I see you didn’t mention that there was no reason for the test!!
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I think DNA tests should be standard at birth. A woman KNOWS that’s her child, a man should be able to have that same confidence. My youngest is 11 and if my husband asked right now for a DNA test, even though she looks just like him, I’d say ok. And would have at any other point in her life.
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Id be ok with it. Men are allowed to be assured. Should he have told you yes but 
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My son’s dad asked for a paternity test. For good reason as I was sleeping with 2 guys in the same time frame. He has a right to know for sure.
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My ex and I were happy when we found out we were expecting. A “friend” told him I was messing around on him, even to go as far as calling guys trying to get them to back up her story. None of these men admitted to her manipulations. I was accused of things I had never done, called every name in the book, and frankly didn’t enjoy my pregnancy. The worst six months of my life. We all had to take blood tests and a week later he brings me a letter. I walked away, leaving it unopened. I knew the answer, he was the one with all the questions. It hurt to know I was 100% faithful to a man who would trust any woman’s lies over my truth any day.
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I mean, I can’t say anything because we found out my ex husband has a son from before I met him that he flat out denies.
Well I did a DNA test between my daughter and the son behind my ex husbands back because I want my daughter to know her siblings.
Well he is 99.9 his son. So now my daughter knows she has a 17yr old brother and can get to know him.
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Does he have the right to a DNA? Yes
But he was wrong for getting it done without letting you know. I would be up set if I found out 3 years later. Then again I would have looked at him and ask him if he found what he was looking for.
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My ex wanted a DNA test when we found out our daughter was a girl. I intially was really mad. ( he only ever threw it out when we found out she was a girl or when we fought ) years later we split & he would say the same thing. I got the best advice then-Give the DNA test. I say this for 2 reasons. One being men don’t always have the same assurance we do as women since we carry the child. 2. If you’ve done nothing to warrant the test then let the test happen & he looks like a butt. I think it’s perfectly OK for a guy to say I know it’s unlikely you’ve cheated but I’d like to know 100%. That being said he should also doesn’t get to invalidate his child’s mother when she’s hurt by it. Lots of communication needs to be had.
I don’t see a big deal. If you didn’t cheat then who cares
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With how many women lie about the paternity of their children— I could understand why a guy would want established paternity. Especially if there’s reason for him to have doubt. The child might not look like him, the relationship could have had a rocky start— he probably thought he was sparing her feelings by doing it in secret so she never had to deal with his insecurities. He has a right to know. In an ideal world there wouldn’t be any doubt and there would be open communication in the relationship
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There’s nothing to hide unless you cheated on him which gave him the suspicion in the first place.
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I realy couldnt care . So many young man are killing themselves after raising and loving kids only to loose the to their real fathers . Maybe it’s because I am the only girl and I have 3 brothers and all my male figured have not runaway from being fathers to their kids . Maybe I sympathise more with them . If I personally know i didnt cheat then I wouldnt have a problem 
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I mean… He’s entitled to his own feelings… Doesn’t sound like he made a big thing about it… Why are you going to? And years later at that
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He has a right to know. If there’s no issue to worry about then no harm done. I think ALL newborns should be tested prior to birth certificates being signed, ancestry has proven how much misinformation and lying has been done in the last several decades.
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No need to get all worked up, did he bring it up to you back then and you didn’t want to ease his mind
I wouldn’t have an issue with any of my children being DNA tested because I know who the father of my children is.
Personally, I think every child born should be DNA tested immediately upon the birth.
There are way too many fathers raising children who are not theirs.
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There was a reason for his mistrust in you, what was it?
Given that mistrust he had in you, if he was my son, I’d encourage him to have the dna test.
Now as to why he didn’t tell you, who knows his reasons. My guess is that he didn’t want the drama you would stir if you knew but really what did he say when you asked him?
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Not a problem. It clears any questions up. He has rights too.
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It’s been 3 yrs. If life is good let it be good and don’t worry about the past.
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A parent has every right to do it, but doing it behind your back? No
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If I were married to someone that did this I would have a difference in opinion, however you’re not married and if I were a man I 
get a dna test. Yes I know people cheat married or not, but the level of trust is so different between marriage and a boyfriend/girlfriend.
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My oldest son raised a baby for over 2 years before an illness brought to light there was zero chance that she was his.
The Mom was highly insulted and upset when my son was told by the doctor that they could not be biologically connected.
And when the truth surfaced she used the baby as a pawn.
Finally, reluctantly, my son had to end the relationship with the child in order not to be held hostage emotionally and financially.
Mama always knows whether it is her baby, Papa doesn’t.
And, sadly, dishonorable, dishonest people abound in both genders.
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Gf get over it. Yep you got it.
If you didn’t cheat, why does it matter? Let him resolve his own insecurities.
