When I acted out, it was because my mother didn’t understand me. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean you both have the same personalities and that can sometimes cause people to clash. Try to understand her, listen to music with her, pop in her room talk to her watch movies ask her wat shows is she watching and don’t judge her for watching them. They’re not our friends, but in all reality we were theirs first. It’s probably confusing and frustrating to her that she’s different from you and nobody understands but her friends. Make a day for just you 2 to do something together, workout nail salon hair salon etc. these are all things I wished my mom had done. No therapist, punishment, treatment facility, boot camp, nothing worked. But loving on me more WOULDVE 🫶🏽
She’d come home and there would be Nothing in her room but a bed , blanket and a Bible. Everything would be boxes up and taken to shed. She would earn it back with good behavior and respect. One box at a time not knowing what was in the box… Hard heads need a wake up call.
Also if you can, get in touch with the parents of the other children and see if it’s a pattern for all of them maybe you can tell them to get on board with keeping their kids away from her as well. And never mind whoever feels a way, this is YOUR child and you are fighting for her life because in a split second everything can change
Either punish her now and get control so have a bigger prob
Summer bootcamp ? Move school for new friends? I habe no idea but it sounds like she’s stubborn rebellious amd her friends are bad news
Keep her in her bedroom. And if she’s a TV or anything take it all out of her bedroom. Once you keep doing that she might straighten up.
Help her wean off of vaping. I know you might feel like a bad parent for it but don’t cut her off cold Turkey
Be the mother. Stop being half mom/half friend. Tough love is tough but it works. Take the phone and lock it up, take all her privileges away from her. Leave her bed, pillow, blanket & some clothes in her room. Make her earn things back one at a time.
Hoe is she ending up with a phone she isn’t supposed to be using? Lock it up until she earns it back! Simple solution. Why is she even out with friends!?
I would have gotten a whipping on my hiney. And would have been grounded. And if that didn’t work, sent off to one of those “schools” in Utah or New Mexico. THAT shoud straighten her up.
You are doing great, mama! I always said if my kids didn’t “hate” me or tell me I was “ruining their life” occassionally, I wasn’t being a very good mom. She’s gonna be mad at you now, but she will get over it, and when she’s older she’ll understand. Hang in there…and in the meantime, just remember to love her harder when she’s harder to love <3
GROUND HER FROM PHONE & COMPUTER AND LOCK -UP HER PHONE- than another time try this lock-up phone and ground her for 1 month / or this one ground her from t.v. and phone which u would lock-up and ground her from computer - the longer u ground her from items she loves i feel that she may one dad start to listen to what you’s say! but only gradually start to give her things back to her - so lets say u have taken away her computer and t.v. give back to her after one moth her t.v. and her computer , but as long as one of you’s r there when she uses computer to do her home-work she can use it - as soon as she is done or even close to being done home-work take it away again ,put it somewhere where she hasn’t have access to it! try that !
You’re doing the right thing. Keep taking away privileges until she learns
I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same situation. Wish I had some advice to give
Here’s a thought maybe we try COMMUNICATION and remembering what it was like to be a 14 year old girl with uncontrollable hormones rushing through our bodies. Remember how hard school was, especially if there are mean kids there, which I’m sure they’re is. When we actually show empathy to our teenagers and let them know we understand and remember what it was like they might actually feel comfortable coming to us with their problems.
Now this doesn’t mean never discipline and allowing her to keep vaping but it does mean maybe try positive reinforcement and not just punishment. Kids, including teenagers are little humans LEARNING how to be big humans. If you are not perfect don’t expect anyone else to be perfect. Try love, communication, understanding, empathy. Get to know her for who she’s becoming, no matter how much that might change, not who you think she should be.
You will not get her approval. It’s about being consistent while she’s a shit. Be there for her.
As long as your being a parent your not a bad mom 14 is a tough age regardless wanting independence but still young enough to do silly things and needing guidance. Be fully prepared that they may say they hate you and bla bla bla but in the end they will ( Hopfully ) grow up a well adjusted adult
Welcome to the terrible teens. Hormone poisoning… it’s hard, but it time to be tough.
Welcome to the crazy 14 year girl. They do return to normal but you have a battle ahead of you. I have taken doors, tvs, given five preassigned outfits for the week, disconnected Wi-Fi and shut off phones. Want to steal let me show what prison is like? Want to lie let me show how no one trusting you is like. You don’t lose ever. The minute you lose the battle of wills,
It is over. I believe kids should have a healthy level of fear in regards to their parents.
You’re not a bad mum. Parenting teens is hard. Be persistent and stick to your guns about earning back your trust. Be very clear about what you expect and acknowledge when you see good behaviour too so she knows what to keep working towards. Keep talking to her, find out why she’s smoking, or why she’s having trouble talking to you and being honest about things…build that communication up. Kids this age will test boundaries over and over again but should know without doubt what the consequences and rewards are…hopefully as the hormones settle down she’ll settle down lol good luck!
