My 12-year-old refuses to acknowledge she got her period: Advice?

I need advice on handling periods with my 12 year old…i have always been open about periods and the changes that will happen with her body and always tried to make this as positive as possible…she is very very modest and closed off…but i found out she has been on her period for 4 months…i went to clean her room and found the bloody panties in her closet and i asked her what products she had and offered to buy her some but she just shut down and didnt want to talk about it…its like she does not want to accept the changes that are happening to her and refuses to let me know she needs things…i put a basket of items in the bathroom that she can grab but i am afraid she won’t…how do i go about making sure she acknowldges her period has started?

313 Likes

i personally use to be embarrassed about it when i was young and first started with it. i was embarrassed to mention i needed products and would wad up a bunch of toilet paper to use as a pad

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My 12-year-old refuses to acknowledge she got her period: Advice?

She’s been ON it for 4m or has had one monthly for the last 4m? If the former, she needs to be seeing a doctor like… Yesterday.

8 Likes

Maybe an appointment at a women’s clinic?
Sometimes kids are more comfortable talking to professionals or other people about this stuff

7 Likes

Take her to her doctor and discuss it there

2 Likes

Yep I would make an appointment with a lady Dr and have them talk with her about the changes

9 Likes

Does she have a good relationship with her pediatrician? Or school counselor? Sometimes someone other than mom can make it easier

3 Likes

Are you positive it’s a period? She might have been having a breakdown to herself about it for 4 months

1 Like

She may be embarrassed and shy I recommend a family doctor visit

1 Like

You seem a little over the top

6 Likes

As in it’s her 4th cycle? Or her period has lasted 4 months

2 Likes

That can happen for four months straight but it’s something she needs to see a doctor about. But if u meant every month the last four months, then normal. It sounds like something else is going on emotionally with her. Doctor appointment :purple_heart::pray:

1 Like

4 month’s on her period or Started 4 month’s ago?

1 Like

First of all she has to acknowledge it and secondly if she’s not going to take care of it properly she needs to be disciplined. Get her the always period underwear and take away all her others

17 Likes

Have you a young persons clinic you can take her to ? Maybe offer her this and say youl take her but let her talk to them alone ? It’s a daunting thing for them x there is also younger person books you can get that you can get inline that explain things x

You tell her how nasty it is that she is doing that and that when she doesn’t take care of it other people can smell/see it and will know what’s happening.

10 Likes

Take her to Dr have them explain how serious it is to have proper hygiene and what can happen if she doesn’t

She seems to just be uncomfortable with it. Leave a bunch of different items for her and let her know she can talk to you if she would like. Is there another women who she is close with who she would be willing to talk to?

4 Likes

Maybe just let her be🤔 if she doesn’t wanna even talk about it with you…she sure the hell probably don’t wanna talk about it with some doctor aww poor girl😫

1 Like

Maybe buy her some period panties? My daughter who is 12 loves her period panties over all the other feminine products and while I’m not in your situation they have been a godsend especially since my daughter period isn’t regular yet.

3 Likes

Buy her period panties and pads in her room. Make a little purse for her to take to school like a pouch with her favorite character on it that includes necessities. Write her a journal and tell her that you won’t force her to talk but when she’s ready she can come put the journal on your bed and yall can talk that way. One with a lock and each of yall have a key.

Then leave her alone. Dassit

20 Likes

Buy her some period knickers so she doesn’t feel too uncomfortable

4 Likes

I was like this, but my grandmother raised me so I was embarrassed to tell her I bled from 12-13, literally a whole year. I got to the point I couldn’t function, so I had to. It wasn’t that I was in denial, just that my mamaw wasn’t someone at the time I felt comfortable discussing it with.

3 Likes

Just buy her the products and leave them for her…

1 Like

Doctors appointment and get her period underwear :briefs:

4 Likes

In my opinion….I’d be much more worried that your daughter doesn’t want to come to you, for anything.

It sounds like the dynamic of y’all’s relationship is really, really messed up.

4 Likes

Tell her doctor, make an appointment and LEAVE THE ROOM so they can talk privately

4 Likes

Maybe get her a book about periods she can read by herself without anyone else there. And tell her you are there for her if she has any other questions.