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Full story… did you give him a reason to feel like it wasn’t his child? Did news come up from an ex that would make him think time lines didn’t match up ?
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I wouldn’t care, honestly. You know 100% without a doubt the baby is yours bc you physically had the baby, the men literally have to take your word for it, which is just fine for most, but for some it is a scary thought that sits in the back of your mind. My dad got a DNA test done for all of his kids without asking the mom. He says “I know for sure the baby is hers, but what happens if 5, 10, 15 years down the line I find out they aren’t mine? I’m going to know from day 1 for sure on paper with no doubt, and no one can tell me they aren’t mine because I know.” It’s not that he didn’t trust her or didn’t want the baby, it was just that extra security he wanted/needed. I get it for sure, coming from a guy’s perspective, when I think of all the shady women I know as well.
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I’ve never had a problem with DNA testing…but I know who the father of my children is with absolutely no doubts. 
If he’s insecure/doesn’t trust that I was faithful…that’s on him. But I think it’s easier for us because we are 100% sure it’s our child when we have a baby. It’s different for men. I have always offered paternity testing (we are not married) though I’ve never been asked for it. I just want Dad to feel as secure about our babies as I do. 
We’ve always done paternity affidavits. But if he ever doubts…he can have it at any time.
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OHHHH!!! I would let him know u found it. Maybe ask why and why he didn’t tell u when it was done. But it’s been so long ago that if everything is ok today, I would forgive him.
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ALL men should get a DNA test before signing the birth certificate. He was very smart in protecting himself !
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He obviously felt the need to do so but it’s done now so get over it
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Some people are insecure and want clarification. I would think he doesn’t trust you though bc he was unsure about it to begin with. Maybe talk about it and express your concern?
Id be upset that he did it behind my back.
I dont feel like its that uncommon for men to wonder/ want/ do a dna test. I feel even if they trust you they still just dont know because there is always a chance the baby isnt theres.
Id find out why he did it? Weither its actually a trust thing or if its a man thing just wanted to make sure or if its a im insecure thing.
Omission is a big lie. I’d be mad
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He likely didn’t want to upset you
Maybe he’s just protecting himself
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He has a right to AND if you know he’s the dad it shouldn’t matter.
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I would be pretty taken aback if I found out mine did that behind my back. Mostly because that could possibly mean he doesn’t trust me fully which is a huge thing in relationships.
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He has a right to find out. Why are you so bothered by it?
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Let it go… the kid is still his at the end of the day… he needed it to satisfy his own insecurities.
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I don’t see any harm in the test itself. There are a lot of reasons to get one. You might just ask him why he got that test. He might have had paternity over another child come up. He might have wanted to know about family or certain diseases. He might have been asked to test by a family member. I sent out a few tests to family after my father died.
If it bothers you that much, let him know you found his test and ask why he got it.
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There’s literally no issue with a paternity test. He has every right to confirm he’s the father. Trust, but verify. He can trust you but still want that verification. The only logical reason to be against it is because there’s the chance he isn’t the father and you’ve got something to hide 
you’re going to have to get over it or end the relationship. Maybe ask why he did it in secret instead of letting you know he was going to do it. But he did absolutely nothing wrong in getting it done so if you want to stay together you have to get over it.
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I think as a mom of boys it’s absolutely acceptable for him to question it and get confirmation. I wouldn’t bat an eye if my kids dad did the same. Do I think it should have been hidden, probably not, but by the way you’re reacting on here I’d say it was for a reason. As mom’s we 100% know they’re ours, we carry them. There is nothing wrong with him wanting confirmation with taking on such a huge priority the remainder of his life.
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Not sure why some of these women are being so rude but it’s okay for you to be upset. Your partner went behind your back bc he didn’t trust you. You have a right to be mad and not just “sweep it under the rug” you two need to open up to each other and communicate about your insecurities,etc or the relationship will never work. See a couples therapist & work on it. Never just brush your feelings off though bc you’ll hold onto them and start to resent him later on.
I think he’s smart if he had doubts
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Not a big deal that he did it but I’d be upset that he did it behind your back. Not enough of a deal to make it a thing though! Tell him you’re hurt that he went behind your back to do it and in the future if he’s having trouble with insecurities to tell you so you can work it out together. Just remember that 90% of insecurities aren’t about the partner. It’s about the person who’s insecure. My husband and I got a DNA test on our oldest, long story but it was needed(not cheating), and 8 years later when we were married and had another baby I told him if he wanted one on new baby we’d do it! 
No skin off my back because I know who fathered my kid!
