My boyfriend got a DNA test behind my back...advice?

Questions for all the mama’s how would u all feel if your boyfriend/daughter dad go behide your back and get DNA test done because of he’s own Insecurity And hide it from you and you just find out 3 years later I can’t get over and I think I should just sweep it underneath the rug and get over it .what do you mama think ?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend got a DNA test behind my back...advice?

l Get paid over $119 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18451 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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I See where it would hurt your feelings but I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with establishing paternity

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l Get paid over $119 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18451 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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Personally it would definitely be hard to trust again, especially when he could of just came to you and been a man about it in the first place.
But, whatever you feel is right in your gut, you should do! Maybe try couples counseling and talk about how that made you feel.

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He stayed. He wanted to know for sure and nownhe does. What difference does it make

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I wouldn’t be upset. I know that my children are my husband’s and there’s nothing to hide.

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these days I’d totally understand… you never really know anyone or what they’re capable of… how many guys are raising a kid they don’t know aren’t theirs?

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Well if he’s insecure, why not show him that he has no reason to be. It could be based on your actions, or actions in his past but if that’s what he needs and you knew there wouldn’t have been an issue then I’d say to communicate with him about his insecurities instead of getting angry.

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That’s a pretty big trust issue. Clearly he felt strongly enough to question that the child might not be his. Then didn’t tell you. Trust and communication are critical to a relationship.

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Did you give him reasons to not trust you? Most people aren’t getting a DNA test for giggles

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I don’t blame you for being hurt. I would be super hurt too.

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Id not trust him now no need to go behind your back i trust he is dad , so its fingers up to him xx sorry id think hard about any future x

Why if u have nothing to Hide why should
It bother you?

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I don’t think it’s a big deal. Since women carry and birth the babies, we know for sure that they’re ours. You can’t blame a man for wanting that same guarantee.

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I mean. If hw wanted a DNA test why did he feel he had to sneak it??? Why not just say he wanted it done? I don’t think that’s something to really be upset about it’s just interesting he didn’t ask to go one together

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I wouldn’t wanna be with someone who thought I cheated.

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Look at it this way. We are pregnant we carry the baby we KNOW it’s ours. They gotta put an awful lot of trust in someone to not. And personally if I was a dude I’d do the same.

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Did he have a reason to doubt ? Was your relationship Rocky or new ? I say he has a right but should have included you.

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You have the benefit of knowing 100% without any doubt that your children are your children, that is not the case with men. Call it insecurities or call it curiosity. He knows what he needed to know, no harm, no foul other than your hurt feelings.

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I would have no issues because i know the truth and have nothing to hide

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It’s illegal to test a minor without their legal guardian’s consent so yeah, I’d be furious.

DNA test no issues but hiding it is another story. I wouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me or has to sneak stuff behind my back.

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There is no trust in that relationship at all now. I’m not sure there’s a future either.

I understand wanting a paternity test but the fact that he felt he needed to hide it from you ? I’d be upset and we’d have to exchange some words

Unpopular opinion but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what he did. He obviously had some doubts so he decided to do what he thought was best for himself. He was protecting himself. When my youngest son was born I had people question who his father was even though his father and I knew 100%. It hurt my feelings and I 100% offered to do a DNA test. That could be the very reason he hasn’t said anything to protect your feelings while also getting peace of mind.

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Sounds like he had a reason to question it. Perhaps you haven’t been faithful in the past? If you had nothing to hide and knew she was his, then I don’t see why you’d be upset. Sounds like you thought she might not be his.

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Has he been hurt before? Maybe it has nothing to do with not trusting you maybe it just had to with something in the past. Talking to him would be the best route. Don’t get angry with him, just talk and try to understand why he felt he needed to. :heart:

HIS own insecurity… nothing to do with you

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I personally wouldn’t care if a man got a dna test as long as he’s the one paying for it. I feel every man has the right to verify paternity before taking on that responsibility, if you went to court they would do it so :woman_shrugging:t5:. The issue is why did he feel he had to do it in secret

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If you had nothing to hid you shouldn’t be mad

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He has every right get over it, he must of had his reasons

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He had a right if he was in doubt :woman_shrugging: and obviously the test was positive and he got the information he needed.

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Tell him how you feel and then let it go. I understand that why you might be upset, and you are allowed to be. But communicate your feelings, let him communicate back, resolve the issue and move on. It was years ago and you have been living along and fine now right? This might be a giant unpopular opinion, but don’t make unhappiness a thing from something in the past. Life is so stinkin short and what’s done is done. For whatever reason he felt the need, but all is well now. Love is beautiful and if you have that, don’t mess with it from something that happened 3 years ago that has no bearing on your current life.

