I need advice. I am 25 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend and I have different views on how we are going to parent our baby. He told me that when the baby is crying, leave him be, to wait until he stops crying, so he understands “independence and patience”. He doesn’t want our child to be spoiled. But I a the opposite, I think newborns should constantly be cuddled and held. Idk what to do at this point. I love him, but I already love our baby more…
Love that baby . Hold that baby . Tell boyfriend BYE
You cannot spoil a baby. I’m not anti cry it out but that’s definitely for older babes not newborns
Hold your baby and love on your baby. Independence and patience can come later💁
He might change his mind once the baby actually is crying and physically there. If not then he can sit in the background while you do most of the parenting.
Probably just saying what he’s heard regurgitated during his life. You cannot spoil a baby. When they’re little, they need that constant love and support. Learning independence can come later when it can actually be understood.
Cannot spoil a newborn
That’s not for a newborn even your doctor will tell you that! He is fn crazy! Leave him if he thinks that gonna happen
Hes an idiot. You don’t sleep train a newborn. Get him to read some books or articles about it.
I’m currently a nursing student, and the first thing that popped in my head was learning this in my OB class as well as psychology…
Erikson believed that there are two actions by the infant’s caregiver that help babies develop a sense of trust: Feeding and the caregiver’s response to the infant’s cries. When babies are held closely and have warm physical contact when they are being fed, they learn to trust that their need for food will be met.
The trust versus mistrust stage is the first stage of psychologist Erik Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. … According to Erikson, it is the most important period of your child’s life, as it shapes their view of the world as well as their overall personality.
Crying is how infants communicate,is he an idiot…you are all that baby knows,the sound of your heartbeat…not saying u should just sit around and never put the baby down,but if a newborn cries its because they are trying to tell u they need something or they are uncomfortable
He knows some babies cry when they poop , pee, or are hungry right??? Like… you realistically can’t just let baby cry until it stops. It’s also not good for newborn babies either to just cry it out.
Hopefully he changes his mind. Babies don’t need to learn “independence”. They’re literally 100% dependent on parents.
Tell your boyfriend to do some research and both of you should take parenting classes.
Hold the baby, dump the boyfriend
I highly suggest reading a psychology book. Emotional neglect is what your boyfriend wants to accomplish in with the baby. ABSOLUTELY NOT
No such thing as spoiling a newborn they need the cuddles and stuff they thrive off us loving on them
My daughters pediatrician told me you can’t spoil a baby , hold that baby , your bf will get over it … he may have a change of heart when the baby is here , it’s easier said than done.
You hold your child.
That way he/she feels safe, loved, cared for and that’s how you and the child bond too.
That maternal Instinct will kick in.
I’ve always told my husband…
Don’t make me choose between the 2 of y’all.
Cause I will choose my child always…
Research the fourth trimester
You don’t spoil a child with attention or even gifts. You spoil them by never telling them no.
Babies can’t be spoiled IMO. They have needs not wants.
Everything changes when the baby comes. U do what works and all does not go as planned
I cuddled and loved on my daughter when she was born up until she was about 3 months old
Hold the baby. They can’t be spoiled. They will learn that they can trust you and that you will be there for them. It will help them to be confident enough to be independent and know that mom is in their corner.
And I still love on her and give her kisses. But, I don’t hold her all the time like I did when she was born
Crying is the only way a baby knows how to communicate. You will figure out the different meanings. Keep in mind that his opinion may have been instilled in him by the way he was raised/told but hopefully he’ll figure out differently.
YOU CAN’T SPOIL A BABY! SMH…men.
I am a cuddler, the only way the baby can communicate is with its cry, the only thing you are teaching it by ignoring it is that you aren’t there, your child needs to know that you are there for them.
It doesn’t work that way. That would be abusive to a baby and neglect if the baby is not having their needs met. Babies cry to communicate. please take some parenting classes together!!!
Oh and a coddled baby is NOT a spoiled baby.
Most newborns don’t cry endless something is wrong, so self soothing isn’t something you’d do until they are about one. You can’t spoil a baby by holding them. You’re the mom.
