My boyfriend gets offended that I do not refer to him as husband: Advice?

I am looking for input. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage, been together for almost ten years. with two children. I want to wait till kids are bigger so they can participate in the wedding as flower girls and ring bearer. He refers to me as a wife, and other people do too, but I generally say boyfriend because we aren’t married, he has a huge issue with this. I told him that until we are married, I am not calling him husband, but will not correct other people if they refer to us as husband and wife. Now we are talking about marriage after the first of the year at the courthouse just to do it and have a big wedding when kids are bigger and money saved up. Any issues with the gaps between the courthouse and ceremony?

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Dont blame you. And if thats what you want than go for it. Dont do it just to get it over and done with though if thats not what you want.

If he wanted you to refer to him as a husband, he should have put a ring on it quicker. We got married at the courthouse almost 20 years ago and no regrets.

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Can I ask why you are getting married after 10 years and 2 kids? Can’t call someone husband if the aren’t

There’s never really a right or wrong time. If y’all are ready to get married then go for it, but if you want to wait until they are older then that is fine and it would be yalls business. Weddings are supposed to be about your family, not everyone else’s. As for the getting mad about you referring to him as the boyfriend it’s a stupid argument. Pick your battles.

After you are married at the courthouse, there’s really no need to spend money on a wedding later. I’d do alittle something instead of courthouse. I’ve done both! Do you know how many couples do the courthouse with intentions of saving and having a real wedding later? Not many actually get to do it… I’ve seen some adorable cheap ceremonies!

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My fiance and I have been together for 10 years & he always refers me as his wife to everyone. Who cares!?

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Maybe have a tiny tiny wedding right now At the courthouse and then when your kids get a little older you can do the wedding you want. Unless that’s just en excuse

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You could try fiance since y’all are engaged…

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Totally agree I hate it when my bf says fiance bc we are not engaged. Been together 14 yrs but not married.

We got married at the courthouse 9 years ago. No ceremony. No issues.

I call.my bf husband even though we’re not married were common law and he calls me wife

your not married so idk why he’s mad. it’s a personal choice for you he should stop being a brat and care how you feel with the terms. and no people do court house things all the time and wait a year or so for a ceremony.

My husband was my fiance for 9 years but i didnt refer to him as my husband until we were actually married

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Go to the courthouse in 2020. Have a vow renewal when your children are bigger and you have money saved.

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He’s not your husband,he’s your boyfriend,and the father of your children.

So I wanted to be traditional and be married before I had kids, I got pregnant, and just before I had my daughter we decided to go ahead and do it. It was more for insurance purposes. We got married in our living room in front of our fireplace and then filed and got our marriage license. Nothing fancy. Now I just celebrated my 3 year anniversary on Friday. We never did anything fancy. When the kids are older maybe in 5 years we will all take a big vacation and do a small ceremony but honestly it’s not that huge of a deal. We will be together forever I’m not worried about that at all but it’s literally one day… maybe I’m just not sentimental but I’d rather spend the money on an all out vacation/celebration than a “reception” one day for a few hours vs a week trip somewhere awesome.

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Well he’s not your husband. Tell him if he wants to be called your husband then y’all gotta get married.

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If you’re not engaged or married, he’s boyfriend.

If you’re engaged he’s fiancé.

If you’re married it’s husband.

This is common knowledge. If he doesn’t like that you don’t call him husband, that’s too bad, maybe you’re not into lying cause he’s not your husband.

If you two want the marriage but are waiting for the wedding… get married. You don’t need a wedding to marry. And you can always have a wedding later. My friends wedding is at the end of this coming year but they got officially married a few month ago. :woman_shrugging:t2:

Partner? Or other half maybe?

What is your fixation with your children in the wedding??
This is between you and the man that is the father of your children and the man you supposedly love.
Get over your selfish obsession and get married or just keep putting obstacles in the way

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Nothing like doing things backwards. Just saying, most women aren’t waiting until their children are old enough to be in the wedding to get married

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Can be husband and wife by common law instead of marriage :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Say you wanna be called husband? Put a ring on it and marry me . other wise you are not gonna be called husband . we arent married ???!

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Marriage= husband/wife
Engaged= fiancé
Anything else, you are boyfriend and girlfriend. Titles should be earned and respected, especially in a marriage. Drives me insane when people I know call their boyfriends and girlfriends their husband/wife when they aren’t married. Marriage should be valued, and in my opinion, you shouldn’t be able to call someone your husband or wife unless you’ve made the commitment and have been legally married. My opinion. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 9 years in January with 2 kids. I refer to him as my husband when conversating but he does not. It kinda bothers me but I know I’m not really his wife yet.

Couthouse big ceremony the same. Still married

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My fiance and I have been together 9 yrs, we changed fb status to married a while ago and he calls me wife, but I still call him fiance until the ceremony, mine gets upset too but hes the one dragging his feet on the wedding so :woman_shrugging:

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He’s not your husband til he’s your husband.

