My daughter was 9 when hers started. I have always been very open with her as well. It was hard at first with telling her to constantly change her bad been over a year now and she does great. Every kid is different. Now the kids have there own bathroom and she has 2 brothers 18 and 17 so I put her products in a basket under the sink. And just constantly refill so she will never go without. I would suggest the basket. At the end of the day you are mom provide guidance. Teens are tricky as we all know but she has to use something. How did she go 4 months without you knowing? She is using something or else you would have noticed on her clothing.
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Have her talk to her Dr. Possible that pair was from her losing her virginity and her hiding it, but if it’s more than one pair and she won’t use proper items then she needs to have a professional talk to her. Talk to her Dr, take her to the gynecologist (yes you can take them as soon as they start) and have them explain it.
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A great book What is Happening to my Body for Girls…. There is one for Boys too. Get and give to all. It is a great book and easy read
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What about period panties? They aren’t cheap but you can get a 3 pack on Amazon for $20 something. My daughter would fight me on pads and changing them. I refused to buy the panties at first when suggested because I thought how gross it would be to wash them but I just have her keep them separate from the laundry and wash them on their own and I’ll tell ya what they have been a real game changer!!
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I don’t think you can force her. It may be that she doesn’t feel like a she or its simply to much to process. I bought reusables for my kid that way there’s always something there they just need washed n dried so I also bought a separate bin for the bathroom and said that what it was for and left them to it. I only know kiddo due as the sass gets more forceful 
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You could also get her some of those period panties… Me and my daughter love them
Get her some pads and maybe some of that period underwear and buy her a book. Put it all in her bedroom and give her the space to approach you when she feels comfortable.
Talk about your period when you get it and do it in a very natural relaxed way to help her normalize the idea of having a period.
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Take her to a therapist
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Wow lol just talking to my daughter about my granddaughter learning about that. She is learning about it in school and had a mental breakdown about it.
I did the same thing. My mom didn’t find out for a year. She just made such a big deal about me getting it and it just wasn’t something I wanted advertised or celebrated. I just wanted my privacy. Just buy her stuff and leave it in the bathroom for her
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Look up period panties on Amazon!!! They are incredible!
Then, I would wait and see how she responds to the basket of products that you left and re visit the situation when the time comes. I would also suggest offering her another basket with a heat pack for her cramps and some of her favorite treats next time.
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But seriously period panties were a game changer for me and I’ve been getting mine for 18 years 
Especially at night time
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Just make sure she has what she needs available. If she has an ‘accident’ at school and everyone knows she’s on her period, then she will become more conscientious.
I was the same way with my mom we never talked about it she just noticed her stuff was missing and started putting stuff in my bathroom. My daughters are the exact opposite though. Just go with her lead if she likes to read get her Judy Blumes are you there God it’s me Margaret. It’s a fiction book so won’t feel overwhelming but talks about her going through that faze. I read it just bc I loved all Judy blume books and it helped me
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Her not wanting to speak with you doesn’t mean she hasn’t acknowledged it is happening. This is a private moment, and it’s HER moment. You can’t force her to talk about it. Leaving her the basket was a good start. I would also leave brochures in her room and she can read them on her own time. Leave the door open for a future conversation. I would also leave her Tylenol, a heating pad etc. Write her a lovely note, maybe about your first time. But give her space and and don’t push the topic. I know it’s something as a mother you want to share with her, but allow her to come around at her own pace.
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MY grandma took me to lunch and told me that I was now a young lady
But still a child and a lot of scary things were going to happen to my body that I won’t understand
She explained I could still climb trees and do everything I was always doing
That sometimes I won’t feel like it and during those days I will be more tired and not want to to anything and that was ok too
It will take time for me to get where I would be comfortable talking about it
Then we went shopping for pads and a training bra
She also got me a beautiful cross necklace
By the way I’m 68 years old now
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Are you sure its her period?
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My daughter did something like this… she got her first in 5Th or 6th grade, she is a junior in hs now. I had given her a period pack the year prior knowing that she would be starting soon with pads of all sizes, so panties, wipes, etc.