If you google it up and show this boyfriend of yours soon to be kids dad he will know and google will tell you and even the doctors will tell you that baby will not be spoiled if you pick baby up wen it cry’s baby still needs moms feeling of touch and it’s ok if you pick baby up . Pls don’t listen to your man
on your baby
Babies dont learn independence. They learn that no one is coming to help them. Love ane cuddle your baby. Respond to their needs.
The best advice I was ever given is that you can never spoil a child with love.
I totally get what the bf is saying. I also get what you are saying. Babies cry for so many reasons. Not all reasons require the baby being held. Maybe take some parenting classes together to decipher when those times are.
Newborns need a lot of cuddles to develop secure attachment. Harry Harlow’s experiments on rhesus monkeys provided some insights too, maybe you could show him.
Constantly holding the baby is a terrible habit to start. My kids dad was the same way and I’m so happy as long as the girls were fine nothing wrong with them clean, dry feed then they could cry it out. My sister never did that with her kids and they are absolutely terrible her youngest is 3 and still wants to be held non stop. She screams as loud as she can when she’s not being held and up my sister’s ass. It’s horrible my sister can’t even work because of it idk what she’s going to do when that kid starts school.
I would show him this and tell him to research the fourth trimester.
What the hell year is your partner stuck in, 1995?? This is 2021 and we hold our babies
He’s definitely the type with outdated views that are regurgitated from random opinions he’s heard over the years. Tell him he has no say until he takes a basic class in child development… at the bare minimum he should be googling his opinions, because a quick search like “can you spoil a baby”, will give an overwhelming response against what he’s saying. If he wants to play an active role in parenting the child, he needs to also play an active role in researching what is actually best for that child.
I said the same thing till my baby got here. Then I never put her down. Lol shes now 2 and is well behaved. Shes spoiled but shes the first child and grandchild on both sides. Shes not bratty spoiled though. She knows what no means.
Cuddle that baby, they are use to being cuddled, its not spoiling. I could see doing it with a moddler but not a new born. Yes self soothing is good for babies, but not at the very first stage
I’d hold the baby no matter what anyone says. Even if it’s my partner.
Wait until baby is born, he’ll most likely have a different view
so, there is documented evidence that babies dont learn to self soothe until around 6 months. maybe research that and show him. My partner has a similar view but after our baby was born he was very attentive to her when she would cry, some guys change how they view parenting when the baby is actually born.
also, holding, cuddling and loving on your child isnt spoiling.
Yikes. You cannot spoil a baby.
You are the MOM not him lol… moms get the say so!
Love on that baby!! I disagree with your mans thoughts completely!! You will be a mother and your motherly instincts, will kick in, no matter what he says or thinks. Sounds like he may be trying not to get attached.
Babies cannot be independent. They depend on you for everything. They do not self soothe they need their parents to comfort them. Hold your baby and love on your baby as much as possible. It will not cause them to be spoiled. If you neglect them it will affect their development.
Newborns CANNOT self soothe. You CANNOT spoil a baby. Leaving a baby to cry teaches them that you are not available to them when they need you. That isn’t teaching them coping skills, that’s teaching them to give up on having their needs met.
You can’t spoil a newborn. Babies need to know that they will be responded to when they cry. This is the trust vs. distrust stage. You are not teaching independence by letting a baby cry.
I didn’t realize loving your baby was so bad. Infants can’t be independent. You love that baby as much as you want to. I’m on my third child, and I’m still told I should “let her cry it out”, but I can’t bear hearing my baby cry, and she is only little once.
Cry it out doesn’t apply to newborns… They only cry if they’re hungry, tired, need a diaper change, or are uncomfortable/I’ll/hurting. I did use the cry it out method for bedtime when my kids were quite a bit older… But like… Walking age older. And even then, it’s within reason. I never like ignored them for long periods of time because you never know. Your kid can get into trouble quickly and need help.
I wasn’t self soothed as a baby, I grew up independent
We didn’t get babied held every time we cried.
I don’t see why it matters really, you wanna hold the baby all the time do it. If he don’t want to it’s ok.
We were all perfect parents until we became parents.
Kick the boyfriend to the curb!
Don’t listen to him
I agree with you just love that baby as much as possible n the bf can shut it
Parenting class. Like, now.
When a baby cries, especially a newborn, it’s bc there is a problem. Newborns need that contact for psychological development. When a child isn’t attended to they develop emotional attachment issues and trust issues.
