Hi, so this is a rant. My child’s father and I have been together on and off for five years. During the time when we were broken up, he started backdating a girl he talked to in high school (were 23). Long story short, we got back together, and she was out the picture. Recently she broke up with her bf apparently, and she sent him an IG request (after having him blocked for about a year) me having his IG signed in on my phone. I was able to see the request. He told me that he was not going to accept, and we let it go. Some time passed, and I decided to go through his phone, and I checked an old Instagram that he has logged in. Well, long and behold, he went and followed her on this other page! He thinks I’m crazy for being upset, but when I confronted him about it, he lied until I literally had to prove to him that I knew. My issue is not the follow; it’s more so that he knows how I feel about her, and he went behind my back doing it off of another Instagram thinking that I would never see it. Am I wrong for being mad? Anonymous
I would’ve been pissed tbh.
You’re not wrong. He’s just mad that you know the truth. Leave him.
Your not wrong for being mad he’s doing sneaky shit and then lied to your face about it. He’s probably sleeping with her too but will lie about it.
No you are not wrong for being upset. That just shows a lack of respect and trust. However if y’all are on and off so much and he was able to quickly move on like that, I’d suggest really thinking about your relationship choice. Y’all don’t sound like you have a healthy relationship to begin with.
Yup I would be mad because there’s history there and he blatantly did it behind your back and didn’t respect your feelings.
Nope not wrong at all. He is upset because you caught on.
You have ever right to be mad, if he can lie to you about that, then what else can he so easily lie to you about?
At First Trust is freely given but once that trust has been damaged it will never be the same again you need to point this out to him that he has to earn your trust
The lying is a clear indicator that he is up to no good. Otherwise he would not have felt the need to try and hide it.
Id be pissed. He straight lied to you. Dont believe anything he says from here on.
I’d be really upset. Especially that he lied about it.
For me personally I wouldn’t care about my partner keeping in contact with ex’s but if he blatantly lied about it to my face that’s a totally different story. To me that is an indicator he has something to hide. And if I were you I would be strongly reevaluating our relationship.
Rethink your decisions and how you really want to live your life.
I would be mad also why you tell me you aren’t gonna accept it and them do it he lied he at the least is wanting to see he pictures with out you knowing he knew it would upset you that’s why he hid it he mad cuz he got caught
Hopefully he is honest
No, I would of been upset too. Mostly because he lied about it and was being sneaky. If you can’t trust him with the simple things how can you trust with the things that matter more.
You aren’t wrong there’s no reason to be friends with an ex like that especially if you’re uncomfortable with it his concern should be you and not about adding an ex don’t let him tell you you’re being crazy either a real man that’s dedicated to you would know better
You have every right to be upset!!! Cause if he’s doing that he’s thinking of cheating or already cheating
Leave. You’re asking a question you already know the answer to. Hes shady
You aren’t wrong. I wouldnt care about following an ex, but the lie is the bad part. If you dont have trust, then it wont ever really work out imo
If he has nothing to hide why is he lying about it? Red flag for me.
Girl, if be past mad at the first lie…
Obviously their is a trust issue to begin with if your checking his accounts. Don’t sound like a healthy relationship.
You can feel how you want. Bottom line is you logged into his account without him knowing then confronted him about what you saw. You hurt your own feelings there. Then instead of telling him straight out you played games before fessing up. If he is with you he is with you. As long as he isn’t being disrespectful about the friendship with her who cares.
Social media is destroying relationships…does she live close to you…if hes just on her IG no harm no foul…if you have no trust you have no relationship…lying is not good for relationships…you have to figure out if you love each other…if not move on…jealousy is a horrible feeling it will never leave…you have to decide what is best for YOU good luck hunnie💞
My stbx did this shit all the time. I finally filed 4 divorce after 17 years of lying cheating n sneaking. If it wasn’t wrong then why did he lie n cover it up? I used 2 say if u can’t own it maybe u shouldn’t do it.
Oh man he’d be G O N E. Get rid of him.
There’s no reason at all for him to be doing that shit. He needs to learn how to fucking be loyal and appreciate what he’s got before he loses it.
He probably was still messing with her
I would be upset that he is going behind your back and lying.
The lie is the issue here.
I’m friends with an ex and my husband is friends with his ex fiance, I am also friends with her. Before I realized who she was, I was talking about how bad of a person she was for what she did when she did it…and she was like um, you’re talking about me. I went off on him, how could you not tell me she was your ex and needless to say, we’re all friends and I talk to her more than he does. If you’re uncomfortable with him being friends with her, tell him. If it’s just about him lying then say look, I don’t mind you being friends with her but don’t lie to me about it.
