My best friends ex all the sudden doesn't want me around their daughter: help?

So my best friend and I have been spending a lot of time together since he and his child’s mother has been arguing a lot more than normal. This had been going on for three months now, and within those three months, he and I have developed feelings for each other. I have known and been around his daughter for the last three years (since she was 1), and her mother never cared until now. She is in another relationship now, and I am the first girl my friend will be with since his daughter was born since he wasn’t ready to date again anytime soon. We are both waiting until all this mess with the mother blows over since he feels like he can’t give me the time I deserve cause he is caught up in her mess. She is now demanding that I stay away from her daughter, and I have no right to see her while I am with my friend. I have offered many times for her to meet me and talk to me so she might feel comfortable with me being around her daughter, but she refuses. She is withholding her from him while he is still communicating with me. She is threatening to put a restraining order against me on her daughter to keep me away from my friend and his daughter. I have done nothing to this little girl, and I love her dearly. There is no parenting plan yet (we are getting one filed after the holidays since they both want to wait), so there is no way to keep her from withholding his daughter from her. My question is, if any of you mamas might have had a similar situation and how you handled it? I don’t ever intend on “replacing” her as a mom. She is a good mom; I just don’t understand why she is lashing out now when before she never cared.

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My question would be what made her act this way towards you if you’ve never done anything wrong.

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Jealousy… and if you truly never did anything they won’t approve of a restraining order

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Most of the time its using a child as a pawn for these types of mothers and includes fathers. Its control.

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She might be just being petty and childish but she is the kid’s mother and you’re just a friend of the father. If thats what the mother want there’s nothing “we” (you) can do about it. She can’t just file a restraining order against you for no reason so I wouldn’t worry about that too much

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She is the bitter mom making it hard in court for those of us actually trying to protect our children from dangerous other parents :woman_facepalming: I think it’s amazing that you are willing to meet with her or even talk to her. It’s so frustrating when my exes new girls dont even smile back. :rofl: I am mom. Period. But if you’re gonna be around my kid, I’d like to know you’re at least a kind enough person to fake a smile at me when they are watching you! Shes just jealous. Probably scared and jealous more about you being around the kid, not the guy. It’s scary having someone new in the picture, in any capacity! Reality is tho, its dads time, its dads decision who he has around the child and mom can’t do anything about it. Losing that control is hard too. Just keep being kind!

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I used to be that woman. I was scared my daughter would replace me with her and I was so upset to see my ex happy with someone else because he wasnt happy with me… but my daughter loves her stepmom and it helps when I need a break from everything to know that she is well taken care of.
Give her time. Shell either be forced to give up or she will see your side of it all.

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Once a court order is put in place you need to make sure the fact that he addresses with the judge that she is threatening you for no reason. And if it’s starting with you, shes probably going to keep doing it to anyone he tries dating. But the judge will tell her that she has no control over who he brings around her when he has her and the parenting plan will be in place so she cannot withhold his daughter

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She also cant withhold the child because of you…best for him to keep record of how often she withholds the child and he needs to let her know that he is keeping record of withholding visitation and they he will present it to court, it is illegal to withhold visitation without a valid and just reason.

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Not you place to put yourself in the middle of this mess. You are a friend, that is all. Stay away when the daughter is around.

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She’s just being salty. She will get over it. I’d be salty too. Cant lie. I’d feel dumb like maybe something was going on the whole time? Soon she wont care. Maybe, unless they get back together then you will be ghosted.

Well, if Mom is in a new relationship, that could be why. Some people just don’t want or know how to be happy and how to handle kids when the couple splits and someone else comes in to play. Jealousy is a nasty witch. Is dad on the birth certificate? If so go to family court or family services and see what they suggest. If he is on it then he gets his child back. Unless he wasn’t put on he can file for the child especially if he or you think something else is going on at Mom’s🤷. It is holiday time right now so mom may be jealous that you all get to spend time as a family for the holidays also.