The “cry it out method” doesn’t involve letting them cry until they stop. 🤦 That’s actually counter productive and teaches them they can’t count on you.
read books together… go do parenting class… maybe cause he was brought up certain way he thinks like that. baby need love! a baby cries cause they cant talk. be a good parent and love your child
From what my pediatrician told me with both kids is, when they’re new borns attend to them right away but once they reach 9-12 months start to let them cry it out. Start slow so let them cry for 2 minutes, go in, let them know they’re not alone and give them a nuk or whatever your have to do and then step back out and repeat.
A baby doesn’t learn independence from being left to cry until he stops, what he learns is to just give up because whatever he is crying for (food or a wet nappy or he may just be uncomfortable) will not be provided for him even though he is using his only means of communication to ask for what he needs. Everybody needs physical contact and babies and small children are no exception, adults don’t like not having any physical contact with another human, what makes him think babies are any different.
You can NOT do the CIO method with a newborn, they need the cuddles and love and cannot be spoiled from that. I did CIO method with my oldest around the age or 8 or 9 months but I knee the difference between just his tired cry, pain cry, and scared cry. Men…ugh
You love that baby as much as you want and just remember, take parenthood day by day and that none of us knew how to really parent before we became parents, hell I still am learning day by day and im a mom of two.
When the babies born he’ll change his mind. Babies have a cry that means hungry, change me, burp me, rub my back, etc. they can’t use words or anything else. So he will have no choice. It won’t stop
There are many studies on this very topic stress levels in babies always remain high as well as mothers stress levels always remain high when baby is crying and it’s just a negative outcome.
They will explain it better. Find a good child psychologist video and sit down with him, so he’ll understand there is no such thing as self soothing method for babies. Best of luck.
Lmao your boyfriend is an idiot. He’d never be left with my baby if thats how he’d treat a newborn!! Baby’s only form of communication is crying. Is he wanting hus baby to sit down and explain their feelings in a way his ignorance can understand? Honestly wtf…
Let’s be real, the second that baby cries he’s going to beg you to pick it up to stop it from crying.
Just give him time. Mom instincts kick in at conception, but dads don’t experience pregnancy. He will most likely change his time when baby is here
Do wat u want I told my hubby a baby cries not just to cry it’s always something whether it’s to be loved fed has gas or in pain so I will pick up my baby when they cry
Lol everyone says dumb stuff like that until they actually have a baby…just wait it all will change once they baby is here…
Newborns cry because that is how they communicate. They just spent 9 months getting to know your voices and hearing your heart beat. Constantly nice and toasty. I can say your “idea” on parenting when it is your first child will drastically change once your child is here.
I suggest joining Beyond Sleep Training or Gentle sleep group on fb
You cant baby a baby … they are babies
Studies show that kids and adults cant remember way back into infancy but that the feelings from “crying it out” are hardwired into our emotional programming
I’m not a fan of letting them cry myself but I didnt run every time they cried
… you can tall by the cry (in most cases) how urgent they need you imo
Explain it to him like this- babies can’t talk and if you can’t talk then you have to rely on an alternate method of communication. Until baby learns to speak our language, we must learn their language to know what they need.
Babies cry for a reason
Babies need physical contact nonstop. They are infants. Crying is the only way to communicate. “Need to learn to be independent” …excuse me then your bf shouldn’t Ever Seek for your attention or reassurance bcuz he is a grown ass adult that should be fine without attention… realistically he wouldnt be okay with being ignored.
All the crying and fear of being alone will definitely affect the babies growth and stress the newborn out. Ignore your BF instead and give all your love to your baby…see how he likes it.
Well your boyfriend is not going to cope with being a parent if this is how he thinks it’s done. Good luck.
There’s been studies saying the crying out method can cause brain damage when done that young. Id have him read some stuff on that. Newborns or babies for a while don’t have the ability to learn to self sooth obviously. Or even have the mind to think what patience and independence even is… id really do some thinking about your man.