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tell him to make you an honest woman , quit playing house …

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There’s a huge difference in husband/wife and boyfriend/girlfriend. Ask anyone who’s gone through a divorce.

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If you’re not married, he’s not your husband. :clap:t3::clap:t3::clap:t3:

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I say go to the courthouse and do it, then maybe the vow renewal or reception later. Until he is your husband, he isnt your husband. If it matter that much, he should have married you way sooner.

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Depending on the state you live in you are common law married. He’s technically right.

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Been with him 6 1/2 to 7 years too damn long He is not a HUSBAND. BD maybe but not HUSBAND. He has not earn the title HUSBAND. Over due to put up or shut up get married or cut it loose YOU & YOUR children don’t have any legal protections that are afforded in a marriage. Marriage has its privileges being called HUSBAND is one of them.

He wants the husband title… Then get off your ass and put a ring on it! Till then, you’re a boyfriend !

Are you in a common law state (7 years together)

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I been married for 4 years. We did not refer to each other as husband and wife until we said I do! Doing it beforehand takes away the value of marriage. We went to the courthouse and don’t regret it. We’ll have a small ceremony later.

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Thinking you are being inconsiderate of his feelings over something material.

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I mean if he actually proposed and put a ring on it you could say fiancé :joy:

No, plus you don’t have to tell anyone you did until the wedding that you want. My parents married in court a year before their whole ceremony, only their parents and siblings knew about it. Still lived separate for that year, but they had to legally get married when they did. They were already engaged with a date set beforehand

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Then he should marry you.

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We did courthouse. A lot less stressful, his family was mad. He said it wasn’t fair to have just his family there and none of mine. We plan on doing some type of ceremony where my family can be there also.

You’re both being dumb. Waiting on your part and him wanting a title he hasn’t earned. 💁

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Well if you need a piece of paper to feel married then you should do it right away and stop making excuses. My childrens father and I have been together for 42 1/2 years.
We made a commitment to each other, plus we went to legal and got everything that might be a problem later in life taken care of. We raised a family and are now happily retired. I have always called him my husband and he calls me his wife.

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Sorry you have to actually become the husband before you are called the husband. It is a special title and only deserves it when it’s legal.
So many States don’t even recognize common law anymore.
Reasons like this is why I was so open and upfront about dating being a means to marriage and I was not waiting to long.
If that Wasn’t his goal as well then then tell me now. I wouldn’t invest anymore time and get attached to someone who didn’t have The same goals.
If you want to be the husband then step up and take the steps it takes to become the husband!

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Should put a ring on it if he wants the label lol I didnt call my guy husband till we were married weve been together 6 years with 2 kids

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You’re not married. It’s not just a word. The word has meaning.

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Too bad for him. You are common law, but NOT married. My bf at the time tried the same thing…I referred him accordingly

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No issues with the gaps for us. May be for you. I think the issue for the sake of the post is he gets mad because you don’t refer to him as your husband. He is not your husband. He needs to be your husband to be referred to as your husband. What is difficult about him understanding this?

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My fiancee and I have been engaged for two years now, I refer to him as my husband all the time :woman_shrugging:t3:

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First World Problems

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I did the courthouse I mean I hope we do a big wedding when our son is older but there are so much better things I wanted to spend money on than a wedding to take trips as a family etc. To be honest i am just happy to be married I dont think the ceremony is as important

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Who cares if anyone (especially a bunch of strangers online) think that there’s a gap between you getting married and having a ceremony…unless of course you’re looking for a reason to not get married

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Legally y’all married by law… common law… so just call him hubby lol

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We are doing an outside vow exchange 1-9-2020, and the outside wedding ceremony 9-15-2020

YOU AREN’T WRONG. If he had such a problem should of married you sooner.

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Normally when there’s plans to wait- it never happens.

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Has he even officially proposed? He ain’t your husband till he is your husband.

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I was with my now husband for 12 years before we married even before we married I called him my husband. Idk why your future ex husband is offended
Jk about the future ex husband part lol

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If he doesn’t like it then y’all should’ve changed it at some point in the last 10 years and generally building a life together. If you’re not even engaged then why should you call him husband?

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Your common law after 6 months living g together in Canada, you’ve been together for 10 years and 2 kids. He is your husband not your boyfriend. Why force someone to marry you?. Marriage is just a piece of paper. Your already living together, sleeping together and have 2 kids…

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If he wants you to call him husband then he should marry you. End of story. If he thinks the word boyfriend sounds immature or not serious enough then you could refer to him as your partner.

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My opinion is that u should have gotten married 2 kids ago but that’s just me🤷‍♀️ I don’t think u should wait till ur kids are “old enough to be in the wedding”. If u both WANT to be married then just do it

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You guys are common law married … Also maybe refer to him as fiance? If youre comfortable with it at least and hopefully that satisfies him

He’s not your husband so why call him that. I have been with my boyfriend for 11 years & we have 6 kids I still don’t call him my husband because he’s not. Maybe one day but til then he’s my boyfriend

My boyfriend recently promoted himself to fiancé. He too gets offended when I don’t call him husband but I’m extra af and correct people because we aren’t married so he is not my husband. Lmao
He needs to make you his wife in order to be called your husband.

