My 8 year old constantly argues with me: Advice?

I have three sons, ages 9, 8, and 4, and my middle son always argues nothing I do is right. He always tells me I’m mean rude he dislikes me… IDK what else to do he doesn’t listen I tell him to do something, he tells me no I don’t want to or why can’t you do it! I’m at a loss. He does this stuff to his dad to and we don’t know what else to do. Need advice?

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Spend alone time with him. Like on a “date” each month

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Spank his ass grown folks never take lip from children

My mom use to hit me in the mouth. I know its a little much but talking and " dates " sometimes yelling isnt enough. Either take away electronics or start spanking.

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Give him lot of love and attention maybe he feels left out.

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My 9 yr old does this when he’s attention seeking

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He needs some attention and love. More than what you’re giving him.

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Get him evaluated by a phyc. He may have ODD or other mental disorders.

My son started to have the same behavior growing up. I eventually took him to a child psychiatrist and he was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. After establishing rigid rules and laying out the consequences if not followed, then adhering to them 100% (both the child and parent) it got better. However, it was not an overnight fix. May be something to look into?

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I guess showhim what mean is … If it’s bc your asking him to do chores then let him know it’s his choice if he wants to but with that choice change WiFi pw. Don’t even take electronics let em have but useless if he can’t access anything. Unless he has something w directly on it- then just lock him outta it.
And definitely do spend time with him. Remind him he’s a good kid, just makn bad choices, you know he capable of makn good choices and you’d like to see that.

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He’s getting a rise out of you and gets attention, Ignore him and walk away, he gets attention from it, might not be positive but it’s attention. Be more relaxed.

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Start saving for law school

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Bring him to the Caribbean, he will see those things aren’t for him. Seriously how he probably feels left out give him some alone time assure him that you love him but punish him when need be

Give him someone to complain for…

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My 7 year old does this
It’s not fun emotionally or physically seeing our children disrespect us but it’s part of growing up and learning emotions

He wants attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Start spending time with them each separately so they have your 1 on 1 undivided attention and y’all can bond. Punishing him is only going to make it worse.

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He might be feeling lost, as he’s in between the eldest and youngest. They both have their territory as eldest and youngest but he feels lost being the in between one. Simply spend more time with him and understanding his needs and put him above the rest for a while until he understands… but if this continues, he may need child therapy. Here is Asia, if children spoke back telling they hate theyre parents, or if they stormed, parents would simply whack them hard, and there would be no 2 words about it. I remember how we were brought up. Just a look from our parents was enough, but if we persisted, it would definitely end up in being hammered, slapped hard, and our parents made damn sure not to give into us. They knew who the parents were and so did We. They shouldn’t hesitate to hit us until we understood never to talk against them. So I think Asian children are far better disciplined, maybe this will work abroad too, if only parents were strict from small days. You don’t have to be a tyrant, but you sure have to be a parent who can discipline a child

Have a cup.of tea and let it all blow over . Rise to it hell do it more xx

I’m on the same boat. My 8 year old started to act up like 3 months ago and I’m just lost. He just wont listen. I did reach to the school and hopefully I can get him help. I will say that when my daughter went to therapy I was told to buy a diary put it under her pillow and every day write something. Ask about her day and always say positive stuff at the end. She eventually started to write back and it help so much. I will start doing this with him.

Hmm wish I knew what to tell you but I have a stubborn teenage boy who argues with me every day.

Wash his mouth out with soap

Talk to his dr about therapy. I wish my parents would have instead of ignoring it all. I’m 27 and really wish I had treatment sooner. You never know what’s going on in their heads😔

It can be a sign of Autism especially if he has other signs too

When he does this are you punishing him for disrespecting you? I’d take away all fun things for so long every time he did this. No games or tv or whatever he enjoys for a specified time. The worse he is the longer the time frame. He will catch on.

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Give him two or three choices of what behaviour you want. He might be the type who doesn’t want to be told what to do, but if he can choose, his behaviour should improve.

You though it was funny when he was younger now the only and best thing you can do is bop him in the mouth and bust his butt and quit letting your kids be the boss

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I have a 10 year old daughter who acts in the same way. Rewards for good behavior and consequences for bad make no difference. The only thing that semi works for me is to not engage at all with her bad behavior. Trying to reason it fight back does nothing but aggravate the situation. I send her to her room and checking in after 5 minutes if her attitude has changed she is allowed out but otherwise she stays in til she can behave. It’s very frustrating and I don’t always have the patience for it but I’m trying

Beat that @$$!!!
It doesn’t always work but it’s an option. I have taken everything but life from my 7 year old. (Close to the life part but she realized she really crossed the line and learned to shut the front door quick!) Now, when she gets into her attitude, I take everything she has, and ignore her. If she tries to talk to me I tell her to go away and leave me alone (same stuff she told me) when she asks me to do something, I completely ignore her.
I provide her with what I have to legally and nothing more. Took about a week and she gotten a little better.
I also keep a belt at my desk (Covid work from home,ugh) when she starts I pick it up and she will tell me, oh wait let me think about it.

