My boyfriend/fiance have been together for four and a half years, and have a three-year-old son together. We were teen parents, so things naturally happened in our relationship due to being immature. In the past, he had cheated on me at least two times that I know of for sure, but in the end, I forgave him. I forgave him with the stipulations of no more Snapchat, Instagram, and I needed his password for Facebook. He has always had all of my information and access to my accounts freely, so it’s not a crazy request. We have been doing decently after all is pushed back in the back of my mind. Well, for some reason a few months ago and tonight, I have found him looking up “how to know if your girlfriend is cheating,” or similar topics. I have never cheated, and he knows there is almost no way for me to even if I wanted to. He works, and I don’t work anymore because I was fired about a year ago and haven’t been hired at another job yet. So I am at home 24/7 with my son. We live in a studio, with no car. It would be very hard to cheat on someone when they have access to all your information whenever. Anyway. I’m not sure what to do. I tried talking about it in the past, why he thinks I’m cheating, and he doesn’t have an answer. I’m sort of thinking maybe he’s doing something and he wants to find a reason to make me feel bad? I’m not sure. Talking never helps, and at this point, I don’t know how to “prove” I’m not doing anything. What would you do? And leaving and breaking up is our last resort. We both love each other even if we know we may have a lot of issues together, but we love our family. Also, if he left, we would all be homeless, and neither of us wants that for our son or us. I just want some real opinions. We’ve tried talking, we’ve tried counseling online, we’ve been open about feelings, and trust and our phone and all of that, but I’m unsure what to do going forward if he is secretly thinking I’m cheating.
Welp I call this punishment for being the original cheater. You forever live in worry if the other person is going to cheat. Y’all at this point should break up.
Usually the one that’s accusing you of cheating is the one that’s cheating
Number one, neither of you have trust in your relationship. You don’t trust him, and he doesn’t trust you.
You two, even though you love each other shouldn’t be together.
Some relationships just don’t work out.
If you feel like you have to have his passwords for every account, you shouldn’t be with him.
First of all, find a job. Once you’ve saved enough to rent a house, leave him and move out. Or best is move in with parents after finding a job till you can get a house.
I understand why you don’t want to break up however you have huge trust issues. It is hard to build a healthy happy relationship without trust.
I would recommend therapy but I don’t think that will do what you want it to.
I would split up and move on as co parents. You will be a better parent when you are not always worried about what he is doing and can focus on you and your child. That child should come first above all this nonsense. You both need to find a better place for that child. Kids know when parents are unhappy, fighting, etc…
I have learned that when everything is ok then they accuse you of cheating all kinds theres a 99.9% chance they are doing shady things
Guilty flashbacks of his own game, so gotta make it look like you are
You might as well play along by saying oh yeah he’s your side girls brother we can all be happy together. So he sees how stupid he sounds lmfao
He’s the one cheating.
Hes cheated therefore this is how it is forever…I deal with this Daily for over 25 years now due to his Own actions of betrayal…its a curse for them in their own head & it’s relentless…its nice to see that however it’s becomes a boomerang effect…it comes back to bite the loyal ones…it doesn’t end you either tell him this is from what He did & now it haunts him & will forever & not your fault or let him go…and think what he wants…dont waste your energy proving your worth
He is cheating and looking for an excuse
I don’t have a job bc I was fired a year ago.
Girl. Get a job.
And a SEPARATE bank account. Start planning for YOU & YOUR child.
Also I agree. If he’s accusing you without cause, it’s him.
This sounds 100% like how it was for me back in the day - and it was my ex cheating again but trying to put his feelings off on to me.
I agree with everyone above. You need out. Even if you love each other this not a healthy relationship for neither of you nor your child. Do all you can to find a job ASAP, find a place to live ( even if you have to crash at friends or family - do what you have to) and move on). Once a cheater always a cheater
If he’s accusing you without a reason then he is most likely cheating and is trying to find a way to blame you.
He probably is cheating or still has a guilt complex from the past. Your options are for counseling face to face with counselors together, or splitting up, or trying to reconcile your differences on your own. I would suggest you try counseling together at a facility that specializes in marital infidelity issues, preferably with some Christian counselors if you are open to that. If not at least find ones that focus on the healing of the family as a whole. To save the children from anguish. Try not to make rash decisions. I’ll be praying for your family.
