So me and my b.f have been in a relationship for 10 years we have 5 kids, I am stuck with what to do, he is the perfect man but too old school, he looks after us financially if we need anything he’s their to buy it and always their for the kids when they need things and works 6 days a week pays all the bills makes sure the cars are legal etc, never disrespects me, we don’t argue much he just walks away he’s never hurt me doesn’t go out drinking and mucking around etc and goes to church Sunday’s, works around the house when he’s not at work, their is just one big thing for me and that is he’s to old school, he wants his dinners cooked and clothes done and that’s fine I do it but it gets tiring doing the same thing everyday by yourself, even if he comes home early I still eat alone because theirs something he needs to do outside, he don’t have time for family outings or fun or a sense of humour or romantic at all, and I’m the opposite, I could go to the beach and sit their until the sun goes down happily watching my kids play and smile or fishing or dinner at the park with family or movies etc but it’s just me and the kids and a big part of me always wish’s he would be with us but he would rather be at home catching up with mates or lawns, and if I did make him come it ends up in an argument because he’s in a grump or drives his own car so he can leave when he feels like it, I don’t talk to him in the day he works long hours but I can’t get through to him how lonely I am without him just saying I moan too much and I should be grateful to have a man like him, we don’t have a relationship in the bedroom cause I don’t know how to be intimate with him he doesn’t like to kiss or cuddle so I’m never in the mood but when we do have sex itl be with no kissing and lube, I don’t enjoy it cause I’m not turned on and it lasts like 2 minutes and it has been this way since we met, I’ve never been on top i just can’t do it without being turned on, we use to be spontaneous but only if we we drank but we don’t drink anymore so I guess I’m bored, well now he’s got the money to buy our house and I’m not sure I want to carry on living like this for the rest of my life or am I just being stupid and throwing away a good thing, I’m stuck and don’t want to make the wrong choice but I am soo lonely and don’t even remember what’s it’s like to felt loved and touched and held and made feel special on a birthday or valentines or even a date, we are two totally different personalities that have absolutely nothing in common, he’s passionate about money and living luxury and I don’t care about anything like that mine is family and memories, making the most of life living happy, can we workout for the long run?? He is my first love and relationship, so I don’t know what to do, I have been unhappy about this for years, and I feel like it’s going to get worst, advice and no judgment please… help!!
So you’ve been with the man 10 years he takes care of you and the children by his self financially and you’re bitching because you got to make his plate and do his laundry girl you don’t know how lucky you have it
I would definitely talk to about it. Two him how you really feel and tell him you are tired of living this way. Don’t just throw something away like that especially if he treats you good and the kids.
If you’re miserable now you will be miserable the rest of your life and that takes a big impact on the kids when they are older and trying to figure themselves out. If he’s not willing to compromise then you have to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life feeling this way
Marriage counseling can help you both sort out what you want in the relationship and where you can reach a compromise so you both get some of what you’re looking for. It can also help you see if it’s not worth it to continue.
Maybe a sex therapist could help you with advice for the bedroom if the marriage counselor can’t.
People throw away good things in hopes of finding better. Don’t be stupid. Just talk to him.
Try to convince him to go to counceling. These dont seem like things that you guys couldnt fix… of theres still love there, then id definitely tey
Would he do counseling, or would he change for you and the kids? Maybe he’s afraid of an emotional connection. I think counseling is the key.
Sit down and talk to him. Don’t let him just walk away tell him seriously that this is such a big deal to you that you are unhappy and he has to learn to spend time with his family or learn to live without you. Money comes and goes family doesn’t
You can’t settle. Life is too short. You deserve more then this. Yes it’s fantastic he’s a great guy, keeps his family and such but he’s not thinking of you. I’d say counselling. If that doesn’t work, maybe consider your options
Well u didn’t know this 5 kids ago but u continued to make kids and put the in the mix of all thos
Show him what u just wrote have you every explained it to him like this? It might help x
This is no way to live. Free yourself.
That is one long sentence!
Something attracted you to him to begin with so i would say try counseling and see where that gets you. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side …
Marriage/couples counseling is worth it in my opinion. It really helps! You could always ask him to switch to part time so that you can also get a job and work around each others schedules. Ask him to join you in the kitchen to help you make dinner. Teach him! Let the kids stay at a trusted family members house for a day or night and take your hubby out and do something fun. I certainly wouldn’t throw this relationship away. He sounds like a great husband/father. Just sit him down and tell him how you feel. Saying “I FEEL this way/that way” instead of saying “YOU don’t do this anymore, etc” will go over a lot better. Don’t make him feel unappreciated by your words. You never know, he may feel the same way as you do! Best of luck mama💜
I couldn’t live life being that unhappy with a partner. Nope.