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Ever hear of a spanking?! God put a nerve from our butt straight to our brain that carries the message!

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What is your overall relationship like with him? He may be acting out because he’s not feeling connected to you. Have you tried spending one on one time with him on a regular basis? Maybe carve out one day a week where just the two of you spend a couple hours doing something together that he enjoys and give him your undivided attention. Are the rules (and consequences) at home clear and consistent? Are you rewarding his good behavior? Are there emotions he’s feeling that he doesn’t know how to express? I know all of these things are easier said than done, especially in the moment but options to try.

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Every time he argues he loses something…He will learn fast

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Take all his toys game things away until he treats you better

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Do not allow your son to disrespect you. Spank his bottom! If you let it go it will only get much much worse. Consistency is key. Don’t spank him one time and let it go the next. I was also a rebellious child myself and have observed over the years other rebellious children. What I have learned is that we tend to treat these rebellious children differently than the sweet ones without meaning to, whether it’s the tone of our voice, or the look on our face, which makes things worse. Since rebellious children are always in trouble, you will have to go out of your way to ensure they feel loved and included. He is likely very sensitive and being young doesn’t know how to express himself. There are many kids books on Amazon about emotions that could help with that. These kids thrive with a structured environment and family traditions. It also sounds like he enjoys his independence as well, so you could give him more choices. (I.e. “Do you want to clean your room before or after your bath?”) Hope this helps some. I am a firm believer that rebellious children are simply just misunderstood.

Be consistent be loving but direct have routine direct clear cut consequences for breaking the rules follow through and praise and reward good behavior

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Well for starters stop arguing with him hes a child your the parent. What you guys say goes, no means no. If you say don’t do A cuz this will happen follow thru. When he’s good let him know he’s being good. Don’t let him run your house or he will be 18 telling you what to do.

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Time out…every time he does it! It’s a control thing. He needs to know who’s Boss.

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Maybe have a police officer talk to him? Next time your out maybe that will knock sense into him

My 8 year old daughter has been emotional and angry and just a rude brat lately. I think its a phase honestly.

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If he wants something give him the answers he would give you. Don’t argue bc it gets worse he needs to learn he’ll get treated the way he treats you

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Whoop his ass your not his friend your his parent.

I’m going through the same with my 8 yrs old daughter

Tear that a## up and then say I love you

It’s comes down to old school …whip his a$$

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Counseling wouldn’t hurt

you dont argue. pick your battles. but say what you need him to do or expect and if he argues back you walk away. you said what you said.

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If this is sudden behavior that did not gradually progress, I suggest having a heart to heart with him to find out why he is acting out. If all else fails get him to see a therapist to get to the root of the behavior. A spanking or other forms of discipline are not a cure all. If the behavior has been progressing to this point, be consistent with punishment. Even when you are drained and just want to relax for a bit.

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I think kids today really need discipline “spare the rod spoil the child”. Our era grew up with a healthy respect for our elders. No way would I have talked to my parents or any elder in negative manner without suffering the consequences. Fear of God is healthy and good.

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Don’t argue , first one day when everyone is calm. Sooner than later, explain what his responsibilities are, when you tell him he needs to do something,he is to do it, tell him once, if he doesn’t,don’t argue, walk away, now because he’s not following rules he suffers the consequences, you take games,toys away, don’t say a word just do it,you already told him what would happen, Don’t be afraid to take a planed outing away, find a sitter, talk with the dad ,see if you both can get on the same page, stand strong, hold your ground, now in between all this remember to tell him often you love him, thank him when he does anything positive, when he does a chore you’ve asked him to, tell him he did a good job, don’t over do it, just say you did a nice job and move on. He will hear you, he has to earn his games and toys,etc back, love your child.

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Check to find out if he has a real problem. My son is odd. It’s oppositional defiance disorder. It’s real. He went to aba therapy about 9 months and hasn’t been at all that way since. No meds. But training and counseling and learning to understand himself. We as a family were taught how to better communicate with him.

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You’ve lost control. Now is the time to get tough, but with love. He’s 8, just imagine him at 16! There has to be consequences when he disobeys or mouthy. And both parents have to be on the same page so there’s no playing favorites. Explain this to him, and tell him he can play the game or suffer the consequences.