It’s the age for all that , i m going through it too, it sucks
It’s just a phase. I know it is exhausting but keep up what you are doing. She will learn eventually. She might be like me and have to learn the hard way
Shes 14. At that age, kids think they know it all. Your not a bad mom. 1st, talk with her.( not at her) and be sure that there isnt anything wrong that you arent aware of thats making her act out. Once you determine theres nothing wrong, ground her. Take everyrhing. Be hard on her. Its better she straightens up now than gets in real deal trouble later
Stay strong Mom!!! I rebelled a lot against my Mom but I never had a father figure neither. I lied, stole, smoked pot, walked miles just for someone to pick me up to go to a party for the night. Any and everything it took to have a good time I did. Tell her if she keeps it up you’ll take her to the police station and have them talk to her about how her poor decisions can affect her future. It took me one time in jail 3 years ago and a felony to get my shit together. To some what she’s doing is a “phase” I say it’s a road leading to destruction. Praying for you. 
Bust that ass, ma’am. She’s plenty old enough to be GROUNDED at least. Make her clean the whole house on her summer break. Take everything other than her bed away. I mean… I can’t believe some people can’t control their children.
Definitely a learned behavior and don’t be surprised if child services gets involved if this continues cuz eventually it will catch wind with a third party
If you feel like punishment is the primary effort being made at this point, then I would change the dynamic. I would let go of a lot of the small battles, create more lines of communication wherever possible, praise her where you find her doing something you like, and schedule some quality time with her away from home. All the energy is being spent on the power struggle.
be consistent this is an important life lesson for her; she needs to establish trust or she will never be believable
Teenagers are wonderful manipulators! Stick to your rules!
Ok, I know how I was at 14 and I know how my son was at 14. You need to have a private conversation with her about EVERYTHING. Make sure she’s not on drugs because of the stealing. Does she get an allowance? Can she get a job a some sort of youth work program? Talk about sex (I lost my virginity at 14…BUT I never got pregnant until I was 28). Let her have a sleep over. If she wants to have a sleep over at HOME, that’s a good thing and at least you know where she is. There is absolutely nothing you can do about the vape. Unless you want to keep your eyes on her 24/7. If she wants to vape, she will figure out how. But these are just my opinions and experiences. Good luck momma.
Turn the phone service off.
I’ve raised 5 girls, you really find out how much you love them, during these troubled teenage years! 
Hang in there, they usually mellow out about their Junior or Senior year of High School, or mine did! I just did a lot of praying, during these years! 
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No you’re not a bad parent. It’s hormones. It’s tough when other parents aren’t creating boundaries themselves but you have to keep this up. Next I see her trying to sneak out. And possibly try some therapy or group therapy with peers. I was in group therapy when I was 16. Lots of kids needs a little help to know they’re not alone and need positive activities to help them learn how to adult one day.
I went through this with my teenager. I even had to have cameras on the entrances of the house because she would either sneak out or sneak people in. It was the hardest few years of my life. But we made it over the other side.
Being a Mom is so hard. I’ve raised my daughter and she is out of the house. Now im still raising two sons on my own. 14. 15, 16 year Olds are do scary bc we want to protect and teach them…what works for me is I pick and choose my battles. And it’s so hard not to be angry at our children all the time and honestly who wants to. Tell her she can have her sleep over after her punishment is over and keep your word abt that. Go back to baby steps to earn trust back so she is able to chat w you about things and trust can be built. It is fixable.
Take her summer fun away entirely. Not just sleepovers…but also her phone, none of her friends, and create a chore list for during the days. Lying, sneaking around, smoking, and stealing are pretty bad things for a teen to be into. Tell her the only fun she will have over the summer is with you her parents as a family. Until she 1) Apologizes and takes responsibility for her actions and 2) chooses to enjoy and appreciate the things she already has.
l get paid over $187 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18918 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingincome52.pages.dev/
Try removing the phone and any other electronics completely from your home. If she needs laptop or whatever for school, you make her do her homework in a family room or kitchen and monitor every few minutes to make sure she’s not reaching out to friends for vapes and phones. Change wifi password, take out anything she doesn’t need out of her room, put an extra lock on her window.
Your not the only one to deal with this. If she wants a party you stay with them. 
you need to figure out how to get her to Stop hiding things from you. if your first reaction is to bug out on her when you disagree with something she tells you, thats totally pushing her away… work on being understanding and have her Want to tell you things. sometimes being a very mild version of “the cool mom” will have her telling you everything you need to know, whether you like it or not. its Better then making her feel like shes better of distancing herself. its all up to you. shes Only 14, youre the adult.