Old fashioned ? Your not married… not that I’m judging. It’s just not old fashioned I mean in a way if things get worse a tad easier at leaving in some ways.you cant really make him change he is who he is with certain things but the intamate part and romance can be worked on that’s a good thing. Maybe try I statements and reading love languages together and counseling can always help. He sounds like he cares alot by doing for you and your children maybe that’s how he shows love. I dont think giving up on this would be good. If your lonely maybe try a hobbie or volunteering giving you and your guy something to talk about other that Bill’s and kids. I wish you luck
Sounds like yall have different love languages. …talk it out
Maybe write him a letter since he thinks your moaning when you voice your unhappiness. 
Tell him things have to change or you will be making changes on your relationship status … I’m sorry your unhappy and honestly when I first started reading your post I thought you were crazy to be complaining at first (you sure did butter him up) but then as I kept reading I felt your pain and have found my self in a similar relationship and did have courage to leave for the sake of my own happiness because I knew I didn’t feel love like I have always wanted. I stayed in a relationship I didn’t like or want for longer than I should of and it was for our child. Your children want you to be happy. I couldn’t be my best self or best mother while living in misery.
You need to sit down and have a talk with him without anyone around.Start out small and ask him to devout one day on the weekend for his Family and go from there.Build from this if it works out if not tell him changes need to change on his behalf or stop having supper ready or something like that and see how he feels.Good Luck!!
Girl your man is everything I want…send him my way
Providing financially isn’t the same as being their emotionally. There is nothing wrong with the things you want and if he makes you feel guilty for wanting what you want, he’s in the wrong. You should do what’s best for you because your kids at the end of the day need both parents to be happy. Staying for your kids is never the answer. Part of a relationship is compromising. It’s so important to have alone time with your partner, even if it’s only once a month. It’s also important to do family activities even if it’s once a month also. Children become parents too and love and do like you did with them. 
Best of luck!
He sounds like a good, honest hard working person who cares about giving a good life to his family. Definitely talk to him about how you feel and show him what your wrote, small steps can make some big changes. I wouldn’t walk away from your relationship without a good honest fight to save it
Don’t throw it away because you’re bored. Take control in the bedroom and do the things you like to do! Go to Christy’s and buy y’all some fun toys and lube and just do it. Gaurentee he’s not going to turn it down… you’ve got a good man and I think you can work out your issues, keep talking to him about spending more time with you and the kids… plan something that he might like to do like a trip to Lowe’s and out to eat or something simple like that…
Maybe a compromise, you get a job so he can work less hours. It might be good for you to get out of the house. 6 days a week is a lot and maybe he needs that 7th day to chill and do his own thing. No one is perfect, he will have faults. But if you’re really not happy, you shouldn’t stay in the relationship. However be careful because a lot of times the grass appears greener on the other side because it’s full of fertilizer.
I could only read half because all I could think is wait your husband does all the husband things perfect but you don’t like he expects wife duty’s???
He’s a really good guy. Sit down with him and communicate the issues to him. Express your gratitude for all that he does and kind of invite him to the things you like. Just be honest with him.
He probably feels the exact same as you. Words and thoughts get lost in conversation sometimes. It’s probably best to write a letter using the same words you just posted. Try to use punctuation and correct grammar. When it’s one big run on sentence all the points get lost. Each point needs to be concise.
If this guy works hard and pays for everything I really don’t see why he needs to help in the household at all. He knocks his self out to provide. You need to make up your mind what you want out of this relationship. Mark my word that you will probably never again meet a guy like this again in your lifetime. Men nowadays do not support their family like this anymore.
Show him this. You’ll never know what someone’s thinking or feeling unless you ask, yous gotta communicate.