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Wow!!! If I ever talked back to my parents I will get a spanking or have soap in my mouth. I quickly change and respected my parents. I know I deserved it. I just wanted to see if I can get away with it. But, nope not my parents they taught me.

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Remember you are the parent, not your job to be his friend until he is an adult. Your job is to protect him, it will get worse as he gets into teens , you are doing your job. You will always love your children, but dislike their behavior. Be consistent, you are the parent and let him know what you expect then walk away. You and your husband present united front. Best of luck, they will be grown way too soon , enjoy them and be thankful they are healthy.

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Take away his toys or stuff he has as a privilege. When he starts to listen and follow directions he can have his stuff back one at a time. Its your job to cloth, feed and provide shelter and love nothing else is needed. You are not his friend you are the parents and if he doesn’t like you thats ok. He needs to learn there are rules and expectations to be in the family and need to be followed to deserve special treat like toys, food, computers etc

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Have you have a heart to heart with just him? He may be acting out to get more attention. It’s best to pull him into a quite room and have an one on one talk without his brothers around. Most of the time he might feel that his siblings are getting attention while he is getting told what to do. Sitting down and talking will help more than hurting him.

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I would take away the one thing he loves the most. Phone, video game, whatever it is. Tell him why you are doing it and let him know he will get it back when he learns to be a member of the family. Stick to it. It may take a couple months! Take whatever it is out of the house so he can’t try to get to it.

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Try a punishment of taking away the video games or phone or computer time. Make sure it’s something he likes

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Is he getting enough one on one attention? Sometimes any attention is better than no attention… Does he behave when you’re not around? Ex. Grandparents, friends, school etc.

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He’s a child, you’re supposed to be adult, mother, father, yes you can take things from him but if that doesn’t work spare the rod spoil the child, in other words spank his little ass.

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Sounds like my middle daughter. Seriously it was a non stop battle, that got worse, we tried everything spanking, grounding taking away privileges, and counseling. Nothing worked. It got so bad when she was 18 we threw her out, this was after she physically attacked us. Around her early 30’s she started acting “normal” by 45 she owned her own business, and we’re best friends. Dont wait for counseling, start it early.

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I take away alllllll of the electronics in the house. Usually they meltdown completely for a couple minutes then go back to normal, however they can’t get anything back until the next day pending good behavior. So the next time they start, they know what they have to lose!

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If you haven’t the heart to spank, It’s time to start taking privileges away. TV, Games, playing with friends, over night stays. A good old-fashioned grounding that doesn’t get lifted until he helps around the house. He’s gonna throw a fit, for sure, but you and your husband need to have a stronger will than his. Then, the 3 of you need to have a talk about what you expect from him and why you need/want it from him. My kids are much more receptive to doing certain chores if they know why I’m asking for the help.

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I’ve got 3 kids I realized real quick not all punishments work the same with each child

Some respond to a verbal punishment others physical and then theirs my kids

For a while I had to fine them. They earn Allowance if they want money they have to earn it

So with one of my kids when he misbehaved I fined him

Another usually just had to have their video games taken away

And yet another learned in her own way

Get creative you’re the authority figure you know the child better then us so go from there

I’d ask if there was something happening in the child life that he or she is acting out on if this is brand new behavior

If it’s normal then I hate to say it but the child evidently learned that behavior from somewhere and he or she wasn’t taught that it was unacceptable

Good luck…

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I went to counseling with a foster child who was just like you are explaining. I was told to not get drawn into arguments, no reasoning only facts. If you must respond take one true thing that the said ie. you are so mean to me I can’t stand you. Put your emotions aside because you know that’s not true and say, I’m sorry you feel that I’m mean and walk away. Don’t continue the conversation

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You make the rules, that’s why. Once you begin to “explain why” it becomes negotiable in his mind. Repeat your position only once and the consequences begin. He doesn’t get to choose his punishment, or the length of time the punishment is in effect. Remember, anytime you try to bring about a change in a child, they always go in the other direction. That’s what a counselor told me and I found it to be true.

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My daddy used to take his belt off and I knew I better straighten up. By that time it was already too late. It didn’t permanently hurt me and I loved my dad because I knew he loved me. He always told me, the only thing you whip your kids over is defiance. If they dont respect your authority then they won’t respect the law one day and the policeman’s authority. He said I’d rather take care of it now! But…that’s the old way.