3 Likes

Take her to the Dr. Have them discuss it with her.
It’s a part of her growing up.
Plus if she doesn’t want to do anything about it. What happens if she gets pregnant. You can not hide that in the closet.
Kids these days are having sex way younger than we did. I agree you need to take her to the Dr. They will know how to handle it. Good luck momma.

Just make sure she knows it’s normal to be kinda weirded out about it. Feeling like you have no control over your body is overwhelming sometimes. It took me a while to be ok with talking about it. I didnt tell my mom for 6months.
My advice is to just put the (pads/tampons/periodpanties) stuff she needs in the bathroom and give her some space (and a little trash can).
Also, teach her how to wash her panties out and remove blood from clothing

Try to take her for a fun woman’s day just you two she seems modest and you stated you always were upfront wit her about this so maybe she knows but is embarrassed me 13 year old got hers and was funny also . But try to have women to women time ya know good luck it’d not easy maybe even speak to her pediatrician

She’s embarrassed. Just keep her stocked up on feminine products maybe a brochure or 2 on the subject leave it somewhere she’ll find it , she’ll secretly read it trust me. She’ll be fine no need to make a big deal and further her embarrassment. :heart:

5 Likes

My daughter when I tried to talk to her about it informed me her friends had already explained it to her. I started at 9 so I knew she might be early also.

I’m pretty sure she’s saying she started having a period 4 months ago.
Meaning 4 months ago she had her first period and now has one every month.

I feel like she would have said “she’s had a period every day for 4 months now” if that was the case…

Uhhh what? Unacceptable.

She is not ready and not accepting the new routine her body make her. Mine is still sad that she has her period too early at age of 11yo and she is still playing in the playground with her younger sister… its hard to make her understand to that its happen without her willingness and ready. But please dont give up. Been there, done that. She slowly accepting her body changes.

Same advice as above period panties, pads, and maybe a book about periods or body changes? It may be more comfortable for her to read about it then talk :woman_shrugging:t3: and just remind her you’re always there for her if she needs to talk

I would tell her she needs to start taking care of herself when she is on her period because you cannot keep buying her new underwear because she doesn’t want to accept what is going on its gross and unsanitary. If you need to start taking things away when she is on her period like technology. Take her to the obgyn maybe your daughter will at least talk to the Dr and maybe the Dr can make some recommendations for her in the beginning stages of getting her period.

My 12 year old is the same way and she started when she was 11. Anyway her big sisters had a talk with her, they’re 17 and 19 and then I just make sure to check her stock of feminine products every month and everything is good now. It just takes time and patience and I talk to her as well. Maybe buy her some books to read about young girls going thru big changes in life.

Some of these suggestions are terrible!!! “Discipline her” “tell her how nasty it is”

I don’t have a suggestion of my own, other than do NOT take the aforementioned advice.

She’ll figure it out. Keep being gentle.

10 Likes

Wow some of the comments are sickening… I didn’t have this issue with my girls but you absolutely don’t have to discipline her or tell her she’s nasty for being uncomfortable with the changes in her body. Period panties are incredible for little ones! She won’t even know the difference❤️ maybe talk to her school counsellor or family doctor to get professional advice.

4 Likes

This is tricky she obviously doesn’t feel very comfortable coming to you and being open about the things that are going on with her which should be your first concern always make sure your child knows that no matter what they can come to you and they can talk to you.
So I would suggest that you get her doctor’s appointment and let her know that if she feels more comfortable if you stepped out of the room while she’s speaking to the doctor preferably a female doctor if she shy about these sort of things that way if she has any questions or she wants to just talk about it with the health professional without mom being there making her nervous she can do so.
Get her a variety of different types of feminine products and tell her that when she finds one that she really likes that she’s really comfortable with to just leave the box empty in the bathroom and that’s the one you’ll know that she prefers. Make sure that you provide some sort of medication in case she’s having cramps and bloating that’s appropriate for her age.
Maybe go online and see if there’s some sort of a book for teenagers that she can kind of just read through that will give her all the information she needs to know about what’s going on with her body and about the changes that will occur. If she’s not comfortable talking to you at this age you’re probably going to have to go other routes to give her the education and information that she needs. When I got my period I was terrified to tell my mom because she was always so Stern she wasn’t a bad person she just wasn’t the type of mother that you felt was nurturing and understanding and empathetic and all that stuff so don’t give her a hard time about it don’t give her a hard time about hiding the fact that she’s gotten it but you do need to get her to the doctor and they do need to find out that you know if her cycle is normal if she’s having any problems if she needs any extra assistance medically to help her body go into these changes.
Don’t get aggressive with her don’t yell don’t scream don’t get frustrated just be kind be kind he’s her nerves she’s probably dealing with a lot of anxiety.