So anyway, I suspected Bc I saw a stained pair of panties and asked her about it, she denied it. Next month saw a tiny stain on her sheet, she denied again. Next month I didn’t notice anything. The following month (is was Easter Day) we were having an issue with our septic system so my hubs, both sons (one older and one younger than her), her, and myself were out front looking at the septic pipes. My oldest (he is middle school aged at this point) says, “Mom, what are all of these dirty diapers in the front bushes?” I go over and look and knew immediately what she had done as her bedroom window is right above the bushes. I tell everyone to get inside right away, hubs included, and quietly called her back out with a trash bag and told her to pick them all up before the boys came back out front. She did as she was told. I then told her to wait for me in her room because we were having a talk. Turns out, she was embarrassed that her brothers would find out she got her period so she was throwing the pads I had gotten her out her bedroom window. She didn’t tell me Bc she thought I’d tell her dad. I got her sorted with her own trash can and more pads and we never had an issue again.
Sounds crazy but don’t talk to her about it, the more pushy you are the more embarrassed and the need to hide it she will be. Go to the store and buy several different products, maybe a new package of underwear and put it in a visible place in her bathroom and don’t say a word. If you notice she uses them then keep restocking what you see is being used. If she doesn’t use anything then you will then have to explain to her she has to be clean during that time. Hopefully she just uses the stuff and then eventually because comfortable with it all at her own pace.
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Yes! Period Panties! Another plus you can explain how they are more environmentally friendly. If she’s using regular underwear she’s prone to having embarrassing accidents. This could normalize the experience.
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Its alot for them to get their head round & let’s not 4get the raging hormones!! Pants pads & some snacks for the sugar rush
Libra pads are Aussie made . I swear by them
Take her to the doctor ASAP
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Get her period panties , chocolate and celebrate her. Just the 2 of you…prayers
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First off… Go buy period panties and different pads. Print out info on the difference even if you have to write it yourself.
Then teach her how to do laundry to wash the panties by herself so no one else has to see them.
Then give her free time to wash them like when you are in your room or most the family is out of the house.
Write up a laundry schedule so she can write in when she needs to use the laundry room alone.
If she thinks she can handle it on her own let her but give her all the tools she needs.
Then while she is at school or away at least once a week check her room for used panties. When you find them start tracking the dates so you can learn her schedule
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Google it and give her the device to read in private
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Period Panties and you can also put some stuff in her room with her own private trash can as well
A whole mess (literally) Same with this 12yo over here! I have older ones that see & snitch…I had to tell how many times to check and everything again….
Make her a little period pack for her back pack. You can get everything at Dollar Tree. Cute little makeup bag with some pads, feminine wipes, deodorant, and anything else you think she’ll need for those awkward grown up moments she’ll have.
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Period panties may help!!
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Let her figure out how she wants to keep herself clean.
Someone above mentioned taking her to the doctor about it. Honestly, that might be a good idea. Just to make sure it IS her period, and not something else that she feels pressured to hide. Maybe don’t be in the room with her as well.
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Please don’t jump on me for this but as a victim I have to say it…. You may want to make sure it’s actually her period and she isn’t being assaulted by someone. I hid things like this and I’m sure it looked odd from the outside but my dad never asked questions… my mom was allowing men to assault me and I shut down
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First thing is first if she’s been on her period for four months you need to get her to an OB, secondly just go buy her saying that she needs and put them in the bathroom!!
Do not take advice from some of these girls that say have a celebration, That’s just crazy
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Take her to the doctor. Do you mean 4 months straight or started 4 months ago? I would also recommend period panties, my 10 year old loves them. It helped when she started at school she didn’t bleed through her clothes. Tell her it’s nothing to be ashamed about, she is becoming a young women. Just leave items out for her.
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Then let her be bloody and stank. Some kids gotta learn the hard way 
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Make sure she had pads or tampon that fit her and put them in her room. Have talk with her and keepbup with her cycle on your calendar and tell her to also every month it may only be a few days sooner or later some months and for her to be ready and stock in her bak pack at school.
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This is not the avenue to talk about personal/private issues. Seriously…
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Shes doing somthing right since ur just finding out after 4 months she may have spoken with the school nurse she will come around when she is ready
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Young one, if she’s had it for 4 months - she needs to be checked out.
