my 10 year old is constantkly sneaking out my house when im not paying attention (showering, cooking dinner)…he does it after i say no (not before dinner/homework) and then slips out to our neighbors house to hang out with their daughter…her parents text me and let me know he is there and i dont care he is there but he does so in a sneaky way…how do i stop this?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 10-year-old has been sneaking out: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Put a alarm on the door
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He does it because he knows you don’t care he there completely ground him take any and all electronics from him and anything else he seems to like until he stops doing what he is doing
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Honestly as soon as the neighbors let you know he was there and he didn’t ask you to go I’d have them send him home. Set down rules and stick to them
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Warn him and when he does it again apply the paddle to the seat of understanding!!
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Consistency. . …teach him choice and actions have consequences.
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I’d have their ass send his ass back. Tf lol
Start by giving him consequences for sneaking out and not allowing him to stay there when they tell you he’s there again
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Get alarms that are meant for windows so the alarm goes off. My daughter did this. I whooped her but she was gone for hours. But this is what we did on doors and windows
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He’s already doing this at 10 
Oh this needs a major response otherwise you’ll be screwed in a few years.
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The parents need to make him walk home and confirm he asked appropriately or they tell him he’s not welcome over. It’s going to take teamwork !
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The amount of people telling you to hit your kid…… 
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As soon as they text you go and get him… Have a stern talk tell him you’ll put alarms on the doors if he can’t respect you and he’ll be grounded if he does it again.
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I would make him come right back and I would take his electronics from him, as well as not let him back out. If he kept it up then I wouldn’t let him leave the house alone until he proved he could be mature and trustworthy enough to be able to. You can find door alarms on Amazon but they are super annoying.
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I’d start by one time sending the cops to pick him up, embarrass that hind end some 
but that’s just me tho
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Go and drag his little butt back home every time
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Let them know to send him back home. He shouldn’t be there without your permission.
On the other hand is there a reason he can’t go? I see you said homework/dinner but is he still getting it done even when going over there? Is there a compromise that can be made if he is still getting his work done?
I’m seriously amazed that this is even a question. You don’t allow it that’s what you do…… you saying you don’t care that he’s there is the problem. You are allowing this behavior. Period. You aren’t creating boundaries and consequences for his actions.
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It’s because you don’t care. I’d put alarms on every door and window. If he does it again I’d take something he loves piece by piece. He’d have to earn his things back.
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Make him stay with you all the time. Like sit in the kitchen while you cook, only take showers while he’s at school, literally keep him in eye shot for a week or 2. It’ll be exhausting for sure but He’ll get real tired of that real quick. If he can’t be trusted to be alone then he won’t be alone. Act like a toddler get carried around room to room like a toddler.
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Definitely don’t let him stay there if you said no.
Please do not listen to the people who tell you to hit your kid. That will make him more sneaky and he will pull away from you. Violence towards children is not the answer. You all are twisted.
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strict parents create sneaky kids read that again
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Tell the neighbors to send his butt home!!! Tell them he’s not allowed over there anymore before a certain time….Walk yourself over there and GET HIM! I don’t understand why you wouldn’t! Embarrassing him in front of them might work…
When he gets home major consequences for him not doing what he was told! You are the parent…he’s 10!!! If all else fails…busy his butt!!!
If he’s openly defiant and disrespectful to your rules now…just wait a few years and see what happens!
If you dont care and know where he is and aren’t going to do anything about it why not let him go and tell him to be back at a certain time?
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Don’t let him stay there, even get them to send him home or go get him yourself.
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I was gonna say walk over and embarrass him too 
Kids hate that. Not in like a bad way, but to get him to understand the seriousness of asking to go over. I would walk straight over to get him, and bring his parents and their daughter out while you confront him that he didn’t ask and he has to come home because he didn’t get permission first.