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They deserve to know for sure. They could’ve been more honest, but they probably figured you’d lose your shit if they asked.

what’s the problem are you bothered by the fact that you found out three years later or are you bothered by the fact that it was just done in general? Because if you’re looking for validation that you should be feeling some type of way I’m not gonna give you that maybe somebody else well… And if it’s irritating you and you’re saying that he was insecure at the moment you seem a little insecure right now about it and if that shoe fits just wear it maam apparently at some point he felt that you couldn’t be trusted and he father needs to validate the fact that he was fathe of your daughters Apparently you couldn’t be trusted at some .point 3 years ago or something happened that is not being mentioned here but get over it maam it’s not that big of a deal you know I don’t think that he would do that just to do it unless somebody was questionable meaning you.

I’d be upset for him not trusting me, but at the same time, if you had nothing to hide etc then it’s no big deal. Just communicate about it and both of your feelings (as to why he felt the need to do so and how it made you feel.) Then, once it’s all out and you both know own how the other felt, sweep it under the rug.

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I don’t understand why everybody gets offended when someone wants a DNA test. It’s not a bad thing to prove to somebody that their kid is theirs. The fact that he hid it is weird… The fact that he had to hide it most likely because he was wrong and didn’t want to deal with the backlash, is gross and I would reconsider your relationship because what else is he hiding from you. Three years it took him to tell you or for you to find out? Absolutely not

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Juste accepte qu’il a fait ce qui pouvait calmer sa jalousie mal placé. Au moins il sait la vérité.

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Was there a reason he felt he needed one?
Was there a reason he felt you’d refuse or react negatively to it?
While it doesn’t justify sneaky behavior, speaking from experience, sometimes people just don’t always react in reasonable manners and that leads to people feeling uncomfortable in certain situations/conversations. So while not justifying it as right, it makes it more understandable when you see it from the other persons point of view.
You should be asking him WHY he felt he needed one and WHY he didn’t feel he could tell you or ask you.

I had my ex take paternity of his kid and found out it wasn’t his and we didn’t tell her… I’m glad he found out the truth, she lied 6 years and was a lazy piece of crap… was using the kid as a pawn to stay at his house and do nothing… if there was no reason to worry and no reason given why does it matter? Leave it alone…

Personally I know what I did or haven’t done… and I know who I slept with and haven’t slept with… and men don’t have that … so I’ve never cared about no DNA test… but too each their own…

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Soooooo… he had questions… and he wanted them answered with no drama. You ain’t tellin’ the whole story… :woman_shrugging:

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No trust. At all. What’s the point in being with someone who doesn’t trust you

Honestly, I wouldn’t be so upset at the fact he had a DNA test done… But the fact he basically lied and hid it. That would be where the problem would lie. And I would be upset.

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I would be upset that he hide it but I would also let it go! We carry the babies and birth them so we know 100% the baby is half ours, I don’t blame him for wanting to put those doubts to bed, my ex is paying child support for a child that is not his biologically BUT cuz he signed the birth certificate the child is his. This world is F’ed even tho dna proved he isn’t the dad (mom cheated) he’s still paying for this child. It’s hard for some men not to have doubt or maybe someone got in his head and instead of starting an argument he did the Dna test to put it to bed

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I have always told my husband if he ever worried then he can get a DNA test done because I would rather my feelings be hurt for awhile than have that come between him and our children’s relationship. So while I understand feeling hurt because he should have trusted you, I also understand the worry because many men trust their girlfriends and wives only to find out years later the kid isn’t theirs and she can take the kid whenever she pleases. I imagine it would be scary. They didn’t see that child come from them, so yeah I would worry if the DNA isn’t mine (if I were male) then I would worry about the rights I have to a child that I’ve raised and loved

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I would say get over it!! Us women know for facts that our kids are ours. Men don’t always know. Was it a new or rocky relationship? I’d day maybe he needed to make it clear that he was the dad.

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Personally id be furious but he had no reason to doubt our children were his.
If he felt the need then he should have told you…discuss his reasons and decide if you can accept but id not want to be in a relationship where there was no trust

  1. Its not illegal for him to do it. Tons of cases women say the kid is theirs and they arent. Watch paternity court :joy::joy: 2. If there is nothing to hide dont get offended that much. Irritated? Sure. Really offended? Naw. Unless something in this post wasnt said :eyes:
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I know people who need to do a DNA test but refuse, because of backlash from the child’s mother or because they don’t want to loose what they have… but I don’t see anything wrong with it. Maybe he should have told you, but he might not have wanted to know your reaction.