You don’t have any rights to the child. You don’t even call this person your boyfriend just a friend…I really don’t think it is your place to get involved in any of this. For you to say “we” are getting the court involved or whatever is kinda crazy to me. “We” ain’t doing nothing. Their business is not your business. Sorry but that’s the truth. It’s the dad’s place to go to court or work stuff out for his daughter or whatever. Has nothing to do with you. You should step away from this whole situation let them sort it out.

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My ex husband tried to put demands on me. The court deemed me fit to make decisions including who was around my child, so ex was told to back off. Now if you were an addict or something then the bio mom might have a leg to stand on, but from what you have written it just seems like spit. Good luck and well wishes to you all.

To me it sounds like you came into this relationship to early and she caught him at it. How sure of his truth are you.?

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Honestly, from personal experience, since there is nothing legal in place, both mom and dad have equal rights to the child. If you are around the child when she is with her dad, there is nothing that can be done about it. Her withholding the child from him will show negatively against her in court when or if it ever gets to that point. Just be as respectful as possible, but also supportive. It all eventually blows over

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Sounds to me like you played a part in breaking up her family. Couples argue. He ran to you instead of the mother of his child. That’s very telling behavior. If you want what’s best for him, let him sort all this out without you in the way. You aren’t being fair to him, the ex, the child, or yourself. You put yourself in the middle of a relationship that wasn’t yours to meddle in and impeded the growth of a family. Maybe you’re his friend, but that will ALWAYS be the mother of his child. So don’t push your luck. You’ve done enough.

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Back off and get the divorce etc. Handled. Give the x time to calm down and time for him to not be married.

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Give her time. She’s going through a lot and perhaps feels betrayed by you and your boyfriend. Give them space and you should just step back while they figure out their situation with their child. It’s none of your business, friend or girlfriend… know your place.

Give them space to figure it out.

Shes jealous. Whether shes in a relationship or not she wants to control him. They wont put a restraining order on you unless there is a legitimate reason. Shes using the child against him to keep him from “moving on” and that’s fucked up
My daughters father can sleep with who ever he wants but if I even talk to someone it’s a huge problem and I’m a hoe :roll_eyes: I took him fo a job interview Monday afternoon and yesterday he was threatening to beat me again, call my job and fuck with my car. Hes only happy when I’m doing something that would benefit him in anyway.

Document all the withholding and threats for court and wait it out. Don’t react to her immaturity and just tell him to keep trying to see his kid.

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Just because she’s in another relationship doesn’t mean she isn’t secretly still in love with him. She doesn’t want him but doesn’t want anyone else to have him eather. This is gonna happen to him weather it’s you or someone else. He’s gonna have to stand up to her and take her to court. She’s using her child as a tool to punish him. She sucks!!

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Don’t go around then. You don’t need to be the reason the child can’t see its dad

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She is jealous and probably still wants to be with him get custody agreement set up ASAP and unless she has proof of you being a danger to her daughter there is nothing she can do

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Sooooo… you were the “best friend” to him during their relationship… and now all of a sudden have “feelings”… if I was the mother I wouldn’t want you around my child either…
what makes you think you have any right to make decisions for this child… from what I read y’all aren’t even in a relationship. Sorry this story isn’t to clear but to me it sounds like you’re grimy not anyone else

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I mean you didn’t say they broke up, you said they have been arguing for the past 3 months and that In the that same time, he’s fallen for you? She shouldn’t be holding her son back from his father, but it sounds like you have played a part in their ending and she’s being petty and holding a grudge.

You’re nothing but a friend so step back. Whether she is being immature or not. If you really like this guy, then let them finish getting divorced and stay away so he can see his child. I’m not saying her keeping the child away is right but learn your place. We only know your view of the story. How would it feel if you’re getting a divorced and a friend got with your baby’s father? Probably petty. Because who knows what you have probably done with the guy before they separated.

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She probably feels threatened by you if you were around before the split, likely feels like you’re part of the reason for it.
That will make her feel like you’re going to threaten her place as mum.
Give her and her daughter space to heal, her daughter isn’t yours to worry about.