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By your statement of " I don’t care he is there " says it all in just my humble opinion. I agree that her parents should be asking if you know he’s there and tell him he needs to go home. YOU need to step up and set BOUNDARIES now and/or punishments for the obvious lack of respect. Why does he feel like he needs to sneak out ? Sit down and talk to him
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Youre not enforcing any consequences when he sneaks out how else do you expect him to learn when you dont discipline him for that behavior.
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He’s not allowed to go for a week when he sneaks out once.
When he goes but “it’s ok but it’s the sneaking”…. It’s not ok. He gets picked up, and loses choice in whatever you have - video games, treats, etc.
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Lock all the doors and windows 
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….um don’t allow it ….he’s 10
Take away electronics or special privileges
If he feels like he can disrespect you at the age of 10 he’s going to be far worse by the time he is a teen
Put your foot down your the parent not him
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Well I would start with having the parents before hes even walked into the house make sure that he calls and had permission to be there to begin with if not he needs to go home
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It’s one thing to sneak out, it’s another thing to let you know. I would just tell him to let you know where he’s going and if he can’t simply do that, then start taking his s*** away.
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You PARENT !!! It should have never made it past the first time. He is doing it multiple times now because you haven’t put your foot down and parented him.
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Tell your neighbors to ask him if his mom said he could come over…. They text you and ask. If you didn’t…. They need to send him home and tell him that he can’t come over unless you approved.
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He wouldn’t sneak if you didn’t care . Ask him preemptively if he plans to go over there while you ….shower, cook, etc
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Omg 
. If he has no consequences he will keep doing it. Yes, I’ll say it loud and proud 
for the people in the back! Swat his behind and he will think twice next time. What if he sneaks out and gets abducted and abused???
Spank that butt! Better to discipline him now, than to miss him later because something terrible happened to him.
I’m a survivor of spankings from school and home and I’m doing just fine 
Tell the other parents he’s not supposed to be there and to send him home. And if he keeps doing it tell her parents he’s not allowed at their house
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Elisamuel Alyse how does this even happen.
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Sneaking out at 10 to spend time with a girl. Asking for trouble, I’ll remove his door then he can’t sneak out. Well If you don’t care, you will be a grandma soon. 10 years old is way to young
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You’re the parent, act like one. Revoke his electronics, toys, and privileges until he learns how to behave. If you don’t follow up misbehavior with consequences he’ll never learn and he’ll be on the road to worse things.
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If you can’t stop it now your going to be in trouble down the road. Tell her mother to send him straight home. Then have him go to his room
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Punishment/discipline is not the entire answer to addressing the problem. Are there needs of his not being met? Does he feel disconnected for some reason you’re unaware? Maybe it’s time to sit down and reconnect or start working on strengthening the connection with him. Make sure HE feels heard and seen.
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Your the problem with your " I Dont Care Additude "
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I would male him stay right at my side if I tell no, in eye sight I might even throw a little annoyances the whole time. After a w eek of this give him a chance, screw up you’re byny side again! 
Theres a lot of punishment in these comments. But try reinforcement methods. You have to get him to do what the rules are. SO tell him your rules for him going out and if he follows those. Reward him tangibly. But make sure your consequences are known and followed thru with.
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Wow not good next thing you know he will be sitting in a cop car
You be the boss. Take charge. Set rules and stick to them. Remember who the parent is.
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Have a cop come talk to him
Have tried parenting?
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I have an alarm installed moment any door or window opens it sounds but I’d have my kid glued my side he’d have zero electronics or toys for sneaking Out the house
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If you really want to scare him next time have a cop pick him up from the neighbors house 
cuffs and all. Take a little ride. But that’s just what I’d do
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Collaborate with your 10yr old to find a solution that will work for both of you. Set the boundary that sneaking out is not ok bc it is not a safe choice and that there will be consequences for it and then ask them if they have any ideas to help solve the problem. Google collaborative problem solving. Making a unilateral decision will only make them pull the rope harder to do the exact opposite of what you want them to do.