Maybe you should go talk with your pastor these people will not give you the correct answer, or maybe you should get on your knees and pray
I would sit him down and tell him all this. I would preface by saying I love you, if you do in fact still love him. Tell him that you feel like the flame of your relationship has burnt out and you want to rekindle that fire. Assure him that you don’t want to leave him, you just need him to be more emotionally present. Tell him that you will work harder to meet his needs, if he puts more effort into making you feel like the love of his life again. A relationship isn’t 50/50, it’s 100/100. You give him 100% of what you have left after caring for you children and he should give you his 100% of what he has left after providing for your household. Marriage is hard and sometimes requires more effort than we would like to put in at times, but you committed to that when you decided to get married. Maybe try to spice up your bedroom life by dabbling into some kinks that interest both of you. My SO is very traditional, but usually with traditional men, if you say I want to try harder for you because I love you, they’ll step in line and say I want to try harder for you as well 
Don’t make the mistake thinking the grass is greener, talk, write to eachother seek counseling… But don’t throw it away before you have tried everything. I have made huge mistakes and was In a similar situation. I regret what and how I did what I did. No relationship is perfect, they take constant work and effort. Sounds like he just got “comfortable” I would tell him how much I appreciate him but that you need things to change.
Wow. Don’t you think he might get tired of doing the same things every day too
He sounds like a great man,and he sounds like a man every woman wants in they’re life you need to get couples counseling it will help more than you know and prayer helps a lot so if you have a church you go too you could try counseling there,I would not just let him go that’s to much they’re are children involved and no one ever thinks about that but you need to what they say about this is important to them so you both need to know this it will help…
Ill trade you 
You can have my alcoholic not able to keep a job asshole of a hubby and I’ll take yours
On a serious note though. I wouldn’t throw away something good because you are bored. Sit down and work things out.
Providing is only one aspect of a marriage.
Emotionally absent is just as damaging as being abusive.
911 your marriage needs prayer and couseling imo.
The doors are open for infidelity. Get help and don’t feel guilty about it.
You’re his wife not just roommate or maid…but no one may have taught him how to connect. No examples in his life.
If you tried talking to him and nothing changes I say to try marriage counseling. Let him know you will not move forward with him until he agrees or it just isn’t going to work. Yes he seems like an honest man but you also seem like a great wife n mom and do deserve to feel sexy n loved n appreciated. Alot of times with long term relationship you lose site of what made you two fall in love in the first place because life gets hectic. You say he is a church going man so even counseling with your pastor/ father would be a great idea as well.
U said yourself that the sex has been how it’s been since the beginning yet u still had 5 kids w him n stayed in a relationship for 10 years he hasn’t changed it , it seems ur expectations have changed after 10 years ,
I can’t believe how many people think this guy sounds great. He doesn’t want to spend time with his family and doesn’t show her any love. The only people who should think he sounds great are gold diggers!
Can I compare a little? Cause it sounds like a similar situation, I dealt with. I been with my husband for almost 14 years total. He’s my highschool sweetheart, we just had our 5th child in September. He works up to 70 a week. Just to provide and make sure we are in a great place, food in our bellies and give what whatever we need. He helps around the house when he can, he gives me breaks when I need it. I have felt like we were roommates instead of a couple years ago. If your bored, spice it up. I say have a talk with your significant other. If your not working maybe find work to lesson his work hours. He may not even realize this is how you feel. I don’t think you should call it quits. It took me a while to realize many women envy what I have, and I was going to end it. Definitely communicate about this. I think it’s worth it.
Have you heard of the love languages book? It’s so helpful in understanding your spouses love language. You both just have a different love language, and you should read the book together. It sounds like your fulfilling his but he isn’t fulfilling yours. It will help him understand yours, so he can fill your love tank. It sounds like you have a good thing but all of us feel the need to be loved. I highly suggest reading it, my husband and I did and it shed a new light for us, and he goes out of his way to make me feel loved and I do the same for him!
Here is a link
https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-5-love-languages-gary-chapman/1112878532?ean=9780802412706
I always say everyone wants a good hardworking man that takes care of his family bit with that comes having to deal with him being gone and working long hours mine does the same but im very greatful and i also work a full time and part time but ill take it ! Maybe you can just talk to him and kinda meet in the middle its extremly rare to find a good guy
Everyone is gonna tell you to shut up and not complain cause you have “a great men”. But I understand, at some point you get tired of feeling like another object in the house. You need to put your foot down and talk to
Him and give him an ultimatum, he needs to understand that he doesn’t just need to provide economically, he’s a husband and a father as well, and at the end of the day money comes and goes; jobs come and go but the people that will always stay with him are you and yalls kids. He needs to get his head out of his ass
Agree with most people here. Talk to him, write him a letter. Ask him to go to counseling with you… Tell him you need more passion. I wouldn’t be ok with my husband providing for us, with no passion and fun there. Passion can die out, sure… But if leaves behind something wonderful. What happens when it was never there to start with? You just can’t decide you don’t want this relationship until you’ve tried every thing there is to try.