,husband after your married

Tell him he has to earn that title!

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Hes your boyfriend till your married or fiance if your engaged to be married

Most states do not recognize Common law marriage!!
So he is Not your legal spouse. If something happens to the other you will not be recognized as his spouse. No health insurance. No death benefits, no retirement benefits that a legal spouse gets

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Ive been with my bf for 3 years now and people call me his wife I dont correct them simply cause it just don’t matter to me alot ya know. LOL people has called me his wife to him and he don’t say anything either. I just look at it like we know were we stand so who cares what people lable us. I wish you the best tho girl!

At the time my man was not yet divorced from his previous wife. I was divorced, lived with the 5 kids as blended family and had a baby together he felt I was more than a girlfriend. After his divorce we did get engaged but in the meantime he referred to me as his lover. Am happily married with 6 kids blended family yet I am still known as his lover.

But he’s your boyfriend …:tipping_hand_woman:t3::woman_facepalming:

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If he’s like this now god bless u when he has the ring on u :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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Maybe he should put a ring on that finger

You could probably get away with finance

Why do people want a certain title but not do the work required to earn the title??? If he wants to be your husband then he should marry you :woman_shrugging:t4:

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I’m the same… Ive been with my SO 9 years we have 4 kids together and I don’t call him my husband or fiance. When he proposes I will call him fiance lol. Also if your financially not ready dont get married yet wait til you have money to have a big wedding if thats your plan anyway?

I agree his not your husband I call mine my partner if does not want to marry me I don’t think his my husband

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Personally, I can’t stand it when people refer to their “husband” and they’re not married. Words matter…

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Make sure that is the guy you won’t be for you mess your life up with the wrong guy

He’s your husband for all intents and purposes. And if it hurts him that you don’t say it … Why would you continue not to say it?
It seems like a simple enough thing to do for someone you love.
Ive been with mine for 10 years.
I hate saying Boyfriend because it minimizes our relationship. I usually call him my partner, and to strangers…I refer to him as my husband.
I couldn’t care less that government doesn’t recognize our Union. We recognize it.

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Usually get married and then have kids.

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Make sure that he is the right guy
Be for you mess your life up with
The wrong guy

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Well… He’s not your husband, so he can quit being a baby about it. :roll_eyes: Also, who cares how and when you are married? Plenty of people do court house weddings and some sort of reception later when they have more time and money. Do whatever the hell you want. It sounds like you’re the only one who’s hesitant.

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If that’s what he’s looking for then tell him to put a ring on it

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He’s insecure and needy. Is that what you want for the rest of your life?

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When people have been together for many years they may refer to each other as husband/wife… but if dating a few years no- he’s not a husband

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If you file an income tax together,then you are considered married

Not married=not a husband

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Remind him that until he feels like putting a ring on it and repeating those vows, he’s not your husband. Doesn’t sound like he’s that serious… 10 years, 2 kids and nothing?

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He’s not your husband. You aren’t married, you aren’t husband and wife… he’s mad about nothing, he wants to be your husband then tell him to marry you.

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if he wants to be called your husband and it bothers him that much, hit the courthouse. And there’s really no issue between a courthouse marriage and a church ceremony, seriously. In many states you’d already be common law married. Which is “law” and you can be held responsible for a legal marriage —debt and all. So, call him your fiancé and go to the courthouse next week, if you so feel

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My boyfriend and I have a similar plan, get married in the courthouse and then save for a few years and then do our ceremony on our 5 year anniversary so the date stays the same

Together 10 years two children together your common law married

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There Is no problem with getting married and then waiting for the ceremony. Maybe do a real wedding for one of the anniversaries?

If you guys are engaged, may be sassy fiance. It implies that you aren’t married but you are very much in a steady relationship. He may think that "boyfriend " means you have doubts

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I was with my ex five years and referred to him as my husband to other people. He would never marry me. Now that I am married I will never ever give anyone that name. If me and my husband divorce I’ll never call another man my husband unless he actually commits and marries me. I don’t care if we were together 20+ years. I’ll never call anyone husband unless they make that commitment to me. If your boyfriend has an issue with it tell him to put a ring on your finger and give you his last name.

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Does he already act as a husband? I would assume so if you’ve been together this long! Do you know you’ll be married some days or are you avoiding a marriage?
A marriage is literally between you two and God. And a damn piece of paper. You can be husband/wife without a paper.

In the great words of Beyonce, “if [he] liked it then [he] should have put a ring on it.”

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I’m a firm believer that if you’re not actually married, you don’t call your partner husband/wife. If he wants to be referred to as husband, maybe its time for that step.

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