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period panties for sure. she should know how to do her own laundry.
Sounds like something else to me. 
might wanna be on heightened awareness about other possibilities.
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My oldest franddaughter whom I adopted had been having her cycles for 6 month before I knew it.I had a supply of items and ahe knew what to do.just shows responsibilty
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If it were my daughter, I would take her out just me and her, to do something she enjoys like a movie, lunch, the mall, whatever. While we’re out, I would just straight up tell her that things are just different now and there is no sense in trying to resist the facts. It is what it is. I would tell her any information I could think of to educate her and then offer any tips or advice that I have picked up over the years. I know it can be uncomfortable for some people but she cannot keep bleeding everywhere. That will only cause more embarrassment as time goes on. I would def explain to her that if she continues to resist, there’s going to be a time when she bleeds through her clothes at school or in public so she needs to just accept it and grow up. Then I would go out and buy her any and all period products I can find so she can try different things and figure out what she likes. I find that it’s best to just be upfront and brutally honest in situations like this. It’s for her own good.
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Is it definitely her period?
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The movie “Turning Red” Disney Plus…one of my 3 & 6 year olds favorite movie currently…they don’t understand the message etc but absolutely love it….might help start a conversation?
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She’s only 12 she may just feel embarrassed to talk about it. I was the same way and never talked to my mom about till I don’t even remember when and I’ll be 25 this year
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Maybe reach out to other older females that she has a trusting relationship with, explain the situation, invite them over for a girl’s night and just hang out laugh and talk about all the woman stuff that happens. Budding breasts, first crushes, dating losers and winners, starting periods, issues that have happened at parties over the years…ALL THE STUFF. Just let things kind of flow. I think it’s important that our girls have that network from an early age. I try to do these girls nights with my teen. My friends, her friends, cousins, aunt’s, sisters. I come from a huge family and I learned a ton from listening to and watching those women, even when I was too uncomfortable to participate in the conversations. Hugs for you and your girl.
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My youngest daughter didn’t tell me she started hers either. She was taking sanitary napkins from my older daughter and my older daughter came to me and said mom I think *** got her period because mine are disappearing. Some kids are just very discreet about it. I’ve never found anything unsanitary anywhere. I didn’t push either she felt more comfortable being silent about it because she also has 2 brothers and you know how boys can be. 
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You need to be firm… I would tell her to stop acting like a child because as much as she doesn’t like it she isn’t one anymore and it’s time to start acting her age
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Have you asked her if she is afraid of her changes? Sometimes friends can make fun or scare young girls.
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Are you sure its her period? I would try to figure out why shes so upset and go from there without invalidating her privacy as much as possible. Its a bit odd. Does she struggle with dysphoria or anything else that may make this harder? Trauma history etc.
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Have a chat with her and a female gynocologist.
What if it’s not a period…?
Why would she feel the need to hide a period, there’s modest and private and then theres out right terrified of something?
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Does she have friends she might talk to about it? Or access to Internet help? I’d just buy supplies and leave them where she has access and if you feel the need to say something make it something she doesn’t have to respond to like ‘I always take extra showers when I’m with the moon.’ lol ask her if her red flower is in bloom
My daughter was 14 and was the same way. Refused to use pads, tampons, etc. After me, her therapist and case manager talked to her we finally got her to realize she has to use something. Also got her period panties. With her I think it was a sensory thing. She said she hated the way pads felt. They have teen pads maybe try them?
Buy all the different stuff and make a little letter explaining things and leave them on her bed or bathroom. That way she has options and knowledge that she go thru without it being embarrassing. Then if the issue continues you take her to the Dr & if there’s no reason for it then you make her wash her own undies. It’s harsh but she has to learn.
It is a difficult time for a lot of girls. Be gentle with her, but let her know she needs to properly care for herself. If she refuses I would consult her doctor. She may need counseling.
Not to freak you out or anything?. But if she is closed off?. Maybe there is something she’s not telling about?. Take her to a therapist or something?.
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Period party! Invite Aunts, older cousins, all women, make fun comfort food, light candles, put a movie on, make cool “period gift baskets/gift descret purses/gifts in general”, make non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiris… make a fun coming of age girls night, with very open conversations.