3 Likes

Just buy her stuff and leave it in her room. Print out some directions online. It’s embarrassing for some girls. (I was one of them) she doesn’t have to talk about it

3 Likes

How was she getting products? Have you found used products? Otherwise are you positive the blood is from her cycle? Something to consider…

7 Likes

I was 11 when I started even though I know all about it, it was daunting and I felt embarrassed for at least a year she may not be happy wanting to discuss with a dr!! Keep track of her moods so you have a rough idea when, keep the products in the bathroom cupboard let her know you have restocked just do it every month if you notice when don’t be blatant that you know just ask if she needs anything washing doing, hot water bottle or paracetamol/chocolate she may need it she will thank you and when she’s ready, in a year or 2 she may start openly asking for bits when it feels normal for her. Just with them little supportive bits she ll be ok.

1 Like

Maybe try the period panties if shes not ready or comfortable with using/changing tampons or pads.

5 Likes

Does she have a cool Aunt or a cousin a little bit older?
Maybe?

5 Likes

The “tell her it’s nasty” comments are making me feel stabby stabby this morning.

19 Likes

Not everyone wants to talk about things like this, just make sure she has the products she needs and don’t be overbearing. Like others said, maybe a book. If someone is already weird about a topic, pushing them to talk about it will get you the opposite result of what you want.

2 Likes

I hid my period from my parents for a year. I was honestly just Embarrassed and didn’t want to talk about it/ acknowledge it with them or anything. I would sneak in their bathroom and get pads/ whatever it was I needed while they were at work or gone. I would say just make sure she keeps having what she needs ready for her in her bathroom and just don’t even bring it up or talk about it and eventually she’ll come around!
I also had bloody underwear I would hide, only because I was figuring out my body and the changes and sometimes would miss calculate my cycle and end up having an “accident” so to speak, but was too embarrassed to put them in the dirty clothes.
Good luck, I hope this is helpful in some way!

Good idea on the basket n product maybe also leave pamlets or a couple books somewhere that maybe she would pick up n read more on it prayers it’s so hard to be a mother especially when it comes to teens

1 Like

My daughter was the same (I found her stained clothing hidden in different places). She hid it from me although we’ve always been very open about changes in the human body. I’m not a psychologist, but I do believe it was denial that she was becoming a young lady. I then explained to her that getting her period did not mean I no longer saw her as my little girl, that in my eyes she is still my baby girl regardless of her body changing. She still doesn’t like talking about it, but no longer hides her stained clothing from me.

2 Likes

She’s not in denial about it, and has obviously been handling the situation herself. She just doesn’t feel comfortable talking about it. I know I didn’t want to have a conversation about it. I would just continue to make sure her bathroom has all the things she might need. She obviously knows you know now.

Sound like my kid put her on bc sonshe doesn’t have periods so that she can stay cleaner and not have a period

3 Likes

… Not to be Debbie downer but maybe she don’t have her period maybe she is being raped and that is why she won’t talk

My 9 year old daughter started her period in November. It was an emotional experience for her! She knew what it was but she wasn’t ready. I bought her the underwear pads and she has gotten better as to not worry so much about it getting on her clothes.

3 Likes

Don’t force her to talk abouthit if she is uncomfortable Put the products in her room and maybe a book as well.