Good luck he likes it a certain way and might not change. Go out and find a job just in case you guys continue not agree. You will need it get back on your feet. Some guys really do expect not to do those things. Some people dont like to cuddle and thats ok. They like their space and we have to respect it. You two are very different have to either deal with it or move on.
I would definitely try working things out. Tell him exactly how you feel in a loving way. Let him know how appreciative you are of him, but you want that spark back. Tell him what you need. Tell him you need him to show you that he is still in love with you. Don’t show him this post, but maybe write him a love letter telling him everything you love about him but need to feel his love again. He needs to hear this from you. I just don’t want you to make a mistake. There are so many men in the world that won’t even hold a job today, or they cheat, do drugs, are abusive, or act like they never had kids etc. I would hate to see anyone throw away someone that is driven, takes care of you and the kids, and actually takes pride in his dwelling if you still love him and could fix the things that are wrong. Think long and hard about your situation, and take a look at the world around you before making any rash decisions. I have had to deal with men not being able to hold a job, abuse, terrible habits, a man that acts like his child doesn’t exist unless he thinks he is dying. Your husband seems solid like my Father. I wish my children could have had my childhood. I have always had to be Mom and Dad. My Mother and Father on the other hand have been married 50+ years. My Mother’s life has been a dream, and mine has been a nightmare. Thank God I had 18 years of the way I think life should be. In my world all the men I know are boys they have never grown up. I compare everyone to my Father. I guess I am old fashioned too, because everyone seems so irresponsible. I was used to my Father always catering to our needs, and never being lazy. I dream of having that life back that I never have to worry again. I hope your husband listens to you. I would hate to see your life take a wrong turn.
Same girl same!! My man and I have been together for over 9 years. He owns his own business and provided for us. I am a sahm of our special needs son and I have 1 older daughter who is very busy. But that’s all he does. He works. I work at home doing the paperwork and billing but there is no relationship between us. Not romance… No dates in years .no time for our family… nor does he want to involve himself or include himself in me & the kids lives. Never been to a doctor’s appt. Surgery, School event, dance competition.He is very old school and it does upset me cause I feel like its just me n the kids and we have separate lives… it’s lonely for sure. But I manage.
I completely understand feeling lonely & lacking intimacy in a relationship buttttt no one or relationship is perfect, like the 80 20 rule. If u want a successful man u have to deal with a busy man hun. U can relish in the fact that u have a hard working man that provides u the luxury of being home with your children or u can leave & co parent & spend half your life working for someone & being away from your kids 
. I just want u to think about how your life will change drastically if u walk away. Dont get me wrong tho intimacy in a relationship is important & if its affecting your mental & emotional health then do whats best for u but being a single mother of 5 will definitely hit u harder. Maybe u can find some activities to do away from the kids or plan cute things to do at home with him. Candlelight dinner, movie night, coupon book, dress up, etc
Hey IN ALL HONESTY!!! if y’all break up let me get his number 
Maybe you can seek marriage counseling at church.
You’ve been with him 10 years, and the entire time he has been what he is. Why do you feel the need to change him now? Maybe you have outgrown the relationship and it’s time to move on. You really can’t change people, and he sounds happy the way he is.
Your situation of my situation sounds very very similar and the thing is is it sounds like you guys balance each other out but the same time you’re not right now remind him that you were grateful for what he does for you guys give him a back rub remind him that you love him. Women need love and want respect, men need respect and want love also there is this web site called bad girls Bible this gave live back to our sex life I know crappy name but good web site it sounds like he feels excluded find what likes to do maybe help him with the lawn try to find common ground it’s the only advice I have for you
From my experience u either get a man with money or a man with time… a man who is taking care of you and your 5 children doesn’t have much time because he has to accumulate enough money to take care of everyone… fold his clothes make his dinner n be grateful
Omg I was going to write your exact words the other day, but I’m thinking it’s all good . So at my age sex is not a priority anymore for me , although he still kisses me a couple times every day and he will do what ever I want, doesn’t really complain.
Maybe you just need a hobby, there are lots of things to do, just keep yourself busy.