The only time my ex ever accused me (always without a reasoning as to why he thought I was) was when he was the one having an affair. …
Wether you stay or not you need to contribute to taking care of your family financially in these times. It would be a great deed for yourself so you’re not bound to anyone or anything, and make sure he is taking care of his son by law. He is definitely shady and there’s nothing you can do when someone has their mind made up, you can only start making plans to take care of you and your son’s future.
I think many of us have had this type of marriage or relationship, I know i did and that’s why I can tell you this… Love can’t fix everything. When you are lacking in areas of a relationship that are essential for a lasting one, in the long run it won’t work and if it does because it’s simply easier to be together then apart you will both be unhappy, stressed, resentful, and just flat exhausted. I was single for years after my marriage because I got convinced everyone was the same, but they aren’t. I can honestly say I never knew how stressed and unhappy I was in my previous marriage, or relationships, until I found someone that was the opposite of all the crap. You can choose to stay together, but the way it is will only cause these emotions and feelings to rub off on your child. Children are incredibly sensitive to tension and see can hear fights even if you think you are being quiet or private about it. Somethings aren’t worth it. Maybe with age he will mature, but once some lines in a relationship are crossed there is no going back.
Sounds like he may feel trapped with you. You are completely dependent on him and the worst would happen if he left.
Usually the accuser is the one doing it just saying I found that out first hand
Girl why be that desperate, he sounds like a loser. You forgave him for cheating several other times so guess what he is doing it again. Social media means shit, ya don’t need anything but yourself to cheat. Ugh, you don’t wanna leave him and know this so why bother. Just forgive AGAIN and keep pretending you’re happy.
Likely he thinks you have too much time on your hands because you’re at home and he has the guilt from him cheating in the past. You say there’s trust… but there is no trust. If you have to have each others information to see what you’re doing at all times, that’s not rebuilding it’s staying in the past and letting it consume your relationship to the point where it’ll always be a hot topic.
Sometimes if someone is cheating they accuse their partner of cheating. I’m not saying that’s the case for you. Just pay attention… Or it’s his guilt. He may be worrying that due to his cheating you may do the same to him
He just messing with your head and emmotions. Find your way.
Have you been distant when he is home?
Maybe he feels like you are pulling away.
I know I looked up the same thing when hubby was being distant but that turned out to be bipolar.
He could be feeling guilty but the answer isn’t always he is cheating or leave him there may be more to it
Most likely he’s cheating again and trying to figure a reason to blame. I’ve sadly seen this from a friend of mine. It broke her heart more that he would blame it on her because of his cheating ways. I would do what someone said on here. Find a decent job and leave. Monitor your social accounts for any odd messages or anything that looks tampered with. You could also try again and talk to him make him known that he’s important for you and your child. That’s if he’s just guilty from the past and has worries that you would do the same. It’s hard to say because some people generally worry about cheaters because it’s happened in the past or they have done it themselves so they worry that the other will do the same.
Guilty dogs bark the loudest. Normally, the person accusing you of cheating, turns out the one that is cheating.
I would say that the best thing to do is ignore it. There is nothing you can do or say that will make him feel better. Let him figure this out on his own and when he chooses to fight about it, tell him that you haven’t given him any reason not to trust him, that there is nothing you can do to assure him that you are true but to keep being open and honest and then say your done with the conversation. I wonder if this is insecurity and self sabotaging. He might not feel worthy or feel like since he cheated then that’s what people do and you will to eventually. He doesnt sound very healthy mentally and that’s his cross to bear. But dont argue because you will do more harm. Dont waste your time trying to prove reality because that’s not your responsibility. He will either come around or keep spinning and you can choose how to live and deal with his issues or leave. He might be cheating again but everything including the past cheating sounds like he expects you to leave and is forcing your hand and self sabotaging to make you the bad guy when you do finally leave him.
In my case it was deflection from his guilt. He cheated then fought with me, accusing me of doing things, so was busy defending myself instead of asking questions.
Cheating men suck!Cheaters will always be that. Cheaters.
Girl, find a way to move on with your life.
Get a job, then get gone.