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Ive been having this problem recently but I let them know all the electronics would go, picked up the paddle I didnt think I had to carry anymore, and now we are cleaning the entire house. All I have to say right now is, “Is that back talk?” As soon as I slack it will be back though. 🤦

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Maybe he needs special attention. I was a middle child and I didn’t feel like I got the same love as the oldest or the youngest. I was too young to do some things and when I reached that age then I still didn’t get to because it wouldn’t be fair to my little sister.My parents didn’t mean to make me feel that way.I never told them how I felt but I did rebel.Today my daughter has 3 kids and she makes sure that all her kids get that special 1on1 time.

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Middle child syndrome sucks and sometimes can come out in negative ways. Many try to see if focusing a little time with just them will help improve the relationship.
Also maybe try asking instead of telling like “hey will you give me a hand with this please? I could really use your help!” It makes a world of difference sometimes if you just try a little harder to make them feel important and not lost in the middle.

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I have 5 kids. All of above average intelligence. None ever just did something because I said so. Instead of seeing questioning as a negative try actually explaining why. And sometimes if it makes sense let him do it his way. It’s his life so he needs to learn to make choices for it. The rudeness is a difficult thing to get rid of, it is still an issue sometimes with my 17 year old. But if you treat him with respect he will learn how to treat others that way. Mostly. Sometimes. He is just a kid after all.

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Um, who is the parent? Why is this behavior even tolerated? When the response is “no”, take something away and have him earn this item back. At this point, take everything away and have him earn it back. At the moment he disrespect you again, back to square one. And no, beating or whooping him is NOT the answer. You don’t react with anger, physical assault/pain when trying to correct a behavior. Doing so will only make the situation worse.

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I have grown sons told them both when they can hand me a check monthly for the mortgage payment they will be the boss. I held out my hand for their check and they both advised they don’t have money so I advised them that I am the boss go clean your room.

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Some good old fashioned discipline. Ignoring him is not the answer. Act now, or pay later.

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Sounds like oppositional defiance disorder and usually take wording things different to them as well as not responding just telling them do what I asked an no games or fun until it is done and enforce it also therapy

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Remember he’s a middle child asking for some time. Plan a weekly “date,” with him.

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Discipline…when he tells you no,make it happen. Counseling may be of help.

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Oh my. I sure believed in the power of a good spanking. I was spanked with a belt. I thank God my mother loved me enough to spank me. You explain why they are getting a spanking and then spank that bottom!! I spanked my own two boys!

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Sounds like a he needs to get spanked if you have to tell him to do something more than 2 times. I know people think it’s abuse but it’s not… there is a difference between abusing and disciplining. Before or after his spanking you can let him know or ask him why he is getting a spanking so he will understand and start not being so disrespectful.

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How’s that “time out” thing working out???

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I remember once when I was young at the dinner table I stuck my tongue out at my dad and I remember it was for no particular reason I think just to see what he would do. Well I found out. He reached across that table and smacked me so quick I didn’t know what to do. Let’s just say I never did that again.

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From what I have learned in my life. People really need to take a step back and to remember how they where. U need to just actually start treating him like a intelligent person and not just your kid it’s both at the same time. Give him the confidence he to know that everyone struggles. Even u and I may need to just ask why he sees it that way and what he gives u

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Tell him precisely what you need for him to do and what the conscience will be if he fails to fallow what is expected. Do this with all your children. Then walk away don’t engage in the argument and follow thru!! Do not threaten what your not willing to do.

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Find some info on middle children. It may give you some insight into why he is acting this way. I suspect some deep seated hurt that he isnt able to verbalize. But I’m not a shrink so could be wrong here. Just a thought.

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Stop doing things for him. Stop giving him things. Stop letting him be the boss. You are!! If it is bad now what is it going to be like as a teenager if you don’t get a handle on it now? It’s not being mean it’s teaching respect and love. Stop doing his laundry, stop cooking his meals. Don’t take him places or drive him anywhere. I once stopped my vehicle on the way to the store and made my son get out of the car. He was 11 or 12 at the time. I drove away and he walked back home. He couldn’t believe I did that and neither could I but it worked…No more talking back or dealing with his crap again. Good luck!!

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Personally if I was to talk back I would be picking my teeth up off the floor… I am a firm believer in corporal punishment. No matter what your disciplinary view is you need to realise that YOU are in charge of his happiness . Do not argue with him, do not let him win either. He dont listen, take away his happiness. When he grows up there is always gonna be someone in charge of his happiness and the sooner they realise that the better. Dont please your boss? Say goodbye to that paycheck. Dont please your spouse?..

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I really don’t know I know I’d of been taken out to the wood shed had I spoke to my parents in this manner. That right there’s why we have a bunch of crybabies in society now

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Find whatever is near and dear to his heart and take it! My daughter had her blanket if she didn’t listen I took it they will shape up

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I was never allowed to disrespect my parents! Set firm boundaries and rules. If he disobeys, take stuff away from him. Take privileges away if taking stuff away doesn’t work. Give him love & affection and praise the rest of the time. Middle children often feel like they have no role in the family. Talk to him and find out what is troubling him.