No … But to be honest it wont stop
You need to ask yourself if you have done anything to deserve being lied to. If the answer is ‘NO’, then leave. Because the next question is “Why would you stick around and try to make it work with someone who obviously doesn’t respect you?” You can’t make someone love you but you can get away from their disrespectful behavior. Find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and don’t settle for less. Also, you may have a child together, but staying together with the tension of suspicion and fights that will inevitability happen is worse on the child than being apart.
He’s a liar, that’s concerning
If you been on and off sounds like you don’t trust him to begin with. I agree with Erika. You are going behind his back, your obviously jealous, if you asked about looking at his account first than there would be nothing wrong on your part. But you evaded his privacy. He probably would have let you look if you asked but instead you snuck around him to find dirt on him. Your so jealous! If he really cares about you than who cares, if he’s talking to her over IG that is one thing but he just follows her! Really, your getting bent outta shape over nothing!
Some females on here saying oh jealousy is an ugly trait, oh you hurt your own feelings by snooping. FIRST OFF, if the mfker had nothing to hide, why couldn’t she go through HER MANS shit?? Secondly, he had another account…yea let your man do that type of shit and see how you feel. Sounds to me like y’all are on the other side of the fence…were yall once the IG girl she speaks of? LMAO.
Id be pissed at the lying too…
It hes gunna lie about the little things he will lie about big things
Relationship is about trust and he is lying to you red flag I would be passed off to be honest
I personally would never go through my husbands phone . I truly believe in having something to yourself . I’ve been married for 4 years and never went through his phone but also that fact that you did also find out that he lying to you is a big no no . I always told my husband ( we have 2 kids together ) that if I ever found him cheating or lying to me about something like that I would tell him we’re done trust is gone then . You need to tell him if y’all ever want a future he needs to decide what he wants . If he is talking to his ex he needs to let you know everything going on and what they are talkin about
If he’s lying to imagine what else he can hide from you
First, if you feel the need to go through his phone, you don’t trust him. At all. It’s an invasion of privacy. Secondly, lying isn’t ever a good thing in a relationship.
If you dont trust him, leave.
You know the answer to this!
Why he went thru so much trouble to hide it from you, tell him hes a bitch and be done with his ass
And you right for checking his shit
Seriously you have trust issues and then you’re on fb asking people if your wrong, wow you aren’t going to get your answer here.
Youre not wrong. He lied…
I feel like you both need couples therapy . you both have been off and on? Thats concerning. Sounds like both of u need it.
Just break up already. If you need to go through someone’s phone then you shouldn’t be with them. You do care about the follow or you wouldn’t be checking up on him.
Who has time for on and off relationships? And who has time to check their SOs phone? No trust, move on
So much wrong here. If you have to have access to his social media accounts on your phone and go through his phone that’s enough for me to know this is a Trainwreck. Clearly there is no trust here on either side because he had to use another account and lie. Do some soul searching girl this is that life and soul draining shit that usually only gets worse.
He’s cheating. If he is being sneaky, there is a reason.
You can be mad all you want to. Does he even care how it makes you feel? People show you how much they care. Point, Blank, and Period!
You’re not wrong for that and if he doesn’t respect you then he doesn’t deserve you.
Toxic. Hes definitely wrong about the whole situation and lying. I can imagine its hurt and drove you to do things that are really crappy. I’d hate mind games like that.
You guys are so young. And if you feel the need to check his phone you dont trust him. If you have no trust you have no relationship. It’s an invation of his privacy and I’m sorry but childish. There are more things in life to worry about that who he follows on Instagram.
There’s no reason why he hid it until you had to prove yourself. I think you would drive yourself crazy if you stayed and always felt he was lying.
He isnt going to change. Run, Run fast!!
He shouldn’t have lied to you and he should never hide things like this from you so now you have to all yourself what you’re going to do about it
Here’s where I am confused. You say it was an old IG account. Lots of people stay logged into an old account even if they don’t use it. They just find it easier to make a new one. Can you see when he followed her on the old account or was he already following her because it’s an old account when they still communicated? Maybe I am IG illiterate but I couldn’t even find a way to see how long I had been following my husband and vice versa. Perhaps he isn’t active on the old account and wasn’t aware of it really anymore? What prompted you to search for his old account? Did he sign into his IG account on your phone or did you sign into his current IG account on your phone. That wasn’t exactly clear. Idk what happened in the relationship that made you feel you had to snoop on his phone. I mean that happened to me when I snooped on my husband’s phone when he lied about drinking (he has since been sober and we are in counseling working on trust building/communication). So after you showed him the phone did he actually admit he had been speaking with her on his old account recently? If he really did lie and snuck around, then you have to decide if it’s worth it to work through or just not be romantically involved and focus on healthy co-parenting.