2 Likes

im sorry but you need to put your foot down or next your be asking for advise about bulling if she dont sort this out shes 12 not 9 :roll_eyes:

3 Likes

Just keep helping and talking if she responds ok if not still ok first off let her know it’s nothing to be ashamed of she just has to be more private . I hope no one teased her. If a school nurse make sure you inform her of what’s happening… Just keep talking and supplying continue showing her how to hand it if she lets you tell her of your experiences

1 Like

Some of the advice here is horrible.
Just keep being gentle and supportive. Look into buying period panties.! Like from Thinx. They’re really comfy and can help transition her into other products maybe.

6 Likes

that parent group (with Cath Hakanson)
This group focuses on dealing with sex, sexuality, and the changes of puberty and how to explain to kids. Might be a good resource for you :purple_heart:

First I would buy her the period panty where no pads are needed they are pricely but do worth the money I use than with my autistic daughter just wash with laundry

3 Likes

I don’t know how to explain this gently to her, but a girl I knew started her period at school and everyone at school saw what was happening. From that time on, she was bullied and ridiculed. Such a sweet kind and gentle girl did not deserve that treatment. I think a book for someone that shy might be a good first step.

6 Likes

Mine got it at 9 :sob: I gave her a book.

The care and keeping of you.
American girl.

She too, is very embarrassed, so her doctor and I also sat her down, explained that every girl has it, and 100% normal. She needed a doctors opinion, she is still embarrassed, but will discuss it with me openly. Good luck.

1 Like

Maybe try these?

First I would buy her the period panty where no pads are needed they are pricely but do worth the money I use than with my autistic daughter just wash with laundry

Coming from a “modest and closed off” woman— this shit is embarrassing for these girls. Regardless of how normal it is, it’s a rough time. Y’all saying discipline her are wild. Simply provide her with products (pads/ tampons/ feminine wipes/ granny period panties lol) and make sure she has access to these and knows those are available— id also buy her a book to learn on her own because once again this shits embarrassing, and maybe write her a note saying how you’re there for her and how she can come to you with any and every question she has. As far as the bloody panties— I would buy some small black trash bags (not even trash bags but tiny bags that aren’t see through) so if she’s embarrassed to put them in a hamper or carry them out to laundry in front of the family she can do it discreetly. Don’t push her to talk about it, she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want to. But provide these things and make it known you are there. Explain the hygiene aspect of it, if she needs you she’ll ask.

All my kids are somewhere on the autism spectrum, whether they are diagnosed or not. My oldest daughter was the same way. Anything to do with her body was ‘private’ to the extreme until her dad pushed the issue. She has autism. My youngest daughter has never been diagnosed yet acts the same way. Said it was none of my business. I said it is my business, especially when I’m throwing away panties that are stained and can’t be cleaned :roll_eyes:

1 Like

Put out sanitary items, let her know how to use them, also maybe some baby wipes and let her know it is for hygiene purposes. If she is bleeding through at night offer her solutions, show her how to clean the blood. Take her to a gyno and also counseling to help with moods and what not

Just go to this site, buy her new underwear and replace her old ones with these. Problem solved and keep it moving without doing the AWFUL things some of these people have suggested.

4 Likes

If u feel she won’t use the products u have provided maybe look into period underwear. There’s lots of options now. Even pink sells some. U could buy her enough for a week and place a trash can/ bag in her room and just tell he rif she chooses to not use feminine products that u got her these panties to wear. Explain the panties to her(even if she doesn’t listen) or write instructions down for her. Just ask her to place them in the trash can so that u can wash them when everything is done.
Shes at an age where they don’t like to talk about this stuff with any one. It gets washer as they get older. I promise.

My eldest had her first period at 9 and was so embarrassed to tell me but she did they were very irregular and by 11 full on. I left products in the bathroom for her and in her school bag I popped a little wash bag in with products and spare underwear/tights just incase. (I also informed her class teacher without her knowing as she was in junior school still) She did use them and shes now 13 and has been very open about it for awhile. My youngest is now 9 and going through the same thing, she was having to wear deodorant before her 8th birthday, had hair before she was 9 so very advanced but she’s so different and confident about it all but her class (year 4) had a lesson on it which I think helped massively (my eldest daughter didn’t have that) I always tried talk to them as I started very young but it’s hard as they are still so young. I’m sure your girl will be ok, it’s such a big thing/big change for them especially being so young :heart:

Perhaps you could ask at her school to see if they can have a speaker come and talk with all the girls. If she can see that other girls have the same questions and anxieties it may help

1 Like

My step daughter got hers last month, she awkwardly ignored me but listened while I explained what to do to keep clean. What pad to use when, packed a little thing for her to take to school with pads, liners and extra undies. I put a paper bag (from the grocery store) in the washrooms for her to use as a garbage so no one can see it. I then showed her how to change her pad and roll the used one up with the new liner. As a demonstration lol! Blah blah….