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I don’t see an issue with it. Nowadays the hospital should do DNA at birth to make sure they have the right parents (including the right mama…incase of switchups)

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As women who birth a baby we have no reason doubt ourselves. But a guy truly doesn’t know. If my husband got a DNA test I would be fine with it. It’s for their own mental health. If it helps to make them feel better why does it bother you. But my only problem is it took 3 yrs to come out. That would bother me a tiny bit.

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There HAS to be context missing here. He obviously had reason to doubt she was his.

Personally, I think paternity should be established through DNA testing for every child. Obviously it’s easy to prove who the mother is. There are to many men out there either raising kids who they believe are theirs and they’re not or paying child support for a child they believe to be theirs and isn’t.

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All babies born should have a dna test

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The fact that you are making a big deal about it is why he didn’t tell you, grow up!

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The thing is 9 times out of 10 if the guy brings it up the womens reaction would’ve told them everything they needed to know… getting upset you think he doesn’t trust you is one thing cause your hurt but being against the test or mad he wants it is different … either he’s a douche or he has a reason not to trust you

Nah. He don’t trust you. He doesn’t need to be with you.

I would be fine with it. He’s the idiot that had to spend the money because of his insecurities. Maybe at the time he was cheating and makes him feel better putting that on you.

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I think it should have been done st birth . Rather married , living together etc every man Deserves a DNA test prior to signing the birth certificate . Only the mother TRULY knows … no harm no foul . He probably ain’t wanna hurt your feelings by asking . But he ain’t wrong for wanting to be sure .
Personally I have 2 kids both different dad’s . Both I voluntarily offered DNA test too . Nothing wrong with providing that peace of mind

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I would be furious but I wouldn’t break up with him over it.

I told my husband he could get a test when our second was born with bright red hair after our first came out with dark hair like we have :sweat_smile: he hasn’t done it cuz he knows but even if he did, I wouldn’t mind. I’d be a bit upset about being lied to though so I’m with you on that. However, why did he think it was needed? I’d look more into his reasoning for it… there’s gotta be more to the story here.

I wouldn’t be mad :woman_shrugging:t4: hell I like getting dna right after birth that way a dude can’t get mad and decide it ain’t his baby. I think everyone should get it :woman_shrugging:t4:

I’d ask why he felt the need to do it and see if yall can move on. Maybe he has past insecurities that he couldn’t let go of. Talk it out with him, seems like there’s some lack of trust and if you haven’t given him a reason to not trust, someone in his past has.

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Why would you not ease his mind & go get it done with him? The sad part is he felt he had to sneak & do it which means he probably had a reason.

Men don’t have the security of “knowing” a child is theirs like a mother does. & If you split & went to court for visitation or child support the courts would order dna anyway :person_shrugging:

Kinda not an issue to blow up your life over. He deserves to KNOW his child is his.

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Let it be. My daughter did too

Screw him my daughter from a prior relationship my husband supports her and doesn’t care her dad died

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Id be upset that he didnt just ask he wouldn’t need to do it behind my back. Its the fact he felt the need to do it in secret its what would upset me not the test itself

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I’d be upset that he didn’t include you but maybe he didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sure if I was a guy I’d prolly do the same under some circumstances

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Like I told my husband if you want one cool but I’m not paying it to prove something I already know. But I won’t get mad cause like I love to say I told you so lol :rofl:. But the issue here isn’t even the DNA test. It’s the fact he was sneaky and went behind your back and as it’s both of your child at the time of the test (assuming he’s the father) I would be upset he did it without speaking to me.

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Why are you mad? :joy::woman_facepalming:t3:

Bet this guy either felt relieved or like a total asshat…probably like an asshat which is why he kept the truth hidden

Now a days DNA test should be required. To many sleep around not saying you did . But it’s a fact . I know at least 3 young women who said this is the babies dad . It wasn’t than they said well than it has to be so and so . 4 dna test later the find the father . So no I don’t think it’s issue it’s a right to know for sure .

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Talk to him about his insecurities. Why he feels that way.

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I don’t understand why you would be mad? What did you do to give him a reason to believe that the child wasn’t his? I think Mens feelings and insecurities get swept under the rug but their supposed to support us through ours? Make it make sense

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Eased his mind tell him he is a silly Billy for thinking such things he must of thought you were popular lucky you didn’t no might not be together today get on with life boys will be boys he might have finally told you cause you could handle it now if your in a trusting relationship now leave it be yes it would have been daunting for you to hear that stay calm and work thru it if it’s worth it Goodluck

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If women would stop trying to trap men with babies, then maybe no one would resort to something like that.