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My second daughter cried for 3 months when she got hers. She was OK when she found out her friends had there’s also.
Start her on panty liners it might be an easier transition for her
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Our school has health class that explains thing to the girls and one for the boys. Makes everything easier.
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I’d put the basket in her room and then just buy a packet and maybe some wipes every month or every second month. Also a bin with a bin bag so she can put them in there and ask her to take it out once she’s done. I didn’t tell my mum either she found out about a year after as I bought my own products. It hard as she will be having so much going on in her mind. Don’t push her to much.
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I’d just leave a basket with period stuff in it in the bathroom and let her know it’s there and that she should put a pad in the first sign of her period. Maybe stick a few in her school bag so she has then during the day. And let her know you’re around if and when she has questions.
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Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable TALKING about it, but a period basket with some essentials such as feminine products, maybe a heating pad for cramps, etc & a note on each item explaining what it is for so that she can read it for herself… that way she can be informed in a way she doesn’t find uncomfortable or awkward. She needs the facts & information about what is going on with her body, but maybe presented in a way that she feels she has some control over what is going on. It is a scary & confusing time for young teens & sometimes they just don’t feel comfortable talking about it.
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You just pull her aside and talk to her about it. Explain what it is and how to use the products then ask if she has any questions. Tell her if she needs to talk about it you’re there for her. Idk why this has to be so long and dramatic for everyone. If she’s embarrassed she doesn’t have to say anything, you’re the mom so you say it and keep it moving.
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Period panties works good for preteens
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Never told my mother either I was very shy, I heard what she told my older sister, so I knew what to do
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Maybe she doesn’t like the feeling of sanitary products, period underwear exists if that would make it easier! It’s essentially normal underwear with absorbent material built in, she can wash and reuse them like normal underwear and keep herself protected
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Are you sure it’s her period and not sexual assault?
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Just be careful! A friends daughter refused an was stuffing toilet paper up and she ended up in the hospital. Any ex SIL put tampon in and was grossed out by the thought of taking it out an left it in…ended up needing surgery
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I would also question abuse… Hopefully not but the extreem shyness is concerning to me
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Yeah what has she been using/doing these last four months if she was really on her period you would’ve noticed pads or something in trash or her asking to buy some or someway to get them. If its only a one time thing and she’s dead set on not talking period I’d definitely be considering sexual assault. Four months of periods? And nothing was noticed or used? Thered be more than just one pair.
I noticed someone mentioned sexual assault, but also consensual sexual encounters (before I get jumped, yeah. I said consensual. As in, she initiated and/or agreed to. Yes, she’s 12. No, she’s not stupid, I’m sure.)
Could also be reasons for closing off and not wanting to talk.
Honestly, I started at 10ish and knew what was happening. My “female guardian” told me where the pads were, and that was it. She knows. She reads magazines and watches TV and has friends and (hopefully) has had sex Ed.
I’d leave her the goodie basket, as you did and has been mentioned, and maybe some pamphlets with support lines/hotlines so she has someone to talk to, if she wants. A lot of girls aren’t comfortable talking to their parents (mothers in this situation) but may appreciate a hotline situation so she can talk if she needs to. Even an ask-a-nurse situation. It shows you care without being a “smother” (I have a lot of friends with daughters about the same age as yours and they all have my phone number. This is why. Main complaint is they feel mom is a “smother”, but they still need to talk).
Some acne face care and a giant chocolate bar always seem to be appreciated as well, at that time of the month.
I have a son who is now in his late 20s. I pitty him when my granddaughters get that age.
Good luck! 
She sounds like she is afraid of growing up and going on to that next stage in her life some kids just want to remain kids! A talk to her doctor would help and see if she would open up to him or her?
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Period Party.
I wished I knew about them when I started.
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I definitely agree with the period panties but I would also find out if she is getting bullied in school about it. I had a friend in middle school who had an issue opening up about that to her mom because she had gotten bullied about her starting her period in the middle of school.
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I was this kid. I was so embarrassed to talk about it.
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At 12 I’d be concerned about abuse, bullying, and her hormone levels she needs to go to an obgyn. They do care for preteen. Abuse and sex can trigger menses.