You’re young, you’ve gotta learn to WANT HAPPINESS!!!
Sounds like y’all are in a forced relationship. You shouldn’t have to give him your info. And he shouldn’t have to give up his info. If you don’t trust each other, no matter the reason, you do not need to be together. Find a friend or 2 watch your child. Get a job. Save money. Become independent. And get your own place. And co-parent. And yes, it is this simple. Women of all ages do this every day.
Usually if they’re accusing you, especially with no reason too, they’re the ones doing the cheating.
If hes saying you are and your not good chance he is let it go now
If he’s accusing you he is probably cheating.
Yep I agree…any man who is accusing you of cheating, he is cheating, hes just trying to find something bad on you to make his cheating look ok…
Time to let him go. You are gonna be punished for his mistakes forever. Life is too short to be with someone who does this to you. There is someone else out there for you. He has not atoned for his wrongdoings if you are now being accused. Chances are, he hasn’t gave up his cheating ways.
How’s your sex life? When i go thru a dry spell and despise sex for weeks (even months) my hubby automatically thinks im cheating.
Hes got no respect for you and he is most likely cheating of some sort… find a job and become independent without him that way you dont have to live with him.
He cheated on you twice before I would of left already
Is he actually accusing you or just looking stuff up on his phone?
Once a cheater always a cheater leave now. If you loved your kid then you wouldn’t let them in a situation where they observe the behavior you’re saying you and your boyfriend do. They copycat and learn by watching. Respect yourself and get out now.
He is cheating again.
He could be looking up ways to catch a cheater in order to not get caught himself. You have his passwords? He could have other accounts. He could have a burner phone. Caught cheaters learn how to be better cheaters; they go “undergound.”
It’s his insecurity because he’s cheated on you. All you can do is reassure x
Guilty conscience, my dear.
Usually when they’re accusing you for no reason it’s because they’re cheating. Speaking from experience. That way he can use the “well, I thought you were cheating so that’s why I did” excuse
A zebra can’t change its stripes
In my own experience, I was accused of cheating … whilst he was the one actively cheating on me … found it on his phone an hr later and this was 3 weeks after I had his 2nd child
You’re going to get a lot of feedback saying that he’s probably cheating if he’s accusing you. That’s not always the case. I know I’ve felt that way in relationships where I let my own insecurities manifest themselves in that sense. I thought forsure he was cheating while I had no viable proof that he was. I would try to look at it from that point of view. If he hasn’t become extremely distant and somewhat hostile towards you, I’d be willing to bet there’s something he’s picking up on that makes him feel insecure in y’alls relationship. It says a lot that he hasn’t verbalized this to you I believe. Honestly, I would keep an eye out for drastic changes in his routine or attitude for cheating simply because he does have a history with it while continuing to do my own thing. I would start taking steps to secure a way out just in case I needed to leave. If you’re not doing anything wrong, then so be it. I know it’s so frustrating to be accused of something you aren’t doing, but try to find comfort in knowing you are faithful. Try opening up a line of communication and help him feel valued and secured in yalls relationship and see how things go.
He’s cheating and pinning it on you. Get out. NOW!!!
He’s cheating…he’s looking into how you would find out that he’s cheating so he doesn’t get caught…and he knows you are checking and that it will make you feel bad and kiss his butt trying to prove otherwise. Sorry girl you gotta leave. Get help for yourself and your son before things get worse.
He may feel delayed guilt, anxiety. And be projecting on you.
A lot of people in general when caught typically feel like their partner will try and get back at them.
I’m currently dealing with this as I caught my SO sexting another girl shortly after having our son.
We worked through it it’s taking a lot of tine, like you said I now have access to his everything. I don’t look. I want to build trust on my own without snooping.
But every now and again he gets insecure, and wonders if I’m looking for someone else or want someone else. Deep down we each know the other isn’t going to cheat or leave. But everyone goes through insecurity. Especially someone who’s done you wrong already.
Well you know what they say… those that accuse are the one’s doing… not always the case but perhaps you’ve been pushing away or distant lately causing him to think these thoughts? Not that it’s a valid reason but a lot of times when one person is distant or “off” the other person feels slighted and that’s where their mind wanders to first
I know everyone has already said this but he may be cheating again… I mean he did do it twice already. I don’t know how you do it because I couldn’t stay with someone who cheated not only once but twice. Or could be that since he has cheated he thinks that you would cheat too?