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she’s a good mom but she hasn’t been in her kids life for three years???

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You’re not in a relationship with him so there is no we. He’s probably telling you she’s withholding her because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you

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If you love the child then give your friend space to see his child alone, don’t force your place in the situation when you don’t have one. The ex wants to feel like she has some shred of control over the situation, grant her that and I guarantee life will get easier. I don’t think as a ‘best friend’ to a man in a relationship you should have been discussing his problems at home you should have encouraged him to talk it through with her, or did you want him to yourself all along…?

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First of all don’t listen to anyone here saying you’re doing anything wrong…the mother had moved on from the relationship and dad (your friend) has every right to do so also
Secondly there is no way a judge would grant a protective order simply die to the mother’s jealousy
Thirdly your friend need to go file for some form of custody or visitation asap so there will be a court ordered custody agreement where she legally cannot withhold the child from him

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She don’t want you around the kid because you’re a homewrecker. Leave the kid alone, maybe the father should too since none of you take anything seriously. This sounds like it was written by a 12 year old. Not someone who’s ready to be a mother.

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Sounds like you need to stay in your lane and let them handle it and let them make the parenting plan
“We” dont need to be in the middle of it
Its for " them" to go to court

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Sounds like she’s a bit jealous.

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She is jealous and being an ass. Just dont let her know that you are around the child until the parent plan is in place. Your friend might say he doesn’t want her bf around his daughter. :woman_shrugging:

Just best friends for 2 -3 years??? Now a romantic relationship?? She has reason to doubt and mistrust you. No integrity, should have bowed out when you first had feelings for him.

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So someone just reported my comment as hate speech when there ppl saying far worse :woman_facepalming:t3: I speak the truth and call it like I see it there’s three sides to this story her truth the bm truth and the big lie the dad is saying to both of them
The dad isn’t going to court then there’s a reason and an agreement in place

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This is like identical to my situation. My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, together for almost 8, married 5. His ex wife and him have been divorced for over 15 years and she’s known me for the entire time I’ve known him. I’d been around his children since I first met her, around 20 years ago, and she was fine with it. He moved in with me around 9 years ago (he was in another relationship that did not work out and he needed a place to stay) and just like you, no intention of being together, but it just happened. As soon as she found out she stopped visitation. Started saying awful things about me and our relationship and has destroyed his relationship with his children. She is remarried and has been with her SO for over 10 years. Unfortunately you can’t fix a petty, bitter mother. He can fight for visitation and hopefully, with him having visitation, he will develop a strong enough bond with his child that bio mom’s comments and actions will not interfere. Bio mom cannot legally keep you away from the child unless she can prove you are a danger, which I’m sure she can’t. Some women are so disgusting. Ugh…

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Let her continue to alienate the child and put out restraining orders. I have known vindictive mothers who have actually done this, this is in Kentucky, and they lost custody and the father was awarded sole custody that way he could be in control of visits because mom couldn’t act like an adult

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She cant put a restraint order on u
It has to be be a romantic relationship or past romantic relationship or a family member

Shes just saying that doesn’t know the law

He needs to get his life in order
File for custody and parenting time in court…or she will use manipulating and withholding till.that lil girl is 18 yrs old

Especially cuz ex is very controlling
She wont change

Been there done that
But my ex didnt file it. Took 3 yrs for him do it so I left him
So much drama

Give him a deadline
U matter as well
There will alway be a mess until its settled in court
Or give up.on romance with him

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First of all since they are not together the mother can’t say who the child can and cannot be around when the child is with the father. Second what exactly would be her reason when filing the restraining order? Just because she doesn’t want you around is not good enough reason.

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You need to step back and let him spend time with his daughter.