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id be pissed too
my partner jokes about it … probably means it :joy: i said go ahead of you want to waste your money :joy:

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I would try to view the situation from a mans perspective. I would be perfectly fine with it. If he had insecurities. Thats his concern. He addressed it. If its his child proven by DNA. It cleared up his insecurities. Mommies baby, daddies maybe. Personally, if I was secure within myself. Secure in the knowledge I never cheated. Loved this individual. I would giggle a little inside ( my stupid sense of humor) feel good this may have, should have helped him psychology. Simply move forward. Although, i would have an open and honest conversation. About trust, honesty and the importance of such in a committed relationship. Best wishes. Much peace and love ☆

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I would definitely be hurt. Especially that it was don’t behind my back.
Is also want to understand what the insecurities are and if I can help him work through them (or if he needs to talk to someone).
But yeah, it would definitely gut me as we’ve been together so long, I feel like he’s my soulmate, and I’d feel betrayed that he didn’t even trust me to say anything.

If the relationship was new, rocky, or had part issues or things that would warrant it, I’d get it. Though I’d still feel sad that was needed.

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I’ve seen a few men who fully believed the child is there’s. They sign ROP & are legally responsible for that child. Then years down the line realize the child isn’t theirs. They were scammed by the woman they thought loved them. Then I’ve known men who ask for a paternity test to assure themselves. She gets mad. She says he’s accusing her of cheating. Won’t allow him to sign ROP & he has to go through unnecessary legal drama to get rights to his kid. So I agree with a man secretly doing a DNA test before he signs ROP or the BC. It saves everyone including the child a lot of heartache later. Always trust but verify. Otherwise you’re just blindly trusting & easily manipulated.

You can choose to be upset. But he has chosen to make sure that baby is his. Then he stuck around. You should be grateful he is raising his child.

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For me the only way a woman should be upset if he guy wants a DNA test is because she cheated and afraid the baby is isn’t his and she might get caught. But otherwise there shouldn’t be a reason to be mad

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I don’t blame him. If I was a man I would want to know. But Men get such grief when they mention wanting a paternity test.

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Unless there was an actual reason I’d be really upset too

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If you have nothing to hide, then you should be okay that he’s just checking to be sure.

I would definitely be hurt. I’d question his trust in me and his inability to have that conversation. I’m sure he didn’t want to hurt you so he hid it, but we all know that hurts more. It would be a very big and serious conversation to have.

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Yeah… let it go… he’s allowed

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Unless you’ve done something in the past to lose his trust, I would be upset also. I dont think its break up worthy but :woman_shrugging:

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No trust no relationship

Me personally I wouldn’t care, he’d just prove what I already know…lol his kid…qe all have insecurities about something or another.

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Uh you do realize he didn’t have the child you did. Let him get it if it will make him feel better. Instead of constantly questioning. Or are you afraid she belongs to someone else?

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A lot of these comments are scary lol. If there’s any logical reasonable reason as to why he needed a test then ok. But to do it behind your back and to hide it for years. The disrespect to you as his lady and a woman a mother is wrong. The trust you had for him is broken a little bit now. The way you thought he thought about you is gone. If he is that insecure for no reason then he needs help. The way it happened is very wrong. I would be mad too and I would probably leave. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought so poorly of me to get a test behind my back. A childish way to handle an insecurity.

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I mean honestly was it crappy he did it behind your back? yes. On the other hand, there’s a reason why he had the test done. If you have nothing to hide, then I don’t think it’s worth getting super upset over.

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It’s called covering your bases. At this point I think they should be a legal requirement before putting a man’s name on a birth certificate unless he agrees to forego the test. Ppl are way too deceptive nowadays to take that blindly.

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Well ok let him why be mad if you have nothing tonworry about then what’s the problem?

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If you did no wrong there should be issue. I have seen many people get attached to a baby thinking it it theirs and find out the baby isn’t. If they feel they need a DNA test so be it

Pretty crummy of him not to have that conversation with you but you’ll have to let it go or it’ll eat away at your and ruin you’re relationship. Maybe couples counseling for a few sessions. Like why did he not trust you and think you cheated?

What is your relationship like at this point? It sounds like he had some trust issues three years ago but if ya’ll have improved your relationship (communication, trust, etc) than I wouldn’t let it dictate any permanent decisions for your relationship. Me and my boyfriend/child’s father had a horribly rocky relationship at one point. Trust and communication was non-existent, but we have done a complete 180 and that man is my back bone. I would hate for you to potentially throw that away for something that happened three years ago during a time that was not healthy.

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What were the results? Some women won’t allow a man to take a DNA because they are afraid the child might not be theirs. I’d be pissed but would understand their reasoning