With my sons father I was always accused of cheating when it was actually him cheating, he probably felt guilty and accused me to hide the fact that he was unfaithful but I left and I lived with him too but now I got my own place with my son and someone who really can trust and love the way I can, you may not think it’s the best option now, but i went and moved on to better now my life and my sons is great
To be honest he’s probably cheating which I can honestly tell you you can track his phone just like he could yours via your Gmail and password so are you have to do is know his
This was my life my baby daddy cheated on me, then accused me of. Cheating to the point I took his ass to the steve wilkos show to prove I wasn’t cheating. The shit NEVER eneded and i did what’s best for me and my kids I dorviced him and now 2 years later we finally co-parent peacefully. Nobodies worth your sanity
Just leave… life is too damn short to waste time on a relationship with doubt, but I’m sure you know that. Advice is something you ask when you probably already know the answer.
In my experience when they do that, it’s them cheating.
Why you guys still together? That’s way to much broken trust. Imo
Maybe he thinks his ‘other’ girlfriend is cheating. If he’s cheated in the past he probably still is. You could be baby momma and she’s girlfriend. Why be with someone you can’t trust? If you gotta have conditions like passwords etc that’s not trust. And my exhusband had two phones and multiple accounts that I knew nothing about until after divorced. Second phone according to kids was hidden in car in a place he cut into car. And when I thought he was at work he was at bar or casino. How would I know I was home with kids. Move on.
Sounds like he’s cheating on you again… You tell him you’re not doing anything, and if he doesn’t want to believe you then let his ass stay miserable in his self pity party.
Accusing he really means they have a guilty concience
Keep his phone for a day and give him yours… NO WARNING JUST DO IT
Normally when my ex boyfriend accuse me of cheating he was doing it himself.
He’s going to accuse of cheating for ever, run please
In my experience: if you can’t talk about anything… ever… that’s literally the worst thing you can do for your relationship. You have to be able to talk things out and negotiate feelings and needs and expectations for your relationship. If it were me I would have an honest talk about what he might need from you. (I.e: regular dates, more talking, asking about his feelings and worries, telling him why you love him and reassuring your feelings for him, etc.). Most of the time when guys feel like their woman is cheating it’s because they might not feel love and attention from you. With kids it’s so hard to find time together especially if you sleep in the same area but it’s important to find a way to be alone and check in as much as you can.
I can bet $$ he is still doing it and it he’s looking up ways to hide it from you.I’d get a job and leave him high and dry.
It sounds like he is accusing you to make you feel guilty and trying to cover up something that he is doing. Been there.
He’s guilty of cheating, do not marry him, it will be aweful, please, I’m really truly sorry, but that’s the truth
Well you are making so many excuses…just put up with it and be quiet…I mean, you’ve already tried everything…there’s nothing more to that can be done to fix something that can’t be fixed! Good luck
Well the thing is, he didn’t come out asking if you were. He was genuinely googling the signs and how to tell. He may feel your unhappy. Or he may have guilt. But again, he is researching. Not coming and asking or accusing
From personal experience, he could be projecting his guilt on to you. I had cheated on my ex fiancé during a very bad time in my life. With my boyfriend now, I would never even dream of considering cheating. And I know deep down he would never cheat, BUT I find myself googling things such as you said your boyfriend does. I’ll read articles. I’ll get curious when I hear his phone go off. I get nervous when I feel our sex life isn’t where it should be because we’re too busy/tired. In the end, I know it’s me projecting on to him. I would never cheat on him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, and he hasn’t ever done anything questionable to make any suspicions caused by anxiety warranted. There could always be the chance that he is cheating again, but coming from someone that is being completely honest and knows that it could be completely innocent…talk to him about it. Therapy does help in this particular situation, if that’s something he’d be open to.
Hes cheating and you’re more of a mother then a wife at this point. Im exhausted just reading all that. I was with a man very similar add on he was abusive and extremely controlling;. This relationship will end its on you how much of your life you throw away on it. Im not judging i gave my ex 8 years.
the accusations, lack of respect and probable cheating on his part all seem to be the least of the worries compared to the job and housing situation. direct more energy towards the job you want or job prep and the other things will fall into place. counseling should help too.