She looked like she wanted to die the entire time, and I went over this over multiple days so I didn’t overwhelm her. But she’s on month two and she knows exactly what to do, we don’t even have to talk about it anymore.

4 Likes

I would take her to a counselor. Some other adult she may listen to. To see if it is her period, and if underlying causes are causing her to be so shy about it. I pray for her to understand it is a natural thing and we as women all go through it.

If it were my daughter I’d get a book for her to read, a basket of things she can try to use at her own pace with instructions including like a rice heat pad and some of the period underwear. Maybe even one of the blankets (they’re on Amazon).

If you’ve given her the necessary talks, information, and supplies. Just try to keep watch that she is attending to her health and hygiene (without bringing it up to her for now, unless intervention is needed for health or hygiene purposes), she may just not be comfortable talking about it, yet.

1st off why are u cleaning her room at 12 ? 2nd that’s also an invasion of her privacy that’ll push u away even further let her know she can come 2 u…when she’s ready don’t push or pressure her that will do more harm than good

6 Likes

I would honestly just keep her some products stocked up and let her know where they are. I knew all about periods before I started at 10 but hid it for a few months until my grandmother confronted me about it and told my parents. Its something that is hard to accept as a child but with the right guidance it will get easier. I remember my step mother talking to me about wrapping my pads up when putting them in the trash and not leaving them in my underwear when going to shower. I don’t think you should discipline her but try to help her understand this is a part of her life now. That bloody underwear needs to be soaked or threw away. That she doesn’t have to hide them. You won’t be mad because it’s going to happen.

I didn’t know that some teens having a problem with this ‘thing’
I have a 10yr old daughter and she got her 1st period last February.
And since I’ve been talking about some changes in her bodies since she’s eight,I got no problem like this. She’s absolutely knew what to do right away after she found out. She immediately told me and got her back what to do.
So sad some mothers get through about this with their daughters :pensive:

Yea my daughter started at 10ths old and she broke down and cried but she got use to it I would say put a basket of female stuff in her bathroom just keep it filled up

I started having periods when I was 8. I was too confused and worried about making a mess in my clothes to be too modest. Back then we didn’t have period panties and the pads with the sticky strip. We had the old-fashioned pads with the tails on each end and had to wear belts with a notched clip front and back you had to spear the pad’s tails on to keep it in place. It was awful at first. My adoptive mother didn’t explain much to me about what was going on. I learned most of what I knew from other girls and from health class at school. As for your daughter, you probably should find a female GYN and take her in for a check up. Have the doctor explain what’s going on and how important it is to have good hygiene. Your daughter can be encouraged to ask questions, but I doubt she’ll say much. Go ahead and get her the latest in feminine products to keep in her room. Provide her with her own private trash basket and plastic bags for used products. That way she doesn’t have to use the ones used by the rest of the family. Tell her that way nobody needs to know when she’s on her period. Good luck.

Angie Miller :rofl: sound familiar?

1 Like

U can have her pediatrician speak to her at the next visit or just wait it out. U could also buy her “the girl book.” It talks about all the changes we go through. It’s online or at Barnes and Noble. She’ll have to deal with it sooner than later. It’s life. It’s going to happen.

is there some reason she may feel something may be wrong? it sounds like she is just plain needing to talk to someone who she trusts other than you. i hate to sound krass but maybe its hard for her to talk to you about this and she may have some fears that she cant face.

This is what Aunts and Cousins are for. She will open up to another girl far more than you about this. My Daughter talked to me about it some but her Aunt was much better off helping her.

6 Likes

Why on earth does she need to see a doctor?? You lot are the reason no one can get a doctors appt nowadays!!!