That how my daughter behaves… her 1st period, i noticed bcz she fell asleep on a sofa n her dress was hiked up, n i saw a stain on her panties, i fetched pads for her, i waked her up. I tried explaining to her… her response was i know whats happening, she took the pad n wemt to the toilet…she was 12yrs, even today, i dnt knw if she is a heavy or a light flow… she is soo modest, i have never seen her dirty pads…
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Period underwear all the way, make a basket up of everything she needs, make a container up of snacks that she may like. Also craft stores carry small canvas purses and bags that maybe you can put pads in them for her also add a pair of underwear and 2 plastic baggies. When I did was wrap the underwear in paper towels and stick them in the plastic bag and then send another plastic bag in case she has an accident or something like at school or if she’s going out with u. Did this for my daughter and she said it was a lifesaver at school. She carries the thin canvas purse at school and noone knows
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There is nothing wrong with free bleeding. Look into period panties!
Buy her a book explaining it all place it in her room,after a few days ask her if she wants to talk, take her to a good female gynecologist
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I was a kid too embarrassed to talk about this. Even as an adult, I don’t talk about it. I would say, just make sure she’s got products available (different kinds, so she’s got different things to try), and then check what’s been used and replace that. If talking about it face-to-face is the problem, see if you can find a non-verbal way to do it, or a way to make sure she’s got what she needs without saying the words. Like a post it that is just “need refill”.
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Get her the period underwear! It will be so much easier for her.
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Some girls aren’t happy about that change. 
I would simply buy supplies for her all kinds and options and put them in her room so she has privacy. Then buy a few books for her, one good one is; our bodies, ourselves. Leave her alone and let her cope for a while. If she wants to talk she will. It doesn’t need to be a bonding experience. Just tell her you’re there if she needs you. I would schedule a regular check up/ exam soon with female doctor so she can discuss with her doctor.
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She is embarrassed. I didn’t want to talk about it either. I was scared to ask for products. Just buy her a few different products so she can see what she likes.
I hate to throw this out there, but I feel it’s important. When I first started my period I was terrified to let my parents know. Why? I had been sexually assaulted. Starting my period freaked me out as I was so scared I would get pregnant by my abuser. Once my mom found out I had been hiding my periods, the truth came out. I suggest sitting down with her and just gently discussing her discomfort. I pray that nothing like this is happening to her! I pray with all my heart! But please talk with her in the most compassionate way you can about this. It may be she is just uncomfortable with the changes, but you never know. Big hugs!
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Maybe she is just embarrassed and doesn’t know how to talk to you face to face about it. I would get a communication book(notebook) for you and her, write something it about how the book is for your guys eyes only and that she can talk to you about whatever she wants in it, put it in her room on her bed and let her know of a secret place to put it if she has written something in it. I would also invest in some period panties, and maybe make her a special little kit with pads, towlette wipes, and that sort of stuff.
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This book saved me when I was a child coming into womanhood. I was 8 when I got my period. I read this book over and over and over.
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My girl was the same. I gave her a bucket with a lid and told her to soak her nickers in the bucket with laundry soap and warm water. And always have pads and tampoons in thr toilet in a basket on the floor.
Just make sure she has feminine care in her room for her at all times.
Sit her down and talk to her! Communication needs to be open between you.
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Great ideas in this comment section. Body autonomy is super important to all of us, especially young girls who are still figuring out their bodies and a new cycle and a little privacy would probably go a long way with her. Leave some products and a book in her room so she can investigate them in her own time when she feels ready. Also giving her a washbag to put her underwear in so she doesn’t have to worry about anyone seeing them, then asking her if she wants to hang them up herself or if you can, it’s a great lesson on consent as well. When I got mine I asked my mum how the washing machine worked and was allowed to wash all my own clothes from that point because I wanted that privacy and loved that my mother respected my request, even though I didn’t want to talk about it I knew if I ever wanted to I could because she respected me as well.
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Period knickers are really good they can just wear them every day
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She’s prob embarrassed. But it’s REALLY important for her to know how to take care of herself so she doesn’t get a yeast infection or anything.
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Leave the products in her bedroom not the bathroom, sounds like maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about it… Not everyone wants it to be a conversation.
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