Id go on govt assistance before i stayed with a man who cheated on me numerous times then accused me and didnt want to talk about how to fix the relationship. Definitely dont get married to the guy.
He is cheating and projecting his guilt onto you. Its a common thing cheaters do
My ex husband had a facebook for 5years without telling me he would stay up hours of the night. I wasnt allowed to have no social media
In my experience, when they are paranoid and accusing you of cheating, they are the ones with something to hide. Just my thoughts…
Yep still cheating on you!
Is FB the only answer common sense prevails here.
Try applying for housing assistance in your area. They may also have job resources available. To assure you’ll never be homeless no matter the issues between you two.
You’d be surprised at what self confidence will do.
Get out while you still have your self worth what may be left. He starts accusing you of cheating now with you home with your child all the time it ain’t gonna get better when you have a job. Work with assistance programs and get out before you end up like so many of us and end up in abusive relationship with him or anyone after him.
Get rid of your cell phones. This way if either of you still have the urge to cheat, then you’re gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way! Besides, the money you save from the cell phones can be applied towards your son’s education fund!
He’s probably projecting what he’s doing onto you… I never cheated once in 26 years but my ex never trusted me because he was always cheating…they know what they are up to so they think you can do it too… it’s a huge sign of insecurity… lack of self esteem & low confidence…he knows you can do better than him & deserve better… once a cheater always a cheater is sadly true… they never change… it’s an addiction like drugs & alcohol…they love the thrill… excitement… sneaking around…
He’s probably cheating
He’s either cheating or still the emotionally immature, insecure, paranoid turd that did it in the first place … try and use this time before your heart is broken to arrange some savings for yourself… some accommodation… work etc. set yourself up a new email and most of this can be done from your phone, in your private browser lol despite what u believe now,it never hurts to have a ‘just in case backup plan’…you’re a mum before anything else-be smart for your baby…be as prepared as u can be x if anything it will give u some confidence and your relationship will be there because u want it, not because u think u need it🌻goodluck❤️
He’s holding you back and making you feel trapped. You are not trapped. Get on your feet and find someone you deserve. Set an example for your child.
Those who accuse are often guilty.
It doesn’t matter. You love each other. That will never change and these dramas will pale in comparison to the love of your littles and the great times you can share once you let go of these minor regrets. Do what makes you happy and disregard a lot of the rest. Take care.
I was in a similar situation and I’m telling you it does not get better… you do not deserve to be subjected to that. I left my daughters father after being together for 4 years and now I am currently engaged to the most amazing person and he’s a great step father to my daughter. I have never had this issue with him for the 3 years we’ve been together like I did with my ex… not one. Obviously there’s insecurity in every relationship but to a certain extent. Trust is a huge thing. If communication goes no where, then neither will the relationship.
Sounds like a guilty conscience
Maybe he is feeling guilty for what he has done! Maybe he believes you cheated or will cheat because he did! This is a hard thing to deal with because with no trust it’s really really hard to have a relationship! You both need to have trust no matter what! If a person is going to cheat they are going to cheat whether you both know each others social media stuff or not! You have to give room for people to make mistakes that’s the only way to gain trust! If you give an inch and he takes a mile or vice verse it’s only gonna prove that one is unfaithful! Having each others passwords don’t mean anything it just shows you can’t be trusted! Trust is earned but you also have to give room to earn that trust just my thoughts! Why hover if it’s gonna work it will work! If he wants you and you want him you both won’t do anything to jeopardize that!
90% of the time if someone starts accusing there partner of playing up its guilt from there own straying habit id kick his but to the curb once a cheater always a cheater
I think he’s getting ideas of what not to do when he looked up on ways to bust you cheating.
It’s obvious to me by what you wrote there’s something going on with him.
Check his phone and workmates
Yup he’s cheating and guilty. Run
I had my ex accuse me of cheating and belittle me for over a year.
It was horrendous and low and behold it turns out it was him
Been there done that it just damages you further id start looking to get out, sounds the start of a toxic relationship which if you want whats best for your son… seeing it really isnt best