You cant change men. Sounds like that’s the way he just is. Definitely sit him down and really try to talk about it but if he is still this way, I say move on. Life is too short to spend it unhappy love and god bless
Why not help him with the things around the house so they get done quicker. My husband works 16 hour days and comes home to do some things. Sounds like you need a hobby some friends. Hes seems great. He could be going out mucking around when hes off work.
Sons grow up to learn that passion isn’t necessary and sadly, the girls do too. No passion is devastating to a soul! I am older now and find myself without passion and he doesn’t listen to a damn word I say so I feel as though I’m talking to a wall with him. I am trying to decide what is best for ME, for my soul. It is not my job to nurture his soul, only mine. He is responsible for his own and his choices. If he chooses to let his family go bc he can’t treat you like the sexy ass woman you are…find someone somewhere someday that will! That’s about where I’m at but thinking it and going through with it are different things. I’m not ready yet but I know I will be soon bc I have a point of no return that I’m near now. Hopefully you do too, it’s self preservation
At least try to have a date night for you and him. Tell him you need the love and passion because you feel ur not good enough. Or you are down where u feel like what’s the point of always being alone. Work with each other. Coummcation and understanding is the keys to a relationship. Cause what he feels taking care of his family is great but he also got to be with his family.
Emotional intimacy requires a lot of effort & time & so many men feel they’ve done enough working all day. Too bad they don’t know what they are missing. People get into the rut of sameness, but that original spark can come again if it’s planned & worked for. I believe men love to please if it’s made plain what they want.
Take it upon yourself to start being more flirty! Don’t leave your man for these reasons. I promise the grass is not always greener! Get some lube, hop on top girl. He’ll catch on to what’s going on. He’s a routine man. Bring the spontaneity back. It will take work and a lot of guts for you but it will be worth it. Show a little more skin while walking around in front of him too. Couldnt hurt!! He sounds like a good loyal man. Those are really hard to come by these days!
Make him aware !!! My husband was the same way for the 1st 15yrs . U gotta speak up and tell them show them … They are men hunny and men are like machines if aint broke don’t fix it ppl. My husband and I had a very deep convo and we have sex now more than ever !!! At least give it a try . Also make him see it from a mans point of view .
If you decide to end it then you will
be working full time and be tired and possibly working 6 days a week…and still have to do all the mom things at the end of the day. And with 5 kiddos probably have 0 time to even have
a date. And most men these days dont/wont put in the effort that this man seems to do should you meet someone new. To be fair you stated the sex was
like it is at the get go and you continued on and now have the kiddos whose lives will also be disrupted. I agree with most of the comments here. Talk to him. If the sex isnt stellar then looks like yall have a lot of opportunity to explore and have fun!!
first how are you going to pay rent and feed 5 kids-have to be able to do that-even with child support is hard-if you can’t keep them -they will be taken away and give to husband or another home-seems like we all want something we can never have-it is serious
Being a good partner is about much more than financial support. No one is perfect and all relationships have problems but its about two people recognizing their short falls and working through them together…and understanding the needs of your partner and family and doing your best to meet them.
You should have a very serious conversation with him
Offer to meet in the middle. Get a job to help with money so he doesn’t have to work so much and split the housework up between the kids. Small jobs like gathering dirty clothes, vacuuming, feeding the pets, things like that can help a lot without you even realizing it.
Look it’s a partnership? Do you work outside the home? If no then your job is the home. You have a good man girl. My husband is the same. You’ve been doing it 10 years. He provides you RUN your home. Maybe I’m old school cause I dont see a problem. If you do work but only like 20 hours and he works 40+ then it’s still your place. If you both work 40+ then you share the household responsibilities. I’m looking forward to the back lash I get back from this. It should always be equal. Not 50/50 100/100 cause sometimes we as a couple do 90/110. It’s a balance. If it bothers you. Go to work and split the household responsibilities all the way around.
Well be honest. Talk to him. It seems like he’s cool with how things are and may be oblivious to your point of view since it’s been this way for 10 years. Everyone has a different love language and you guys aren’t lining up at all. Try counseling and good luck!! Don’t give up!
Communication is key. Maybe he is over worked, maybe he is depressed, maybe he is bored like you. Could be any number of things. Start having the kids do some light chores. Have him start teaching the kids the responsibility of having a home and how to care for it. Set up date nights. Roll play, lube up and take control.
Whatever you do, communicate with him.
So this man does EVERYTHING for your family only expecting cooked meals and laundry and that’s too tiring for you?