If he is paying child support she can’t stop him from seeing the child

The restraining order more than likely wouldn’t be granted. And if he’s on the birth certificate, then he needs to file a petition with the courts and establish custody and visitation. My daughters father kept her from me for over a month, and he was able to do that because it was considered a civil matter in the eyes of the court because we didn’t have anything established. I now have full custody; both physical and legal, he was granted supervised visits and can never claim her on taxes, in addition to a monthly child support amount and quoted by the paperwork “due to depriving me of my parental rights”

Probably jealousy: my boyfriend & I are dealing with similar crap with his son’s mom

In other words: Your best friend came to you with stories about how awful things were at home with his girlfriend and you two started screwing. His Girlfriend/Child’s Mother found out (maybe from their daughter) and now they are broken up. He’s waiting for this mess with his CM to blow over because he can’t give you the time you deserve. In other words: he’s not interested in being tied down in another relationship so soon after his break up. Let me guess, HE’S the one telling you that his Ex/CM doesn’t want you around his daughter and is threatening with a restraining order.:thinking: There is no parenting plan but “WE” are getting one filed after the holidays. What is this WE? You two aren’t even in a relationship. :woman_facepalming:t4: You need to back off and cool your heels. Let that man handle his business. Also if you do manage to start a relationship with him just remember the way you got him is the way you will lose him​:woman_shrugging:t4:

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Get a court order. The mother cant stop the dad having their child around other women unless they are seen as unsafe

I’ve dealt with this for 5 years now. She tried putting a restraining order on me too, but the judge didn’t granted to her, she also accused me of a lot of things. After investigations they just saw her like a crazy person and took time away from her. You could message me if you want

So basically you’re a home wrecker… :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

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That ain’t your “best friend”. You would have met the mother during those 2-3 years of being “beat friends”.

Stay in your lane and let these people be.

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You guys jump the gun so quickly, you dont know how long the bm and dad have been broken up shes had enough time to be broken up to get in a relationship what is wrong with him getting into one??? And why should the mom be that bitter and jealous even though shes in A WHOLE relationship. Its clearly just jealousy. You cannot control somebody else and who they get with, there should be no reason yall are bashing her this much while yall dont know the whole story smh.

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She is blowing steam up ur ass. First off unless she has proof your dangerous to the child she can not do shit. My gf just recently went through something like this and his application for her bf to stay away was DISMISSED. Get your friend to make application for visits and she can f right off…

You can’t put a restraining order on someone for no reason :woman_shrugging::woman_facepalming:

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I’ll bet the reason your “best friend” and his babymother have been arguing more often, is because of you. I’d be pretty mad if I was her too, you’re the other woman.

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Maybe take a hint and walk away. He can file for custody or joint custody but personally this is a lot of drama to start a relationship with. Back off. If he can just see you when he doesn’t have the baby so be it for now. You loving her dearly is cute and all but she’s not your child. Give it some time. And see what he does to get his stuff in order. You’re too involved imo.

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She is jealous. And more than likely this will
Never get better so know that going in. She will hate you forever. You could
Be Miss America and she would hate you. It isn’t you. It’s the thought of you.

Anyways…some parents just aren’t mature
Enough to put their child first. Instead they use them as a pawn In their game.

Tell your friend to keep meticulous notes on everything. And also to keep his phone on record whenever possible. And then let his lawyers and the judge take he to task.

Sounds like dad should have custody since the mom doesn’t have the kids’ best interest at heart.

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ok it dont matter if hes seeing her considering the mom is already in a relationship soo why dont the dad say that he dont want moms bf too see his daughter if mommy wants too play that game daddy can as well right?

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How is he your best friend for years and you never once met his girlfriend/baby mama? His girlfriend should have been his best friend. Its obvious they broke up because of you. If y’all were really “just friends” you would have met her at the beginning :joy: this is crazy. He shouldn’t have been talking to you in the first place. You marry your best friend just saying. Your girlfriend should always be your best friend if its a good relationship. That is why you call him your best friend now instead of boyfriend.

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I would need to know mothers side and ‘best friends’ side to fit all the pieces together. Is it the BF talking about her filing a restraining order? In 3 years the females did not meet each other? Who said the mother didn’t care before about seeing the child? Sometimes men don’t always relay things as they are. I have been on both sides. As the other woman due to the man saying he was going through a divorce…NOT! His wife found out and came to my place, I was shocked and quit seeing him.

