have friends that her mom and her moms friends were her friends and that was more than enough now she is 20 a LPN going to school to get her RN or more hopefully and has grown up to be a successful human so sheāll be OK
I grew up this way as a young girl! I donāt remember it being as lonely from my perspective but I was super close with my family. By the time I hit middle school/high school I started forming close relationships with people and grew up just fine
I was this way as a kid both extroverted and introverted and still am. Sometimes itās nice to have some down time from socializing to recuperate for the next bit of socializing. I think I turned out fine.
Most 10 yr Olds only have cousins or school friends during school. We as a society canāt teach our children they need someone to be happy
As long as she participates and enjoys team sports or activities she has interaction ā¦.maybe have a movie night and invite a few friends over and have pizza and popcorn and see how she is and who she feels are her closest friends that she would want to invite .
My daughter didnāt make ācloseā friends until she got into college(at 16). Like someone else said, she considered most of her school mates superficial and boring. She said at 12 that she was in a hurry to get her education because she wanted to travel and visit all over the world. She quickly became very social with many long term close friends, some from other countries.
Why not explore how to be a friend? Define what is friendship? Levels of friendship. We all need tools and she may benefit from tackling this nowā¦it doesnāt get easier as kids age.
Pm me, maybe my son will be her penpal
My youngest daughter is 9 and itās the same for her. Breaks my heart. Sending hugs.
My son is like this.