Really?
He doesn’t have time because he is the SOLE PROVIDER of a family of 7
He doesnt have time cause he is working to support 7 people. The 2 thing he wants done I’d happily do everyday and then some. Shit if he was working like that and the kids where school age I’d get a job and work while they are at school and still be doing tha laundry and cooking for him. The extra money would be play money for extra to do with the kids. Or to save for a trip, working that much he has to get vacation time.
I totally understand what your saying I lived with a man for 12 yrs in the same kinda of relationship one day I woke up and decided I didn’t want to live the rest of my life like that so I moved on 7 yrs ago and I couldn’t be happier now I have a great man that respects me and shows me love try getting through to him first if it doesn’t work then move on you deserve happiness
Speak to him. I mean things can be worse… But then things can be better. All it takes is talking to
Ignore people’s rudeness. Leave if your not happy may be the best decision you make. You want to be with someone that makes you happy and feel loved. Like you said there’s more to life then money x
I’m going to start by saying he’s obviously not a bad guy. By comparison, (which is probably pointless but whatever) my husband and I are coming up on 10 years…I’ve NEVER gotten an anniversary date. Like, not a day for us. We don’t have an anniversary because he thinks it’s stupid to have to “remember so many stupid dates that don’t mean shit” I’ve never been celebrated. Not on my birthday because he says it’s “selfish”. So, yeah. It could be worse…but honey…it could be better. If YOU are not happy and HE doesn’t care to do his part to help, the girl do what MAKES YOU HAPPY.
Worth committing to fix… go to couple’s counseling. Take some initiative in the flirty and bedroom dept. It will be weird and awkward at first. This wont be fixed over night but… commit to working on it…
The only advice I can really give you is to sit him down and have a serious talk about these things. Tell him exactly what you just told us. Or if that’s not possible, give to a counselor so you can discuss these things there. You really only have a couple choices if after talking to him he doesnt change, and that’s to continue to live this way or leave and make a new life. But the first step in any direction is to express all of this to him. If he truly loves you and wants to make your family work, then he will do what it takes to make you happy. His alternative is that he will lose his wife. And that’s whether you leave or inevitably end up cheating on him so that you can get some sort of fulfillment. He needs to understand that this is serious. Good luck to you and go with your gut instinct, always.
There’s a lot going on in this post… you really need to communicate all this to him and see if you can compromise. I can’t imagine having a husband who wouldn’t kiss me that made me feel sad.
Girl go out buy a sexy outfit and make it fun!!
You won’t know until you try. Maybe he thinks your a bore??
You never know try making the first sexy move and see how it goes
Good luck
Why don’t you try spicing it up. Don’t wait for him to do it, you do it. If you want something done you gotta speak up and say it. He can’t read your mind. If you want sex, then you at least have to act like your into it, get some enthusiasm and ask him to fuck you a certain way if that’s what you want. You have a voice use it. Also for all your kiddos have them do some chores. I’ve been doing chores since I was 5. If they don’t like it to bad. And another thing maybe your husband is tired af from working so much maybe you can suggest a small vacay for just the 2 of you. Bring back the sexy time girl.
Girl put the kids to bed and put something slutty on one night… heels and a wig!!! Maybe go buy to small shots of something from the liquor store!!!
No matter who you are with there will always be something you don’t like!
Men think differently than we do… and sometimes even tho we aren’t feeling the relationship we have to go out of our way alittle to guide them!
Most men are simple minded. Try something you’ve never done before! And do what you have planned without him knowing!!!
The smiles, laughter, the spark needs to be added back. You love him and he loves you… trust me you do not want to have to find someone else because it sounds like you have a good man, one that’s hard to find.
You basically just described my husband and life. Literally.
I’d like to point out that he doesn’t have time for family outings or fun.
It sounds like your children are also greatly impacted.
It’s fair to say 5 kids is A LOT. But that’s for the both of you, not just him not just you. His lack of involvement should be a driving force behind you changing the family’s life. I want to assume that the kids don’t know any difference? If so, long term that would be more damaging - staying with him despite his lack of interest/enthusiasm with you or them, rather than seeing the problem and demanding change or divorce.
He most likely needs to work a lot of things out … counseling would be hard but would solve a lot of underlying issues. He definitely needs it.
Counseling would also help you figure out if the marriage is salvageable.