She most likely knew and trusted that when he was her man he would never do anything to hurt her but now that she sees he’s caught feelings for you she’s fuckin pissed

It sounds as though you started spending time together before the relationship ended. When you were “just friends” which you weren’t. You may have waited to be physical until the relationship was over but emotional cheating is still cheating.
In her head…you lied. You lied about the relationship to the dad. Its really hard to trust someone with your kids in that sort of situation. Because…what else could you be lying about? You wanted the dad and got him…now maybe you’re trying to take over the role as mom too? Maybe you’ll try to drive a wedge? Maybe you’ll hurt the kids?
It sounds ridiculous and it probably is, but feelings aren’t often dictated by logic especially when kids are involved.

She can’t force dad to end the relationship…however there can be stipulations inside parenting plans which prevent…
Overnight guests. Bringing a new partner around the children until “x” amount of time in the relationship or until marriage is in the horizon.

Honestly it sounds like she is seriously concerned about something…otherwise she wouldn’t be threatening a restraining order. Now whether that something is real or a what if situation in her head…remains to be seen. Give her some time and space to cool off. Stop trying to force your way in because that just amounts to more and unneeded drama.

I just wanna say…you’re a asshole…that’s all. Oh and a homewrecker. You don’t deserve sympathy.

Because she can feelbwhats going on, u kidding me she knows ur sneaking around and prob have been even when they were together. Which is messed up. Whatever he did with her ,he will do to u. U are not different. That is all A mess I’d stay out of that period.

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Ive learned theres always more to a story then ppl let on so i dont really know how to respond. All i know is that you should probably step back from that situation and let them do them. Regardless of what he is saying the fact that he doesnt want to get ahead of all this is just weird to me. He wants to wait? What is he waiting for if he wants his daughter now? Idk seems real messy to me and that poor baby in the middle which isnt right.

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The mother is string him along. She has someone else in her life so maybe the friend should say he dont want her significant other around his daughter.

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She can’t get a restraining order unless you have done something detrimental. Let it blow over. He can tell her he doesn’t want her new hubby around his daughter

I was in a similar situation the first time I met my stepson’s mother. Just hang back and be patient. Once the visitation is set, she can’t keep you from being there when your friends has visitation.

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She legally cannot keep his child from him. When he does go to court that will hurt her and he can use that as evidence against her.

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Find a man without a child. You will spend the next 18 years in misery even with a visitation order. Been there, down that.

I would step back a bit. Give them a chance to decide what they want. And YOU deserve better.

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I would walk away for a while no offense but his daughter is more important than you are if shes with holding her because youre around thats messed up but he deserves to see his daughter

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Jealousy and anger are most likely her reasoning. Have him see a custody lawyer. As long as you have no record concerning the well being of a child there is little she can do. A judge won’t rule for you not to be around his daughter just because the mom “no longer likes you”. They see stuff like this all the time.

Oh, sounds like she’s jealous and want to keep the girl away trying to still manipulate him. Damn she has serious issues. This is a hard one.

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This happens frequently. You are the first one her ex is with. A lot of women go psycho when that happens, or when the new one gets pregnant, or when marriage is announced, etc. Something sets it off. You’ll have to be patient and let her wprk through her own stuff.

Who cares what she thinks, it’s non of her business who her ex is with. She should focus on her own relationship.

1.) You are the reason their marriage broke up, and if you arent, you’re definitely not helping.
2.) Your “soulmate” will never be someone else’s husband.
3.) You should stay away until their divorce is final. If the man-friend really wants to be with you, he will in the end. Dont be a reason to break up someone else’s life. That child is losing everything he/she has ever known , at least partly, because of you. Make sure you’re not the soul reason and give the family space. And maybe that child doesnt want to be around someone they perceive as breaking up their parents marriage, and has requested not to be around you.