Buy a supply of each - pads, tampons, a mooncup and period panties. Put them in a discreet box and leave it in her room with a note explaining that you understand she’s embarrassed, but we all go through this each month.

Explain that it’s unhealthy to not keep herself clean and that the products will help with this.

Tell her that if she uses the pads or tampons - to leave a note or send you a txt when they need replenishing. If she uses the pants - put the dirties in a special box in her room when she changes them for laundry that you can check regularly.

If there are men in your family; she may not want Dad/brothers/uncles/etc to realise what’s happening so reassure her that you won’t discuss it publicly.

19 Likes

She may not be comfortable talking about it. Buy her the products she needs, get her some educational books and leave them for her. She’ll explore as she’s ready. Period panties are great, so if she isn’t ready for a pad, she can at least have some protection. Don’t embarrass her. It can be a scary change for girls. Forcing her to handle it in a way that she may not be comfortable with will only make the situation worse.

2 Likes

Just buy a variety of products put them in a private place for her. Explain how to dispose of them. She will use them. My granddaughter is 12. She doesn’t want to talk about it to anyone except her mom. I just showed her where the products are when she is here. A funny I told her I don’t have a period I had to have surgery. She said, wait a minute you mean you can have those organs removed. Lol. I explained you can’t just have them removed they have to be sick.

2 Likes

For my youngest - I bought a book explaining everything- she appropriate- and also got a range of towels, tampons from lillets so she could explore. After she read the book I asked her if she had any questions. We now use bamboo sanitary towels and have swimming period knickers for when swimming.

Just be honest and calm about the bacterial aspects of having your menstrual cycle and the importance of using pads and having clean underwear and staying clean. Do NOT embarrass her further.

Poor menstrual hygiene can cause UTIs, rashes, vaginal infections as well as foul odor, ruined clothes and bedding, and staining contact areas when sitting.

Have her go with you to pick out pads and liners, and go over the facts like you’re in science class. They have Tampax Pearl Lites as far as small tampons, and a compact version that’s small for beginners. There’s also very thin pads and liners that would help, and carrying cases so she’s not embarrassed.

2 Likes

She’s embarrassed she will use those products. I was 11 when I got mine and no mum! So I hid it for a while until one of my dads girlfriends realised. She supplied me with panty liners and pads and explained how to use them and how to be clean etc, although i never acknowledged her or them I used them and she replenished them until she spilled the beans to my dad (I was so embarrassed and annoyed) to which when I needed pads I’d write them on the shopping list and they would arrive for my use discreetly. Then it became normal for and less embarrassing so when I’d put them of the list and he would buy them they would be on the bench for me to put in the bathroom.

4 Likes

She is listening. She is just feeling awkward. Give her suggestions and leave her supplies with instructions. She may be the first in her friend’s group. I was the last at almost 17, give her space and understanding. Experiment with supplies and keep an eye on what needs refilling.

2 Likes

Sometimes a second voice helps in situations where kids don’t want to hear from mom or dad. I’d schedule a doctor’s visit, have her speak to your daughter and emphasize that mom is a great source of information for her.
I would also just sit back, keep the lines of communication open, accept her silence at the moment and coax her out of it gently. I would maybe even talk about my own period when I have it casually.
I’m sure you’re an amazing mama and doing your absolute best. That’s all she really needs.

2 Likes

She is maybe just embarrassed to speak about it. She needs to know it’s normal…and nothing to be ashamed of. Get her everything she needs. And maybe take her out for a special growing Into a women day. Make it a special thing I stead of her looking at it like taboo. Dont expect her to say much but share your story about what it was like when you first got your period etc. .and some funny horror stories about it etc. We all have those lol…make it a special occasion for a momma and a daughter to laugh and ha e a good time …do something she enjoys …do t make it a formal let’s talk about your period type if thing. Just tell her your going g to share some stories with her.

1 Like

Cloth pads, period panties, anything that feels less different.

2 Likes

Highly recommend period panties.

3 Likes

Possibly try period underwear.

1 Like

Have her talk to a female family member. Idk why, but I opened up to my older cousin about it before my mom. I love my mom, and she helped me but I told my cousin, and had her help me with a tampon vs my mom, it was less awkward for me

1 Like