Snuggle as much as you want
I get where your man is coming from but that shouldn’t start until the baby is at least 2 years of age to start letting them learn independence
There’s such thing as a hillacopter mom
Snuggle Snuggle Snuggle they grow up so fast
My baby is 2 and I miss the constant snuggles
Yesterday was a big step in my little man’s world he got into bed laid down covered him self up and went to sleep without mommy or daddy and it made me a little sad that he didn’t want to Snuggle but my baby gots to grow
LOVE ON YOUR BABY…its not independence and spoiled and all that shit. Babies stop crying because they know no one is coming when they need them.
If the baby is crying pick them up as something is up whether be hungry, wet nappy, wind or colic but if the baby is sleeping soundly don’t pick them up just for a cuddle leave them be, I had this issue when I had kids and people came over they wanted to hold baby even if they were sleeping and that’s when baby gets needy and clingy.
That doesn’t really work with a newborn, maybe as they get a little older.
You cant spoil an infant… they cry because they cannot speak… they are telling you they are hungry… cold, tired, need to be burped, have gas, need a change, are constipated, are having muscle aches, ANY pain whatsoever, etc… youre bf needs to take some parenting classes.
I feel like if this is your first child you have NO IDEA how you’re actually going to be as a parent. Just love your child. Also babies cry for a reason always.
He sounds like a monster!
Newborns can’t be independent, that’s ridiculous
Maybe he should research about the long term effects of cry it out method and determine if that’s still what he wants to do…
I would advise getting parenting books for new parents. You both could learn tools such as nurturing needed. Babies cry for a reason may it be wet , need fed and you can learn to sleep train baby. I’m a nanny and I’ve read a lot of tools for new parents. Things will work out. Just enjoy your pregnancy. Be kind to yourself.
Compromise. There are times where they will need your touch and times where they will test your boundaries. Figure out where your boundaries are gonna be. Babies need love, kids need love. Sometimes love is letting your kid cry it out because they are throwing stuff. Then there are times when they are having a really bad day, their little tummies hurt and they can’t tell you they have gas or whatever because they don’t understand why they feel awful. Those are the times where a rub on the back and a soothing song are more helpful than ignoring. You guys won’t know how you parent until you have the kid, so keep an open mind and be able to compromise when you can.
Like babies only way to talk is to cry… so his way of thinking may not work for Babies. But it’s good support that is there for when the kid decides to act out and feel they need recognition for how sooty they were then have a temper tantrum. Haha don’t worry you will do fine
Why is this even a topic? Love your baby! You are only 25 weeks. Its not going to go well. Put ur baby first u are the mom and the nurtier.
I cuddled and held all my children and they are very independent and they are only 3,2, and 1. I feel like newborns cry for a reason. I like to build that bond and form of security for my babies
I suggest getting a few books on how to care for a newborn. Basically present facts to alter his approach. It is pointless to argue or disagree at 25wks because when the baby comes it’s a whole other story.
Also the cry it out method is for when they’re older. Newborns cry because they in need of care, they either need to be fed, changed, burped…
Anyway just get some parenting books, and also talk to the drs and nurses after you deliver while your partner is present to he can also hear how to care for a baby.
Babies can not be spoiled, there are plenty of scientific studies to back this up. Babies cry for one reason and one reason alone; they have needs to be met. Comfort is a need. It’s okay to walk away for a moment when you are tired and overwhelmed and need a moment to yourself. That is always okay, no matter what anyone says. Pick up your baby as much as you want to, be the parent that you want to, and don’t let anyone else tell you differently. As long as they are happy, healthy, and fed, you are doing a good job. He needs to read a parenting book or two
Newborns can’t be spoiled. They need cuddles. Most books wouldn’t recommend self soothing until at least 3 or 4 months
Um your baby do what you feel is right newborns cry when they need something not because they are being spoiled. The dad sounds like he needs to go to a parenting class. I can understand wanting to teach independence but not as a newborn thats stiff you teach them as they get older.
Have him read about Attachment Theory. Human touch is vital and you can’t spoil a baby.
A newborn can’t “understand” anything hold your baby as much as you want, especially when they cry
I’ve raised 3 sons all turned out to be great adults. I’m raising a granddaughter. She’s 6
Best advice. Hold that baby when you want as much as you want
Babies don’t cry for nothing tend to your child first always and try educate your man best wishes
You’re not suppose to do the cry it out method with a newborn! I wouldn’t listen to him, cuddle that baby as much as you want.