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So basically what you’re saying is, you pay the rent and he runs the house…
He knows you don’t care and you’re not gonna do nothing about it…
 can you imagine what the neighbors think?? That they have to text you to let you know that he’s at their house.  
You need a game plan, you need to sit down make a list of rules and consequences. 
If you feel you need a mediator somebody that works between you and your son, use a grandparent or family friend. To sit in when sitting your son down and explaining him the new rules and the new consequences, that third person can also hold you accountable to make sure you hold him accountable IF he breaks a rule. All consequences need to be written out ahead of time in detail, so he understands 100% the consequence when he breaks the rules.
And
suggestion/idea of a consequence… remove everything from his bedroom, everything except for a bed lamp and a dresser, 
All his extras his games his toys are all privileges and if he’s not gonna follow the rules he should not have privileges.
If he wants to get extra attitude he face take all his clothes away and buy him three sets of sweat pants.
If the attitude continues take the bedroom door off.
In all honesty this kid is getting away with what you allow him to get away with,
YOU need to understand you are the boss of the house and you run the house. You are not there to be his friend, you are there to raise him to be a respectable young man that can handle the world he’s going to be living in. I wasn’t one of the ones that said “this is my house or get out,” I was the one that said this is my house you’re under 18 you’re stuck with me and you will follow my rules. 🤷🏻♀️
My advice to you is what I consider gentle parenting, with my kids I would’ve just smacked that 
and they all made it to adulthood alive and me not in jail… so I take that as a win!! 
…
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Go and drag his little butt back home every single time he does it. By allowing him to stay it’s basically showing him that you’re not serious about saying no.
Remind him to tell you BEFORE he goes. And have your neighbors ask him if you told you. Then promptly send him home IF you didn’t give him permission. Mine doesn’t sneak out, but sometimes she forgets to tell me before she goes outside. I remind her for safety reasons that I NEED to know where she is.
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Kids do what’s allowed.
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What do you do when the neighbor calls and says that he’s there? If there are no consequences to his actions, he has no reason to not disobey.
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Nothing will work on a boy but a belt and sometimes he will decide what he wants to do is worth it…
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Go get him tell him what u expect and mean it
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Do you give him consequences for breaking the rules? If he’s not held accountable for breaking the rules he won’t see a big deal about it.
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Make her parents send him home.
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He’s ten for god sake’s,Your the parent and can’t control him your the problem….
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Set the alarm while you’re in the house. If a for or window opens it’ll go off.
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This is very scary, because there are kidnappers out there! You need to have a good talk with him about his behavior, that there are reasons he needs to listen when you tell him no, the primary reason is so you know where he is at all times for his own safety & wellbeing!
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It’s called I said no and you’re gonna listen period but then you say I don’t mind he’s there so what is it someone said have a cop come why they aren’t the parent you are time to act like one
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If he goes over there after you’ve said no, I’d walk over there with no bra on, in pajamas, house shoes, hair a whole mess, and tell him in front of her that its time to get ready for bed. Ask if he prefers to have you read “my little pony” or “paw patrol” for his bedtime story, and tell him he needs to get home and pick up his Barbies before bed. Lol.
If you don’t let him know you’re willing to go the extra mile to correct the behavior, if he’s willing to do so to ignore you, he’s going to continue and nothing will stop it.
Then again, if you tell him no, remind him of a day or time that he CAN go and tell him UNLESS he sneaks over there again, at which point, you’ll put alarms on the windows and doors so you’ll know when he’s trying to leave.
Make him respect your authority. I made this mistake and I’m in the midst of correcting it now. Believe me, you don’t wanna make it.
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Tell your neighbors to tell him no and send him home. He’s a kid. Teacher him better.
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Sounds like there’s no consequences for his actions. He doesn’t respect you.
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If you don’t care then I don’t see an issue honestly. What’s the point in being mad if you don’t care that he did it
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So the issue isn’t that he’s disobeying, it’s that he’s not up front about it? So you want the conversation to go like this…
You: you can’t go anywhere until your homework is done.