This gave me a headache
You two are both immature. No trust and an overall childish outlook on relationships. At this point, you know that you two don’t need to be together and are not a long term relationship. Stop trying to prove him a liar and just move on, because there are a ton of different reasons why this could be happening.
No… You have every right to be upset
Its so sad when relationships have doubt in them . It ruins relationships ! Sorry !
Stop. Really. You can’t expect someone to live by your wishes. You’re not his mother and the way the two of you are acting, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you have to investigate to prove or disprove what someone is telling you, you already don’t trust him. It’s not about her and you not liking her. You don’t trust him interacting with her. And he lied about it so there’s no real reason to trust him anyway about anything I would think. That’s a deal breaker.
Problem for you is that as an adult, if that’s what you both are, he can have whoever he wants as a friend. If you are insecure about that, he doesn’t see a problem, and you are not going to find a way to live in peace with him making his own decisions about who he’s going to interact with, leave. Because he’s not going to drop her and you will never trust that he did drop her, even he says he did. There is no use for this kind of drama in anyone’s life. Move on, be happy and find someone you can trust without sleuthing on them. The minute you have to investigate, it’s over.
Maybe it’s time you two were “off” for good. Work on yourselves and being good people and good parents for at least a year. Then each of you can look for healthier relationships. Counseling, parenting classes, self exploration, relationship and emotional maturity books, even travel to unfamiliar places: all can help you be a better person for yourself and your child.
Don’t go back to him out of familiarity and habit. Good luck.
Always let him know that you know. Don’t be mad but disappointed is acceptable. Ask him what he wants and explain that you do not share.
I would be very upset
Girl if you can’t trust your man he isn’t your man… the end.
There is so much wrong with this
- you snooped for really no reason
-IG accounts don’t say how long you have been following for …so old account? Off and on for the past 5 years?? (He literally could have followed her at anytime during your off and ons)
-jumping to conclusions so fast
You need to re evaluate your relationship and where your trust and boundaries are at this point…
But that is just my opinion
Go forth young lady. Let him stay stuck in the past. God has something better for you
I agree with the trust comments. Both of you need to seriously consider why you are in this relationship. If you are both doing things that cause mistrust why be together. When you are a healthy loving relationship there is no need to do things behind each others backs. There is love and more importantly there is respect. Look at those things clearly and honestly
First off your wrong to go snooping through his phone. If you have a relationship like that it won’t last forever … yes he’s wrong for lying to you but you should have enough trust in your man. Don’t be the women who tells your partner who he can and can’t talk to… and he should have enough respect not to talk to his ex behind your back
Not wrong at all. He hid this from you, denied it, tried to lie about it, then tried to project the “wrongness” of the whole situation on to you. Sounds like you need to evaluate whether you want to allow this into your relationship. Don’t back down. HE has a decision to make, not you.
Best of luck to you
Been there, done that. I called my best friend and we packed up my entire life and I ran.
If u are to the point of having to Snoop his IG & PHONE … clearly there is a trust issue…
A relationship without trust… Is like a car without gas… Sit in it all u want… ITS STILL NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
I have zero to hide, my sps can look all he wants… But he won’t… Because there is no need…
Sorry ur in that situation, lack of trust is a DEAL BREAKER… no matter how much u love.
The minute you thought you found it necessary to check his phone it was over. There’s no trust between either of you. Let him go.
On and off relationship! So you both can talk to whom you want, I’d say!
No your not wrong bad thing is no matter what you say if he wants to speak to her he will… I would a treat him like hes treating you
B pack up and leave.
You have every right to feel this way hes just upset cause he got caught and if he is gonna lie to you about that then you don’t need that
If you don’t trust your spouse or other half don’t need to be together
You are so correct 4 feeling this way
If your gna snoop your mans shit snoop his bank account and send yourself some money and go get your nails done or something.
Ok if you (go threw his phone) tells me there is trust issues. Run away as fast as you can because its going to be over sooner or later…or just accept the fact that it’s just sex and dont let that bother you…those are your choices