Hi all! My daughter will be 3 in August she has really started to act up and not listen. She only won’t listen with me. when I have people watch her she’s good for them. I’m at my end point with her I’ve tried to get her to listen to me. I know she’s so young and I have no idea what I could do as a punishment for her. I put her in time out sometimes but that doesn’t work a majority of the time. Me and her dad aren’t together and he enables her bad behavior and let’s her get away with everything so that sucks. I also don’t understand how she’s good for everyone else but me. I know she wants my attention I try to give her as much attention as I can ( I also have a 1 year old son) How do I go about her behavior? Punishments?
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Try positive reinforcement, also as rough as it is she will always act up more for you, you are her safe place. As far as punishments go, time out is perfect, make sure when you are explaining to her why her behavior is bad that you kneel down and do it on her level. That’s what I’ve been doing with my almost 3 yr old daughter and it has helped A LOT
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Problem #1: You and your ex aren’t on the same page; Problem #2: You’re likely not doing the time-out technique correctly; Problem #3: Your child knows you and your ex are conflicted and she’s pushing her boundaries with you two. Others are clear with her and she listens to them.
Review the time out technique (Supernanny is great at this). The first few times you’ll probably have to repeat it multiple times. Have fortitude. You can do this.
She’s like that with you because are her safe space.
You and dad aren’t on the same page so that’s confusing to her. You need to have a conversation with him on her behaviors and try to get on the same page as far as punishments for said behaviors goes.
Sit her down and explain in a way that she can understand what she is and is not allowed to do and the punishments if said behaviors happen. Be consistent with it. For example ( Honey mommy needs to talk to you. From now on you do not throw things when you are mad, and if you do then you will be put in time out for 3 minutes) make sure she understands what you mean & then follow through with what you said.
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3 in August which is still 2. This all sounds like a typical 2 yr old.
Possibly insecurity with you get brother and dad situation. Is dad the same dad. If not maybe Theres an issue with her going and baby staying with you
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terrible 2s turn into terrible 3s give time outs limit time
terrible 2s nope 3 is more difficult
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My son behaves better when I’m not around. But it’s because I am his safe space. He knows with me he can be his true self and he is safe to let his big emotions out like he may not feel safe to with anyone else. The fact she behaves better with others, I wouldn’t get too hung up on. You’re her safe space.
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Distractions when she’s acting out change the vibe better than punishment. She’s too young for that. Consistency is best policy. Good luck!
Maybe she gets jealous from her younger brother and trying to seek ur attention, and actually there’s no way to do with her as a punishment , u can just ignore what she’s doing
Others have offered some really good support about working with your 2 1/2 to 3 year old in the moment about undesired behaviour.
I’d like to add that children around her age can begin to understand that there are different rules for behaviour in different peoples homes or in different places in the community. For instance, “In aunty’s home, we take our shoes off when we enter. At play group, we have to put on indoor shoes.” and yet in still another we visit, “Grandma likes us to wear slippers.” You can use these kinds of examples as an introduction to mommy and daddy do things differently. “In my house this is what is expected.” In daddy’s house, there are different rules.”
When you are visiting different places, you can review these different rules or expectations. I.e. “we’re going to visit Nana now. Do you remember what’s different about her place? (Give time for the child to answer).
That’s right! She lives in a seniors home, and we visit her in the lounge.
So, we have to be quiet, and sit in a chair. I know that’s hard to do, so I brought a book for you to look at. When you feel like you can’t stay seated any longer, you tell me, and we’ll say ‘goodbye’ for today.”
You can do this kind of social scripting or story telling anytime. “We have to go grocery shopping. Can you tell me the rules for being in a grocery store?”
Children really want to do ‘what’s right’, to please their caregivers.
Mr chazz on fb and tiktok has really great advice for dealing with toddlers and their big emotions.
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She’s still a baby good grief
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That’s literally what 2-3 year olds are supposed to do. You admitted it’s likely for attention, maybe set aside some special one on one time with her without the baby if you can. Give her your undivided attention, do what she wants to do.
Anyone who has had kids will tell you 3 is more difficult than the “terrible twos.” She’s learning autonomy and pushing boundaries, that doesn’t deserve punishment, just gentle correction.
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We have a place in our town called Valuing Our Children, they offer classes and support groups for all parents and caregivers. I have been involved with them for years, they have a Grandparents Group , any Grandparents can go but it’s especially helpful for those raising their Grandchildren. Their classes are called , The Nurturing Program, How to Raise a Thinking Child, Positive Parenting, and many more … these have been very helpful. One of my favorite words is " AND" ex. " hitting is not very kind, AND let’s color " It’s better than " stop hitting , it’s not kind , so now you need to go to timeout and sit for 3 minutes " which as I’m sure you know only escalates the situation. Also , there is a video on utube called Let’s Belly Breathe with Elmo, it’s amazing, my kiddo responds very well to this … Good luck !!! Also , instead of time out, maybe make a comfy spot , pillows , blanket, favorite stuffy , a few books ( have your little one help , after all it will be her space) when she acts out, calmly say " would you like to go to your comfy spot and look at some books to calm down with"
You discipline which means to teach.
She is a young toddler who is still learning to fit into a world that is not designed for children.
She needs to be taught what to do, how to regulate emotions, and how to navigate this world.
It’s all developmentally appropriate, really look into child developmental and understand the child.
Consciously Lisa
Preschool Therapist
HIC Parenting Education
Janet Lansbury
Big Little Feelings
Just some of the great content I follow!
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These sorts of questions wouldn’t be asked if we encouraged parents to learn a bit of child development. Auditory processing isn’t completely developed until a child is 14 years old. It may never actually fully develop at all in neurodivergent chidlren/adults (like yours truly). So the child is not “not listening” the child is doing what its brain is capable of doing. The question should be, “what can I do to help my toddler develop the skills they need to follow instructions that are age-appropriate? Ultimately, when it comes to matters of safety the onus is on the caregiver to keep a child this age safe. We should expect that they don’t listen because they can’t. It’s not personal.
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