Should he have kept it from you no. Can you be mad at him for having a feeling that was probably at the time egged on by some Ill willed person chirping in his ears no nit really bc I’m sure he himself regrets it now especially. He allowed another person make a fool of him and that’s on him. An he’s probably been trying to make up for it ever since. Sometimes you just need to pick your battles and let go of the childish things that once was an focus on the what is. I’d just have a conversation with him about it and let him know that if he was unsure about it he could have come to you and talked about it before jumping the gun and getting a test and keeping it a secret. Communication is key in relationships and if you’re not willing to converse like a calm adult about your feelings an concerns then you don’t have a real relationship an you’re setting yourself up for failure. Guys do dumb things a lot and so do is woman so instead of getting so riled up you should be thinking about how you were perceived back then compared to now and know that you know your truth regardless of his.
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Well have you done something to give him doubts? Because he wouldn’t have if he had zero doubt.
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I’d be pissed about the not telling me. But we had a Convo about it…if he insisted on one (his family was pushing) that was fine but we were gonna go thru CS to get it done and we would no longer be a couple if he didn’t trust me like that. So going behind my back to do it woulda made me very angry.
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I wouldn’t care if i was sure he was the father💁🏽♀️
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Ummmm…talk to him about it.
A man can not be 100% until he takes a DNA test if a child is his and it should not be an issue.
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They have that right… I mean it would prolly hurt that he would think I cheated on him… But at the end of the day… again he has the right …
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We don’t know the circumstances of your relationship at the time of conception and why he may have had doubts. Without having that clear picture it’s hard to make a judgement call. I’d be upset over not finding out or being informed that he did it. But there’s really no harm in what he did. As moms we know without a doubt they’re ours, fathers don’t have that luxury.
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I would be a little peeved that he didn’t talk to me about wanting one, not because I would mind, but because if you’re actively in a relationship those things should be talked about. However idk how long yall were together before getting pregnant. I offered my now husband a DNA test on my oldest son because we had only been together 7 months when I found out I was pregnant. He didn’t want it, he knew it was his. But with how short of time we were dating, I offered to give him peace of mind if he needed it. Jokes on me, we got 3 boys together and they all look just like him. Lol
I’d be hurt honestly.That’d mean he didnt trust me.Trust is a huge deal with to me.He could’ve come to you and asked instead of being sneaky.
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Good you women are ho**s so who cares. Good for him. A male has every right to get a DNA test to make sure he is the father. To many of you women pinning the worng guy on the child so that’s what yall get 
If I were you, I’d leave him. He obviously doesn’t trust you so there is no point to stay🤷🏼♀️ my husband trusts me so I never had this problem. But if I found out he wanted a dna test and/or did a DNA test behind my back, then I’d file for divorce and tell him he can see and talk to his kids whenever he wants to but I’m not going to be with someone who doesn’t trust me.
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If I had nothing to hide I wouldn’t be mad
No context to this. If you’re in a committed relationship and have a kid with someone. But the father wants DNA a test especially behind your back means either you or him aren’t to be trusted and that relationship ain’t as committed as you thought. I’d walk.
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I think if he felt like he needed a dna test so be it. If you don’t have anything to hide it shouldn’t be a problem
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He doesn’t trust you
Honestly… I think every guy should automatically be given a dna test before signing a birth certificate
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Did you give him reason not to trust you or was he the one that was screwing around? Because after that I wouldn’t trust him!
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According to my ex he had 2 of the 5 kids tested. Since there’s no question because I was the faithful one and he was the cheater, I didn’t care. He told me years later with both, but never supplied the proof. He just tells those 2 that he’s 99.9% sure they can call him daddy. I know… My kids will all be in therapy chairs when they are adults.
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Not knowing the circumstances around your child’s conception & your relationship it hard to sat what you should feel. If he was questioning paternity then you guys should have done a test together.
In my relationship that would be huge red flags with trust & communication I would be pissed.
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Shit, if my kids father wanted a DNA test, I’d gladly help them get one. I got nothing to hide, who cares.
I mean I can see why you’re offended as a woman, but I can’t say that i wouldn’t want DNA tests for all my children if I were a man…as women we can’t relate to those feelings, we know our children our ours because they come out of our bodies.
I think he kept it to himself because he was torn, he wanted to be absolutely sure it was his child, without accusing you of cheating…I think he kept it a secret to spare you any hard feelings when the results came back that he was the father.
I’m sure he was afraid it would ruin you’re relationship if he asked you for the test. You would have wanted him to give you reasons why he felt that way, and he may have had no reason other than peace of mind.
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I think it should be standard practice to get it done. I think ever man has a right to know 100%
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- He doesn’t trust you
- The test isn’t 100% accurate unless you’re swabbed as well
I would always do it if I was a man. I would have my feelings hurt if my daughter’s dad did it-but I would understand. I’d prefer for him to do it behind my back. I don’t even really consider it “behind your back”. It’s knowledge he deserves to be 100% about and he doesn’t need your permission.