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This has nothing to do with you. She’s feeling some type of way because she still wants to control her ex.

I’m trying to figure out why he’s waiting on doing a parenting plan? Exactly WHO is that benefiting?! The longer he procrastinates, the longer it will be until he sees his daughter.

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I am going through somewhat similar situation, difference is bm has never been comfortable with me , and now that we have daughter together it’s even worse. Usually females like that are just being spiteful and just don’t want him to move on

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She can’t just get a restraining order unless u did something to her that a judge would grant it based on so I wouldn’t worry about that. And yes stay back so not to interfere with his time with his daughter. He needs to be sure he continues to see her as his first priority!! And if I was him I would go file for joint custody if he wants or visitation so it’s on paper then there is. I think g she can do. She won’t be able to “threaten” him and not let him see his daughter once he has legal rights she’s allowed to be around anyone he chooses unless he’s she does get the restraining order granted on you. The right thing to do for now is stay away so u don’t interfere with a child being able to have a relationship with her father

Maybe she feels like u were in between them before when she was with him so now she is showing resentment and jealousy maybe step back and tell her ur sorry u don’t intend to try and take her place u wanna be there for her daughter

It’s been my experience that if the mother is over the father whether she’s in another relationship or not it’s all fine and dandy but if she has any feelings toward him at all good or bad the kid and the new partner get the shity end of the stick

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She is going to do whatever she can to make him unhappy and miserable. She has no real valid reason for getting a restraining order (assuming your side of the story is true) and a judge would even tell her she can’t control who is around her daughter when she is with her father. Also she is alienating the child’s father by giving terms as to what she wants vs what is actually appropriate. She would have to prove you harmed the child or etc for anything to stick. I went thru this with my son’s dad. His ex would keep his daughter from him because of being with me. She didn’t like that. They judge made it clear she can’t do that. It was also a double standard. She could move on and be happy but he couldn’t? Nope didn’t work.

So you’ve been in his daughters life for THAT LONG and still haven’t met the mother? Sounds disrespectful and trashy.

You say he’s your friend but are clearly hoping something will work. You need to leave this little family alone and mind your own business. Just cut him off. Just being fr. Sounds dumb and it’s not your problem, cut him off from whispering you sweet nothings because if your “friend” clearly wanted you, he would’ve been with you by now point blank! There’s no waiting for shit so he’s obviously playing you both. Thank you and goodbye! :raising_hand_woman:t2:

Following because my man’s baby momma is the same way. She even went so far as to call dss and say I burner my step daughter

She can’t dictate who the father has at his own house when he has his kid. She’s just acting like another typical baby momma trying to use their kid as a collateral to make the father miserable.

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Even if she took this to court…since youre not a stranger to the child and have known her for years…im not sure this will even hold up in court.
You cant tell an ex who they can and cant bring around.
U can only have it put in an agreement that no overnights for strangers around the child until youve been around a certain amount of time.

He should take this to court himself before she does.

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Legally, she can’t dictate how the father spends his time with his daughter. He has as many rights as she does. Being the child’s mother does not give her the authority to clear who he dates or the friends he has. In regards to a restraining order, there needs to viable cause. Not liking a girl is not a valid reason. So as long as there has never been any unsavory behavior on your part, you are in the clear. I would recommend a custody agreement on paper, this will prevent parental alienation on either side.

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She can’t. Unless you have caused harm to the child she can’t just say she doesn’t want you around who her child father chooses to date isn’t her business. I would have him report her for harassment, assuming he hasn’t been in her ear making lies up about you. He can also report her for withholding the child. She cannot stop visitation unless something is happening endangering the child.

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jealousy makes people act crazy… my husband’s ex tried to get us in trouble with dcf for no reason :woman_shrugging:t2: probably didn’t realize your friendship would turn into a romance and now she’s salty… it’s his child too though and if he wants you around the child that’s his right, especially since you’ve been around the past 3 years anyways. you’re not a stranger so she shouldn’t be disrespectful as if you are.

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