When we were having these kinds of struggles with my now almost 11 year old, we got him a therapist to talk to and learn some behavioral coping skills. Also, look into parenting with love and logic! Things are much more peaceful in our household❤

All kids are different when it comes to discipline. What works for one may not work for another. But, one thing I do know is that if you can find something that means “A Lot” to your child, for mine, it was the phone, take it away until the behavior changes. It was the only thing that worked with my kiddos. It will work but you have to be consistent and stick to your guns. If your child does something and you tell them that you are going to take away their phone for a week, take it for the full week. Don’t give in and give it back sooner. Otherwise, it won’t work. Other things you could do is don’t allow them to go to a special event. Unfortunately, disciplining can be much harder on the parents than the children because we want our children to be happy and to have things. But, it is the most affective form of discipline. And, you will begin to see more respect on their part. :+1:Hang in there! Best wishes! :innocent:

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As a middle child myself I gave my parent’s a lot of sass , My Mother took me to talk to a Dr. I was about 9 then. After talking to me a few time’s he told my Mother it was my way of standing out Even bad attention was still attention. My brother was the oldest and the big helper, My sister was the baby and then there was me, That is how I was feeling. I wish you well I can imagine your frustration.

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You are the parents so be the parent take what he likes the most away,ground him to his room with no toys for a week he needs to learn respect and make him learn now before it’s to late my children knew better than to talk back to me because they had consequences

Put really firm boundaries in place, if he gets pocket money/allowance say £5 or £5 deduct it by 50p/50 cense (I think in America) each time he refuses to do what you ask, early nights 10 mins earlier to bed etc reduce his internet time or gaming time tv time (it’s horrible and he’ll soon sort his head out) but always give a warning first. But I would also recommend positive praise too if he does well tell him so praise the little things

The middle child tends to be more rebellious. They feel they can’t compete with either the first born or the baby. There needs to be Both good and bad consequences. Some children respond better to rewards for good behavior rather than punishment for bad behavior. Try a reward chart for days of no arguments and doing something the first time asked.

I recommend choices . You have a choice . pick up you toys or go to your room. Which one will it be . Never argue. they love it if you argue . Or agree . Yeah life is awful
isn’t it ? Let me know when you’re tired of complaining.

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I understand, from the time my son was 2.5 yr old ( he is now 41) he has argued with everyone about everything because he knows what is correct, unfortunately. We have always said when he dies he will argue with God.

I had him in counseling from the time he was 3 until 15 and they diagnosed him with ADHD, OCD, EI, LD, & ODD. The most important thing all the doctors told me was- structure, consistency and patience. He was a challenge to raise but I couldn’t have asked for a better son. As a man he has a good heart, is loyal, will be there for anyone whether you are a friend or stranger, has a good sense of right and wrong even if it’s a little too black and white, honest, a good husband and father and still a challenge.

You will all get through this, just remember structure, consistency, patience, love and the parents stand by – because I’m Mom and I said so. Pick your battles.

I tried all of this stuff on my son and none worked. I made him write I wont disrespect my parents 100 x 1st offense 100 more each time. My son was stubborn. He sat at the table for 3 days before he finally did it. Took 3 adults to take turns sitting there with him. He did improve his behavior alot. It took several times but consistency is key

The first time my tween boys got snotty with me they got smacked into next week. They still got a little testy over the years, but they knew where the line was and didn’t flirt with it much after that. I also spanked the crap out of them when they needed it. Always with an explanation as to why and no grudges held afterwards. Swift and absolute justice, only when absolutely necessary. They were also told that they were loved and appreciated regularly. Discipline was reserved for serious misbehavior. We all get along great. One is training to be a plumber and one is joining the military after graduation this spring.

Time to tell him the same thing he tells you…you will be surprised at how giving them back their same behavior makes them realize what an ass they are

He wants something from you say no. He’s hungry, fix it his self. Need clean cloths give him a wash board and a bar of soap.

It worked wonders ony grandson. He used to fight me about him taking a bath. I got tired of fighting him about it. So l told him like this. No bath no clean cloths to put on, that he was to wear the same ones until he took a bath…that lasted a week…he could not get over on me the whole 8 years that he stayed with me…and most of all do not give in to sad eyes, tears, or tantrums.

Cause you may experience them all.

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Show him what happens when you act that way mom.When he says fix me something to eat, you say I dont have to.Let him know you dont have to pay the net or tv bill.He will come around

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