Kid: well. I’m going next door.
You: only if your homework is done.
Kid: walks out while you’re mid sentence
Pick a lane, cause you’re all over the place and that’s why your kid is all over the place too. 
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Hire someone to Fake kidnap him
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Good old fashin whooping
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You need better locks
Sounds like your kid has no respect for you. So I would start there. 
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That’s really easy. If you don’t care he’s going over there then just tell him to tell you so you know where he’s at.
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Well, if you originally say no, then don’t care if he is over at the neighbors, then you are sending mixed messages.
Just say yes in the first place, then there is no drama and everything is copacetic.
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This is where a Dad should step in a grab his arm and sit him in a chair and explain who the parents are!
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I snuck out too. It’s a boy thing. Let him get past it and it will be over. Don’t lock him up or you will regret it.
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Let the neighbor know it isn’t ok. That he needs permission first. If he does it again then you walk over there and drag him back home or tell the neighbor to send him back. He needs consequences or he’ll just keep doing it since you let it go once he’s there.
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You all are misunderstanding what she’s saying. She doesn’t have a problem that he hangs out with the other kid/house. She has a problem that he’s going before his responsibilities are taken care of. I stopped mine by going over and bringing him home. Scolding him for leaving without permission in front of his friends. He stopped doing it for now so hope it worked
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Lock the door and when he comes back have him out there knocking for about 45 minutes we was sleeping
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He’s be loosing privileges every time of he were my son. You can install alarms on doors pretty cheap. Put in cameras. I’d do something like 3 days without any devices every time he left the house without permission plus writing sentences (old school I know) for every 15 minutes ges gone.
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My son just turned 11 and he knows better ask before he leaves or wants to go somewhere
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Next door neighbours need to send him back
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By making him come home and ask you properly.
Uh… pick one. You can’t tell him no, then do nothing if he does it anyway. No either means no, or it doesn’t. You need to pick it and be consistent. Right now you’re reinforcing that no doesn’t necessarily mean no, it means do it anyways and see if you can get away with it. When he does, that’s why he continues to do it. If it were me and I said no, id march right over there to collect him and have a conversation about his choices and the consequences. His punishment would then be helping me do whatever I was doing so I can watch him and know where he’s at, since he can’t follow directions.
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Good luck! I started doing it when I was 11-12 to go meet the girl down the street.
Good times!
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Thank God you know where he is. Because it could be worst.
Have you tried sitting your son down & really talking to him ??
He really isn’t doing anything bad. And again it could be worst. …like him sneaking out very late at night. So talk to him .
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He needs to come home. You cannot let him stay! That just reinforces the behavior!
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Lock the doors and punish him, going out without permission has consequences, take away all technology and make him realise he needs to ask so you know where he is for his safety, if he sneaks out you go and get him straight away he needs to learn this is not okay
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Good ol ear grab and drag home should do the trick. He would be without anything the more he did it. The next thing would be to have the conversation hey bud I don’t have a problem with you going to the neighbors but out of respect you should let me know you are leaving so we can make a plan for you to be home.
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I think that allocating time for him in your busy schedule. Allow him to contribute to the discussion around times when he can and can’t go places. Let him have an input on his structured lifestyle that you are trying to implement.
Sounds like a good old fashioned ass whoopin is in the cards for him. Nip it now before it gets worse!!
They need to stop letting him come over then lololol
You contradicted yourself saying you didn’t let him leave and saying you don’t care he is there. Pick one. Enforce it.
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I would do a reward system as well. Example if he goes all week respecting the rules then reward him with a specific day and time frame for him to go to his friends. And for consequences for sneaky out I’m old school. All electronics gone as well as adding chores like cleaning all baseboards in the house or cleaning all windows inside and out or pulling weeds. I have always taught my kids their are consequences for every decision. Weather good or bad it depends on the choice you make. So by following the rules he is rewarded with a positive consequence by getting time at friends. If he breaks rules he gets a negative consequence
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