When I take my son’s phone I hide it somewhere not at home. I take it to my fiance’s office and put it in his desk. When he’s ungrounded we will bring it home. Blatant lying or disrespect (I don’t mean the stuff where kids are kids I mean rude tones with talking back etc) will get them, I have 2 kids, grounded real quick. No phone, tablet, switch, xbox etc. I strip EVERYTHING and take it to my fiance’s office. Then there’s no chance of them sweet talking me and pretending to be good and I can 100% stick to my guns when it comes to their punishments. I hate to see them miserable but I do explain to them every detail of why they’re grounded and that this is their own doing. If they don’t want it to happen again then don’t do it again. It’s been working pretty well for my 8 and 13 year old.
Call her doctor for advice… make her an appointment with a counselor…heck make an appointment for the three of you and discuss the issues in front of the counselor…it’s called family mediation.
Just keep at it… it gets better… stay consistent. You’re not a bad parent.
You set the rules. You must stick to them and not cave.
Turn her phone service off stick to your rules and what you’ve been telling her and don’t budge at all.
Keep standing strong. I don’t think she deserves a phone at all until she’s older. Don’t go back on any punishment. Put your foot down and leave it there. She will get the hint eventually.
Find out as much as you can about her friends. Someone is influencing her in a bad way. Take the phone and don’t give it back.
l get paid over $187 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18918 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.
M0re Info. https://amazingincome100.pages.dev/
Pull her from her school/ friends and look into military school
We homeschooled and it fixed that problem
the phone line would be suspended and my wifi password changed! you can’t follow my rules u can’t have your phone . seems like she takes u and dad as a joke and u need to make en example out her spoiled little self. whew it couldn’t be my kid! also it could be the people she hanging around or social media influences.
Never let up consequences for bad behavior!
Only my opinion. I raised two boys. Try a reboot. Wipe the slate clean. Cease punishments. Set out rules for behavior and phone use. Add chores, she is a member of the family and all should have chores. Give her the same respect you ask for. Pick your battles, try to let little things go. If she wants to live in a pig style, let her have her room how she wants it but you should not clean it. I hope she has to wash her own clothes. I would look for counseling for the family, at least you and her. Best of luck. Parenting is hard.
Take her phone off her, change the Wi-Fi password, if she needs a computer for school, make her do it in the livingroom where u can keep watch over what she’s doing, apart from that, no electronics, and no going out/sleepovers/parties ect, school and home, that’s it, be consistent, after a week or so, have a talk with her, tell her you’ll let up with the punishment and you’s can start from a clean slate, but no vaping/lying or stealing. She’s at an age where u want her to be able to talk to you about what’s going on with her, so try to get her to understand that she can come to u with anything an u won’t punish her if she talks to u about it, try work with her, not against her… I have a 17 an 15 year old, the pressures on kids these days is so much more than when I was young, I’d rather my kids feel like they can talk to me about anything and everything an not have to worry about punishment, but at the same time, they know they need to be respectful and not act like brats, that kinda stuff they get grounded for…
My daughter kept stealing her phone back after me taking it multiple times…last time I had enough…she put it in my hand when I asked for it I dropped it put my boots on and stomped on it 
14 yrs testing her strength to see if you will bend we all been there our parents asked the same ? and your not wrong
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Don’t cave stick to your rules
Oh my! I am so happy that my kids are all grown up and I don’t have to worry about all this stuff anymore!!! Kids these days don’t seem to have any respect for their parents or ANY grown ups, for that matter!! 
Hormones what can you say take it away permanently
My grand daughter is seriously out of control and her mother ( lives in Oregon) has taken her to police dept ask for help. 4 times. Even called CPS on herself. She lies. Steals from everyone they know. What to do with this issue.
When we had some trust issues with our then 14 year old, he lost his door until he earned back the right the following school year. By law you must provide a bed, clothing and food. Nowhere does it say a phone or privacy.
My kids both have a phrase they say and when they say it they can tell me anything and I won’t react. It takes away the fear of punishment and because of that my oldest has been able to tell me things very openly and even tells me why she’s acting out. It was a trick from her therapist. They do get punished for lying or if they put themselves in a situation where they could get hurt.
All kids go through phases
They all handle things differently .
A lot of kids want attention good or bad , a lot of people compare their kids to their siblings or other peoples kids .
We forget what others have had phases because your so happy they are over it …. But try to remember they all do just maybe different .
It’s hard to give positive attention but try …. If your always telling them they bad or a pain or annoying they will distant themselves anymore . Find a person they can talk to family member or whatever , they can trust not to over react .
Just listen , don’t react , take it in before you do react .
It’s hard to tell adults what is bothering you if all you get is negative response.
Patience , love and respect how they feel .
We don’t have all the answers , we are not them in their world .