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Usually the cheaters the one that behaves like that and does random stuff like that. just saying I would keep in my eye on him if I were you. Sounds like his guilty conscience is poking through.
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Communication is key. Maybe he didn’t tell you cuz he didn’t want to hurt you ( which I’d be hurt too)
I’d ask him why he had doubts . And talk about it.
No reason to fight or be upset 3 yrs later, all there’s left to do is communicate in a healthy way
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Honestly I don’t see a point or reason to be mad about a DNA test. I think they should be an automatic thing. If he wanted one I don’t see the issue.
The only reason I see to not want it would be cause the kid could possibly not be theirs. If there’s no chance it’s someone else’s a test shouldn’t be an problem and should be encouraged
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Well I mean it really depends on the situation around the time baby was conceived. Was you with someone else prior? Did he ask you 4 one and you say no? I don’t see anything wrong with it.
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If you have nothing to worry about then why care? I feel like with the way some people are, every man has a right to know 100% and if you are faithful then you shouldn’t be offended.
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I think they should automatically be done why did he feel like he needed to hide it? There shouldn’t be any reason he feels he needs to hide it.
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I wouldn’t have a problem if a man wanted to have one they should be able to know for sure just as you know that’s you child.
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Honestly why would u b mad obviously there was sum suspicion there now there’s not
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I would not have a problem. Men have the right to question DNA, especially in today’s New world we live in. Females are shady man. So he has every right. Also in my opinion you have said or done something to make him feel like he had to hide it. 
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Why is it any of your business???
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I dont blame him at all and i think all men should at birth. but hiding it and you finding out 3 years later is messed up. yall obviously dont have trust.
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I honestly wouldn’t let it bother you. Men have the right to know even if it’s years later. I mean I can see how it makes you feel though. You probably feel like he thought you cheated on him which women have been known to do that and trap a man when she knows so and so ain’t the father. I’m not saying you did such a thing but regardless men do have the right to know for their own peace of mind. I read a few comments in this thread where they think he’s cheating or he may have another child out there that you’re not aware of. If that’s the case, you have every right to know for your own peace of mind too. It goes both ways. Communicate your feelings to him. I hope everything works out.
EDIT- He shouldn’t have hid it from you though. I would ask him about that and tell him how that made you feel. Men are strange sometimes.
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I don’t see anything wrong about it honestly. Now days men need a dna test no matter what.
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I don’t think it’s worth the risk of the doubt in his mind keeping him from bonding 100% with the child. One of my military friends husband thought the same thing, then years later he tested and he was the dad (Of course) but he was never able to get close to him like their next kids. It sucks there’s a piece of his mind on that point, but you have the 100% certainty that is your baby and you grew it etc. Try not to make it more than it was. He probably didn’t tell you because he knew it would hurt you and was most likely a stupid insecurity on his part.
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He sounds like a coward. If he wanted a DNA test he could have just asked for one. This sneaking behind your back is immature. Tell him to enjoy the new relationship where the trust is broken on both sides. Good luck trying to rebuild a relationship where trust doesn’t reside. It’s all downhill from here.
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I wouldn’t worry about it. At least there’s no doubt in his mind that she’s his. I wish my son in law would do one on my grandson. He doesn’t think he’s his & he treats him crappy because of it
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If it proves what he is looking for, it should not matter. But if someone has been lieing
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U know I have to agree there’s never a question of who’s mom so DNA tests should be done for dads at birth
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Has he been a good partner and father for those 3 years? If so…I’d let it go. Chalk it up to some cold feet and insecurities, and let his actions since then do the talking.
He had every right to do that.
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Sounds like trust issues that need to be fixed
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Talk to him and see if you can understand the why of it. Maybe someone tried to snare him once in the past. Maybe someone told him that you cheated. Maybe he’s just really insecure or young and was scared. Maybe he’s just thinking “Mama’s baby, Daddy’s maybe”…
I hope y’all find a balance with this and have a wonderful relationship.
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It was 3 years ago. Nothing you can do. Doubt it was his insecurities tho and you made him question it one way or another
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Transparency is always best
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I’d feel a little betrayed simply because he could have said something and we could have discussed it and done it together. I’d have no issues with getting the testing done but that fact remains he snuck around to do it and waited 3 years before growing the balls to say something.
I don’t understand the problem if he’s the dad, you shouldn’t be bothered by it
Or maybe you would rather go on the Maury Povich show for the big reveal?
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it’s not something to fight about. Atleast he can never say the kid isn’t his and no one else can either. i’d be irritated cause that means he didn’t trust you and was questioning but still it’s nothing to fight about. He now knows the kid is his and no longer needs to have doubts. Sometimes people talking can cause doubt. with my first people including his mom kept telling my husband it wasn’t his even though i knew i never cheated.
I think it’s weird he hid it from you, tbh. I don’t tolerate liars.
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