The other option is separation and divorce. The kids and your mental health need to come first. Don’t give him the chance and let him get away with not following through on his commitment to work on giving happiness to his family. He needs to show up and put up to save his marriage and family. If he can’t do that, it’s over. No sense in dragging it out. Hope this makes sense good luck!
How exactly is being old school taking care of his family by making sure they have roof over head food on table clothes on back and nothing wrong with home cooked meals. What’s wrong with you? The thing I don’t agree on is the 2 minute sex and him not making time for you. Like he should at least 1 or 2x a week take you out to a movie or dinner or a walk at the beach something nice. Or flowers once in a while. I am wondering if he has fallen out of love and is just there for tje kids or there is someone else since you guys are not intimate and don’t really spend time together. Y’all should try marriage counseling. Good luck
Show him this post,and then make up ur mind after he reads it,grass may not be greener on the other side,just saying!
Just because he’s a great guy doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you. Everyone deserves happiness
Dnt mean to b rude u have everything so y u crying nw? b greatfull u have a man thats looking after u n ur kids.
I dono mayb ul feel beter if u get a sweet charming drug addict that bangs u for hours n not care abt u or ur family?
b greatfull n stop complaining
Sorry again for being rude u tc
Marriage councillors
I think u should seek some help. Speak to him. He does sound like a great guy but some guys do not know how to show affection. I hope u guys sort this out. It sounds like u can and have had an amazing life together , but the fire is burning out and u need to both try to keep it alive. I wish u the best.
Communication is key. It sounds like you need more attention and communication in your relationship. These things need to said out and a dining table sit down is in order. My husband was like your husband in the bedroom and I grew resentful fast so I made it known that wanted to partake in the enjoyment and things have been 1000x better since. As far as relationship and communication wise, it takes time, start with day to day small talk and work up to opening up to each other, but you both need to make an effort or it won’t work. An effort to sincerely and thoughtfully communicate. Good luck.
Ages aren’t specified here. I guess my thought is if you ‘love’ him would you leave if he became impotent? I stayed for 23 years even though that happened to him because I loved him. Your BF has not changed since you first got together with him 10 years ago. Maybe get a bottle of wine or whatever drink the two of you like to relax him after the kids are in bed. I sure would not leave though. I have been in a bad marriage then a good one. First was a sexual maniac ‘seriously’ was arrested many times, also did drugs. He finally was ordered to see a specialist for evaluation after we divorced. Was with him for 11 years. You have a great man there. Worth salvaging.
Money yes is important, but life goes by to fast, working together is the thing. We all need to feel loved, doing the things alone. Companionship is the most important. Two becomes one.
There has to be a balance. That’s great that he is a great provider, but that’s not all life is about. We all need love and affection. Make him go to things with you, the more you force it, with time he just might get use to it and go on his own. In the end you are only accountable for your happiness. You got to do what is best for you.
Start with counciling for yourself then work your way up to couples counciling
Just tell him u can’t take it anymore & tell him. Why.
I’ve read what you put…theres a lot of similarities for me, my partners ’ old school ‘too. N not much of a romantic either. Your personality sounds similar to mine but as I went thru my relationship, it dawned on me he wasnt like any of my ex who were very tactile like myself I knew there was something ’ up’ with my guy…turns out hes on the autistic/aspergers spectrum…mine dont like watching soaps, films, or dramas. He wud happily watch documentaries, antiques road show, n ER or helicopter medics etc…he doesnt give me the kind of loving I need but after a few yrs I got used to him but I still long for spontenaieity n passion…the only real passion he has is for fishing n I just cant compete with a fish lol…try research n see if he too is on the autistic spectrum too.
Should have thought of all that BEFORE 5 kids
Not sure he’s the whole problem here. There is a lot of “you” stuff in here. When he goes outside, do you go with him? Do you attempt to do the things he enjoys as well? You can’t expect him to do what you like but never do anything he likes. As for the sex, get on top if you want to. It’d probably shock the hell out of him if you’ve never done it and maybe he wants some spontaneity too. If you don’t want to use lube, start by giving him a blow job. He will be nice and wet and it’ll help you. You’d be amazed how a lot of your problems seem to be that you aren’t communicating on the same level. I don’t know the whole story, obviously, but it seems like you both want you want and there isn’t a lot of compromise. It’ll never change if you don’t change the habits you’ve developed.
Buy yourself a big bouquet of flowers “from your secret admirer “ to be delivered when he’s home… then let him watch how happy you are. Maybe he will up his game?